February 29, 2004

Beweg deinen dicken Arsch zur Seite!

How would you like to learn swear words in many languages?
I thought so...then click HERE
A VERY useful site I might add...enjoy!

February 28, 2004

What A Pickle

We got a vat of pickles in the other day sooooo big that there was an illustrated warning that stated "Warning...small children may drown if left open"...and showed an illustration of a small child, head submerged in the vat of pickles.
Good Lord.

February 25, 2004

Salmost Friday

Push My Buttons Baybee!

Volleyball ROCKS or something like that

Volleyball starts next week...volleyball for old broads that is.
I think I'm ready.
I'm guessing I'm in shape...I mean I already biked 20 miles...once...this year...and really...that is better than last time!
See?
We will be animals!
Maybe...dare I say...we WILL...be...once again...THE BEST OF THE WORST!!!
Woot! Woot!
One can only hope and pray.
Now where are my knee pads...hmmmmm

(no comments from the peanut section please)

February 23, 2004

We Be Back

Alec had a Dr. apt today in Omaha. We went up last night and went mall hopping for Katie's B-day present.
Today we ate at The Macoroni Grill. It was Guoood!
The place was huge with a brownish cement floor, dark wooden tables and chairs, large light bulbs strung about the room among the low lit candleabra, the grill was on display, a fireplace was crackling, the aroma of wood smoke and food was permeating the air, beautiful arias were playing in the background...ambiance was wonderful.
I could just about imagine a fat man in a little coat singing in the corner.
Every once in a while one of the chefs would shout out something.
The Fettucini Alfredo with Chicken was very tasty and all the pasta came in bowls as big as my ass!
I loves a good feast.
I had a wonderful Italian Herb Soup and the Florentine Salad...yummy.
When I had to go and powder my nose...I made another discovery.
You got a lesson in Italian as you "rested".
If I'd paid better attention I would have learned how to say, "How do I get this spaghetti stain out of my pants?" or "Please pass the dipping oil"...but I didn't rest long enough.
Maybe next time.
We go back in 3 weeks...Saint Patrick Day...and 1 day before Alec's Birthday.
Yup...he gets his cast off...the day before his 10th birthday...that's a great gift!

February 21, 2004

Le Galerie de Butthole

Le Galerie de Butthole

Friday Night Follies Foiled Again

Yesterday was Friday night...and there were NO FOLLIES after work. What I mean by that is...when the mop bucket hit the back door...so did we.
Cindy was gone, rag that she is, to a...tractor pull in Colorado.
So no Ultra Michs were sucked down.
No rude comments were spewed forth.
No sumo rassling was performed.
Damn...maybe next Friday.
I don't want to get out of practice.

February 20, 2004

What is YOUR favorite lube?

What is your favorite chain lube?
Finish Line
Tri Flow
Pedro's
White Lightning
WD-40

Uhhhh...yah
I see that most people prefer "white lightning".
I can see how that would work...a couple shots of white lightning and I'd probably be lubed up good too...evil grin.

February 19, 2004

Elimination Exam

Have you ever watched Extreme Elimination? If not...you really, really should. It might be best if you had one or three beers under your belt too.

February 18, 2004

Oh My Aching "girls"

I rode 18 miles and a bit today on a bike. Cindy Sue( a hard core bicyclist for 7 years now) convinced me to try, brought a all the gear to my house including a deluxe riding bike fully oiled and ready to glide, water bottles already filled, padded crotch biker shorts, shades, helmet and riding gloves.
I looked like a freak.
Big surprise there.
Of course we ran into Jo Jo the Dancing Girl...who laughed her ASS off at me...shit.
But I actually rode almost 20 miles in the beautiful 70 degree weather without a problem...and I LOVED IT!
I wouldn't have won a race for sure but I did okay.
I bitched alot...about my aching ass bones, my elbows which felt like they were about to crack off, the wind, the tears running down my face, the snot that threatened to crawl out my nose, the dead animals rotting along the road, the glass bottles in shards...you get the picture?
I hope I can walk tomorrow.
I'm gonna go run a hot bath and soak "the girls" until I'm wrinkled
PS...did you know that you DON'T WEAR UNDERWEAR UNDER BIKER SHORTS?
it's because of chaffing...

February 16, 2004

The Turd Twister!

Well...after reading shenry's recent blog and blog comments...I must say...I WAS AMAZED that there really is such an animal as
The Turd Twister!
Let's just hope it doesn't catch on.
Shit art
ewww

February 15, 2004

Sinner

As I was driving by Jo Jo the Dancing Girls Church this morning on my way to the shop to fulfill my caffeine quota, my stereo blared on and Devo screamed "WHIP IT! WHIP IT GOOD!". The elderly lady getting out of her car to enter the church looked startled and scared as she heard me go blaring by. I myself almost shemahpans, then I started to laugh my ass off. Later...I felt guilty. Yes, once again, I have skipped church and Sunday school in favor of sleeping in and then doing a bit of paperwork. Now we are going to go to Andrews b-ball game. Sunday is already shot.
Monday is looming.
Already.
...And I've got a new disease...
it's called...Barista Arm...And it hurts like a mutha!
and NO JO...I didn't mean bastard arm...Although...

February 12, 2004

...HEY!

Duh
I just re read what you sent me Jo Jo...
I am a people
Do you hate me then...or do you consider me a different breed entirely?
I think I know the answer...I hope

pss...if you are going to be a bitch...be a good one!!!!
psss...I know you can be a good one...I've just happened to see you in ACTION!

Strange E-Mail

Here is a copy of an e-mail I just recieved from my buddy Jo Jo The Dancing Girl...and my reply...because...I WANTED TO damnit!!! So...well...THERE!


Jo Jo sent me this e-mail...

----- Original Message -----
Sent: Thursday, February 12, 2004 11:27 AM

Hey babe,

Just a quick note to let you know that I HATE PEOPLE!!! Mean people in particular but most people in general.. Thanks for listening , that just had to be said, does that make me a BITCH !!! Surprize, surprize!!! Love you and your family, Jo

my reply:

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....should I ask? Should I want to ask? Will you tell me? Am I the mean person? I think not really but...I HAD to ask because this is a fucking weird e-mail.
Hey!
Did someone be...well...mean to you?
If so...tell me who they are and I will KICK THEIR ASS!
Ohhhhhhhhhhh I loves me a good ass kicking!
God...I'm salivating already.
I'm primed....hurry tell me quick who was mean.
Cuz I'm getting a little sleepy now...
I'm fading...
...but I'm SURE I can be mean as hell when I need to be...
if it's soon that is...yawn...

Love and fat smoochy slobbery kisses to everybody who is available and willing!!!

pss...Wait just a dash blog minute! Now I wonder...was someone mean to me in front of you? and you are just now telling me?! Damn I hate that!
Bring it on babe...I can take it!!!!
...probably...

February 11, 2004

Well it's not as if I'm "wordless" but I find myself floundering for time to sit and jot anything down in this big white space.
Today we are having a party for 27 4th graders at the coffee shop.
I have exactly 29 chairs there.
It should be interesting...grin
Come down and stare in the window at around 2:15 pm...just don't come in...or you may find yourself engulfed!
Changing the subject my hubby got me an awesome 3 CD player for the shop.
It even has a remote control!
I LOVE IT!
So...send me music ideas for the shop.
or...better yet...send me CD's!
We had a little Meatloaf, BB King and Eric Clapton yesterday.
It was tasty!

February 07, 2004

The Sound Of One Bitch Clapping or If A Bitch Claps Her Hands In A Crowd Will Anyone Hear It?

If you're a bitch and ya know it clap your hands ***clap***clap****muthaclappityclapclap*******

February 06, 2004

Cross Dressing Swirlie Lover OR ...???

Not long ago I got an e-mail notification that someone purchased a thong and cami that I designed from one of my internet shops. Odd thing is the logo on the undies is one I've used for my coffee shop and I created the thong as a kind of joke. The undaroo's say "I got a swirlie from Shirley...and I liked it!". (Swirlies at my shop are like smoothies but Shirley and Swirlie were meant to go together...doncha think?)
Well, after receiving this notification I ran a sales report and the person who ordered the duds is...a man.
Which...that means nothing...I mean...I could care less if he is buying them for his grandma Or himself or his girlfriend.
But, why...Shirley Swirlie Thongs?
I noticed his place of residence...Hawaii.
I doubt he has been to our shop.
Really...
Anyway...3 snaps to this guy!
Please send pictures of the thong and cami wearer so I can use them to advertise the shop!!!!!!
Yahoooooo!!!!

February 05, 2004

Schtuff and More Schtuff

I had a visit from the firewood fairy the other day/night/afternoon. I thank you, my family thanks you, my neighbors thank you. I thank you because I don't have to feel guilty about burning my daughters woodshop projects...because I won't, my family thanks you because their non-fitting dresser drawers will remain just that...non-fitting dresser drawers not fire wood...my neighbors thank you because they will not be subjected to the scent of: burning socks (the lonely ones), old school art projects, and the supper I somehow managed to pre-scorch.
I've got a fire going right now.
I love fire.
I really think I was an arsonist in a previous life.
I mean...what else???
Maybe...the devil?
Maybe I'm E - V I L.
HA! probably I was a match...used once and thrown away...
Other news...I worked today and it was busy.
Even in a winter advisory with the wind blowing out of the northeast...people need to have coffee...and scones...and listen to the Eagles and Otis Redding, and Stevie Nicks in Shirley K's.
Also:
Mark stayed with the Alley Cat (Alec) today.
Alec only called me 2 1/2 times to complain that he was "bored".
Alec had another fever tonight.
Just low grade, but it scared the shit out of me.
Again, I can find no justification for it...just the healing process after surgery...I'm hoping.
that's about it...sort of...
Goodnight All

February 04, 2004

Snow Day!

Let's talk blizzard people!
Let's MAKE blizzard!

February 02, 2004

Shit Fire and Hide The Matches

Alec had a chill early this morning around 5 am and it was all I could do not to panic. Instantly I was thinking...bone infection, pneumonia, urinary tract infection. The room WAS cold though and our fire had gone out and he only had 1 blanket.
I became mother lioness and was on the hunt. I got blankets, iurged fluids and cranked the heat and I found all the potpouri I could find(fire starter you know),got into my warmest coat and somehow found the LAST log we had (not in the spot where our woodpile would be if we had a pile that is, but in the backyard by the side of the garage), and lit a helluva mamajama fire in the woodstove.
I continued to monitor his temp and remained calm (on the outside) so as not to panic the wee one.
I kept runnning through the bone infection issues and checked his toes and circulation and then listened for a chest rattle and heard none.
I then began to calm a bit.
Sort of.
Then, he slept and I felt a bit better.
His temp was not above 100.
So I think all is well