December 30, 2003

Need I say anything?? Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy




I finally checked my mail...only 299. Gee...I am loved. Only 298 of them were spam. The one I was especially drawn too was from my beloved Amazon. I do quite a bit of book buying there. Anyway the title of the mail was called New You 2004 and I thought it was my new recommendations. and perhaps it is...bas turds because they were all DIET BOOKS! Thank you Amazon...you made my day. go to hell

December 25, 2003

Okay...belly dancing sounds exotic, graceful, and just a touch naughty, but it's also great exercise that isolates and tones every part of your body!
Everybody should do it!
My set includes a set of finger cymbals that I gracefully clink together as I do the "Hip Drop" and the "Snake Hips"...watch me go...pictures some other time!
I know I'm good at bellying up to the bar and the "Jelly belly roll" is something I'm bound to be awesome at...I can't wait to get started! Yi yi yi yi yi!!!
Hooray!
ps...thanks Gina...I owe ya one!
A few notes from a spoiled girl.
Santa was berry berry good to me...again.
One present I received was "The Art Of Belly Dancing"...more later!

December 21, 2003

I woke up at 6:53 am today in a panic. I dreamed that 49 people came into the coffee shop at once, just a bit after closing, and for some reason I was all alone there, AND I was talking to Josh, one of our salesmen and he Would Not shut up!! I remember turning to the crowd and saying "Everybody say hi to Josh" and they did and then I said "Everybody say goodbye Josh" and they did then I hung up on him. The first lady I talked to asked for a "draw beer" and I had to tell her I didn't have beer but I was thinking to myself, "and get one for me too!".

I also dreamed I couldn't make this one guys Chocolate Chunk Frappe Freeze right and that every glass I picked up...was dirty...ugh...what a way to wake up!

I remember thinking that I would just start making cappuccino's and latte's and I would have to send someone for milk and wow...it's a wonder I didin't start grinding beans and tamping coffee with poor hubby Mark's uhhh...yahhhh.

Yahohoho and other Christmas Cheer

I just got up then and when I got downstairs I noticed

...I had dirty dishes in my sink.

...no coffee in the house

...no clean clothes

...except for a few tshirts that say "I got a Swirlie from Shirley...and I liked it!"

...I knew this wouldn't work for church so I would have to wear a scratchy sweater

...no milk either...all at the shop!

...the weather channel says we might get a chance of snow tonight and tomorrow...otherwise it's been 50-60 degrees here...ugh...I hate that for Christmas

...leaves in my entryway

...no fingernails left

...bad fine as frog fur hair

...sweaters on my teeth

...weight gain...must be fluid *winkity wink*

December 18, 2003

I wrapped presents today and put them under the tree even though Petie has been known to sneak into our sun-room and leave a nice yellow present there himself *rat basturd terror*, because Alec informed me our tree looked "naked" and there was ONLY a few days before Christmas. I looked at the big Al in amazement and demanded proof that indeed it was December and soon to be Christmas. He proceeded to show me the calendar and I noted that there really were only 6 shopping days left. Huh? What the hell? I just put the decorations up! The stockings aren't hung with care, the figgy pudding isn't ready, there isn't any snow, I'm out of tape, I can't find the scissors, the belly is big and round and jiggles like a bowl full of jelly, I will grant you that, but, hells bells! Say it ain't so I say, demand and plead.

On another note...as I came to the realization that I had to put something under the tree, and wrapped gifts (after buying my 34th pair of scissors and 13 rolls of tape) I decided to watch TV...yes...really. I watched Wit on HBO and began to become sad. I remembered all the hospice patients I cared for and got teary and very sad...so someone cheer me up...hurry...before I bawl all over the Christmas lights and short them out!

December 16, 2003

There's an old man that comes into the coffee shop almost every morning. He shuffles in with his cane and orders a cup of coffee and sometimes a few wafer cookies or a cinnamon roll. I know he is lonely. He shows me something new each day. A picture of him in his military uniform (his sweetheart gave him a Dear John letter and he never married), a satin pillow case he brought back from the war for his mother (faded, tattered and scripted with "Mom" in curved fancy type), a silver dollar, a wooden nickle, an oversized metal coin from the Meadow Gold milkman with the Huskers game schedule listed on it, and so on and so on. He always has a runny nose and a bit of slobber hanging from his lip. Lately he has been "spilling his coffee" on his lap, onto the floor and I really think he is wetting himself. We get the clorax water ready and mop and clean and sterilize all surfaces after he leaves. Each time he brings in a little relic and tells the tale of how he came to have it I think of how sad and lonely his life must be. I wonder why he never got another sweetheart, why he carries a pillowcase around, and the silver dollar, and the Meadow Gold milkman coin...(I once was in love with the Meadow Gold Milkman...I was all of 5 and couldn't wait for when he drove up in his big semi to my grandma and grandpa's grocery store with his deliveries...I would wear my best pink dress for him...but...I regress...anyway...I keep hearing this sad music in my head when this old man shuffles in. I look around and wish for an ambu bag just in case his heart stops and I'd have to do a little CPR on him...I dont wanna think of mouth to mouth...(all over body shudder)...

December 15, 2003

My socks are too big for my shoes so my feet ache. I'm sure it isn't because my shoes are 1/2 size too little or anything like that.
And...I'm busier than a one armed paper hanger lately.
Could someone pass around the cheese cuz I might be whining soon.

December 14, 2003

Okay...so the one act got seventh out of...seven...still...they recieved a superior rating! Give it up for those drama queens! Whooooo!


December 12, 2003

The one act play made it to state! Volleyball, Football, and now...One Act Play. They are doing a rendition of Sleepy Hollow. Katie is playing a Townsperson and has no lines...but hey...she gets to Go To State! Which means yet another day off of school, junk food, and a bus ride. Who could ask for more.
They even get to ride the fire engine through town (like the girls volleyball and boys football team did) after the pep rally! Uhhh yah...I said pep rally...They are getting a Pep Rally. I think that is cool but how precious are we getting here? grin

December 10, 2003

Crap News

Eighteen months ago Alec had what was initial called an aneurysmal bone cyst and what the Dr. frequently calls "a non malignant tumor" removed from his lower leg bone right at the growth plate and on Monday we found out that it's back. That sucks. We are supposed to just "watch it" for 6 months and then return, or the Dr. may call us after he has another specialist over read the x-ray, or "if we have any problems" like say...a fracture...? perhaps!! Alec had the whole gamut of surgery, bone graft, crutches, non weight bearing for about 4 months, no running for about 1 year (supposed to keep a 7 year old from running? huh??) and the damn thing is back. Plus the growth plate has some irritation now. That scares me. I hate it!

December 08, 2003

Pissy

Okay, here's the deal. Don Schwann came to our house to deliver a few goodies and collect his well earned cash. My dog, affectionately known as "Porno Pete", sniffed his leg, ran over to a pillow and proceeded to piss like a Russian race horse. On that note I say good night and Let It Snow!

Mooned Ya!

My gosh...hurry up and go look at the moon!






Isn't that GORGEOUS!!

...and no, Mark, I wasn't talking about your apple cheeks either...grin.
According to MoonCircles.com the moon is in a transition stage called the Gibbous...which means it's not quite full yet...and that in turn means(who knew) that There�s an opportunity to fine-tune and make whatever you�re working on better, stronger. If you can, peel the emotion away from the matter and give it over to your analytical mind. okay then
The moon is also in Gemini which means that it's a good day for hanging curtains, airing out rugs and planting vines, and that the day could be stressful and you should think "my limbs are long (ha! fat chance of that on me) and supple (yah...ehh bubble maybe) anyway
That's the moon report. I'd better get my moon to work!



December 06, 2003

Please Come Visit Our House

Sumo rassling at the McCurdy household!













December 05, 2003

Stuff and Yadda...yawn

...bought a new scale and finally used it...yahhh...my old pink baby was a lying sack of crap...kind of....I do weigh about 5 pounds less...but 5 ain't 10...
anyway
I'm looking for new holiday look for my blog and can't find anything I just can't live without...
and
The Cambridge girls won their first game last night! We are off to a great start!

December 04, 2003

Sick Scale

Last night I got on my ancient pink scale and weighed in at 10 pounds less than I usually do. I had what some people describe as a coniption fit as I didn't really believe it. I reached up to my fat rolls and counted...yes...they were all still there. I had just emptied the bladder and I was in the buff as I wanted every extra scrap of clothing that could possibly weigh in at something...off. So...I got back on and yes...still 10 pounds less...got on...got off...picked up the scale and rattled it...checked underneath it...pinched my fat...looked at my fat...got on...got off...looked around to see if anyone was hiding in the bathroom and somehow lifting my ass off of the scale as I was getting on...no one present but me. I picked up the load of dirty clothes that were scattered around the bathroom floor and got on...still...oddly I weighed less than I thought I would. I kept looking around and at my body...yes my stovepipe legs were still attached...my bra fat...yah...still there...my ribs...? huh...what ribs?...okay then....WTF? I contemplated making a midnight run to Walmart for a new scale...then decided I was definitely nutzo. I thought about what I'd eaten that day and knew damn well the scale had to be broken...lets see...a wedge of pepperoni, mozzerella, a few gumdrop cookies...uuhhhhmmmm...taco soup...a bit of lasagna...yah...right...I'm sure I'm 10 pounds less...NOT~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This morning I tried to get someone...anyone...to get on that scale and see if it had somehow broken down. Of course no one would humor me.
Damn...I know it can't be right but I SO wish it were.
Bastard scale...trying to make fun of me...getting my hopes up...assmunch...

December 01, 2003

Ho Ho Ho Mo Fo

We have been decorating the shop for Christmas and I'm like a kid in a candy store. I love to decorate! We got an animated Snowmanand a 5 foot animated singing Santa and they ROCK! They came in a small box...all compacted tightly. When we opened up the first box...there was Santa...sans head! Spooky!! Guess where his head was stored? Yah...wedged right into his crotch. Perfect really...I mean, if you think about it. Talk about channeling brain waves...!
Both sing and dance and come with a microphone you can hook up and talk through...making them say whatever YOU say. I love it! I can see me hiding behind the counter now and saying..."Have you been a good little boy?" to some of our coffee drinkers. hee hee hee I'm getting ready for fun. I know I know...I need to get out more! I'll post pictures later.

November 29, 2003

An Asshat and Shopping Dreams

Did anyone catch the Michael Jackson interview on TV last night? My God he is a freak. I cannot believe that he can still sing with all the repair/disrepair he has had. Maybe I should say...Sing Sing...where the bizarro Never Never wasteland freak king child molester belongs. I bet a little time in the slammer and his vocal cords would be shoved back so far he could only sing when he farted. Asshat.
On another note Jo gave me a little something to look forward to today. She came to the shop for a Butterscotch Steamer (steamed milk and butterscotch) and said the BP's were going on a shopping spree next Sunday. I am grateful she included me...THANKS JO! YAHOOOOOO! Maybe I could really get my shopping done then.
On yet another note...I watched Bruce Almighty(1/2 of it last night and the other half this afternoon a real long story I'm sure to tell you sometime if you are unlucky) and it was GOOD. hee he Jim Carrey cracks me up.

November 27, 2003

A note while my Bean Buffet bakes.

I am thankful for my nose. Big and crooked though it may be it saved my life. Well, maybe not my life but perhaps my vision.
The rest of the story: On Monday morning around 6 o'clock I was tiredly attempting to curl my hair. As I was trying to add a bit of fluffy life to my frog fur fine bangs the steaming, at boiling temperature curling iron slipped from my grasp and landed smack dab on my unibrow. There it remained like the bridge of a pair of glasses held in place by my unperky proboscis. Meanwhile, as it seared my skin, I laughed through the pain. I am turning into my mother and here is why. She burns herself with her iron frequently. Only she does it to her eye. Oh...and she occasionally combs her eye too. Well, so there you have it...I am thankful for my nose...and I NEVER thought I would say THAT!

The proof is in the pudding...

November 26, 2003

Thank Full

Have a blessed Thanksgiving. Hug your honey today...and everyday. Count your blessings and enjoy your day!


November 24, 2003

Red Brown and STILL Duffle Bags Under The Eyes

So you know everyone has been telling me I look "tired" at the shop.
Suz told me I needed to color my hair a different color..."darker" she says. Of couse she kows everything so I bought some dye last night.
I have always used Clairol dark Ash Blonde...always. Last night I had a wild "hair" and I went for Revlon light golden brown.
Well then.
and OIE!

stilltired.jpg


I like to call my new look...Brownish Red Haired and STILL LOOKIN' TIRED.
shit
ps...I dropped the steaming hot curling iron on my unibrow and sizzled off a bit of flesh there.
suweet!

November 22, 2003

Click The Football Please!






Ahem...may I have a drum roll.........

brought to you by

THE CAMBRIDGE TROJAN FOOTBALL TEAM

Picture via the


Omaha World Herald







Under Attack

Just minding my own business when




Gack








Dog Germs!

November 21, 2003

Me n Petey After Work and a Few Drinks With Cindy, Mom and Mary

Really just a few aimless lines.
Again.
Michelob Ultra...because

A) It's Friday
B) Bernard Paid
C) I'm all alone tonight
D) All of the above

White Zif...because


A) It's Friday
B) I'm out of beer
C) It goes well with Little Ceasars Crazy Bread Sticks
D) Water...ummm yah...on my lawn maybe
E) All of the above


November 20, 2003

Elvis Has Left The Building

Have you ever got down on your hands and knees and sniffed an entire room, carpet strand by carpet strand because you think you smell dog pee?

me either...

I mean, well, I've thought about doing that. But who in their right mind would actually stoop to doing that? What if you actually FOUND the spot. I mean wouldn't that really suck the big one.

gag

Have you ever had about 5 margaritas and then, after you've woken up a few hours later, backed out of a driveway and ran over a cat and didn't even know it?
me either...but Slat Ass Suz's mom has. hahahahahahahahahaha
Slats was as happy as a blow fly on a cow pie.
She hates cats.
They live on a farm and have about 45 of them.
Each one usually has some sort of unusual name given to them by Slat Ass's kids.
The kids know instantly if they are "short" on cats.
They ALWAYS blame Slats (usually the culprit indeed)
Now Grandma will have to take the heat for killing "Elvis".

November 19, 2003

Young Americans and An Old Broad With A Mop

People...you MUST...if ever you get a chance to...go see or participate in a workshop THE YOUNG AMERICANS put on. Two of my kids were lucky enough to participate in a workshop the Young Americans taught these past few days. The grand finale show was last night.
I can only say
It was absolutely FANTASTIC! That doesn't even begin to describe what a wonderful, awesome, beautiful, creative experience I had...and I was only watching.
There were about 200 kids participating.
I bet some of them had a life changing experience.
To see what 200 kids could do in just 2 days of intense training was amazing.
I'm still on a high from watching.
It's all I can think about.
I'm always happy when kids can do something that takes them...well...somewhere they've never been before...expand their minds. Especially if it's on the creative, musical side.
You could see those kids grow as they got in touch with their feelings...allowed them to come out in dance.
Anyway...I could go on and on and on...but I've got to mop my floors, wash windows, do laundry, suck up some dead dirt bunnies, throw green stuff out of my fridge (or...disguise it as something in the slow cooker).
If you drive by my house and I'm dancing with a mop..it's cuz I'm still at the show last night.

I'm Hooked On Son Volt

Son Volt - Driving the View.mp3

November 18, 2003

Slat Ass Suz and Her Dippy Friend Jo Jo The Dancing Monkey Girl(pictures to follow)

Suz just came over and slapped thisin front of me and said that Jo Jo the dancing Monkey girl had actually MAILED it to her today tattletailing that I was the one that had made it. (who me????) ha ha haha ha THANK YOU JO!!! ps...Suz...join the rest of the REAL WORLD and you would get it e-mailed to you directly! duh
I laminated the beautiful thing right then and there for her and Suz is going to wear it to work as a name tag. I think it suits her! hee hee

November 17, 2003

Ass vs Eyelid

Our boys are going to state~! They will be playing in Nebraska Memorial Stadium on Friday at 11:00am.

on another note...my left eye lid keeps twitching...damn that is annoying. I kept thinking I was winking at the customers today...maybe they did too. That could be bad...or that could be good...I'll let ya know tomorrow.
Also...I think I saw a comet plunge toward earth tonight around 9 pm. Strange...just overhead and heading North. Probably the Leonid meteor shower.
I didn't see smoke or hear a Kaboom...so I don't think it's an attack...or an alien invasion...though...I can't be sure.
I do have a twitchy eye you know.
on another note...one of my favorite sayings is from the movie called "French Kiss". It's the one where Med Ryan is imitating a man smoking a cigarette and she says something like...You people make my ass twitch.
God I love that.
I don't know why...I just do.
You people don't make my ass twitch...
...or do you?
Tune in later for an update on ass twitching.
...or...eye lid twitching...whatever comes first

November 15, 2003

Kodak Moments

Here is a picture of the Tin Roof Rusted production I call "I Believe". It features a picture of Santa and the letter to the editor that "Virginia" wrote and the reply stating "Yes Virginia...there is a Santa Clause" I just wanted to share how it turned out.




I also included an item that we DON'T have on our menu...but...maybe should. This is a veggie that my cousin Cindy raised(by hand) in her own garden. I wonder what kind of fertilizer she used? Hmmmmm




Last but not least...I included a picture of the coffee shop front...cause I just wanted to!

November 14, 2003

On The Run

Katie left about 6 to go and cheer for the girls volleyball team. GO GET EM GIRLS!! Listen to the game at 10 am

My dog looks guilty...about...something.

November 12, 2003

I Dream Of Bagless Eyes and Stuff


Me, at 10:00 tonight.
After a day of making coffee and steam cleaning rugs...yes...and HELL yes...AGAIN!
Petey is going to take a dirt nap soon...that or wear a rubber band around his gonads...sassafrassa damn
And I made a chicken fajita stromboli. Weird but tasty.
AND I made the most awesome crafty thing a ma jig ever...pictures tomorrow or...
Our new building has an old tin ceiling.
Well, when they redid some of the ceiling they left some of the panels of tin.
EXTRA cool.
I took a sheet of it and decopaged a Santa on it...and snipped and snapped and painted and cracked and bada bing bada boom...I got an artsy fartsy thing I can't bear to part with.
Although...I may make a few more and try to sell them...cuz they is suweet!
I went wild tonight and decopaged about 5 more panals.
Crazy.
and...well...the moon is a nice ol fatty tonight.
and...although I'm a bit put off by people telling me I "look a little tired" at the coffee shop...after gazing at my mug tonight...I can see why people say that.
Shit...I look like I've been hit by a bus...
I think I need...
EXTREME MAKEOVER
Fast tho
Like I dream of Jeanie kind of fast.
Guess what I'm calling my artsy fartsy venture.
...give up?
Tin Roof...Rusted
a Poniday production

he he he he he he
God I crack myself up

November 10, 2003

Can You Say OH YAH! HELL YA! WE GOING TO STATE!!

Please take a moment and shout BOOYAH...BOOYAH...BOOYAH!!! YAH...TROJANS...it's ya buthday...get ya groove on...yah TROJANS! Uh Huh!
Okay...well...in case you didn't know...THE BOYS ARE GOING TO STATE! THE GIRLS ARE GOING TO STATE!!! The TROJANS...ARE GOING TO STATE!! (dancing and singing and general booyahness occuring at this moment!)

Okay...deep breathe...and in other news:
Well I made it back home in one piece! It's good to go shopping...shopping was berry berry good to me! I bought various articles of eccentricity. The uglier something is...the better I like it. Like this weird ass chalkboard aka *wink *wink antique window...chuh...
Why I ask myself...Why did I start off the trip with this purchase. It's about four ax handles and a shoebox wide (oddly the same size as my ASS) and absolutely worthless. I'm going to stick it in the coffee shop and do...something with it...the chalkboard...not my ass...grin.
I bought Katie a cute jean jacket with some kind of fur crap on it...for Christmas...and gave it to her the minute I walked in the door.
I bought the boys jeans and shirts and as they have been high watering it and unable to button the top button for quite some time...gave them their clothes too.
Mark got new underwear...and ya...he got his too.
I bought new shoes.
Both pairs now kind of hurt my feet.
Maybe I didn't notice that when I tried them on because I'd had a Perfect Margarita at Applebees.
Dahem...they is GOOD.
My friend Jo Jo the Dancing Girl (hee hee hee Jo) told her husband, as she left on Friday morning, all about the pillow fights the scantily clad bitch posse have after we complete a shopping day(by the way...a complete lie). She said he sort of got a glazed look on his face at the thought...hee hee hee.
Hell, if he only knew.
Well...at least no one got drunk and got a tattoo of a horse on their ass.
This time.

November 07, 2003

Pass The Tea...Bag!

Okay...I'm going on the BP trip...let me hear a BOOYAH!! My hubby is going to work for me in the coffee shop!! I didn't even ask him to...he just offered. BOOYAH!! I wonder if he could mix pharmacy and espresso...or...better yet...tea. Yah...I can see it now. A new Tea room...called...Adult Teas...cuz he could mix in a little viagra...snicker...or some other such love weapon! Anyway...I'm going...I may sleep the whole time...but I'm going! Look at the coffee shop link. I just revamped an old site and fixed it up last night for Shirley K's Coffee Shop. Better yet...come on down and have a cup of...coffee...or if you dare...a cup of tea!!!

November 05, 2003

Medical Swirl

Having a teenage girl is stressful. I can feel the gray hairs popping out in clumps all over my head...Probably my ass too. I'll probably look like a polar bear before I get her raised.
Shit.
One of the coffee grazers had this advice: "Girls, just ignore 'em!" (this coming from a guy who has a herd of girls)
Chuh...Right!!
That's JUST what I don't want to do.
I mean, isn't it just when you AREN"T looking opportunity knocks.
And why do the girls insist on miming plumbers.
Ass crack should remain hidden at all times...Even when you are naked.
I tried telling my lovely daughter...Crack kills!
Needless to say...She wasn't impressed.
I'm thinking I'll get a big assed pair of britches(sadly my own will work), some dingy underwear(ditto) , a tiny short shirt and go up to her school to visit, and just when she rounds the corner I'll do the bend and snap with my plumbers ass aimed right at her and see how she likes it!!
Yah...suweet!
Then, there are the boys.
Why do they insist on trying to kill each other?
Why do they have to touch each other?
I felt like Bill Cosby when he was talking about screaming "Nobody touches anyone else in this house ever again Is That Clear!!!"
Oy!
I wonder if I should make valium swirlies.

November 04, 2003

Next One To The Moon...Iowa School Children

A quick note. I just found out that Fart Bars are the IN thing at one of Marks sisters childs school(not sure if I said that right...duh)...course that IS in Iowa. Go figure...smirk. Later...

Fullfill Your Dream and Help Me Realize My Goal

Hey...who wants to fill in for me down here at the coffee shop on Friday and Saturday morning so I can go on the bitch posse annual shopping/beer guzzling/junk food gorging trip?? The pay is for shit and there are no benefits but we do have a lot of fun!! Hey Shenry...how bout you man? Talk to me people...I MUST NOT miss the bitch posse trip (pleading, begging, winking, and all that other on the knees kind of stuff)

November 02, 2003

Dum De Doo De La La La

I vegged out yesterday. Did laundry and clipped my sons toenails. I washed dishes and scraped out the green stuff from buckled tupperware dishes entombed in my fridge. I thought about walking in the brisk clean air and then quickly vetoed that. I made all kinds of gift certificates for the shop. We made a tent inside the house. We ate Halloween candy and found out we were out of dental floss, laundry soap, milk, cereal, chips, and other vital ingredients that make a house a home. We got lunch meat and bread from the shop and made sub sandwiches instead of going grocery shopping. We drank coffee shop hot chocolate and ate pretzels. Some of us napped, others left a trail of candy wrappers like Hansel and Grettle fearing they might lose their way to the TV room.
Today...rewind and repeat.

November 01, 2003

Deer Season?

I'm telling you what...yesterday Cindy and I looked like two deer caught in a headlight at work. Sweet mother of pearl we were busy.
I laughed so much I think I gave myself a hernia.
We all dressed up as snow white and the seven dwarfs...I was Dopey...big surprise there.
Mark was the Prince (damn...those tights were suweet!).
Anyway...I'll post pictures later. Gotta go wake up the
shop.
Punch it Margaret!
Hi Ho.mp3

October 30, 2003

Someday My Prince Will Come

I made a CD of Snow White and am listening to it in order to get in the mood to be a dwarf tomorrow.
I'm not sure...but...I don't think I CAN or ever WILL be in the mood to be a dwarf
Just a hunch
Although I may whistle while I work...you just cant tell with the way they make underwear these days...grin
it might just be a low humming
purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Anyways, I may start calling Mark...Prince
You should see his outfit...smirk
Short pants and tights...yummy

October 29, 2003

Highlights and Lowlights

Getting up late(an accident)
Not fighting with any of my children before 7 am
Having enough milk in the fridge(bonus points!)
Getting to work early(bizarre quirky perk)
Waking up the coffee shop(see pics in photo album)
Getting a few hours off(10-3:30)
Caught up the laundry (except for that one little mistake of somehow washing a kleenex with my DARK clothes and causing me many hours of delays and teaching Petey a few new cuss words)
My pond goldfish all died(I've had 4 feeder goldfish in my outside pond for 3 years and have kept them through winters and hungry cats and crows and a sparrow hawk and now...they die)...possible because I've been SO busy that I've not cleaned the filter in about a month and the leaves fell down and skanked up the water and damnit!! I loved those fish...hell...sniff
Now I'm going back to the coffeeshop

October 28, 2003

SuperHanes To The Rescue

Well, no costume made for Alec yet. Last night, after I sent him upstairs to get ready for bed, I heard a lot of crashing and when I investigated, there he was...With underwear on his head and over his pajamas...Yes...He was UNDERWEAR MAN and he was on a mission...No doubt involving leaping through the air, jumping on the beds and scattering his underwear throughout the entire damn house! Suddenly I had a brainstorm...I thought to myself...Now THAT would make a good Halloween costume (except for those hash marks on the backside)**note...Get the boys some new underwear...In black***

October 26, 2003

Cat Shit And Leaf Drifts

My kids are...losing it. The weather must be going to change. The barometer must be shifting. I would blame it on Halloween candy sampling...but I haven't bought any yet. I'm growing one eyebrow, oh wait, that's just a permanant wrinkle from gritting my teeth, holding my breath and counting to 10.
On another note, the leaves are dropping like big, fat deformed snowflakes and covering my entire lawn/weeds with butt high crackling brown not good for sledding drifts.
Happy Happy Joy Joy!
Something good...I found a recipe for cat poop cookies.
That made Andrew stop and take note, grin a little. He wants to take that to school for a Halloween treat.
Andrew is the ultimate straight man. So getting a spontaneous grin from him makes my day.
Alec gagged and fell off the couch when I mentioned that particular snack.
hee hee hee I know I'm evil...but that cracked me up.
Katie is on an overnight with her buds. Now THAT scares ME.
I'm sure it's just fine...gulp.
I need to make Alecs Halloween costume. He wants to be Edward Scissorhands. of course
Not a ghost...or dracula or super hero.
EdwardfarkingScissorhands.
Easy. chuh
I'm going to be a dwarf...so close to the truth...it hurts.
Well, I'd best see if I've got all the ingredients for "cat poop".
I'm sure I'm fresh out of tapeworms(coconut).

October 22, 2003

Theme Song For Shirley's K's Coffee Shop

This is our Shirley's Swirlies theme song!
(S)wirlie Girl
ps...I made up a new drink called "Yellow Snow". It's the only time it's OK to eat yellow snow! Come down and try it...you'll like it...you'll like it~!

October 21, 2003

The Joy Of...yah

After shaving the callouses off of my feet and popping a few extra mutating blackheads I settled in with a nice steaming toddy, put my feet up, got a good book toread and enjoyed myself. Afterwards I tucked my sleepy children in and as I kissed them tenderly they smiled up at me and said sweetly, Luv ya mom!
Chuh...right!
Well...the callous part is true.
Maybe I do have mutating blackheads...or MAYBE my pores are just big.
Need to check into that sometime.
Like when I care.
I love going to work though.
THAT is something.
Good.
I did kiss my children...those that still allow that kind of thing without grimacing at my touch, and those that weren't mad at me.
That means...well, Alec was alright with it.
Katie mumbled and pretended she was alseep...and them remembered she needed money for something and made a request.
Andrew tried to duck away...but I caught him anyway.
He wiped it off firecly while growling...MoOm!
Mark (who was pretending to be busy at the "tucking them in time) waited until I walked by him then grabbed my ass.
Surprise.
I feel asleep on the couch and awoke with to the scent of a dogs ass facing me.
bastard Petey
He ate the cat food again and was suffering from shitmahpants gas. Gah
I shouted To The Kennel!
and I was away to my own bed.
Where I slept like a damn rock until my alarm went off.

October 18, 2003

Fart Bars

Hey...I am tired...wahhhh. Work is good...and fun...and tiring. In other news my mother in laws sister Hazel sent me a recipe for Pork and Beans Bars. There is pineapple and other goodies in them and you use cream cheese frosting. My mother in law tried them and she said they were surprisingly good! They sound strange enough for me to want to make them only I'm gonna call them Fart Bars! I'll let ya know and in case you want to try them...here's the recipe:
Hi Everyone===Got this recipe today and they really are good ===tastes a
lot like pumpkin bars..

Pork and Beans Bar aka Fart Bars
In Blender, blend 16 oz can of pork and beans with 8 oz crushed
pineapple, undrained.
Add the following to the above mixture:
2 cups sugar
2 cups flour
2 tsps baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
4 eggs
1 cup oil
Bake in jely roll pan 20-30 minutes at 350�
Frost with cream cheese frosting




October 15, 2003

Perfect Day/Hours Off!

Well, after I opened the shop today and the other gals came in I decided to come home for a few hours off. I need to dust/mop/launder/sweep/clean the fridge/change the bedding...all the things I've neglected for quite some time. What a mess. But, it's a beautiful fall day. Crisp with a bright sun outside, and a light breeze stirring the 5 million or so leaves that have decided to squat on my lawn. Ha ha...I laugh at fall and it's call to rake. No! I will wait for the other 30 trillion leaves to off themselves before I give in. The moon was still a smudge in the western sky at 11 a.m. today and there were a whole flock of birds singing loudly in the trees out back. That made me think that a storm was coming. Old wives tale...the birds are ahead of the storm kinda thing. Then, I wandered back inside to finish up a few chores and as I glanced upward I decided that yes indeed a storm must be on it's way because all of my ceiling fans had grown winter coats. Not just jackets either. Thick, furry, heavy winter in Alaska kind of parka coats. Then I noticed that a good deal other things in my home had donned their winter coats such as: the rows of colored glass that sit on my window ledge, the door ledges, the pictures, the various brick a brack crap that I own and I was in awe for about 2 seconds before I was grossed out and started to skin each and every one of the bas-turds. Now, once again, I have naked ceiling fans. Yayy

We Have Ways Of Fixing You Up!

I'm running into people with all kinds of advice for "fixing my back up" down at the coffee shop. I've had one of the local dentists tell me about a Dr. Friend of his who specializes in spinal fusions down in San Antonio, but when I said I wasn't sure I was going to have surgery at all, the dentist said, "Well, this guy is retiring soon...so don't wait long!". Ha! Like I want some old geezer of a Dr. To perform a spinal fusion on me, after all he is going to retire soon and just wants to get out on the golf course! He might be distracted, he might be thinking of airplane tickets to Hawaii or visiting his grandkids or the new Doc that is replacing him...Maybe he'll be depressed that I'm to be one of his final cases and he wouldn't be diligent. Ha! FOR-GET That! Several people have offered me the name of their chiropractor. The idea of someone cracking me around kind of frightens me. Especially if I have to wear some kind of gown with my ass hanging out...ewwww. My favorite cure was offered up to me by one of the regulars at the coffee shop. She is an 85 year old woman with a very German accent. Very petite with an impish smile. She is an official reflexologist...tho...In retirement. She poked me in the back as I was offering her coffee and grimaced and said, "Ohhh very bad, If you could lie down on a flat surface and I had my hammers and vibrators I could fix you right up" WTF? Vibrators? Reflexologist use gulp vibrators? I'm IN! But only if the reflexolgist is NOT an 85 year old woman...Or for that matter...85 year old man. Ewwwww I just had an all out body shudder(and not a good shudder if ya know what I mean) on that note and am now closing this post.

October 14, 2003

Nurses Notes

Shelley sent me some funny sayings that are SO true about being a nurse...grin...

You know you are a nurse if.........
...........the front of your scrubs read: 'Nurses...here to save your ass, not kiss it!'
............you occasionally park in the space with the 'Physicians Only' sign, and knock it over.
............you've ever told a patient to 'move toward the light.'
............you believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
............you always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.
............you can't cure stupid.
............you have seen more moons than the Hubbell telescope.
............you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them
............you never get into an argument with an idiot, because they only bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
............you hope there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light.
............you believe that saying, 'It can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
............you wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.
............you've ever thought a blood pressure cuff would be an excellent gift for Christmas.
............you've ever spent more money on a stethoscope than on a car payment.
............you believe any job where you can drive to work in pajamas is a cool job.
............the ER is a mixture of can do, can't do, and why the hell not!
............you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil
............you know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky.
............eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
............you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
............you've ever had a patient with a nose ring, brow ring and 12 earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots."
............you've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level
............you believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac
............you believe the 'On-call Nurse' program is a satanic plot.
............you believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick.
............your idea of a good time is a Code Blue at shift change.

October 13, 2003

Bathing Beauty

There's nothing like a hot steamy bath to make things right. Hot water, a glass of wine, a book, bath oil, ahhhhh...Heaven. There's just nothing like it. The other night, after the kids were in bed and all the work was done I was in just such a heaven. I was just turning into a prune when I decided I'd better wash my hair. I was looking through the shampoos that I had and decided on a sweet smelling flowery scented one when I noticed something. Something that made me a bit...Well...oogy. I noticed the dog shampoo sitting on the shelf above the tub. That in itself wasn't so bad. Now the fact that the top was OPEN was enough to make my eyes open up a bit wider. I looked around me. On the floor of the bathroom were about 15 towels. I looked around me and though I didn't see any dog hairs...I somehow just knew...The boys had given Petey a bath in the tub...Just recently...In fact, probably only a few hours ago. I was sitting in the tub(that I know the boys hadn't washed out) where my frequently ball/ass licking dog had received a "cleansing" bath. My dog that is a compulsive leg lifting marking my territory and oops I pissed on my own leg kind of dog...Had recently cowered in the bath and perhaps even piddled on the porcelain my very ass was now pressed against. Jesus. Have you ever cloroxed your own ass? Is it dangerous you ask? Hell no...It just kind of tingles when it goes into down the crack.

October 10, 2003

Shit Ass Leaf Lettin Inner Living Room CNN Tuning In Fer The Dog Jackass

You ever had to rake leaves out of your...living room? When I got home tonight I found my patio door wide open (my hubby left it open and the TV tuned on to CNN for our dog Petey...how damn sweet, while he and several other Nebraska Husker and late night entertainer admirers went on a 2 day trip to watch the big game while his and the other men/asses wives remained behind to work their freaking brains off) and a lovely fall arangement of leaves decorating my living room floor. It was soo purty I wanted to just leave it there and admire it for days...days...and days...but I couldn't take it and had to vacuum them up...son of a...Nuff Said

October 09, 2003

Strap On...Stap Off

The gals from surgery came in to eat at Shirley K's. Damn I miss them. Joyce said they need my pager...Gulp...I feel like I'm not a nurse anymore. The nurse anesthetist (who I blame about 60% for my back problem) came in yesterday and asked me if I was going to give up nursing "for this" (meaning the coffee shop) BAS..TURD!! I made him buy a pan of brownies, 2 hotdogs, a "Shirley Swirlie" and a few drinks. Anyway...He told me I needed to "hang from my feet in a stirrup like apparatus that was situated in a gun shop about 25 miles away" he stated that his friend tried it and was "fixed". Uhh huh.....I really wanna be strapped onto a metal ladder with stirrups and hang from my feet at a gun shop(for him...ugh)...shaaahhhhwwww! Jesus...Gross and danger just eek from that. I mean...Doesn't that smack of "Deliverance" or something just as sinister? Or...Does anybody remember Pulp Fiction... ? Anyway...I'm freaking tired....Am dozing through this actually.

October 08, 2003

Shirley's Swirlies

I've made a few funny to me mistakes these past few days. I made someone a Black Forest Mocha which involves cherry syrup, thick chocolate syrup and a shot of espresso, frothed and steamed milk and whipped topping...and I forgot to add the espresso...grin. At least, I say to myself, my mistakes haven't killed anybody...yet...gulp. Come down and have a Shirley's Swirlie (smoothie)people. You should see all the kids asking for a swirlie...GOD it's so funny. What's better are the adults...hee hee They don't want to say Hey...give me a swirlie....hee hee hee hee. Weeeee I'm havin' fun.

October 06, 2003

YO

Can you say Oh my achin' feet. I can. and I do. We opened the coffee shop and I am plain ass dead dog freaking tired and that's putting it mildly. It was fun...but...I am dragging. I keep thinking...and I said I'd do this for how long?...gulp...someone rub my feet...were's that Pepsi man when ya need him...

October 05, 2003

Yikes! Monday is Tomorrow

I don't know if we can be ready I don't know if we can be ready I don't know if we can be ready...

October 03, 2003

Yahoooooodaa!

My ass is draggin' baybee's. But I do have internet again. Lovely hubby tried to install a wireless network(his 3rd time) and wiped our network out yesterday. Tonight he has redeemed himself and taa daa...here I am. We have been hauling freight and cleaning and putting together the coffee shop,,.well...it seems like forever now. I be sick of it...but we move...it all...tomorrow and Sunday cuz we open on Monday. shit fire and all that. Enough about me...snicker...let's talk about you. Tell me your favorite coffee house drink...or fountain drink. I want some funky funny ones. I just found one called the Root Canal that contains rootbeer and other crap...I wanna run a special on that during "Healthy Teeth Week"...hee hee Gotta go...hubby is asserting himself and wants...something...hmmmmmmm

October 02, 2003

TP For My Bung Hole

You ever have to go to the bathroom sooo bad that you rush in at the last moment, skin down your pants and just let it go numbertwo and then as you sigh in relief thatyouhaven'tshityourpants find out much to your dismay that there is NO TOILET PAPER nor is there Kleenex? You might actually find yourself looking in the trash for a "slightly used" snotencrusted Kleenex..guh and them you find a relatively clean shirt that happened to be laying on the bathroom floor for an indeterminate number of days and you weigh the pro's and cons of doing the unthinkable until you realize that THIS IS YOUR ONLY FUCKING HOPE. Well, I know I've never had THAT happen to ME but I'm going to assume that this May have happened to some one out there and extend my sympathies.

October 01, 2003

Boring Post Don't Even Bother Reading This

I went on a massive shopping spree to help buy groceries/necessities for the coffee shop yesterday. We are almost ready. But...I desparately need tablecloths. That is my quest today...that and going to meet the "Pepsi Man". Hooray. I'm boring. La la.

September 30, 2003

Strange Meat And Wallpaper Paste

Alec is doing a fourth grade project. They are to find recipes that are related to their ethnic heritage that are simple and we will make the item and bring it to school. After searching on the internet he decided to call up Darlene(my MIL) and asked her for an Irish recipe...but, he added, nothing with pig livers and boneless lamb...*grin* Apparently on his quest he discovered that these were some of the main ingreedients in many Irish recipes. He also found a ?tasty dish called Irish oatcakes that sounds a little bit like wallpaper paste...only you bake it...yum. It's easy though.
Today I'm off to shop for the coffee shop with my mom and Peggy. Yay. I hate shopping except for when the BP goes in November. Damn we have fun.
Other news.
Katie is mooning around about a boy.
God...not yet...I'm not ready for this.
One high school dance and Blamo...she's in love.
I hate hormones...
Andrew has been primping around lately too. Hmmmm
These are going to be some interesting times...scary...but interesting.
I hope I don't go insane before they are done..*grin*
If I do...I'll let you know.

September 29, 2003

Like Some Cheese With That

I know why a wild animal chews off his leg when he is caught in a metal trap. If I had something I could chew off to escape the pain...I would too. Gives a new meaning to "chewing some ass" though.
Other things of note:
The coffee shop is licensed!
About one week until we open the new pharmacy/coffee shop(crossing fingers).
My surgery nursing career is probably in the shitter because of my back.
Am I still an RN if I can't work?
That has been part of my identity for so long now that I can't think of NOT calling myself an RN.
I've always been proud to call myself an RN...and now...what am I? Well, I've always been honored to be a mother, wife, daughter, member of the BP (though our numbers are dwindling) yes...still those titles, perhaps coffee shop queen will replace my RN.
It's not the same.
Pouring a perfect espresso doesn't replace comforting the sick, injured and hurting.
There is no comparison.
I'm just having a little pity party for myself right now.
Being a barista has just never been one of my life goals.
Until now.
Maybe pouring a perfect espresso.could comfort someone who is sick, injured or hurting and I just don't know it yet.
Maybe it will be my comfort.
Please plug your ears and say Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee in a high pitched voice while reading the following message.
This has been a test of the Sheryl's a Whiney Ass Broadcast System
Had this been a real whine...cheese would have been provided.
Thank you.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

September 28, 2003

Snappity Doo Dah Snappity A

I added new pictures to People and to Nature and to Things and I added a new photo log called Head Garden

September 26, 2003

Looking For Hair In All The Wrong Places

I was just sitting in the tub thinking about hair. Why do women have to get facial hair? Is it fair? I think not. We have PMS and give birth. Those two things alone should be enough to deal with. Then I got to thinking about when I was around 12 years old. Suz and I were out walking around. We were still at the age where we enjoyed competing against the boys not competing forthe boys. Pretty naive and shy yet. Anyway, as we walked by the local theater(yah we had one then) a group of three or four boys hollered over at us. Suz and I about faced and started the other way. I can still remember one startling taunt. It haunts me still. It was this: "Hey, you girls have any hairs on your ass yet?". Suz and I got out of there. When we were safely away I looked at her and started, "You mean we get hairs"...Suz finished with..."on our ass?" Hell. It was mind boggling. We had no hairs anywhere yet. But we'd heard. We had occasionally glimpsed a patch or two of muff fuzz at the swimming pool but never...Gulp...Ass fuzz. What if it was true? What if we sprouted ass hair during puberty? We were mortified and disgusted. So much so that we quickly changed the subject. I'm sure that when we went our separate ways we went to our own bathrooms, locked the doors, and checked for strands. Sadly, I still don't really know the answer to the smart mouthed boys taunt. Do I have hairs on my ass? I don't know for sure. I'm sure I've got things back there that I don't even care to know about. As a matter of fact I think my ass has it's own neighborhood watch program. As far as hairs on that particular body part. I don't think I want to know. Let it be a surprise...for...Someone else. Meanwhile I've got enough to do what with checking my face for chin hairs.
Next time I'm greeted with a "Hey girl got any hairs on your ass yet?" I might have to answer with a "Hell ya and that ain't the worst of it...look at my chin baybee!"

Time and Time Again

This is SO cool. I know I've been prolific today but...so what.

Wee Willy Ain't So Wee Is He? OR Free Willy!

My dear Jo Jo the Dancing Girl...aka VIP BP...I must inform you that YES you do need 2 Willies. Why you can have twice the fun you could have had with just one! There are SO many uses for two Willies. One being that when you and your loved one are in a tiff or a little lovers quarrel...Give him one and you can just...Well, fence...Err....Spar so to speak. It might bring a twinkle in your eye or a trickle...Err...Whatever comes first. ( very big grin ) I can't really think of another reason right now to have two but I'm sure there are plenty. Perhaps a hat rack? I dish towel holder? A...doughnut holder comes to mind. I've got it! You know how some people leave their Christmas tree up all year and decorate it with the changing seasons? You could do that with your Willy. Sit a witch on the top for Halloween, a turkey for Thanksgiving, an angel astride it for Christmas. You get the picture. Yah...a new trend. You ARE a trend setter Jo...Don't you ever never foget it!


I Done Got Edge-U-Kated

Everything I didn't want to know about spinal fusion in a cute little animated doo dah.

September 25, 2003

Peace Man!

Daughter Katie is dressing up for homecoming week. Today is "Decade Day" so she went as a 60's child. She actually let me take her picture! Here's the proof!




Katie and her friend Jillian. Jillian is an 80's material girl!

September 24, 2003

Soma Soma Soma

Today I just took two steps backward. My back pain is sooo severe that I KNOW the nice Dr. put a curse on me. I was so very pain free when I left his office on Monday and when I woke up Tuesday...SHAZAAM. I know as soon as I got that goddamned paper thin gown off and left the building he grabbed a voodoo doll and started poking needles into its lower back. Therefore I've been on a Soma holiday since early this am. I HATE taking medicine! Still have back pain but I slept through it...whatever. When I woke up at around 1:45 I wished I had me a silver bell and a maid so I could ring and someone could come traipsing up my seventeen stairs and bring me a big glass of 7-up and just a touch of orange juice. As it is I saw only Pickles, my big fat cat, and so asked her to do it. She looked at me as if to say, Kiss my what?

September 23, 2003

I don't know if you remember but Alec and Andrew were in the St Judes Bike-a-thon and they each raised quite a bit of money.

Alec raised the most and Andrew the second most. The bike ride was on Sunday and they each rode 10 miles. Alec,(if you remember had 2 pledge papers full of people's names who had donated money and I accidentally washed them and they looked like dingleberries when I found them) well, we were to have all the money collected by today...guess what? We don't. Tomorrow for sure but...it is VERY difficult to read. More later!


Later...here is THE SHEET I washed. I think my mother deserves a mother of the year award for piecing together and taping that sheet into a readible form! Thank Mom!



I don't know if you remember but Alec and Andrew were in the St Judes Bike-a-thon and they each raised quite a bit of money.
Alec raised the most and Andrew the second most. The bike ride was on Sunday and they each rode 10 miles. Alec,(if you remember had 2 pledge papers full of people's names who had donated money and I accidentally washed them and they looked like dingleberries when I found them) well, we were to have all the money collected by today...guess what? We don't. Tomorrow for sure but...it is VERY difficult to read. More later!

Later...here is THE SHEET I washed. I think my mother deserves a mother of the year award for piecing together and taping that sheet into a readible form! Thank Mom!


September 22, 2003

My Life On The Fly


I went to bed at 4 am because I was making coffee shop menus
I got up at 6 am because Katie did (not really a quality time for us today I might just add)
I went to the neurologist today at 11:15. Good news and bad news.
I was supposed to have a meeting with 2 Wholesale Reps today
My mom did it instead (thank you mom!)
Good news:I don't have to have surgery as of yet AND the nice Dr. Told me that I didn't have to worry about my weight...Yet.
I think he may have seen me in the gown and thought to himself...DAMN I better not get too radical with her about weight because it looks to me as if she could pummel the hell out of me
Maybe he thought this: she looks like a - I could squash you like a grape, put you in a glass and drink ya kind of girl
At lease he didn't say this: Hey girl take that 3 axe handle and a shoe box wide ass out on a few more walks and your back wouldn't be in such bad shape.
Bad news: My problem will not be "cured" and the surgery to correct it is a spinal fusion. Done now, he informed me from the front and the back and he told me all kinds of depressing things about that and how I will have to baby my back and yadaa yadaa yadaa....blah
But, hey, I don't have to do it now...Just, probably, later.
So...I went shopping and bought some 2 axe handle and a shoe box wide sized clothes.

September 21, 2003

Fungus Among Us

I just found out that May is fungal infection awareness month. Wow. Just one more reason that makes May a month of infamy (besides it being the month I'm born of course).

September 20, 2003

Post American Wedding Night Bitch Posse Gala

Mark and I, Suz and Kurtis and Lauri and Brad met up with Duane and Jo at the theatre and went to American Wedding. My God...We laughed so much we: a) wet our pants, b) melted our make up, and 3)snorted entirely too much for public viewing. Get with a group and GO SEE IT. Of course we did have a margarita(s) first...Grin. Walmart has a great mix with the takillya already mixed in. It's a must have for any bitch posse get together. After the movie we came back to our house and made a fire (2 alarm fire I might add...Damn those boys and their wood), ate pizza, sandwiches and just gabbed/bitched/laughed/ around. Here's a lovely shot of Suz (Slats) and Lauri( Lois Lane) at their best. What you CAN'T see is the fact that their hands are gripping cups of margaritas in a primal touch my drink and you'll regret it sort of way...and yes I think Lauri is trying to suck Suz's drink through the air without the aid of a straw. You GO Girl!


Here's a picture of Kurtis and Brad playing with their wood. Brad can't keep his hot little hands of his big stick-o-wood and notice Kurtis is wearing my nurses lab coat...He's the epitome of a bitch posse wannabe...

September 19, 2003

No Shit

Why can't the boys in my house poop at school. I mean, come on they ARE there during "peak" hours and it would really save wear and tear on our toilet. I am sick to death of finding a moat of turds surrounded by a yellow, spattered seat. I'm sick to death of plunging. I hate washing towels that have been used to mop of the "misflushes". We have one of those new fangled toilets that is supposed to "save water". Yah...Right. In my house you always, on the threat of death, poop flush then wipe flush. I tell everyone that moto if they ask to use our bathroom. I wish I had it embroidered on a hand towel and I would hang it right above the toilet. Some people are surprised, some laugh, some are embarrassed, but I can tell you this...They ALL poop flush wipe flush at my house!

September 18, 2003

The Reason Mental Is In Departmentalization

Today I worked in surgery and it went well. I think I'm back! I got done at 12:30 and had to get Katie to a dentist appointment at 1:00. Then the rest of my afternoon was filled up with...
Parent teacher conferences today:
Alec is in fourth grade and this year that grade is departmentalized...Which in essence means that he is now "following the high school bell" for his school periods. He has 6 teachers.
Andrew is in sixth grade and this year that grade is departmentalized as well. He has 7 teachers.
Katie is a freshman in highschool and therefore she has 7 teachers.
That makes...Well let's see...20 TEACHERS FOR ME TO SEE IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME TO TELL ME HOW WELL/BAD THEY ARE DOING IN SCHOOL!
Do I sound stressed?
Well how about the kids?
I really think fourth grade is too young to be departmentalized. Andrews grade is handling it well, but I'm just not sure about the fourth.
On a good note it only took me about 2 hours and I missed only 2 teachers!
Mark showed up about half way through and started in on Katie's teachers. Thank God!
So...How was your day?

addendum: I forgot the boys share some teachers so in reality I only had 16 different teachers to see. Now THAT'S quite a difference. NOT

September 17, 2003

Husker Volleyball...It's a Nebraska Thang

Yah! Husker Volleyball Rocks Love to Christina our home town girl! You go girl and spank that ball!! Whoooooo! Can you tell I'm excited! I just watched Nebraska win over A&M. We won in 5 sets and I would bet dimes to dollars those girls are going to be doing laps for their crappy serving. But hey...In the end we are victorious!

Pissed Off Mama

School pictures today and I'm nobody's best friend. Katie sputtered several "whatever's" when I complimented her hair and refused my help to curl her hair because her bud was coming over this morning and I'm sure I could hear her say under her breath, (look at your hair...And YOU want to help ME) and Andrew growled when I said good morning (normal) Alec was unhappy when I went to wake him up (abnormal) Mark is still tucked away under the covers (butthead)...Sigh...At least ole Petey the good dog likes me this a.m. To bad I'm mad at him. I smell piss...Somewhere...And even though I've scoured every inch of the "woodstove" room...I still smell piss. Might be in my head...cuz we've shut the room off and he isn't able to get in there anymore ...OR...I've got a secret pisser...Either way...I'm PISSED.

September 15, 2003

Raed My Lpis

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht
oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist
and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you
can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not
raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe


No I'm not drunk. Shelley sent me this article and I wondered if SHE was drunk until I read the whole thing. Isn't that bizarre? Doesn't that make dyslexia seem...somehow...normal?

September 14, 2003

It's Twue

My husband has HAIR growing, not out of, but ON, his ears. What kind of freak is God to do that to people. I mean...what are ear muffs for anyway? We do NOT need fur on our bodies to keep us warm. Really, now, I'm offended when I want to nibble at a lobe or two and I feel as if I'm gnawing on a cat. Yuck. I know, I know, there are always worse things that can appear on a body (don't I fucking know it...and NO pictures will NOT be posted later). I can hear a voice in the background saying...(and ya'll know this is an imaginary voice that sounds just like my mother right?) Sheryl, Sheryl, (can you hear her shaking her head now and going tsk tsk tsk) at least your husband can hear, and he can walk and he can talk and he can provide for you...(another round of Sheryl's and tsks). I know I know MOM I'm thankful for ALL OF THOSE THINGS! I am. But Jesus...HAIR on EARS! Not to mention there were more hairs on his ears than on his head and many of those were GRAY ones!
Luv you honey!! But SHAVE YOUR FUCKING EAR LOBES!

September 13, 2003

Growth Spurt (!)

Things Alec ate today...so far(that I know of):
9:30 a.m.
3 fried eggs and 2 pieces of toast with butter
1 glass of milk
10:30 a.m.
1/4 of Chef Boyardee Deep Dish Meal 5-Cheese Ravioli
1 large glass of chocolate milk
11:30 a.m.
3 corndogs
1 large glass of diet mountain dew
1:30
1 large ice cream swirlie

I'm Having Surgery

It's official. Since I've hurt my back I've gained almost 10 pounds. I now belong to those select few that live in Lardonia. I've elected to have a drastic surgery...Something only a few daring souls have tried. I'm going to have this sticker surgically adhered across my MOUTH!







ps...congratulations go out to Shenry for e-mailing me with his address sooo fast my head spun! Shenry wins a stupid prize compliments of The Dash...just cuz!

September 12, 2003

Yahoodiville

Hey...the first person that e-mails me their address is going to win a stupid prize. Count on it!

No Happy Medium

What about clerks who talk ALL the time. Why don't they just shut the hell up. Or better yet why don't they look in a mirror and just talk to their own damned self non stop until they keel over. People who talk incessantly are in love with themselves and have no time for other people. The only reason they would need someone else is to bounce words off of something besides a closed door. Hey you word spewing volcanoes of verbal feces...SHUT UP ALREADY. Leave me alone. Quite following me around a store and saying oh that'll look good on you and can I help you can I help you can I help you NO FOOL YOU FUCKING CANNOT unless you plan on throwing yourself beneath the Frito-Lay truck.

September 11, 2003

Shit Fire and Underage Clerks

Suz showed up and kidnapped me to Walmart. I had a few things I thought I "needed".

Needed things

febreeze

cat litter

chrysanthimums

dog food

shavers

lipstick

something to take oil off of cement

?khaki pants for Katie

crickets

new shirts for boys...pictures coming up

hairspray


Things I got instead:

febreeze (off to a good start!)

2 "mums"(good girl!)

3 sacks of candy bars(bad girl)

pair of pants and shirt for ME(bad girl...not to mention they were in Big Mama size...damn)

candy dish(?)

lettuce(good girl)

Italian herb wrap bread(delicious)

10 slices swiss cheese(fanfarkingtabulous)

1/2 pound honey turkey(gobble gobble)

gum

beer(I got in a line with an underage clerk you might know so for about 10 minutes we stood there waiting to have the elder manager come ring out the beer and THEN the manager, who was about 21 years and 1 day old CARDED me...hahahahahah yes it's so funny because my line was about 4 schizophrenic, nose picking road raging IQ challanged people deep and I COULDN'T FIND MY ID...jesus...I felt about 16 years old and I said(possibly out loud)...HELL FORGET THE BEER and YOU CAN PUT MY WHOLE DAMN CART AWAY NOW CAN'T YA when I found my ID...DUH DUH DUH...I KNOW I look young...snicker but not THAT young...shit fire Walmart...Get Some Age Appropriate Clerks!!! When I wanna buy beer I want to get it and get out!

Quality vrs Quantity...Whatever

Mark has redeemed himself. He got up to spend "quality" time with his daughter at 6:30 this a.m. and let me sleep in an extra 1/2 hour. (Katie has to be at school at 7:15 every day except for Fridays for cheerleading practice and swing choir practice and since she has volleyball practice after school I made the decision this year that I would get up at 6:00 everyday and spend time with her.) Yes, I say quality as if that is something good although quantity may be the better word as she is NEVER home, always busy and often moody when she is home. As I stumbled down at about 7:00 Katie was mumbling about not being able to find nail polish remover (in her room last I saw...But who could find ANYTHING in that black hole), needing money (I gave her some...She did NOT say thank you!) and that she NEEDED a pair of khaki pants (like, now). Katie hit the door running when her best friend showed up without a second glance and as we called "Have a good day!" she followed up with a weak "Whatever" and she was gone. Mark rubbed his head and said that Katie had quickly abandoned the living room the minute he came downstairs to visit with her, he seemed bewildered and wondered if he had bad breath...I said...Welcome to a fourteen year olds morning routine. Ugly aint it?! Mark then proceeded to say I'm going back to bed now. I said Thank you very much don't worry about staying up and spending quality time with our boys...I'll do that! You go right back to bed sweetheart!

September 10, 2003

Congratulations...You Are A Wiener!

I'm hot, stanky, bitchy and my back is KILLING me...not necessarily in that order. I've been cleaning and painting pharmacy shelves until I think I wanna puke. Mark has been hammering and moving things about in a manly way just enough to avoid picking up a paint brush or a cleaning rag...For these actions I award him with the much adored and oft coveted trophy of the...

Stuff and Whatever blah blah blah

Well, I went to get my hair cut for the first time in about 2 years. I always just cut it myself. at midnight. with a childrens fiskars scissors. in a moment of self loathing. Don't know what possessed me to go and pay for a trim.

I want to give Shenry a big THANK YOU for telling me what the "wrapped up like a douche in the night" was really supposed to be(revved up like a deuce another runner in the night.) and also a THANK YOU goes out to Shelley...who thought she knew what that line was too!

September 09, 2003

Cluster Assed Day From Hell Calgon Take Me The Hell Away

I keep assessing everyone I talk to for West Nile Virus. Any rash the kids have, headache, body aches etc...It's running rampant around here. So many of the staff have it that I'm afraid we are going to be running out of nurses soon. Damn those bloodsucking skeeters!

In other news...I've been making red onion pickles and chicken soup (for my mom who is sick). I was boiling the chicken breasts and blanching the onions at the same time...which was kind of a cluster...because I also knocked out of the fridge a bowl of rice that shattered on my floor. What a MESS. I also did something else stupid. My son




has been working on gathering sponsors for 1 1/2 weeks for the bike a thon. He had two whole sheets filled out with names, addresses, phone numbers, and amount of money sponsored...he worked his ASS off getting those sponsors...I washed those sheets of paper today. They are the size of butt dingleberries now and just as readable. God help me.

Grocery List From Hell

1 bottle tums(tropical fruit flavor to send one reeling thinking one is on cruise ship on way to tropical paradise instead of fighting persistant acid reflux...or re fux as I like to call it!)

1 bag cough drops(honey lemon) you never know when you'll need 'em and Mark predicts a "bad respiratory illness" season this year

1 tube benedryl cream (for those itches you can't scratch n pubic...I mean public)

1 red wine glass (1 got broken last night after yodelling fest)

dust pan (where did it go?)

cord of wood (fire fire boil and bubble mwhaaaahaaahaaa)

1 or 2 bags of cat litter(for fire pit and for kitty cat's bathroom pleasure!)

1 sexy bra (red...!)

batteries (assorted sizes...hmmmmm)

marshmallows (big ones...toasting of course)

boys underwear size medium (black...duh)

clorox (duh!)

dishwash detergent (crap)


On another note...you know that song that has...Blinded by the light...and then...something after that to me sounds like wrapped up like a douche in the night? What are those words suppposed to be? God that drives me insane! I mean...wrapped up like a douche? That can't be good.

September 08, 2003

Fun-n-Games

Just for fun go here to caption the funny ass picture. Then go here to laugh at emotional Eric!

Ho Down

Went to bed last night smelling of jasmine, vanilla and woodsmoke. Not a bad combo at all. Perhaps Johnson's had best think of adding woodsmoke to their powders! We had a "ho down" here last night to celebrate my moms birthday. No one yodelled but the idea was tossed around. Mark played the drums like he was born to be a lounge singer band member. Bob played the guitar and sang twang. Mary played her keyboard. The rest of the group listened and tapped feet, stayed near the citrinella candles and ate potluck. The kids roasted marshmallows (Of course we had a fire) and hot dogs and played hide-n-go seek. I don't think the neighbors were too crabby cause we quit around 10:30. A good time was had by all!

September 07, 2003

Today Is Your Birthday

Happy Birthday To Youuu Happy Birthday Toooo Youuuuu! Happy Birthday Dear Moooom Happy Birthday Toooooo Youuuuuuu! and I do mean you scooby doo on channel two frankenstein on channel nine achooooo bless you chugga chugga whoooo whoooo!

September 06, 2003

Whooop de Doo

I love cocktail wienies all taking a bath in catalina and BBQ sauce...they is devine!

In other news: Our girls JV's won one and lost one and the varsity won both at their volleyball games last night. Wooooo!

We had several over for a before the game BBQ and it was good eating...hamburgers, hotdogs and the occasional scotch a roo.

Daughter Katie did her cheerleading thang...Wooooo!

The boys spent the football game running around, racing around the track and ended up smelling like wet dogs. Phewwwww!

The varsity boys won in football tonight! Woooooo!

Had another fire! Wooooo!

That is all...Woooooo!


September 04, 2003

Yummy Gummi Honey and Fire

I just LOVE sweat flavored gummi...don't you? I've got the addiction now and can't stop myself. Try it...you'll soon be craving it like you crave Le Maison de Waffle!

In other notes I really want to start a fire. I know it's hot out and in the middle of the day. But now...since I have the pit I can't stop thinking about fire. If you came over I would say Hi...let's go sit on the deck and I'll start a fire and we can drink beer and make smores. I used to have a fire going all the time when I was a youngster. Very controlled. I always lined a hole with rocks and used very small twigs. I stole matches from Merle's Cafe. Merle always kept them in a bowl right between the whole pickled eggs and the pickled pigs feet. I made soup for my dog using an empty Folgers can and veggies that I "borrowed" from peoples gardens. God I love fire!

September 03, 2003

Ssssmokin'!

Mark got an outdoor fire pit for our anniversary and brought it home today and put it together and by damn if we didn't have us a little fire going by 8:30 tonight. I love the smell of fire, I love the sight of fire, I LOVE FIRE. I sometimes think I was an arsonist in a previous life. That, or a professional wienie roaster.

Back Aches and Snap Beans

Well, as much as I hate to say this I think I'm going to have to have something done for my back pain. It's been a month and the pain is still so severe at times I feel nauseated. I haven't really been able to work or be on my feet for too long of a time for a month...that SUCKS. I do things but I have to stop every once in a while and give in to the pain. I really, really dread having to have surgery. (Maybe cause I'm a surgery nurse?!)

In other news...I'm making a big pot of snap beans (thanks Suz!)with onion, a bit of bacon and vinegar. I loves me a big pot o beans. Mmmmm.

The weather is so perfect here. Coolish and a bit cloudy at 70 degrees and a nice breeze to make my wind chimes sing (better them than me) I would LOVE to be out walking with my headphones on. Maybe a good dose of motrin and some heat and I'll be able to. Toodles...did I just say toodles? Eeewww

September 02, 2003

10,000

Wow...I just noticed the hit meter at my poetry site is just over 10,000. That amazes me. I usually get a few hits a day and it's been slowly creeping up.

Possum Pizza

Bazooka Fest

I went walking last night...really. My back hurt like a sumbitch but I did it anyway...for my health ya know? Anyway as I was cripping my way back home I noticed a pair of red eyes peeping out from beside our wood pile. Then out came a damn possum. I was pissed! I hate those ugly turds. I screamed at the rat faced skank to "Get the hell out of here!!" and the whole neighborhood heard I'm sure...cuz I had my headphones on and my music cranked...and even I heard my shrieking! About 2 years ago we had a whole nest of possums living under our deck. UGH We got my dads catch 'em alive trap and every day for 9 days in row we caught one of those worthless trash eating suckwads. After about possum number 5 I spray painted a red dot on the ass of one of them before we turned him loose...just to see if we were turning them loose and they were coming back and so on and so on. We never did catch one with a red dot on his butt...so I figure we had a mamma and her 8 babies. GROSS!!! I'm going to do an inspection tomorrow and if I see signs of a possum infestation I'm gonna get a bazooka and roast some rat faced bas turds for breakfast! Anyone care to join me? I'll supply the toast!

August 31, 2003

Katie ! ?

Darling daughter had fun at the Old Fashioned Saturday Night last night...as you can see from this photo!



Once a year our town has a celebration that recreates the good ole days and there are buggy rides and 10 cent cokes and spelling contests and homeade ice cream, face painting (see photo!) and...kids running the streets...safely...free bowling and games. People show up from miles away, bring lawn chairs and just pack the main street. There is a lot of gabbing and everyone talks about how it used to be and what a shame it is about Walmart running off the home town stores and then there is the crops...always the crop talk and who is running around with who and general blabbing. Anyway...I just had to share that photo. Katie said one of her friends told her that if she got facial hair painted on then she would too...NOT! hee hee Katie said she went around all day with that cute little goatee. She kind a looks like her dad for sure now!

N O G G I N: Games & More: Oobi: Oobi Dance

Okay...I was reading over at MoodyMamas and she was talking about some shows her kids watch that she hates so...of course I went to check them out and found this great new exercise program. Yah!

Shop-O-Rama-Lama-Ding-Dong

1) 3 jack-o-lanterns made of pieces of glass and wire (Happy Birthday Mom!)
2) stainless steel service cart (Happy Birthday Mom...snicker)
3) 4 books...Creating Web Pages for DUMMIES, Feng Shui Symbols a user's handbook, Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult, and Cloudsplitter by Russell Banks.
4) 2 extremely large "jugs" of hershey's syrup
5) 2 pillows
6) lt blue sweatshirt that says C McKracken Plumbing for Mark (Happy Anniversary Babe! grin)
7) Sweat pants for moi in navy with red stripe
8) Sante Fe Salad and Perfect Margarita at Applebees
9) Long socks(so she can "look like everyone else mom) and volleyball knee pads for Katie
10) Nebraska Husker jacket for Andrew
11) Nothing for Alec...don't know what happened there (don't tell him)
12) 5 trillion packet size of individual oatmeals
13) 5 gazillion packet of individual cookies for kids to take to catechism
14) Gargantuan sized jug of lemon pepper
15) Isn't that enough?

August 30, 2003

BP Saves The Day

My back has me crippled up...grumble...painting shelves....no thank you...grumble grumble....anniversary Sept 3...grumble...no date with mate...pillows like mini pads...son woke me at 6:30...so he could get in my bed...tired...But Hey...one of the BP showed up last night and informed me that we (the BP) were going on a shopping trip and we are leaving...today! I guess everyone is meeting here at 9:30 and we are going to Grand Island. I'm glad SOMEONE informed me. I usually don't shower and clean up nice on Sat. morning unless I have to. Now I can get all dolled up in my big baggy gray sweatshirt, army green shorts and some shirt I slept in (the sweatshirt hides this fact). Plus...I bathed! and...I've got lipstick and perfume on! Oh Yah...things are looking up!

Fat Flash

I did awesome on my Atkins...until tonight. Katie and her friend left a bag of hot-n-spicy cheetos (mahhhvelous) lying around and while I drank a beer (5 grams of carbs)...I damn well finished it off...then...because I'd already blown it...I ate Alecs grahm cracker and vanilla frosting that he'd left lying around to mock me! Shit.

No Porking Zone Please!

I was tucking in the kids tonight and had gotten down to Alec. He was lying on his side and I was scratching his back. He was silent for quite some time so I thought he'd drifted off to sleep. Suddenly, he turned to me and asked "Mom, what does cork mean?". For a moment i was startled because I thought he'd said "Pork" ...I said what I usually say, "Use it in a sentence and I'll explain it...I was hastily running though explanations...none too pretty I'm afraid, when I realized he meant "cork". Phewwww!!! Thank the Lord...and at least I knew what the hell cork was. Thank God for Readers Digest and its Word of the Day section.

August 29, 2003

Pee Male

Okay people I'm going to TRY Atkins again. I am also thinking exercise would be good. I will take my goodog Petey for walks. God I hate to do that. He pees on EVERYTHING. He has been known to cop a squat on a cactus...dork. I've got to go down and clean shelves and paint shelves and practice "frothing" too. Hey...maybe frothing could be an exercise? Probably not. Hell. Anyway, it's Friday. Whatever that means.

ps

See Ahhnold for President of California...you might laugh...you might cry...you might...not. Just click the link then click "watch film". I was also a little taken with Stick Figure Porno.

August 28, 2003

Oh I'm So Exciting

I just read over what I'd blogged about recently. I need a life. I can't believe I was that worked up over a door. A damn plank in a hole was ruling my world. Crap
In other news...I had me a little bitty hangover this am from that crown and coke bash last night. My face looked and felt like silly putty and I had some nasty ass bags nestled right under my eye holes. I think they are still there...unpacking and moving in for the long haul.

New Design

Blogfrocks rocks and Elisabeth made my little dash look like a honey didn't she?

Oh Dear Door

We got door! There is one big whole in the wall down to the pharmacy. Granted the "door" itself is particle board but that aint all bad. No glass to clean. Gotta go work now.

August 27, 2003

Happy Birfday Baybee

I just had me some crown royal and cokes and it was fine. My good buddy from the BP turned 36 today and we had a celebration. She showed up late with a new haircut and was lookin like a fancy pants hooker. I had on clean underwear...though it WAS inside out and the rest of us looked damn normal: old, fat, oogly, and tired. We are reducing our famous group by one cuz one has betrayed us and left us for a new man. Who woulda thunk it? Damn bitch anyways. No man can be more important than a group of bitches. Anyways...must sign off cuz gotta work tomorrow and be sober and somber.

Ho Down

Happy birthday Suz! I only wish you could be wearing the Garden Ho shirt I ordered for you. Hi ho hi ho...it's off to ho I go...

August 26, 2003

Mark May Hit The Fan

I just received a call from the "door maker". He wanted to inform me that there was going to be a big drop off between the new door frame and the sidewalk which he said would require some "tearing up of the sidewalk and pouring of new cement" huh...really "It's just money" he giggled. He also said that he had about a foot long hole in the wall...and that he really didn't know how much more he would get done before next week because he was taking off for Colorado on Thursday. Suhweeet!!!

Why Yes I Love To Paint!

No door yet. Just a big black outline thickly scrawled on the once pristine white paint of the inside North wall in the shape of a large door...plus an extra line right beside it. I thought the extra line was for a side light panel or...something. The carpenter stated, "I kinda made a goof...you were going to paint right?"

Who Needs Caffeine When You Have Stress?

I can't sleep. Today is the day a door is going to be slammed (carefully carpentered) through a massive brick wall from the outside into what will be the new Marks Pharmacy. Just because the building is ancient, over the hill (way older than me), and creaky , I keep having visions of a total collapse. I can see tons of bricks, plaster dust, coffee beans and cobwebs mingling to form an unholy mass of chaos, I can see destruction and despair and it don't look purty. Sweet mother of pearl would that be an almighty cluster. Updates will be forthcoming...

August 25, 2003

Top This

What could be better than sitting on the sofa drinking cold beer from an icy mug, eating bite sized butterfingers while watching The Banger Sisters right after Legally Blonde with my children safely tucked into bed and the hubby occupied with some type of manly labor involving his friends, a smattering of hammers, drills, belching and other grotesque noises deemed necessary for male bonding...and my best dog Petey right by my side?

Yoga Lay Hee Who

I just finished a yoga session with Priscilla. She makes it look so damn easy. Just a "bit of a stretch" turns into a searing painful excursion. I have to admit though that after a few "deep" stretches I did begin to feel limber ummm...well how about less tight than I was before. Alec did yoga with me...mostly laughing the whole time. He seemed to think passing gas while doing the back arch was necessary! ugh

Yodelling Just Doesn't Cut It

God I miss live music and dancing in smoke filled bars full to the brim with leather and lounge lizards with the obligatory facial hair. It's the music I miss...don't get me wrong. The facial hair was just a "perk"...grin... Mark and I used to go to club after club dancing (me smelling the leather in secret)...sigh. Living in rural Nebraska does not lend itself to such guilty pleasures. Well, there is a lot of facial hair around this town...but...the live music is mostly cornered by "Cliff" the town yodeller. Damn is he good...but it really doesn't turn me on like a smoke filled, leather smelling, music grinding bar can.

August 24, 2003

OH SHIT

I have my annual physical tomorrow...well...let's just say...ummmm...my every 3rd year physical. UGH!!!!!!! Damn I hate to go. I may cancel it yet. Now I remember why I was trying that Atkins diet that worked so NOT well for me. I feel a sickness coming on...a sickness that may lead me to call in too sick to go to the Dr. Some nurse I am.
damn damn damn
grumble
YUCK

Carried Away On Spirals Of Smoke





Lifting push pins

releasing snapshots from the old wall

curling memories flutter

like butterflies in a breeze

and they fall

they fall

to the floor

like so many leaves

on a crisp Autumn day

feet shuffling through

and then raking into a pile

they burn

they burn so well

a tiny spark growing to a fiery blaze

sending out a pungent smell

finding a way to escape

that scent carries me along

on those spirals of smoke...

to a place I once belonged



by Sheryl McCurdy





MIDI: WITH OR WITHOUT YOU




August 22, 2003

Hot Steaming Wand Addict

My house smells like a wet dirty stinky diaper pail. I'm not sure why. There have been no babies here. No one has shetheypans (I don't think) and the dog has been berry berry good. Yet...there lingers an oder of rankness. A sort of musty wetness. Hmmmm.......must investigate and will report back as I'm sure you are on the edge of your seat with anticipation.
In other news I've become adept at frothing milk. This morning I went down to the shop to practice and I must say I created a few masterpieces! All of which I poured down the sink as I had no desire to drink 13 coffee's in a row. I love that steaming wand...yup...I think I've discovered a new hobby...steaming and frothing milk! God I love to do it. I wonder if it's a phallic kind of thing? Hmmmmmm.....will think about that and get back to you! As if!

August 21, 2003

Calm Before The Storm

Well, school started today much to the dismay of my kids. I wonder how they will manage without playstation, computer games and the constant food buffet they entertained themselves with all summer. I wonder if Alec Will be the coolest kid in fourth grade...( I have my doubts). I wonder if the lunches I've prepaid for will be eaten, not thrown around the cafeteria. I wonder if I'll get a phone call from the principal concerning daughter Katie's lovely tank top that she insisted was "legal". Let the whirlwind begin.

August 19, 2003

Astounding Diet Breakthough!

After a week of no bread and no caffeine and a really modified Atkins diet...I gained 2 pounds! By modified I mean I really only avoided bread...grin. I did eat eggs, cheese and meat out the wazoo and followed the rest of the diet...fairly well although my alcohol intake was rather astounding this last week. (note to self...must work on this!!) We had friends over almost every night and that called for a bit o the vino. I did avoid chips...(patting self on back) Well, better luck this week I guess.

August 18, 2003

I Dream Of Surgery

I must inform you that my back is much better. I decided to perform a procedure somewhat related to what I think a down home bone crackers therapy might be. I went down to the coffee shop, alone. I locked the door behind me. I located a huge ladder, climbed about 1/3 the way up, and...well, I just, hung there...dangling. I have to tell you that the next 24 hours were purely pain ridden. I thought I'd really ruined myself. That night I had a dream. I dreamed I was back at work in the hospital and the ortho Doc and my regular Doc cornered me and performed a right hip replacement. When I woke up from this lovely dream...I was perfectly rigid. I thought it would be hell to get out of bed. I was wrong! I felt so much better I couldn't decide if it was the ladder hanging or the dream surgery! Yahooooooo!

August 16, 2003

Fruits Of Labor

Okay...so I didin't make sauce or paste or come home smelling of home made something or other. I DID let the damn chickens out of the coop before they roasted inside. I did check out the conglomeration of a garden that my mother says is hers. The vines of a pumpkin have overgrown almost everything. There are baby green pumpkins mixed with the haze of green spicy tomatoes. There are big fat onions in the middle of...a dirt patch , alone and , yes, surprisingly succulent. The peppers are between the tomatoes and the pumpkins and are hidden, cowering beneath feathery veined leafs. I picked nothing. I saw nothing "ripe". I longed for a ripe tomato, hot and juicy against my teeth, but alas, found, nothing. Instead, I went into my mothers air conditoned home and grabbed an icy cold beer, settled down into comfort in the kitchen and logged onto her computer. I surfed the news and sipped my beer and enjoyed myself.

Mary Mary Quite Contrary?

Today I need to go to the farm and feed some lovely bantam hens. I need to uncover a sweet finch and make sure he has something to peck. I need to pick the garden free of gargantuan cuckes and hot red tomatoes. I need to pick peppers until my skin tingles. Then, I need to search beneath the pumpkin vines for the tender green shoots of baby onions, tug them free of the soil and add them to my heavy basket. I'll be a salsa maker today by god. I'll be a regular farm goddess. I�ll chop and saut�. I�ll cook and steam and get red lips from taste testing the sauce. My eyes will water and I�ll laugh as I cry and peel and chop and slice. I�ll smell like soup and paste when I go home. I�ll be mother comfort and Doris Day all rolled into one. I may be Mrs. Cleaver getting ready for Sunday dinner and always ready for a guest with another table service just handy on the sideboard of a beautiful highboy surrounded by a thick German chocolate layer cake with coconut frosting and a lattice work crusted steaming apple pie.

August 15, 2003

Diet Run Amuk...again

Some diet I'm on. Today I took a bunch of samples from different coffee wholesalers down to the soon to be coffee shop and tried them out on my mom and Katie and Alec. We tried Strawberry and Rasberry Freeze Smoothies, spiced Mexican hot chocolate (with optional whipped cream and crunchies...on), Precious Divinity Vanilla Chai, and Tahitian Vanilla Latte. Exqueeze me if a burp! My very favorite of the whole schmear is...drum roll puhleeze....Precious Divinity Vanilla Chai...wonderfully aromatic...almost like pumpkin pie. Heavenly. I'm definitely going to order in some of that. I've got some samples of Bubble Teas to try yet. I've not had that before...anyone out there tried them?

August 14, 2003

Atkins Diet

Is it wrong to save up and then consume/drink all 20 grams of my daily alloted carbohydrates in alcohol form?

Picture of Health!?

Me before the diet!

Me after the diet?

August 13, 2003

...My Soul For Caffeine, Toast, And Sweet Tarts.

I have to ask myself...is it worth it? Okay, okay, okay...yes...damn it to hell!!! In other news...the dog pissed on every available surface of our house while we were in Georgia. My mom stayed here and "house sat" the dog...however, she apparently could not smell the aroma of piss permeating the air. I have had such a shitty cold that I too have been oblivious. Today, I began to get whiffs of luke warm and dried piss. I could have KILLED the dog. I had a coniption fit. Just imagine someone who has been deprived of their caffeine, and comfort foods and then that someone finds out they must clean every carpet and blanket in the house(not to mention still washing up clothing from the damn trip). Well folks, it warn't purty I can tell you that. The dog took one look at me and slunk off like the guilty turd he was and went to his kennel for the day. The door was even open and yet, something told him that he'd better stay put and out of my way. Was he right! grumble grumble grumble

August 12, 2003

Since I'm feeling like one of these I'm going on the Atkins diet. I've been on it for about 12 hours now...god I miss toast.
phewwww.....just about had an episode of "shemahpans" and had to run as fast as I could to the...well...you know...anyway...don't know if that is a side effect of Atkins, drinking lots of water (which I hate), eating more veggies (which I haven't done yet...scratching head) or just my life.
ps
I just weighed myself and since this a.m I've gained 2 pounds!!! What the hell?

Yo Yo Little Man

Alec informed me that he wants to do a little school shopping. He has sniffed out the "perfect totally cool outfit" for the first day of school. This is my 9 year old...granted...he is the one that has caused me the most gray hairs...so far...but still...a cool outfit? for a 9 year old boy? my boy?Anyway, I got to thinking...where the hell has he found an outfit at...people, this is Cambridge...the town with NO clothing shops...except for...ahhh haaaa...the thrift shop! Bingo. I'm thinking it's probably the outfit I just took TO the thrift shop from our "garage sale from hell" crumbs. Anyway...along with this shopping request he tells me "Mom, this year I'm going to be the coolest kid in fourth grade! If I'm NOT I told my friends they could have my yo yo!" (big ass grin and spark in eyes) Then, he tells me, "Well, I haven't told them yet that it's broken...hee hee hee." Devil child...

ps...right before the wedding Alec had a hair cut...under duress of course...he NOW wants to get the top of his hair "yellow" and the bottom of it "black"...holy moses...