March 31, 2004

I've Got Your Cockleberry Right Here!

For some odd reason I thought of the word "cockleberry" tonight. I just what the hell is a cockleberry anyway? Seems to me it was some kind of a sticker or something sharp and pokey. I kept stewing and wondering and so I did what every normal red blooded person does these days...I googled it.
I was off base just a bit.
Come to find out a "cockleberry" is a bean(?)...not only that but a dry bean.
I swear when I was young a cockleberry was a sharp mutha sticker that got in your socks and poked the shit out of you and they never came out no matter how long you picked and picked at them, except in the washing machine where they multiplied and created communities in other socks and sometimes in the waistbands of your underwear remaining forever and piercing that tender skin when you least suspected it.
Well, well, is never too old to learn are they?
According to the Plants Database the following is true:

Family: Fabaceae (fab-AY-see-ee)
Genus: Phaseolus (FAZ-ee-oh-lus)
Species: vulgaris (vul-GAY-ris)
Cultivar: Cockleberry

I tried one more google with Phaseolus Vulgaris cuz I liked the way it rolled off the tongue and found out some interesting info.
How'd ya like to get skinny? You can take CortaLean I guess...which apparently has "cockleberry" in it...which by the way is BEANS!
Hell ya! You can shit yourself into oblivion in no time at all with this wonder drug! Sign me up for a gross.

March 30, 2004

I Got a New Thong!

Wanna see
what it looks like on?

PS...this is not an actual photo of me...grin...and mine is blue.

Wet Bra and a Dirty Floor(better than dirty bra and wet floor)

Doesn't it suck to have ONE bra that you really like?
...and doesn't it suck to have that ONE bra that you really like in the dryer at 7:09 am and you are already late?
Plus the fact that as you are waiting you notice the carpets all need vacuuming and the entry way has fuzzy little dust bunnies breeding, not only in the corners, but right in the middle of the floor.
That's baaad.

March 28, 2004

Love Match Produces Five

Pissin' Pete is a papa!
It's TRUE!
Petie was asked for an over nighter awhile ago at Sheri O'Terror RN's comfy bungalow.
Sheri thought her Boston Terrier needed some sugar.
Petie was happy to bring it.
We got a call on Friday with the joyous news that Petie was the proud papa of five little mixed Boston/Rat Terrier puppies.
There are three girls and 2 boys.
I can only imagine what they look least they will be smart.
We think this "new" breed should be called...and ya gotta love it...B R A T S.
We get first pick so if someone wants a smart and perhaps unusually ugly dog...let me know and I'll try and get some pictures put up!

March 27, 2004

Who Thunk Of That?

I ran across something that grossed me out...It's true. Check out This
Is that not a sick item?
Would you buy it?
No...I wouldn't either...cuz I have about 5,000 here in my own laundry basket.
I wonder if they would like to buy those particular items from me at wholesale?
Hmmmm....must think of an add...

more later...

March 26, 2004

Bitch Posse Rocks!

Yesterday, Thursday, otherwise known as work in surgery recuperate than play volleyball day I made a mistake.
Yes, I know...B i g S u r p r i s e!
Well, I did and I'm big enough to admit it.
What did I do? wasn't wash the new red shirt with the underwear...again.
I, uhhh, rode 30 miles on the bike and THEN realized..."I GOTTA PLAY VOLLEYBALL TONIGHT!".
Like a big DUH .
Anyway...the bitch possee prevailed despite my lack of anything close to help.
We played hard against a young superstar team and it took those teeny tiny shorted tall as Texan teeny boppers 3 sets to win.
Then we kicked some junior high wannabe bitch posse girls' asses!
Whoot Whoot!
Nuff said...I'm late for work!

March 25, 2004

Jo Jo Likes To Ride.

I'm alive and kickin' and hooked!
Hooked on riding a bike thanks to Cindy Sue.
I rode 37 miles yesterday and survived.
I was worried though.
It wasn't the fact that we would be riding a longer route with hills that worried me it was wearing those tight, padded assed, shorts by Jo Jo the Dancing Girls place of work (as if) AND her home. Gahh and Bleahh.
I just knew she would come out of her office door and sully the sweet spring air with her verbal abuse!
But no...she wasn't there!
Then, as we went by her home I noticed her hubby's pick-up truck there...and then...I noticed HER truck there.
I was safe!
...This time anyway!

March 24, 2004

Was I a Teenager? (Now link is fixed!)

Turn up your speakers and click for my life...sometimes

March 22, 2004

I'll Have a Clean Box Tonight!

We can now flush, wash our dishes and clothes and bathe our "boxes" (in our own home).
That makes me happy.
I'm so very, very happy.
Now I can wash the dishes left over from Friday night(faux Friday night Follies fizzle), Saturday(when we were host to 3 extra full of number 2, boys), Sunday (when we were sinners and stayed here in hades) and today(when I got my new water heater around 4pm).
I can wash the clothes that are piled up to my eyeballs.
Last but not least...I can flush every goddamned toilet in this shit box!!

March 20, 2004

Attention Mr Bubble.

Have you ever had hot water problems? Today, we do.
Please refer to some handy dandy info...just in case you should ever have this problem...

If there is a water leak:
Check for: Defective gasket or seal on the element.
Defective safety valve.
The tank is rusted through.
Leaking plumbing connections.

Remedies: Check and replace gasket or seal.
Check and replace the safety valve.
Buy a new water heater.
Call a qualified contractor.

We've got a leaky pressure release valve and the basement floor is like a mini pool. We didn't want to call anyone to fix it...we meaning my husband...because it would cost too much on a weekend.
So, hubby just decided to turn off the water.
Okay then. baths to worry about...for 48 hours. No clothes...and most flushing of the toidy. Okay, we can go to my moms for showers and the dishes can wait and the clothes are done. The toidy however is a major event. Especially tonight. Why tonight you ask? Because we've got 3 extra boys here...and they eat a lot...and you all know what that leads ups to...or should I say number two.
Calgon Take Me a dream like mental like way I guess as lack of water makes this impossible.

March 17, 2004

Things we saw on our trip!

1. a toilet in an otherwise empty field outside Kearney.
2. cranes...more cranes...and snow geese, and ducks in DROVES along the interstate mostly around Kearney area...more about that here.
3. a "herd" of wild turkeys..."grazing"
4. Creighton vrs the way...Creighton lost aka GAVE the game away, as Marquez my hubby, states. See the story here.

5. snow...and more snow in Omaha(it was around 60 degrees when we left home)
6. Alec's naked leg (cast-less)!! A beeuuutifullll x-ray of a bone graft that is healing far so good!!!!whoot whoot whoot! Oh yah!

7. rain...uhh rained in Omaha too. They get all the good schtuff.
8. a semi truck FULL to the brim with chickens speeding down the interstate and breakneck speed...! (and they weren't scared shitless...we have the proof on our windshield)

9. 8...yes EIGHT ...fires along the interstate between Kearney and Lexington on our way home...5 of which looked SERIOUS. I cannot believe there were so many large fires in that general area.

March 16, 2004

Trivia...listen up....there will be a quiz!

I hate getting up this early
We get Alec cast off tomorrow in Omaha.
They got 6 inches of snow yesterday.
It was 58 degree's here.
We are taking Alec to a Creighton game tonight as a surprise for his birthday.
I always sleep soooo well in a car that it's all I'm thinking about right now.
...gotta go let the dog out.

March 15, 2004

Dear Anonymous (that includes using a fictitious name dumbass)

People who write anonymous letters are spineless wonders of shit who are too scared to really stand up for what they think they want. They are also lazy...too lazy to, say pitch in and help change things. I am betting they never volunteer for anything. But I bet they are the first to bitch when their kids don't get to play first base, or sing a solo or be on varsity squad and so on and so on. They were probably the tattlers when they were in school. The doo gooders, the brown nosers...we all know the type.
Anonymous letter writers are so very brave when they don't have to sign their name...but where are they? Do they believe strongly in what they say or are they just trying to stir the pot, then sit back and watch it simmer...smirking. I think these type of people know they are scum and chicken asses so they remain in hiding. What I don't understand is why people would want to withhold their names from an opinion if it's actually a legitimate one. They merely do a disservice to people who agree with them and alienate those who might be inclined to agree.
And they definitely don't convince people on the other side of the argument to take their side. Who's willing to open his mind about an issue when others are too afraid to stand behind their ideas?
I bet you all didn't know I am part (1/18th) Cherokee...and I am going to use my Indian shaman powers to curse all anonymous letter writers. Here goes: To all anonymous letter writers...May you be cursed with the words you write. May you take on all the characteristics you say you despise in others as you scribble so viciously with your bic pen. May you be blessed with the very job you say others are doing so badly. May you be blessed with a letter eschewing your despicable traits signed in permanent ink,
yours truly

March 11, 2004

Tidbits of Shit

1: My use of the term "sperm bucket" in a recent accidental posting of an e-mail to this site instead of to a certain someone has been thrown in my face a FEW times...most recently by a laughing red faced surgeon type fellow I occasionally work with...(I shall call him Dr Santa in my blog as he laughs like this...Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho)
2: Our boys are in the State Basketball Tournament and their first game is tonight at 5 pm in notice that it is around 4ish pm and I am here not there and therefore will only be able to hear the game on the radio not SEE the game or SEE my daughter cheering and doing a dance routine at half time (and other things that I will never know she will be doing because I'm HERE!) everybody go Whaaaaaa
3: We play volleyball tonight at 6:30 and at 7:15.
4: I'm on call
5: By "we" I mean Jo Jo and me...that's it. Yah...everybody else is gone.
6: Cindy Sue has somehow injured her knee in a bizarre accident (I'm sure it was related to an early morning shower she took in which water conservation was being performed)
7: Cindy Sue also lost her voice...something that boggles the mind. I still blame the shower. I shall diagnosis her with: Protein Pneumonia...which is something like Beer Pneumonia except for the fact that one aspirates protein into the lungs instead of beer.
8: Minnesota Flats (a nurse I work with) got a meat tray as a gift from a certain someone who likes her. uhhh yahhh It's just another one of those impress me with meat on a tray not on my chin kind of stories I guess.

March 10, 2004

She's Just a Wannabe

My daughter calls her boyfriend "retard" and her best friend "booger" their face...and they don't seem to fact...they appear to claim these nicknames as their due. I think my daughter may be a junior Bitch Posse member in the making. Mind you she has a long way to go...but...she's starting out in the right direction.

March 09, 2004

Where The Hell Have The Phone Booths Gone?

There's been nothing but washing dogs and dishes going on in my neck of the woods and that stinks.
Up above me, the kids are "in bed" and it's just like Bill Cosby describes. I can feel my mama lines growing by the minute, stretching my face into a crunched up mass of wrinkles that forever remain to occlude my once smooth cheeks and the tension increasing...turning me into...YES! Mighty Morphin Mama McCurdy! Aghhhh...too bad my cape is still in the dirty clothes hamper.

March 05, 2004

Busier Than a One Armed BLIND Paper hanger

Cliff Notes From Thursday Night Game:
Our volleyball team is named...the oneders...doi
Thank you Jo Jo for that extremely uhhh awesome name
Weeee arrreee the champions(sort of) I mean...weeee wonnnn a game!
Well, we lost one too, but that one doesn't really count...cuz we were tired and stuff like that.
Then, we went out, for a short while and it was guood!
That is all
Today: See the title for a description of the day.

March 04, 2004

Let's Spank Some Balls Girls!

A little music please!'s VOLLEYBALL night!! We all know what that means...hangover tomorrow...hahahahahahah. Well that AND an agony so severe that having bamboo slivers thrust underneath your fingernails will seem like nothing at all.

So we play and 8, ref the next game and then play the late game. Only I don't ref. It's best that way...I SUCK at reffing. I'ts like this: I'm watching the game and suddenly I'm saying...CHEESE AND RICE THAT GIRL WAS IN THE NET!! BLOW THE WHISTLE YOU STUPID REF...only DUH...I'M THE REF. Yah...and so I'd "tweeeet" and say...yada yada yada..."G'head now" ...and then I'd say like HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A FARKING DOUBLE HIT!!!! only to remember I'M THE REF....Anyway...I run the clock and score...and it's not much better. Jo Jo the dancing girl ALWAYS gives me the hairy eyeball and communicates across the gym..."Hey dumb ass...add a point to the home team side!" without even raising her voice. yah...she's a genius that way.

March 03, 2004

Damn My Pants Must've Shrunk UP or Something...

It's raining
It's pouring
I've got a big fat ass!


March 02, 2004

Just Feeling Blue

Tonight, as I was trying to help Alec get into our very tiny, and severely cramped shower with his cast protector firmly clamped around his casted leg and a fold up garden chair crammed into the miniscule shower, he fell. He fell because he hit the extremely sharp, pointy edge of the freaking shower door with his "hopping" leg. He hurt. I was just unable to catch him and it caught me by surprise. My little man has been through sooo much. I KNOW WE ARE LUCKY. Don't get me wrong. I know so many other people, kids, are battling cancers and other diseases that are in FAR WORSE condition than us. We are lucky. But, still, I just felt sooo bad for him. His little face just crumbled and for a minute I thought "Why?...why does he have to go through this?" He looked ancient. He reminded me of an old old man...for just an instant. He half lay on the shower floor and the bathroom floor and put his hand to his brow and cried a bit and I just felt terrible.