June 28, 2003

Moo Moo Babybee

Summer Job and Luvin Every Minute Of It

story scavanged from The Peoples Republic of Seabrook because I could

June 27, 2003

Heart and Soul

A few of us nurse type broads are going to observe open heart surgery at Lincoln next week. We work with the cardiologists there and they invited us to come and watch. It will help us with our patient teaching I think. We also plan to hit the mall and pick up a few laugh your fanny off cards/magnets/books/misc items at Avante Card...it's the best! They stock Vinnie's Tampon Cases so if you need one...let me know...it's on me!

June 25, 2003

It's off to work I go...no shit ball nor hair ball shall stay me from my course

I had a helluva time getting to work on Monday. Our dog Pete has been ill with...something. I think it had something to do with the (gag) rather large steaming road apple he munched on last Saturday at our local Medicine Creek Day's Celebration. Why do dogs eat shit? I just don't get the appeal to that at all...and it isn't like he should be that hungry...damn. So anyway...Monday I got up at 5:30 and as I came down the stairs I was...let's just say...assaulted by a strong scent of rotten shit. It was wafting from poor little Pete�s kennel. I somehow, (through the haze of my watering eyes) got him and his kennel outside. His medication had made him ill. Poor baby. Well, I picked some wild peppermint leaves threw them inside the kennel and washed the sucker out, washed Pete and then...got myself ready for work, wrote a list of chores for the kids to do and was just walking out the door ready when I heard coughing and hacking. Apparently, our cat Pickles was feeling a bit left out and had decided to present me with a lovely hairball and a few other indescribable "things" beneath the dining room table. Now...to make this even more ironic...I had just steam cleaned all my carpets...on Sunday. I just stood there for a minute and after a few choice words cleaned up and finally got to work ONLY about 15 minutes late. Thank God I wasn't helping with the colon scopes...I just wasn't up for it. On a side note...Pete is now fully recovered and Pickles...well...no more hairballs...yet.

The lightning show last night was unbelievable. Words alone cannot describe how...awesome (I hate that word)...how utterly beautiful it was. Too bad I don't have a picture cuz my power of description seems to be lacking. I was absolutely transfixed. The storm was to the south of us and someone sure as hell caught a bad one. While I sat at my window trying to sip instead of chug a crown royal (less) diet vanilla coke I felt like I was watching live news coverage of the war.

June 18, 2003

Great Balls of Phlegm...or...Smart Slime

Have you ever really noticed slugs? I mean got down on your hands and knees and looked or lifted one up and studied it closely? Today I was out in my flowers and around my pond looking for slugs when I came across one that was; well, in a way, cute. He was "slugging" away around the edge of our small pond. His antennae were poked out on top of his little head and for just a brief moment he looked almost...intelligent. Like he knew where he was going and how to get there. I slid a leaf under him because I wanted to see him/her a little bit closer. Instantly he became a slimy ball of what resembled snot and "cute" went right into toilet ...so did Mr. "smart" slug (actually into my pond). The goldfish just loved em to death.

June 17, 2003

What a coinkidink!

This could only happen in a small town! I just got an e-mail from a lady who read the Dash and she said..."I think that tall, young man who waited on you in Wal-mart was my grandson...he's just ornery enough to say something like that." ( That meaning my previous entry of course) She told me his name (to be known from now on as the infamous "C" in my blog) and sure enough...it was him! Hee hee hee... Now just to set things straight...the young man was very helpful...and not only in the battery department. Of course after the news flash about my 1/2 blonde 1/2 gray hair-do I instantly went to the hair care aisle and picked up my favorite medium ash blond hair color and then feeling a bit old and meloncholy I trotted off to the cheesecake section as fast as my rapidly aging bones could take me where I decided to drown my sorrows. I'm wondering C...are you working on commission?!I went in after A battery and came out with:

1. medium ash blonde hair dye

2. cheesecake

3. napkins

4. several other misc. items I don't care to remember so...

Hey C...thanks! I mean...I'm short enough that I can't see my roots...so...really...thanks! I only hope next time I go to Wal-mart and you see me that you don't direct me to the "lard assed ladies wear section". hee hee


<img src = "http://www.dashboardconfessions.blogspot.com/stresskills.gif"

I went to Wal-mart the other day (Fathers day) to get Fathers day presents for My dad and for my Kids dad. What's wrong with THAT picture? My dad wanted a lawn and garden tractor battery(!). yahoo I thought...at least it's something he wants and needs. I then went to every store in McCook and finally found it at Wal-mart...duh. The tall, young man who helped me was a real straight man. I asked several questions and finally had to admit my ignorance about "charging" the battery. He said "that's okay...you're half blond"...then I swear to God he said...as he looked down on my head..."and the other half is gray". He said it just as sweetly as if he were just passing the time of day and saying "Howdy". The whole store heard my shriek of indignation AND my threat! I was laughing about it on the outside...but on the inside I was feeling like SHIT. Yes my hair needs a dye job...yes I AM half blond and Damn It...I do have a lot of gray...AND I'm ONLY 37 years old. Shit. I need cheese cake...sniff.

June 12, 2003

I Found My Voice...or...The Cat's Meow

I�ve always wanted to be a singer. I remember running through fields of grass (probably ditch weed) in my back yard when I was about 4 or 5 and singing Coal Miners Daughter at the top of my lungs. I even remember thinking�I�m gonna be the youngest country western singer in the world! It wasn�t long after I discovered the tape recorder that I realized my dreams of fame and fortune were going to be just that�dreams. My singing voice is just on the flat side of out of tune.

I have discovered an unusual talent with my voice. One day I was upstairs saying goodnight to my kids and for some extremely odd reason I began singing Amazing Grace in a sort of jokey kind of voice. (Actually it was probably my real voice�damn) I can�t remember what possessed me to do it but it just doesn�t matter. What happened next is the strange thing. I was lying on the bed with one of the kids singing and all of a sudden our cat Pickles leaped onto the bed, ran over to me and bit my hand. She was whining and crying and if I hadn�t been so damn startled by her being able to heft her fat ass up that quickly off the ground I might have been able to stop her. Instead, I just watched her bite me. She didn�t leave marks or break the skin. It was more of a �love bite�. We laughed and then went on with our good night ritual and didn�t think much about it. The next night, though, it happened again, and the next and the next. We are pretty bright so we noticed the pattern. But what was the trigger? Hmmmm. Yep, my singing voice. But not just any song would work�just Amazing Grace. That was about 6 years ago�and I have to say that whenever we want a laugh, and I�ve had my tetanus shot, and there�s plenty of bactene available�I sing Amazing Grace. Who needs fame and forturne!

June 11, 2003


Hey...I remembered what I forgot last night (mwhaa haa haa screw you dementia). I want to make great big prescription bottles for people to walk inside during our local Medicine Creek Days parade to advertise for my hubby's pharmacy. Anybody have any ideas on how to do this? I'm contemplating just using poster board...lots of it...duct tape...and maybe some spray paint. I just want the feet sticking out of these costumes. Another thought is hula hoops and sheets. Help! E-mail me poniday@msn.com...or just respond to the "shout it out" at the bottom of this entry. Thanks!

Summer Insanity vrs Demetia

Well, between my work,the kids ball games, swim team, golf lessons and the odd "Mom, I need to take cookies/brownies/treats to somewhere for something and I need them now", taking my turn at the working concessions at ball games, swim meets etc...I may just go insane this summer. Really...it's only matter of time. I thought of something I wanted to blog about around midnight while I was in the tub...but when I finally chased Katie off the computer (!)...I was too damn tired...plus...I forgot what the hell I was going to say.

June 06, 2003

Note to self: Get more sleep.

My daughter just got back from Washington DC. at 3:40 a.m. this morning. She went there with a group of students (and hopefully a sponsor or two...grin). We've been planning it for about a year and ta daa...now it's over. It was her first plane ride. She loved it. Sounds like the group had a lot of fun. They left here on Monday about 1:30 a.m. and drove up to Grand Island (which took about 2 hours), then got on a chartered bus with another group of students from there, and took off for Omaha. The plane left around 8 a.m. or so and they had to change planes in Minneapolis. As soon as they hit DC (and their bus was repaired) they set off on a whirlwind tour. Mostly Katie has talked about the mall...a shopping mall that is...and the Hard Rock Cafe...and a really awesome ice cream parlor and some boy from another town...nothing too much about the Smithsonian, or the Washington Monument, or the Vietnam Wall�or any of the other historical sights. She has been fairly quiet and laid around much of the day. I went to a town about 25 miles away with two of my bitch posse friends to buy groceries. We decided that we must feed first and stopped in at Mexico Lindo �because they have margaritas by the pitcher�duh�. So�after a taco salad and a pitcher of margaritas we went to Wal-Mart and filled up our carts with groceries like�taboulah mix, and beer and ribs, and guacamole chips, except for Jo�she bought one tub of Parkay butter and something else�I forget. Seems she got tired and had to sit down after 5 minutes. I feel like a bus hit me. Not just a tiny little I pick up kids and take them to school kind of bus either. One of those big ass turbo powered I hold a star and all his roadies and all of his groupies and all his band equipment kind of buses. I think it may be the getting up early thing.

June 04, 2003

Flock Of Flamingos

I just looked out into my front yard and what do you suppose I found? A flock of pink flamingos (lawn ornament variety). There was also a sign that said...You have been invaded. On my door there was a small white sack decorated with clusters of (of course) pink flamingos and the message Help fight cancer with the flamingos. Okay...I was intrigued. I opened up the sack to see what was inside and found
1) an empty envelope
2) a very informative pamphlet about the Relay For Life of Furnas County (where I reside) and
3) a white paper with pink letters telling me how to scare off the flock of birds that went something like this:

For a donation to the American Cancer Society you can make the flock desappear from your yard to someone else's yard. For an additional $5 dollars you will be guaranteed that the flock will not return to your yard. The flock remains in your yard for 24 hours unless you call to have them removed (who would do that?). Just sign the donation sheet and put the donation in the enclosed envelope along with a friends name that you would like to have the flamingo's visit. Then call one of the numbers below and hang this packet on your doorknob and the flamingo's will fly away. This is a fundraiser for the Relay Fo Life Cancer Walk on aug. 16, 2003. 100% of the money goes to the American Cancer Society.

I think this is such a fun way to do a fundraiser. I love it! I wish I had my scanner up and running so I could show you a real picture.

June 02, 2003

The Visible Barbie Project it's a must see that I gleaned from the Cockeyed Absurdist....it's sort of an autopsy thing...evil grin

June 01, 2003

The tale of Mistybutt...a must see click a roonie...it's a doozie!