October 30, 2003

Someday My Prince Will Come

I made a CD of Snow White and am listening to it in order to get in the mood to be a dwarf tomorrow.
I'm not sure...but...I don't think I CAN or ever WILL be in the mood to be a dwarf
Just a hunch
Although I may whistle while I work...you just cant tell with the way they make underwear these days...grin
it might just be a low humming
purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Anyways, I may start calling Mark...Prince
You should see his outfit...smirk
Short pants and tights...yummy

October 29, 2003

Highlights and Lowlights

Getting up late(an accident)
Not fighting with any of my children before 7 am
Having enough milk in the fridge(bonus points!)
Getting to work early(bizarre quirky perk)
Waking up the coffee shop(see pics in photo album)
Getting a few hours off(10-3:30)
Caught up the laundry (except for that one little mistake of somehow washing a kleenex with my DARK clothes and causing me many hours of delays and teaching Petey a few new cuss words)
My pond goldfish all died(I've had 4 feeder goldfish in my outside pond for 3 years and have kept them through winters and hungry cats and crows and a sparrow hawk and now...they die)...possible because I've been SO busy that I've not cleaned the filter in about a month and the leaves fell down and skanked up the water and damnit!! I loved those fish...hell...sniff
Now I'm going back to the coffeeshop

October 28, 2003

SuperHanes To The Rescue

Well, no costume made for Alec yet. Last night, after I sent him upstairs to get ready for bed, I heard a lot of crashing and when I investigated, there he was...With underwear on his head and over his pajamas...Yes...He was UNDERWEAR MAN and he was on a mission...No doubt involving leaping through the air, jumping on the beds and scattering his underwear throughout the entire damn house! Suddenly I had a brainstorm...I thought to myself...Now THAT would make a good Halloween costume (except for those hash marks on the backside)**note...Get the boys some new underwear...In black***

October 26, 2003

Cat Shit And Leaf Drifts

My kids are...losing it. The weather must be going to change. The barometer must be shifting. I would blame it on Halloween candy sampling...but I haven't bought any yet. I'm growing one eyebrow, oh wait, that's just a permanant wrinkle from gritting my teeth, holding my breath and counting to 10.
On another note, the leaves are dropping like big, fat deformed snowflakes and covering my entire lawn/weeds with butt high crackling brown not good for sledding drifts.
Happy Happy Joy Joy!
Something good...I found a recipe for cat poop cookies.
That made Andrew stop and take note, grin a little. He wants to take that to school for a Halloween treat.
Andrew is the ultimate straight man. So getting a spontaneous grin from him makes my day.
Alec gagged and fell off the couch when I mentioned that particular snack.
hee hee hee I know I'm evil...but that cracked me up.
Katie is on an overnight with her buds. Now THAT scares ME.
I'm sure it's just fine...gulp.
I need to make Alecs Halloween costume. He wants to be Edward Scissorhands. of course
Not a ghost...or dracula or super hero.
EdwardfarkingScissorhands.
Easy. chuh
I'm going to be a dwarf...so close to the truth...it hurts.
Well, I'd best see if I've got all the ingredients for "cat poop".
I'm sure I'm fresh out of tapeworms(coconut).

October 22, 2003

Theme Song For Shirley's K's Coffee Shop

This is our Shirley's Swirlies theme song!
(S)wirlie Girl
ps...I made up a new drink called "Yellow Snow". It's the only time it's OK to eat yellow snow! Come down and try it...you'll like it...you'll like it~!

October 21, 2003

The Joy Of...yah

After shaving the callouses off of my feet and popping a few extra mutating blackheads I settled in with a nice steaming toddy, put my feet up, got a good book toread and enjoyed myself. Afterwards I tucked my sleepy children in and as I kissed them tenderly they smiled up at me and said sweetly, Luv ya mom!
Chuh...right!
Well...the callous part is true.
Maybe I do have mutating blackheads...or MAYBE my pores are just big.
Need to check into that sometime.
Like when I care.
I love going to work though.
THAT is something.
Good.
I did kiss my children...those that still allow that kind of thing without grimacing at my touch, and those that weren't mad at me.
That means...well, Alec was alright with it.
Katie mumbled and pretended she was alseep...and them remembered she needed money for something and made a request.
Andrew tried to duck away...but I caught him anyway.
He wiped it off firecly while growling...MoOm!
Mark (who was pretending to be busy at the "tucking them in time) waited until I walked by him then grabbed my ass.
Surprise.
I feel asleep on the couch and awoke with to the scent of a dogs ass facing me.
bastard Petey
He ate the cat food again and was suffering from shitmahpants gas. Gah
I shouted To The Kennel!
and I was away to my own bed.
Where I slept like a damn rock until my alarm went off.

October 18, 2003

Fart Bars

Hey...I am tired...wahhhh. Work is good...and fun...and tiring. In other news my mother in laws sister Hazel sent me a recipe for Pork and Beans Bars. There is pineapple and other goodies in them and you use cream cheese frosting. My mother in law tried them and she said they were surprisingly good! They sound strange enough for me to want to make them only I'm gonna call them Fart Bars! I'll let ya know and in case you want to try them...here's the recipe:
Hi Everyone===Got this recipe today and they really are good ===tastes a
lot like pumpkin bars..

Pork and Beans Bar aka Fart Bars
In Blender, blend 16 oz can of pork and beans with 8 oz crushed
pineapple, undrained.
Add the following to the above mixture:
2 cups sugar
2 cups flour
2 tsps baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
4 eggs
1 cup oil
Bake in jely roll pan 20-30 minutes at 350�
Frost with cream cheese frosting




October 15, 2003

Perfect Day/Hours Off!

Well, after I opened the shop today and the other gals came in I decided to come home for a few hours off. I need to dust/mop/launder/sweep/clean the fridge/change the bedding...all the things I've neglected for quite some time. What a mess. But, it's a beautiful fall day. Crisp with a bright sun outside, and a light breeze stirring the 5 million or so leaves that have decided to squat on my lawn. Ha ha...I laugh at fall and it's call to rake. No! I will wait for the other 30 trillion leaves to off themselves before I give in. The moon was still a smudge in the western sky at 11 a.m. today and there were a whole flock of birds singing loudly in the trees out back. That made me think that a storm was coming. Old wives tale...the birds are ahead of the storm kinda thing. Then, I wandered back inside to finish up a few chores and as I glanced upward I decided that yes indeed a storm must be on it's way because all of my ceiling fans had grown winter coats. Not just jackets either. Thick, furry, heavy winter in Alaska kind of parka coats. Then I noticed that a good deal other things in my home had donned their winter coats such as: the rows of colored glass that sit on my window ledge, the door ledges, the pictures, the various brick a brack crap that I own and I was in awe for about 2 seconds before I was grossed out and started to skin each and every one of the bas-turds. Now, once again, I have naked ceiling fans. Yayy

We Have Ways Of Fixing You Up!

I'm running into people with all kinds of advice for "fixing my back up" down at the coffee shop. I've had one of the local dentists tell me about a Dr. Friend of his who specializes in spinal fusions down in San Antonio, but when I said I wasn't sure I was going to have surgery at all, the dentist said, "Well, this guy is retiring soon...so don't wait long!". Ha! Like I want some old geezer of a Dr. To perform a spinal fusion on me, after all he is going to retire soon and just wants to get out on the golf course! He might be distracted, he might be thinking of airplane tickets to Hawaii or visiting his grandkids or the new Doc that is replacing him...Maybe he'll be depressed that I'm to be one of his final cases and he wouldn't be diligent. Ha! FOR-GET That! Several people have offered me the name of their chiropractor. The idea of someone cracking me around kind of frightens me. Especially if I have to wear some kind of gown with my ass hanging out...ewwww. My favorite cure was offered up to me by one of the regulars at the coffee shop. She is an 85 year old woman with a very German accent. Very petite with an impish smile. She is an official reflexologist...tho...In retirement. She poked me in the back as I was offering her coffee and grimaced and said, "Ohhh very bad, If you could lie down on a flat surface and I had my hammers and vibrators I could fix you right up" WTF? Vibrators? Reflexologist use gulp vibrators? I'm IN! But only if the reflexolgist is NOT an 85 year old woman...Or for that matter...85 year old man. Ewwwww I just had an all out body shudder(and not a good shudder if ya know what I mean) on that note and am now closing this post.

October 14, 2003

Nurses Notes

Shelley sent me some funny sayings that are SO true about being a nurse...grin...

You know you are a nurse if.........
...........the front of your scrubs read: 'Nurses...here to save your ass, not kiss it!'
............you occasionally park in the space with the 'Physicians Only' sign, and knock it over.
............you've ever told a patient to 'move toward the light.'
............you believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
............you always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.
............you can't cure stupid.
............you have seen more moons than the Hubbell telescope.
............you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them
............you never get into an argument with an idiot, because they only bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
............you hope there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light.
............you believe that saying, 'It can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
............you wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.
............you've ever thought a blood pressure cuff would be an excellent gift for Christmas.
............you've ever spent more money on a stethoscope than on a car payment.
............you believe any job where you can drive to work in pajamas is a cool job.
............the ER is a mixture of can do, can't do, and why the hell not!
............you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil
............you know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky.
............eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
............you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
............you've ever had a patient with a nose ring, brow ring and 12 earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots."
............you've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level
............you believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac
............you believe the 'On-call Nurse' program is a satanic plot.
............you believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick.
............your idea of a good time is a Code Blue at shift change.

October 13, 2003

Bathing Beauty

There's nothing like a hot steamy bath to make things right. Hot water, a glass of wine, a book, bath oil, ahhhhh...Heaven. There's just nothing like it. The other night, after the kids were in bed and all the work was done I was in just such a heaven. I was just turning into a prune when I decided I'd better wash my hair. I was looking through the shampoos that I had and decided on a sweet smelling flowery scented one when I noticed something. Something that made me a bit...Well...oogy. I noticed the dog shampoo sitting on the shelf above the tub. That in itself wasn't so bad. Now the fact that the top was OPEN was enough to make my eyes open up a bit wider. I looked around me. On the floor of the bathroom were about 15 towels. I looked around me and though I didn't see any dog hairs...I somehow just knew...The boys had given Petey a bath in the tub...Just recently...In fact, probably only a few hours ago. I was sitting in the tub(that I know the boys hadn't washed out) where my frequently ball/ass licking dog had received a "cleansing" bath. My dog that is a compulsive leg lifting marking my territory and oops I pissed on my own leg kind of dog...Had recently cowered in the bath and perhaps even piddled on the porcelain my very ass was now pressed against. Jesus. Have you ever cloroxed your own ass? Is it dangerous you ask? Hell no...It just kind of tingles when it goes into down the crack.

October 10, 2003

Shit Ass Leaf Lettin Inner Living Room CNN Tuning In Fer The Dog Jackass

You ever had to rake leaves out of your...living room? When I got home tonight I found my patio door wide open (my hubby left it open and the TV tuned on to CNN for our dog Petey...how damn sweet, while he and several other Nebraska Husker and late night entertainer admirers went on a 2 day trip to watch the big game while his and the other men/asses wives remained behind to work their freaking brains off) and a lovely fall arangement of leaves decorating my living room floor. It was soo purty I wanted to just leave it there and admire it for days...days...and days...but I couldn't take it and had to vacuum them up...son of a...Nuff Said

October 09, 2003

Strap On...Stap Off

The gals from surgery came in to eat at Shirley K's. Damn I miss them. Joyce said they need my pager...Gulp...I feel like I'm not a nurse anymore. The nurse anesthetist (who I blame about 60% for my back problem) came in yesterday and asked me if I was going to give up nursing "for this" (meaning the coffee shop) BAS..TURD!! I made him buy a pan of brownies, 2 hotdogs, a "Shirley Swirlie" and a few drinks. Anyway...He told me I needed to "hang from my feet in a stirrup like apparatus that was situated in a gun shop about 25 miles away" he stated that his friend tried it and was "fixed". Uhh huh.....I really wanna be strapped onto a metal ladder with stirrups and hang from my feet at a gun shop(for him...ugh)...shaaahhhhwwww! Jesus...Gross and danger just eek from that. I mean...Doesn't that smack of "Deliverance" or something just as sinister? Or...Does anybody remember Pulp Fiction... ? Anyway...I'm freaking tired....Am dozing through this actually.

October 08, 2003

Shirley's Swirlies

I've made a few funny to me mistakes these past few days. I made someone a Black Forest Mocha which involves cherry syrup, thick chocolate syrup and a shot of espresso, frothed and steamed milk and whipped topping...and I forgot to add the espresso...grin. At least, I say to myself, my mistakes haven't killed anybody...yet...gulp. Come down and have a Shirley's Swirlie (smoothie)people. You should see all the kids asking for a swirlie...GOD it's so funny. What's better are the adults...hee hee They don't want to say Hey...give me a swirlie....hee hee hee hee. Weeeee I'm havin' fun.

October 06, 2003

YO

Can you say Oh my achin' feet. I can. and I do. We opened the coffee shop and I am plain ass dead dog freaking tired and that's putting it mildly. It was fun...but...I am dragging. I keep thinking...and I said I'd do this for how long?...gulp...someone rub my feet...were's that Pepsi man when ya need him...

October 05, 2003

Yikes! Monday is Tomorrow

I don't know if we can be ready I don't know if we can be ready I don't know if we can be ready...

October 03, 2003

Yahoooooodaa!

My ass is draggin' baybee's. But I do have internet again. Lovely hubby tried to install a wireless network(his 3rd time) and wiped our network out yesterday. Tonight he has redeemed himself and taa daa...here I am. We have been hauling freight and cleaning and putting together the coffee shop,,.well...it seems like forever now. I be sick of it...but we move...it all...tomorrow and Sunday cuz we open on Monday. shit fire and all that. Enough about me...snicker...let's talk about you. Tell me your favorite coffee house drink...or fountain drink. I want some funky funny ones. I just found one called the Root Canal that contains rootbeer and other crap...I wanna run a special on that during "Healthy Teeth Week"...hee hee Gotta go...hubby is asserting himself and wants...something...hmmmmmmm

October 02, 2003

TP For My Bung Hole

You ever have to go to the bathroom sooo bad that you rush in at the last moment, skin down your pants and just let it go numbertwo and then as you sigh in relief thatyouhaven'tshityourpants find out much to your dismay that there is NO TOILET PAPER nor is there Kleenex? You might actually find yourself looking in the trash for a "slightly used" snotencrusted Kleenex..guh and them you find a relatively clean shirt that happened to be laying on the bathroom floor for an indeterminate number of days and you weigh the pro's and cons of doing the unthinkable until you realize that THIS IS YOUR ONLY FUCKING HOPE. Well, I know I've never had THAT happen to ME but I'm going to assume that this May have happened to some one out there and extend my sympathies.

October 01, 2003

Boring Post Don't Even Bother Reading This

I went on a massive shopping spree to help buy groceries/necessities for the coffee shop yesterday. We are almost ready. But...I desparately need tablecloths. That is my quest today...that and going to meet the "Pepsi Man". Hooray. I'm boring. La la.