November 29, 2003

An Asshat and Shopping Dreams

Did anyone catch the Michael Jackson interview on TV last night? My God he is a freak. I cannot believe that he can still sing with all the repair/disrepair he has had. Maybe I should say...Sing Sing...where the bizarro Never Never wasteland freak king child molester belongs. I bet a little time in the slammer and his vocal cords would be shoved back so far he could only sing when he farted. Asshat.
On another note Jo gave me a little something to look forward to today. She came to the shop for a Butterscotch Steamer (steamed milk and butterscotch) and said the BP's were going on a shopping spree next Sunday. I am grateful she included me...THANKS JO! YAHOOOOOO! Maybe I could really get my shopping done then.
On yet another note...I watched Bruce Almighty(1/2 of it last night and the other half this afternoon a real long story I'm sure to tell you sometime if you are unlucky) and it was GOOD. hee he Jim Carrey cracks me up.

November 27, 2003

A note while my Bean Buffet bakes.

I am thankful for my nose. Big and crooked though it may be it saved my life. Well, maybe not my life but perhaps my vision.
The rest of the story: On Monday morning around 6 o'clock I was tiredly attempting to curl my hair. As I was trying to add a bit of fluffy life to my frog fur fine bangs the steaming, at boiling temperature curling iron slipped from my grasp and landed smack dab on my unibrow. There it remained like the bridge of a pair of glasses held in place by my unperky proboscis. Meanwhile, as it seared my skin, I laughed through the pain. I am turning into my mother and here is why. She burns herself with her iron frequently. Only she does it to her eye. Oh...and she occasionally combs her eye too. Well, so there you have it...I am thankful for my nose...and I NEVER thought I would say THAT!

The proof is in the pudding...

November 26, 2003

Thank Full

Have a blessed Thanksgiving. Hug your honey today...and everyday. Count your blessings and enjoy your day!

November 24, 2003

Red Brown and STILL Duffle Bags Under The Eyes

So you know everyone has been telling me I look "tired" at the shop.
Suz told me I needed to color my hair a different color..."darker" she says. Of couse she kows everything so I bought some dye last night.
I have always used Clairol dark Ash Blonde...always. Last night I had a wild "hair" and I went for Revlon light golden brown.
Well then.
and OIE!


I like to call my new look...Brownish Red Haired and STILL LOOKIN' TIRED.
ps...I dropped the steaming hot curling iron on my unibrow and sizzled off a bit of flesh there.

November 22, 2003

Click The Football Please!

Ahem...may I have a drum roll.........

brought to you by


Picture via the

Omaha World Herald

Under Attack

Just minding my own business when


Dog Germs!

November 21, 2003

Me n Petey After Work and a Few Drinks With Cindy, Mom and Mary

Really just a few aimless lines.
Michelob Ultra...because

A) It's Friday
B) Bernard Paid
C) I'm all alone tonight
D) All of the above

White Zif...because

A) It's Friday
B) I'm out of beer
C) It goes well with Little Ceasars Crazy Bread Sticks
D) Water...ummm yah...on my lawn maybe
E) All of the above

November 20, 2003

Elvis Has Left The Building

Have you ever got down on your hands and knees and sniffed an entire room, carpet strand by carpet strand because you think you smell dog pee?

me either...

I mean, well, I've thought about doing that. But who in their right mind would actually stoop to doing that? What if you actually FOUND the spot. I mean wouldn't that really suck the big one.


Have you ever had about 5 margaritas and then, after you've woken up a few hours later, backed out of a driveway and ran over a cat and didn't even know it?
me either...but Slat Ass Suz's mom has. hahahahahahahahahaha
Slats was as happy as a blow fly on a cow pie.
She hates cats.
They live on a farm and have about 45 of them.
Each one usually has some sort of unusual name given to them by Slat Ass's kids.
The kids know instantly if they are "short" on cats.
They ALWAYS blame Slats (usually the culprit indeed)
Now Grandma will have to take the heat for killing "Elvis".

November 19, 2003

Young Americans and An Old Broad With A Mop MUST...if ever you get a chance to...go see or participate in a workshop THE YOUNG AMERICANS put on. Two of my kids were lucky enough to participate in a workshop the Young Americans taught these past few days. The grand finale show was last night.
I can only say
It was absolutely FANTASTIC! That doesn't even begin to describe what a wonderful, awesome, beautiful, creative experience I had...and I was only watching.
There were about 200 kids participating.
I bet some of them had a life changing experience.
To see what 200 kids could do in just 2 days of intense training was amazing.
I'm still on a high from watching.
It's all I can think about.
I'm always happy when kids can do something that takes them...well...somewhere they've never been before...expand their minds. Especially if it's on the creative, musical side.
You could see those kids grow as they got in touch with their feelings...allowed them to come out in dance.
Anyway...I could go on and on and on...but I've got to mop my floors, wash windows, do laundry, suck up some dead dirt bunnies, throw green stuff out of my fridge (or...disguise it as something in the slow cooker).
If you drive by my house and I'm dancing with a's cuz I'm still at the show last night.

I'm Hooked On Son Volt

Son Volt - Driving the View.mp3

November 18, 2003

Slat Ass Suz and Her Dippy Friend Jo Jo The Dancing Monkey Girl(pictures to follow)

Suz just came over and slapped thisin front of me and said that Jo Jo the dancing Monkey girl had actually MAILED it to her today tattletailing that I was the one that had made it. (who me????) ha ha haha ha THANK YOU JO!!! ps...Suz...join the rest of the REAL WORLD and you would get it e-mailed to you directly! duh
I laminated the beautiful thing right then and there for her and Suz is going to wear it to work as a name tag. I think it suits her! hee hee

November 17, 2003

Ass vs Eyelid

Our boys are going to state~! They will be playing in Nebraska Memorial Stadium on Friday at 11:00am.

on another left eye lid keeps twitching...damn that is annoying. I kept thinking I was winking at the customers today...maybe they did too. That could be bad...or that could be good...I'll let ya know tomorrow.
Also...I think I saw a comet plunge toward earth tonight around 9 pm. Strange...just overhead and heading North. Probably the Leonid meteor shower.
I didn't see smoke or hear a I don't think it's an attack...or an alien invasion...though...I can't be sure.
I do have a twitchy eye you know.
on another of my favorite sayings is from the movie called "French Kiss". It's the one where Med Ryan is imitating a man smoking a cigarette and she says something like...You people make my ass twitch.
God I love that.
I don't know why...I just do.
You people don't make my ass twitch...
...or do you?
Tune in later for an update on ass twitching.
...or...eye lid twitching...whatever comes first

November 15, 2003

Kodak Moments

Here is a picture of the Tin Roof Rusted production I call "I Believe". It features a picture of Santa and the letter to the editor that "Virginia" wrote and the reply stating "Yes Virginia...there is a Santa Clause" I just wanted to share how it turned out.

I also included an item that we DON'T have on our menu...but...maybe should. This is a veggie that my cousin Cindy raised(by hand) in her own garden. I wonder what kind of fertilizer she used? Hmmmmm

Last but not least...I included a picture of the coffee shop front...cause I just wanted to!

November 14, 2003

On The Run

Katie left about 6 to go and cheer for the girls volleyball team. GO GET EM GIRLS!! Listen to the game at 10 am

My dog looks guilty...about...something.

November 12, 2003

I Dream Of Bagless Eyes and Stuff

Me, at 10:00 tonight.
After a day of making coffee and steam cleaning rugs...yes...and HELL yes...AGAIN!
Petey is going to take a dirt nap soon...that or wear a rubber band around his gonads...sassafrassa damn
And I made a chicken fajita stromboli. Weird but tasty.
AND I made the most awesome crafty thing a ma jig tomorrow or...
Our new building has an old tin ceiling.
Well, when they redid some of the ceiling they left some of the panels of tin.
EXTRA cool.
I took a sheet of it and decopaged a Santa on it...and snipped and snapped and painted and cracked and bada bing bada boom...I got an artsy fartsy thing I can't bear to part with.
Although...I may make a few more and try to sell them...cuz they is suweet!
I went wild tonight and decopaged about 5 more panals.
and...well...the moon is a nice ol fatty tonight.
and...although I'm a bit put off by people telling me I "look a little tired" at the coffee shop...after gazing at my mug tonight...I can see why people say that.
Shit...I look like I've been hit by a bus...
I think I need...
Fast tho
Like I dream of Jeanie kind of fast.
Guess what I'm calling my artsy fartsy venture.
...give up?
Tin Roof...Rusted
a Poniday production

he he he he he he
God I crack myself up

November 10, 2003


Please take a moment and shout BOOYAH...BOOYAH...BOOYAH!!!'s ya buthday...get ya groove on...yah TROJANS! Uh Huh! case you didn't know...THE BOYS ARE GOING TO STATE! THE GIRLS ARE GOING TO STATE!!! The TROJANS...ARE GOING TO STATE!! (dancing and singing and general booyahness occuring at this moment!)

Okay...deep breathe...and in other news:
Well I made it back home in one piece! It's good to go was berry berry good to me! I bought various articles of eccentricity. The uglier something is...the better I like it. Like this weird ass chalkboard aka *wink *wink antique window...chuh...
Why I ask myself...Why did I start off the trip with this purchase. It's about four ax handles and a shoebox wide (oddly the same size as my ASS) and absolutely worthless. I'm going to stick it in the coffee shop and do...something with it...the chalkboard...not my ass...grin.
I bought Katie a cute jean jacket with some kind of fur crap on it...for Christmas...and gave it to her the minute I walked in the door.
I bought the boys jeans and shirts and as they have been high watering it and unable to button the top button for quite some time...gave them their clothes too.
Mark got new underwear...and ya...he got his too.
I bought new shoes.
Both pairs now kind of hurt my feet.
Maybe I didn't notice that when I tried them on because I'd had a Perfect Margarita at Applebees.
Dahem...they is GOOD.
My friend Jo Jo the Dancing Girl (hee hee hee Jo) told her husband, as she left on Friday morning, all about the pillow fights the scantily clad bitch posse have after we complete a shopping day(by the way...a complete lie). She said he sort of got a glazed look on his face at the thought...hee hee hee.
Hell, if he only knew. least no one got drunk and got a tattoo of a horse on their ass.
This time.

November 07, 2003

Pass The Tea...Bag!

Okay...I'm going on the BP trip...let me hear a BOOYAH!! My hubby is going to work for me in the coffee shop!! I didn't even ask him to...he just offered. BOOYAH!! I wonder if he could mix pharmacy and espresso...or...better yet...tea. Yah...I can see it now. A new Tea room...called...Adult Teas...cuz he could mix in a little viagra...snicker...or some other such love weapon! Anyway...I'm going...I may sleep the whole time...but I'm going! Look at the coffee shop link. I just revamped an old site and fixed it up last night for Shirley K's Coffee Shop. Better yet...come on down and have a cup if you dare...a cup of tea!!!

November 05, 2003

Medical Swirl

Having a teenage girl is stressful. I can feel the gray hairs popping out in clumps all over my head...Probably my ass too. I'll probably look like a polar bear before I get her raised.
One of the coffee grazers had this advice: "Girls, just ignore 'em!" (this coming from a guy who has a herd of girls)
That's JUST what I don't want to do.
I mean, isn't it just when you AREN"T looking opportunity knocks.
And why do the girls insist on miming plumbers.
Ass crack should remain hidden at all times...Even when you are naked.
I tried telling my lovely daughter...Crack kills!
Needless to say...She wasn't impressed.
I'm thinking I'll get a big assed pair of britches(sadly my own will work), some dingy underwear(ditto) , a tiny short shirt and go up to her school to visit, and just when she rounds the corner I'll do the bend and snap with my plumbers ass aimed right at her and see how she likes it!!
Then, there are the boys.
Why do they insist on trying to kill each other?
Why do they have to touch each other?
I felt like Bill Cosby when he was talking about screaming "Nobody touches anyone else in this house ever again Is That Clear!!!"
I wonder if I should make valium swirlies.

November 04, 2003

Next One To The Moon...Iowa School Children

A quick note. I just found out that Fart Bars are the IN thing at one of Marks sisters childs school(not sure if I said that right...duh)...course that IS in Iowa. Go figure...smirk. Later...

Fullfill Your Dream and Help Me Realize My Goal

Hey...who wants to fill in for me down here at the coffee shop on Friday and Saturday morning so I can go on the bitch posse annual shopping/beer guzzling/junk food gorging trip?? The pay is for shit and there are no benefits but we do have a lot of fun!! Hey bout you man? Talk to me people...I MUST NOT miss the bitch posse trip (pleading, begging, winking, and all that other on the knees kind of stuff)

November 02, 2003

Dum De Doo De La La La

I vegged out yesterday. Did laundry and clipped my sons toenails. I washed dishes and scraped out the green stuff from buckled tupperware dishes entombed in my fridge. I thought about walking in the brisk clean air and then quickly vetoed that. I made all kinds of gift certificates for the shop. We made a tent inside the house. We ate Halloween candy and found out we were out of dental floss, laundry soap, milk, cereal, chips, and other vital ingredients that make a house a home. We got lunch meat and bread from the shop and made sub sandwiches instead of going grocery shopping. We drank coffee shop hot chocolate and ate pretzels. Some of us napped, others left a trail of candy wrappers like Hansel and Grettle fearing they might lose their way to the TV room.
Today...rewind and repeat.

November 01, 2003

Deer Season?

I'm telling you what...yesterday Cindy and I looked like two deer caught in a headlight at work. Sweet mother of pearl we were busy.
I laughed so much I think I gave myself a hernia.
We all dressed up as snow white and the seven dwarfs...I was Dopey...big surprise there.
Mark was the Prince (damn...those tights were suweet!).
Anyway...I'll post pictures later. Gotta go wake up the
Punch it Margaret!
Hi Ho.mp3