Katie ! ?

Darling daughter had fun at the Old Fashioned Saturday Night last night...as you can see from this photo! Once a year our town has a celebration that recreates the good ole days and there are buggy rides and 10 cent cokes and spelling contests and homeade ice cream, face painting (see photo!) and...kids running the streets...safely...free bowling and games. People show up from miles away, bring lawn chairs and just pack the main street. There is a lot of gabbing and everyone talks about how it used to be and what a shame it is about Walmart running off the home town stores and then there is the crops...always the crop talk and who is running around with who and general blabbing. Anyway...I just had to share that photo. Katie said one of her friends told her that if she got facial hair painted on then she would too...NOT! hee hee Katie said she went around all day with that cute little goatee. She kind a looks like her dad for sure now!

N O G G I N: Games & More: Oobi: Oobi Dance

Okay...I was reading over at MoodyMamas and she was talking about some shows her kids watch that she hates so...of course I went to check them out and found this great new exercise program. Yah!

Shop-O-Rama-Lama-Ding-Dong

1) 3 jack-o-lanterns made of pieces of glass and wire (Happy Birthday Mom!) 2) stainless steel service cart (Happy Birthday Mom...snicker) 3) 4 books...Creating Web Pages for DUMMIES, Feng Shui Symbols a user's handbook, Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult, and Cloudsplitter by Russell Banks. 4) 2 extremely large "jugs" of hershey's syrup 5) 2 pillows 6) lt blue sweatshirt that says C McKracken Plumbing for Mark (Happy Anniversary Babe! grin) 7) Sweat pants for moi in navy with red stripe 8) Sante Fe Salad and Perfect Margarita at Applebees 9) Long socks(so she can "look like everyone else mom) and volleyball knee pads for Katie 10) Nebraska Husker jacket for Andrew 11) Nothing for Alec...don't know what happened there (don't tell him) 12) 5 trillion packet size of individual oatmeals 13) 5 gazillion packet of individual cookies for kids to take to catechism 14) Gargantuan sized jug of lemon pepper 15) Isn't that enough?

BP Saves The Day

My back has me crippled up...grumble...painting shelves....no thank you...grumble grumble....anniversary Sept 3...grumble...no date with mate...pillows like mini pads...son woke me at 6:30...so he could get in my bed...tired...But Hey...one of the BP showed up last night and informed me that we (the BP) were going on a shopping trip and we are leaving...today! I guess everyone is meeting here at 9:30 and we are going to Grand Island. I'm glad SOMEONE informed me. I usually don't shower and clean up nice on Sat. morning unless I have to. Now I can get all dolled up in my big baggy gray sweatshirt, army green shorts and some shirt I slept in (the sweatshirt hides this fact). Plus...I bathed! and...I've got lipstick and perfume on! Oh Yah...things are looking up!

Fat Flash

I did awesome on my Atkins...until tonight. Katie and her friend left a bag of hot-n-spicy cheetos (mahhhvelous) lying around and while I drank a beer (5 grams of carbs)...I damn well finished it off...then...because I'd already blown it...I ate Alecs grahm cracker and vanilla frosting that he'd left lying around to mock me! Shit.

No Porking Zone Please!

I was tucking in the kids tonight and had gotten down to Alec. He was lying on his side and I was scratching his back. He was silent for quite some time so I thought he'd drifted off to sleep. Suddenly, he turned to me and asked "Mom, what does cork mean?". For a moment i was startled because I thought he'd said "Pork" ...I said what I usually say, "Use it in a sentence and I'll explain it...I was hastily running though explanations...none too pretty I'm afraid, when I realized he meant "cork". Phewwww!!! Thank the Lord...and at least I knew what the hell cork was. Thank God for Readers Digest and its Word of the Day section.

Pee Male

Okay people I'm going to TRY Atkins again. I am also thinking exercise would be good. I will take my goodog Petey for walks. God I hate to do that. He pees on EVERYTHING. He has been known to cop a squat on a cactus...dork. I've got to go down and clean shelves and paint shelves and practice "frothing" too. Hey...maybe frothing could be an exercise? Probably not. Hell. Anyway, it's Friday. Whatever that means. ps See Ahhnold for President of California...you might laugh...you might cry...you might...not. Just click the link then click "watch film". I was also a little taken with Stick Figure Porno.

Oh I'm So Exciting

I just read over what I'd blogged about recently. I need a life. I can't believe I was that worked up over a door. A damn plank in a hole was ruling my world. Crap In other news...I had me a little bitty hangover this am from that crown and coke bash last night. My face looked and felt like silly putty and I had some nasty ass bags nestled right under my eye holes. I think they are still there...unpacking and moving in for the long haul.

New Design

Blogfrocks rocks and Elisabeth made my little dash look like a honey didn't she?

Oh Dear Door

We got door! There is one big whole in the wall down to the pharmacy. Granted the "door" itself is particle board but that aint all bad. No glass to clean. Gotta go work now.

Happy Birfday Baybee

I just had me some crown royal and cokes and it was fine. My good buddy from the BP turned 36 today and we had a celebration. She showed up late with a new haircut and was lookin like a fancy pants hooker. I had on clean underwear...though it WAS inside out and the rest of us looked damn normal: old, fat, oogly, and tired. We are reducing our famous group by one cuz one has betrayed us and left us for a new man. Who woulda thunk it? Damn bitch anyways. No man can be more important than a group of bitches. Anyways...must sign off cuz gotta work tomorrow and be sober and somber.

Ho Down

Happy birthday Suz! I only wish you could be wearing the Garden Ho shirt I ordered for you. Hi ho hi ho...it's off to ho I go...

Mark May Hit The Fan

I just received a call from the "door maker". He wanted to inform me that there was going to be a big drop off between the new door frame and the sidewalk which he said would require some "tearing up of the sidewalk and pouring of new cement" huh...really "It's just money" he giggled. He also said that he had about a foot long hole in the wall...and that he really didn't know how much more he would get done before next week because he was taking off for Colorado on Thursday. Suhweeet!!!

Why Yes I Love To Paint!

No door yet. Just a big black outline thickly scrawled on the once pristine white paint of the inside North wall in the shape of a large door...plus an extra line right beside it. I thought the extra line was for a side light panel or...something. The carpenter stated, "I kinda made a goof...you were going to paint right?"

Who Needs Caffeine When You Have Stress?

I can't sleep. Today is the day a door is going to be slammed (carefully carpentered) through a massive brick wall from the outside into what will be the new Marks Pharmacy. Just because the building is ancient, over the hill (way older than me), and creaky , I keep having visions of a total collapse. I can see tons of bricks, plaster dust, coffee beans and cobwebs mingling to form an unholy mass of chaos, I can see destruction and despair and it don't look purty. Sweet mother of pearl would that be an almighty cluster. Updates will be forthcoming...

Top This

What could be better than sitting on the sofa drinking cold beer from an icy mug, eating bite sized butterfingers while watching The Banger Sisters right after Legally Blonde with my children safely tucked into bed and the hubby occupied with some type of manly labor involving his friends, a smattering of hammers, drills, belching and other grotesque noises deemed necessary for male bonding...and my best dog Petey right by my side?

Yoga Lay Hee Who

I just finished a yoga session with Priscilla. She makes it look so damn easy. Just a "bit of a stretch" turns into a searing painful excursion. I have to admit though that after a few "deep" stretches I did begin to feel limber ummm...well how about less tight than I was before. Alec did yoga with me...mostly laughing the whole time. He seemed to think passing gas while doing the back arch was necessary! ugh

Yodelling Just Doesn't Cut It

God I miss live music and dancing in smoke filled bars full to the brim with leather and lounge lizards with the obligatory facial hair. It's the music I miss...don't get me wrong. The facial hair was just a "perk"...grin... Mark and I used to go to club after club dancing (me smelling the leather in secret)...sigh. Living in rural Nebraska does not lend itself to such guilty pleasures. Well, there is a lot of facial hair around this town...but...the live music is mostly cornered by "Cliff" the town yodeller. Damn is he good...but it really doesn't turn me on like a smoke filled, leather smelling, music grinding bar can.

OH SHIT

I have my annual physical tomorrow...well...let's just say...ummmm...my every 3rd year physical. UGH!!!!!!! Damn I hate to go. I may cancel it yet. Now I remember why I was trying that Atkins diet that worked so NOT well for me. I feel a sickness coming on...a sickness that may lead me to call in too sick to go to the Dr. Some nurse I am. damn damn damn grumble YUCK

Carried Away On Spirals Of Smoke

Lifting push pins releasing snapshots from the old wall curling memories flutter like butterflies in a breeze and they fall they fall to the floor like so many leaves on a crisp Autumn day feet shuffling through and then raking into a pile they burn they burn so well a tiny spark growing to a fiery blaze sending out a pungent smell finding a way to escape that scent carries me along on those spirals of smoke... to a place I once belonged by Sheryl McCurdy MIDI: WITH OR WITHOUT YOU

Hot Steaming Wand Addict

My house smells like a wet dirty stinky diaper pail. I'm not sure why. There have been no babies here. No one has shetheypans (I don't think) and the dog has been berry berry good. Yet...there lingers an oder of rankness. A sort of musty wetness. Hmmmm.......must investigate and will report back as I'm sure you are on the edge of your seat with anticipation. In other news I've become adept at frothing milk. This morning I went down to the shop to practice and I must say I created a few masterpieces! All of which I poured down the sink as I had no desire to drink 13 coffee's in a row. I love that steaming wand...yup...I think I've discovered a new hobby...steaming and frothing milk! God I love to do it. I wonder if it's a phallic kind of thing? Hmmmmmm.....will think about that and get back to you! As if!

Calm Before The Storm

Well, school started today much to the dismay of my kids. I wonder how they will manage without playstation, computer games and the constant food buffet they entertained themselves with all summer. I wonder if Alec Will be the coolest kid in fourth grade...( I have my doubts). I wonder if the lunches I've prepaid for will be eaten, not thrown around the cafeteria. I wonder if I'll get a phone call from the principal concerning daughter Katie's lovely tank top that she insisted was "legal". Let the whirlwind begin.

School Starts Tomorrow

Astounding Diet Breakthough!

After a week of no bread and no caffeine and a really modified Atkins diet...I gained 2 pounds! By modified I mean I really only avoided bread...grin. I did eat eggs, cheese and meat out the wazoo and followed the rest of the diet...fairly well although my alcohol intake was rather astounding this last week. (note to self...must work on this!!) We had friends over almost every night and that called for a bit o the vino. I did avoid chips...(patting self on back) Well, better luck this week I guess.

I Dream Of Surgery

I must inform you that my back is much better. I decided to perform a procedure somewhat related to what I think a down home bone crackers therapy might be. I went down to the coffee shop, alone. I locked the door behind me. I located a huge ladder, climbed about 1/3 the way up, and...well, I just, hung there...dangling. I have to tell you that the next 24 hours were purely pain ridden. I thought I'd really ruined myself. That night I had a dream. I dreamed I was back at work in the hospital and the ortho Doc and my regular Doc cornered me and performed a right hip replacement. When I woke up from this lovely dream...I was perfectly rigid. I thought it would be hell to get out of bed. I was wrong! I felt so much better I couldn't decide if it was the ladder hanging or the dream surgery! Yahooooooo!

Fruits Of Labor

Okay...so I didin't make sauce or paste or come home smelling of home made something or other. I DID let the damn chickens out of the coop before they roasted inside. I did check out the conglomeration of a garden that my mother says is hers. The vines of a pumpkin have overgrown almost everything. There are baby green pumpkins mixed with the haze of green spicy tomatoes. There are big fat onions in the middle of...a dirt patch , alone and , yes, surprisingly succulent. The peppers are between the tomatoes and the pumpkins and are hidden, cowering beneath feathery veined leafs. I picked nothing. I saw nothing "ripe". I longed for a ripe tomato, hot and juicy against my teeth, but alas, found, nothing. Instead, I went into my mothers air conditoned home and grabbed an icy cold beer, settled down into comfort in the kitchen and logged onto her computer. I surfed the news and sipped my beer and enjoyed myself.

Mary Mary Quite Contrary?

Today I need to go to the farm and feed some lovely bantam hens. I need to uncover a sweet finch and make sure he has something to peck. I need to pick the garden free of gargantuan cuckes and hot red tomatoes. I need to pick peppers until my skin tingles. Then, I need to search beneath the pumpkin vines for the tender green shoots of baby onions, tug them free of the soil and add them to my heavy basket. I'll be a salsa maker today by god. I'll be a regular farm goddess. I�ll chop and saut�. I�ll cook and steam and get red lips from taste testing the sauce. My eyes will water and I�ll laugh as I cry and peel and chop and slice. I�ll smell like soup and paste when I go home. I�ll be mother comfort and Doris Day all rolled into one. I may be Mrs. Cleaver getting ready for Sunday dinner and always ready for a guest with another table service just handy on the sideboard of a beautiful highboy surrounded by a thick German chocolate layer cake with coconut frosting and a lattice work crusted steaming apple pie.

Diet Run Amuk...again

Some diet I'm on. Today I took a bunch of samples from different coffee wholesalers down to the soon to be coffee shop and tried them out on my mom and Katie and Alec. We tried Strawberry and Rasberry Freeze Smoothies, spiced Mexican hot chocolate (with optional whipped cream and crunchies...on), Precious Divinity Vanilla Chai, and Tahitian Vanilla Latte. Exqueeze me if a burp! My very favorite of the whole schmear is...drum roll puhleeze....Precious Divinity Vanilla Chai...wonderfully aromatic...almost like pumpkin pie. Heavenly. I'm definitely going to order in some of that. I've got some samples of Bubble Teas to try yet. I've not had that before...anyone out there tried them?

Atkins Diet

Is it wrong to save up and then consume/drink all 20 grams of my daily alloted carbohydrates in alcohol form?

Picture of Health!?

Me before the diet! Me after the diet?

...My Soul For Caffeine, Toast, And Sweet Tarts.

I have to ask myself...is it worth it? Okay, okay, okay...yes...damn it to hell!!! In other news...the dog pissed on every available surface of our house while we were in Georgia. My mom stayed here and "house sat" the dog...however, she apparently could not smell the aroma of piss permeating the air. I have had such a shitty cold that I too have been oblivious. Today, I began to get whiffs of luke warm and dried piss. I could have KILLED the dog. I had a coniption fit. Just imagine someone who has been deprived of their caffeine, and comfort foods and then that someone finds out they must clean every carpet and blanket in the house(not to mention still washing up clothing from the damn trip). Well folks, it warn't purty I can tell you that. The dog took one look at me and slunk off like the guilty turd he was and went to his kennel for the day. The door was even open and yet, something told him that he'd better stay put and out of my way. Was he right! grumble grumble grumble

Since I'm feeling like one of these I'm going on the Atkins diet. I've been on it for about 12 hours now...god I miss toast. phewwww.....just about had an episode of "shemahpans" and had to run as fast as I could to the...well...you know...anyway...don't know if that is a side effect of Atkins, drinking lots of water (which I hate), eating more veggies (which I haven't done yet...scratching head) or just my life. ps I just weighed myself and since this a.m I've gained 2 pounds!!! What the hell?

Yo Yo Little Man

Alec informed me that he wants to do a little school shopping. He has sniffed out the "perfect totally cool outfit" for the first day of school. This is my 9 year old...granted...he is the one that has caused me the most gray hairs...so far...but still...a cool outfit? for a 9 year old boy? my boy?Anyway, I got to thinking...where the hell has he found an outfit at...people, this is Cambridge...the town with NO clothing shops...except for...ahhh haaaa...the thrift shop! Bingo. I'm thinking it's probably the outfit I just took TO the thrift shop from our "garage sale from hell" crumbs. Anyway...along with this shopping request he tells me "Mom, this year I'm going to be the coolest kid in fourth grade! If I'm NOT I told my friends they could have my yo yo!" (big ass grin and spark in eyes) Then, he tells me, "Well, I haven't told them yet that it's broken...hee hee hee." Devil child... ps...right before the wedding Alec had a hair cut...under duress of course...he NOW wants to get the top of his hair "yellow" and the bottom of it "black"...holy moses...

Cliff Notes From Georgia

We drove four and 1/2 hours to Omaha on Tuesday afternoon and flew out at ...EWWW...7a.m. Wed morning. We ate at one of the famous Le Maison de Waffle that are scattered about like so many mushrooms in the state of Atlanta (More on dental requirements for working at a Le Maison de Waffle later) We stayed with my cousin Jeanna for a couple of days (margarita pics to be posted later) We went to Douglasville (suburb of Atlanta) Mark's nephew got married. Alec was the ring bearer (who carried no ring) I found out I have slightly herniated discs at L4 and L5 with "some" nerve impingement (duh!) My MIL and I learned how to play the card game called "Asshole" (a drinking game...snicker...and MIL was the "Asshole" twice...grin...sorry Darlene...but...you earned it...giggle We all ate enough to grow another wrinkle on our asses (more on Jo's Crab Shack later) We toured the Coke plant and I tried Ginger Beer Coke...yummy and some sort of papaya Coke Thai drink that I loved I caught a mother of a cold I met (sort of...well...we didn't actually meet but she was at the wedding and I did actually see her...does that count? anyway) a professional woman boxer (Cindy) who was supposed to box with Muhammad Ali's daughter Lalia ... but didn't because of a contract thingy. Lots more...just need to go blow my nose and take 1000mg of Vit. C every 15 minutes until I am better

MRI or Jammin' Rock Club

If you have ever had an MRI than u can relate to this songGonna Kick You Out by Caesars Palace. I was lying in the "crypt" like tube with earplugs firmly in place, arms across my chest, looking like some (gorgeous) corpse when the noise of the MRI started and all I could think of was this song! I was totally at ease and comfortable. I closed my eyes and listened to the music. People...let me know your MRI experiences. Mine was lumbar spine and only took about 20 minutes or so. ps...Nephew Nick's Team strikes again beating Nebraska City 5-4 and moves into the legion class B state finals tomorrow. They play a double header against Omaha Scut (what the hell does "scut" mean anyhow). We may be there to cheer on the Crimson Tide to another victory! Hooyahh!!

Roncalli Rocks!

They did it again. 15-0 no less! Now keep cheering folks and lets get The Crimson (listen here)***ALL***THE ***WAY!!!

Crimson Pride

As reported by Mark(roving baseball reporter and super school clothes shopper) Nephew Nicks team won 11-1 last night. Nick pitched 12 strikes and only gave up 2 hits... yahhh!! Nick Birds' friends showed their support in a subtle way. The Crimson play McCook tonight at 8 p.m. so everybody that can't go...do a mental cheer. Here's one that Katie taught me: I wanna hamburger, cheeseburger, lettuce and tomato, baked ham bone and a french fried potato, a hot dog chili dog BBQ, mustard and a pickle and a VICTORY too! Say hey hey hey hey...say HEY! (shake your pom poms as you say it!!)

More Cawfee Tawk

I don't usually post jokes but Shelley e-mailed me this and I thought it was GREAT! A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, " I can't believe that. Show me." So she fetched the Bible, opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says "HEBREWS"

Can You Say Spondylolisthesis?

I think I am going to learn how to. So far,based on my initial X-rays, without the benefit of MRI this is my diagnosis. My L4 and L5 have "slipped". I will have MRI on Monday to check for herniated disc...crap on a shingle. On a good note. Mark is going to take the kids on a back to school shopping trip tomorrow to Omaha all by himself......big ass grin Hoooo Doggy...don't I just wish I was going this time! I'm not sure if Katie will want to go except for the fact that they are going to stay overnight (maybe) at Marks sisters house and go to a baseball game. She would be able to scope out out of town boys. Marks nephew Nick pitches for BDB Walls class B baseball team and tomorrow is the semi-finals for the state championship. Mark hopes to take the kids and watch the game. Little does he realize that after driving for 4 hours and then shopping for a few more he will be brain damaged...hee hee hee. I will be planted firmly on my aching ass watching a movie or reading. I am getting SO sick and tired of laying around I can hardly stand it!!!!!!!!!!!

Back Off Pain...or Else!

Not a good idea to work...nooooo. Today I actually had to break down and visit a Dr. as a PATIENT. NOT what I wanted to do. Sooooo I had x-rays and am awaiting results of them. I decided to go back to physical thereapy and I just got back. I feel much much better but am not allowed to work for a few days. We are going to Georgia to a wedding soon and I've yet to buy a dress for myself. I was hoping to do so tomorrow. but I probably should lay at home on the heating pad. Anybody got a muumuu they could loan me? Just so it's a dressy muumuu...you know...up to wedding standards and all. grin