May 31, 2003

Updated Template...Excellent

I'm unable to update my template...excellent...excellent. Do you remember Four Weddings And A Funeral when Hugh Grant is late to meet his brother because he was helping Andie McDowell pick out a wedding dress and then after Andie leaves he says "fuck it" and rushes to catch up to her (running gawkily...is that a word? with his knobby knees and shirt tail flapping) and tells her in a long sort of rambling way that like the beatles "I think I love you" and then before she can respond he responds to himself with another long rambling sentence like "why should you love me I'm just some git you met at a wedding (something like that) and then he ends the whole diatribe with "excellent excellent" ? Everytime I say excellent...I think of it in that way. In my mind I'm saying excellent excellent in Hugh Grants hang dog way.
I'm unable to update my template...excellent...excellent. Do you remember Four Weddings And A Funeral when Hugh Grant is late to meet his brother because he was helping Andie McDowell pick out a wedding dress and then after Andie leaves he says "fuck it" and rushes to catch up to her (running gawkily...is that a word? with his knobby knees and shirt tail flapping) and tells her in a long sort of rambling way that like the beatles "I think I love you" and then before she can respond he responds to himself with another long rambling sentence like "why should you love me I'm just some git you met at a wedding (something like that) and then he ends the whole diatribe with "excellent excellent" ? Everytime I say excellent...I think of it in that way. In my mind I'm saying excellent excellent in Hugh Grants hang dog way.

May 29, 2003

Scrotum Chin

One of the nurses I work with was a little down today. She had a sorrowful look on her face when I arrived this a.m. at work. (Of course it WAS 6:00 in the morning...I mean who wouldn't be sorrowful to be at work...especially considering the beautiful day it was turnig out to be and we were going to be stuck inside all day! ) .At first we were busy getting everyone ready for surgery...the paperwork is the REAL bitch and sometimes it takes longer to get THAT done than the actual procedure itself...that's another story. Finally when I got a chance to visit with her she said...Well I've got this problem...of course I asked...What?...She tells me...straight to my face...Well I've got this "scrotum chin" when I wake up in the morning...and it's getting me down. I know my eyes were as wide as saucers...cuz the gal was SERIOUS! I had all kind of pictures running through my mind...and I have to say...some of them were not pretty! Finally I say...What the hell? She starts laughing and says...When I wake up my throat area is"saggy" and it reminds me of an old mans scrotum!!! I couldn't help it...I started laughing my ass off. I mean...scrotum...chin...morning...saggy....ugh. I checked out her neck...I just couldn't see it...thank God!!!
One of the nurses I work with was a little down today. She had a sorrowful look on her face when I arrived this a.m. at work. (Of course it WAS 6:00 in the morning...I mean who wouldn't be sorrowful to be at work...especially considering the beautiful day it was turnig out to be and we were going to be stuck inside all day! ) .At first we were busy getting everyone ready for surgery...the paperwork is the REAL bitch and sometimes it takes longer to get THAT done than the actual procedure itself...that's another story. Finally when I got a chance to visit with her she said...Well I've got this problem...of course I asked...What?...She tells me...straight to my face...Well I've got this "scrotum chin" when I wake up in the morning...and it's getting me down. I know my eyes were as wide as saucers...cuz the gal was SERIOUS! I had all kind of pictures running through my mind...and I have to say...some of them were not pretty! Finally I say...What the hell? She starts laughing and says...When I wake up my throat area is"saggy" and it reminds me of an old mans scrotum!!! I couldn't help it...I started laughing my ass off. I mean...scrotum...chin...morning...saggy....ugh. I checked out her neck...I just couldn't see it...thank God!!!

Get a few of these postcards to send to your friends...or your enemies...hee hee.

May 28, 2003

Ring Around The Neck

Every year I forget how the sun makes me wakeful in the summer. I can't sleep for all the light and bird song in the air. We have a nest of sparrows out our bedroom window, in the eave troughs of course. They begin their twitter about 5:30 or so. Our cat, Pickles, sits at the door and stares and licks her lips, when she can get motivated to lift her lard butt off of our bed that is. About 20 feet down the gutter is another nest, this one full of black birds. They start to buzz and carry on fairly early too. We have several ring necked doves that frequent our bird feeders. They have the funniest cry...sort of like...Bleeaaahhhh Bleeaaahhhh. No delicate cooing from them. Every time I hear them I have to smile. They are pigs too...and between them and the blackbirds they pick our feeders dry. The finches, cardinals, nuthatch and whatever else comes along get the shaft.
Every year I forget how the sun makes me wakeful in the summer. I can't sleep for all the light and bird song in the air. We have a nest of sparrows out our bedroom window, in the eave troughs of course. They begin their twitter about 5:30 or so. Our cat, Pickles, sits at the door and stares and licks her lips, when she can get motivated to lift her lard butt off of our bed that is. About 20 feet down the gutter is another nest, this one full of black birds. They start to buzz and carry on fairly early too. We have several ring necked doves that frequent our bird feeders. They have the funniest cry...sort of like...Bleeaaahhhh Bleeaaahhhh. No delicate cooing from them. Every time I hear them I have to smile. They are pigs too...and between them and the blackbirds they pick our feeders dry. The finches, cardinals, nuthatch and whatever else comes along get the shaft.

May 26, 2003

Get Loaded

I LOVE this new look for my blog...but it is loading WAY TOO SLOW...rats...so now, once again, I'm on the look out for a great summer look with a fast loading style.
I LOVE this new look for my blog...but it is loading WAY TOO SLOW...rats...so now, once again, I'm on the look out for a great summer look with a fast loading style.

Jack ASS

Jackass Unplugged??
Jackass Unplugged??

May 25, 2003

Four Score and Something Something or other . . .

Tomorrow my Katie gal is reading the Gettysburg address at our local Memorial Day celebration. That's the news here. Seriously...except...wait...there's more!! My hubby bought 3 bamboo tiki torches to put out by our little deck in the back. You fill them with a citrenella mosquito repellent type oil light the "fuse" and voila'...instant party karma...hopefully the bamboo won't catch fire...I'll let you know.
Tomorrow my Katie gal is reading the Gettysburg address at our local Memorial Day celebration. That's the news here. Seriously...except...wait...there's more!! My hubby bought 3 bamboo tiki torches to put out by our little deck in the back. You fill them with a citrenella mosquito repellent type oil light the "fuse" and voila'...instant party karma...hopefully the bamboo won't catch fire...I'll let you know.

May 24, 2003

Unusual View

Okay...I almost fell over when I read THIS (surprising AND true...MY ASS!)which I gleaned from HERE. under LINKS. 2 words...YAH RIGHT!!!!!! Nuff said. Maybe not...GOOD GRIEF...are these people NUTZ??? I just can't seem to let it go can I? GROSS comes to mind...and YUCK....and PRIVACY.....and....maybe DIGNITY.....and maybe I'm just not HIP enough for that kind of THING...UGH. I mean...really. I kind of get the heebie jeebies just...writing this. Those 2 activities DO NOT go together...GROSS! and DOUBLE GROSS.
Okay...I almost fell over when I read THIS (surprising AND true...MY ASS!)which I gleaned from HERE. under LINKS. 2 words...YAH RIGHT!!!!!! Nuff said. Maybe not...GOOD GRIEF...are these people NUTZ??? I just can't seem to let it go can I? GROSS comes to mind...and YUCK....and PRIVACY.....and....maybe DIGNITY.....and maybe I'm just not HIP enough for that kind of THING...UGH. I mean...really. I kind of get the heebie jeebies just...writing this. Those 2 activities DO NOT go together...GROSS! and DOUBLE GROSS.

May 23, 2003

Summer Sucks ASS

School got out yesterday at around 11:30. I was still at work and when I did get home at 12:30 here is what I found.

A) All the doors�locked

My youngest son (Alec) let me in at the garage door and assailed me with a list of tattle telling laments that include but are not limited to:

a) My middle boy, Andrew, had 2 friends over

b) They were all pushing the �close� button on the garage door and rolling under it as a dare devil stunt

c) Apparently Alec was not invited to participate

C1) he is now traumatized by the sheer fear of watching the older boys roll under the �wall of death�

C2 He �never gets friends over and why should Andrew get to and Katie get to and that just isn�t fair!�

B) My daughter in her pajamas (which by the way she and some of her friends wore to school this morning) on the phone making plans for a 3-4-girl overnighter at our home. I did notice to her credit that she had laundry going and I could hear the dryer thumping. Later, when I had to finish the laundry, I found all of HER clothes, reds, whites, greens, underwear, jeans, bra�s �crammed into the washing machine� I could hardly close the lid it was sooo full�they would all have to be rewashed.

C) Andrew�gone

D) Everyone claiming they had not eaten lunch yet.

a) Several bowls setting around with a chocolate ice cream scent to them

b) Several glasses making lovely rings on our end tables with what appears

Suspiciously to be soda in them

By now it was 12:51 and I finally ascertained from my eye rolling teenaged daughter that Andrew was somewhere with some boys and that Dad knew and the boys never listen to her and they don�t mind her and could she, Katie, have money to get some movies and junk food for her �girl party� because we didn�t have anything good to eat here and she needed different movies and�later�when the smoke cleared I decided I was hungry and was going to take out to lunch whoever was in my home at the time. Oddly enough, it was just I, Katie and Alec. Even stranger�no one was really hungry�except me, of course. After that�it�s really all a blur. I wanted to take a little nap�HA HA HA HA HA�the phone, the door, the dog, the kids, the noise, the screams (some mine), the TV, the Nintendo, the music, the computer, the water fight, the mud, the shoes, the floors, the pager, the�you get the drift. All I could think of was. Welcome to summer�gulp�it just doesn�t get any better than this!!!???
School got out yesterday at around 11:30. I was still at work and when I did get home at 12:30 here is what I found.

A) All the doors�locked

My youngest son (Alec) let me in at the garage door and assailed me with a list of tattle telling laments that include but are not limited to:
a) My middle boy, Andrew, had 2 friends over
b) They were all pushing the �close� button on the garage door and rolling under it as a dare devil stunt
c) Apparently Alec was not invited to participate
C1) he is now traumatized by the sheer fear of watching the older boys roll under the �wall of death�
C2 He �never gets friends over and why should Andrew get to and Katie get to and that just isn�t fair!�

B) My daughter in her pajamas (which by the way she and some of her friends wore to school this morning) on the phone making plans for a 3-4-girl overnighter at our home. I did notice to her credit that she had laundry going and I could hear the dryer thumping. Later, when I had to finish the laundry, I found all of HER clothes, reds, whites, greens, underwear, jeans, bra�s �crammed into the washing machine� I could hardly close the lid it was sooo full�they would all have to be rewashed.

C) Andrew�gone

D) Everyone claiming they had not eaten lunch yet.
a) Several bowls setting around with a chocolate ice cream scent to them
b) Several glasses making lovely rings on our end tables with what appears
Suspiciously to be soda in them


By now it was 12:51 and I finally ascertained from my eye rolling teenaged daughter that Andrew was somewhere with some boys and that Dad knew and the boys never listen to her and they don�t mind her and could she, Katie, have money to get some movies and junk food for her �girl party� because we didn�t have anything good to eat here and she needed different movies and�later�when the smoke cleared I decided I was hungry and was going to take out to lunch whoever was in my home at the time. Oddly enough, it was just I, Katie and Alec. Even stranger�no one was really hungry�except me, of course. After that�it�s really all a blur. I wanted to take a little nap�HA HA HA HA HA�the phone, the door, the dog, the kids, the noise, the screams (some mine), the TV, the Nintendo, the music, the computer, the water fight, the mud, the shoes, the floors, the pager, the�you get the drift. All I could think of was. Welcome to summer�gulp�it just doesn�t get any better than this!!!???



May 20, 2003

Complaints? Who me?

By my calculations...I haven't blogged for 3 days. My excuse? Work is draining, both at work and at home. The End. Perhaps I'll be inspired soon. The biggest news 'round here for the last 2 days was this...How much rain you get? Inch and 20! Hell, we got 2 1/2 but the wind took out 1/2 our baby chicks...and so on and so on and so on...Often these conversations are peppered with Damns and Hail Damage and Lost the wheat and No insurance and dirty 30's and so on and so on and so on and...you get the drift. Rain is BIG with a capital B here. We need it we want it and we'll take it anytime anyplace. But...just wait...soon the complaints will start coming in with...Too wet to get in the fields...tractor stuck...and so on and so on and so on...there is no end...
By my calculations...I haven't blogged for 3 days. My excuse? Work is draining, both at work and at home. The End. Perhaps I'll be inspired soon. The biggest news 'round here for the last 2 days was this...How much rain you get? Inch and 20! Hell, we got 2 1/2 but the wind took out 1/2 our baby chicks...and so on and so on and so on...Often these conversations are peppered with Damns and Hail Damage and Lost the wheat and No insurance and dirty 30's and so on and so on and so on and...you get the drift. Rain is BIG with a capital B here. We need it we want it and we'll take it anytime anyplace. But...just wait...soon the complaints will start coming in with...Too wet to get in the fields...tractor stuck...and so on and so on and so on...there is no end...

May 17, 2003

I have one thing on my mind this morning...flowers. My cousin and I are going to hit the nursery early on and work our way from the annuals to the zinnias. As soon as I hit the bottom of the stairs (luckily with my feet), my hair still up in it's after shower turban, my son Alec screeches (as he is pouring chocolate puffy balls into a bowl of skim milk...lo-fat you know)..."The dog threw up in his kennel this morning!" and added "He needs his tetanus shot!". Meanwhile, Petey the puke boy is circling around me looking for more food. I check him out and...he's fine now. I diagnose him quickly. This breed of dog must have a tendency toward bulimia as he frequently binges and purges (maybe he needs counseling...hmmmm). "Well he seems okay now", I say and turn to reassure my son...who by now is so involved in some type of cartoon super powers that are planning a battle of some sort that he doesn't even remember what we were talking about earlier. I confiscate Alec's carefully hidden can of soda (he attempted to hide it behind a napkin) and say "Since when do I allow you to drink pop in the morning?" and "That is NOT good for you!" then I hurry to conceal my own super sized bottle of Mountain Dew behind my back. Ahhhh.... all is well...the other kids are sleeping (including hubby) and now all I have to do is slap some mud on my face tohide the oddly increasing wrinkles and "borrow" some cash from Mark...hee hee. No worry that I will have to abandon my shopping spree due to an ill dog! Okay then...I'm off!
Check out this "News Flash"

Spam Solves SARS Riddle
p.s. I've added a News Headline (of the satire kind) at the bottom of my site...check it out...it'll give you a giggle!

May 15, 2003

Me and more me

I've resorted to putting my own comments in...who will know? I myself will forget in a few seconds and the warm fuzzy I get when I notice I've got a comment will be worth the sudden dash of despair when I open up the comment box and notice that Yes, again, it was only I
I've resorted to putting my own comments in...who will know? I myself will forget in a few seconds and the warm fuzzy I get when I notice I've got a comment will be worth the sudden dash of despair when I open up the comment box and notice that Yes, again, it was only I

May 14, 2003

Farting Pissin' Petie

My dog keeps farting. He curls up by the computer, sails off to slumber and pretty soon I hear the ffffsssshhhhh of his little puckered ass! I instantly glare at him...he gives me the one ear up one ear down thing, looks guiltily at his stump of a tail which is still fluttering like a kite on a warm waft of garlic scented air, looks around the room as if to say, "Who the hell did that?", then just drifts back off to sleep! Somehow it reminds me of...Saturday night. I'm not saying why...
My dog keeps farting. He curls up by the computer, sails off to slumber and pretty soon I hear the ffffsssshhhhh of his little puckered ass! I instantly glare at him...he gives me the one ear up one ear down thing, looks guiltily at his stump of a tail which is still fluttering like a kite on a warm waft of garlic scented air, looks around the room as if to say, "Who the hell did that?", then just drifts back off to sleep! Somehow it reminds me of...Saturday night. I'm not saying why...

Panties??

I was looking at the search words people have typed and run onto my site with and this one [peek at panties] I really didn't understand...where in the world does my site fit in THAT catagory?
I was looking at the search words people have typed and run onto my site with and this one [peek at panties] I really didn't understand...where in the world does my site fit in THAT catagory?

May 13, 2003

Someone found a lizard/salamander head in their Applebee's Santa Fe Salad...DAMN IT TO HELL!! I can't believe it...my favorite salad. I shit you not. We don't go out often...and Applebee's is one of my favs...although we have to go 1 1/2 hours to get to one...crap...double crap! I'll never look at a Santa Fe Salad the same way again! Hell!
Sometimes I can't believe myself. Just the other day at work...a long day in a cluster of a way...we hadn't had time for a pee break let alone a meal and we were going on 10 hours...well...I was busy hanging blood and recovering someone who was not exactly recovering well and the other RN says...hey...I'm going to get food...I'll bring you something!...I'm like...Great and will you spoon feed me? ha ha! Of course at the hospital cafeteria guess what they were serving...uhh huhh...chilli soup...so Yah...there I sat...(cuz I didin't want to leave the recovery room) and wolfed down chilli soup while I watched that blood dripping in...kind of gross I guess...but damn nowhere near the gross out level of ...the lizard head...UGH!!!!!!!!!! That seems SO MUCH WORSE to me. Go figure.

PS...did you vote for VH1 Diva yet? DO IT!!!
VH1 Born to Diva...Vote NOW for Tarralyn Ramsey . That girl can wail!!! I admit that Towanda Cofield has a grace and elegance that IS striking but I still love to hear Tarralyn sing! Miss Tomey Sellars is too unsure of herself, though her voice is strong to be a real Diva. Go Vote!!!!

May 11, 2003

Happy Mothers Day from one Mother to all the others!

May 10, 2003

Take a look at this "photo" of the day(May 10th photo). I mean I'm sure it's all for a good reason...like a nut fry or...a hot searing branding iron waiting to be thrust upon the tender skin of a calf or maybe it's just innoculations, or...a rodeo...yahhh...nothing bad like a...say...Veal Parmigiana waiting to happen...


Want to keep your septic system running like new for years? Well...I don't! I have HAD IT with e-mails about septic tanks, PoRn, refinancing, mortgage help, getting my masters degree online, and new ways to lose weight! I am sick to death of hearing about fresh methods, huge sales and funny pictures, opt in leads, on line auctions and DuM bLoNDes! My immune system is FINE, I don't need any ink cartridges, I do NOT want the Saddam Deck of Death, I have a degree, a pharmacy and get plenty of sex...so screw all of you and your e-mail cramming ways...and beware...paybacks are a bitch...and so am I!



May 09, 2003

Allergies Suck! I've been planting flowers off and on all week without a bit of trouble...then today about 4pm...whammoooo! Katchoo city! Isn't it bizarre that a small speck of pollen can set off such chaos? It wasn't long and I became the "bitch with the swollen red nose from hell"...yes...again.

May 06, 2003

Nominations for mother of the year are�ME! Yes, again I feel like a motherfailure. Some people try to placate me by telling me that I�m raising self-sufficient children. I just try to smile and say thank you meekly when inside I am berating myself. Here�s the deal. Like a few weeks ago (see archives April 23) I ended up working unusually late. I should blame this entirely on the surgeon, as HIS being late is the reason I was really late. Anyway, regardless, I was in the recovery room�recovering someone, when this someone�s spouse mentioned to me that she had seen my youngest son a few minutes earlier at the pharmacy. (My hubby�s a pharmacist) and that she had been amazed at the roots of the tooth he had just had pulled!!! �What!� I exclaimed�then �not again sweet mother of pearl!� The nurse recovering someone in another bed just started laughing at me. She knew the story about the 1st time and was rolling on the floor! Good Grief! Anyway, I got home around 7 pm. and my youngest was rocking and watching some bizarre cartoon. He seemed fine on the outside. I asked how he felt and he said, �Fine!� and showed me his mammoth tooth. It looked like it belonged in a dinosaur museum. It was then that I noticed the auction number lying on our table. How odd I thought�strange and yet�somehow�I knew Alec would know something about it. He did. �Why yes,� he explained, �that is my number.� �I went to an auction today and boy did I buy some cool stuff for you!� �Who took you? � I stupidly asked. �No one�, he replied smugly. �I just walked next door and went by myself�. Now keep in mind that my youngest is�9 years old (just). Well it was true. When my husband got home he said that he found Alec over at our neighbors auction fully endowed with auction number and bidding on whatever caught his eye! Alec proudly showed me his take.


Two suitcase/make-up type bags

One chain wrapped old-fashioned hair dryer in a large carrying case

One gold painted plaster vase fully loaded with faded plastic sunflowers and dead flies

Two 20-inch (at least) gold painted ceramic (very heavy) side views of (I think) heads of either soldiers of myth gods or�something

One head and neck bust of Mary and baby Jesus about 12 inches and of ceramic

One broken, flee bitten, dog/cat urine stained chaise type chair covered in blue velvet and brown dog hair with 2 attached legs

One bright blue painted cot with included mattress that I�ve yet to fully look at

And last but not least

One bag of potting soil


Hooray! Thank God he didn�t buy the house! I was so pissed at the auctioneers I could have spit bullets! Then I thought�well here�s another nomination for mother of the year. I could see the headlines. Child Buys His Own House While Mother Works Quoted the child, �Where's my Mother? What�s a mother? I just thought I might as well have my own house since I take care of myself anyway!�



The new issue of All Things Girl came out...and ta daa...I'm in it! Made my day!

May 04, 2003



Today I read about another priest who was molesting children. Of course this was "years" ago and back when "nobody talked about this kind of thing". What a bunch of bullshit. Why do we let people get away with saying that! Any sane person "years" ago or now would have to agree that molestation is wrong and is never just "accepted" as part of the era we are living in. I think people who place blame on "the times" are cowards and just as much a part of the abuse as the sick perverted bastards who actually do the deed! Anyone involved in the molestation of anyone should be lobotomized...right after their genitals are amputated and shoved in their mouths!

May 01, 2003

Now that volleyball is over our "group" has decided to do some gardening at our park. We have a huge area that is in dire need of weeding. We have decided to meet on Wed nights. We may incorporate a picnic or liquid refreshment into our meetings...(after we put the power tools away). Tonight was our first night of weeding...and it was a doozy. We were all involved in our separate chores. I was using a small garden rake and as I was chopping, raking and pullling I noticed a tiny squirming body...it was a baby rabbit! My good buddy Lois Lane (alias) was using the rototiller and had tilled up a warren of babies. I was instantly sad. The poor baby was injured and I was all for nursing it back to health (wannabe veterinarian me). However my cousins MIL took the little critter by the scruff of the neck, put it on the weed pile and (sweet mother of pearl) stepped on it. "Putting it out of it's misery" is what she called it. UGH...as a nurse I have seen it all...but THAT grossed me out.