20 Year Reunion Will Be Burned Into Our Minds Because:

A) 16 out of 23 were there...total with spouses....30! B) Tater Tots...(I almost forgot the baked potatoes at my house and was soooo afraid they would look like 30 tater tots by the time I got them back to the shop)...I said almost...there were good and plump...yet) C) No desert so we had to have "ice cream drinks" instead...pity really...NOT Ca) I kept meaning to order a cake...at the end of every day I would have to say "Shit! I forgot to order the cake I'll do that tomorrow!"...and so on and so on... D) In the midst of a nice buzz the fire whistle proceeded to blow like hell and almost(my mother was all involved in washing up our sowed up plates and ignored the fire whistle in favor of blowing away and not having to wash up any more damn dishes!) all of us went to the basement of the coffee shop(due to hurricane force like winds we later found out) E) Jill can put her leg up to her ear while standing...and NOT feel any pain...still...and we've got pictures to prove it!!! F) A fun time was had by all!!!!

Ultimate Humiliation

Say someone drove up & tossed a bag at you and said, "Hey, I got this really cute shirt at the Lot's To Love Shop at their big going out of business sale and this shirt is too little for me but I bet it would fit you just right!" and they refuse payment. Do you feel HAPPY that you might have a new shirt or just plain PISSED AS HELL that someone dares to think that you might belong to the fucking LOTS TO LOVE type clientelle?!!!!! ...goddamn that just plain SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PS...the shirt doesn't fit...too big thank you very MUCH!!!! Apparently I may just appear to be LOT'S TO LOVE type of person...but am not really quite there....yet....damnit to hell anyway damn big pink assed pink frilly shirt....anyway sumbitch

Eye See

Yesterday Cindy and I biked 42 miles & today I did 30 & she did...42 or so. It was a hard pedal yesterday with a damn wind in the face and lots of hills...but sadistic as it sounds...I had fun. When I was done I felt like I'd been hit by a bus, but hey, I'm recovered now. As a matter of fact I felt pretty good about myself until tonight. I took Alec on a ride around town and the little shit could just about out pedal me on his tiny mountain bike. ...damn Anyway...as we were riding around a bug flew right into my eye. Of course I hollered, "A bug flew in my eye!" and was scratching around and veering of course and I hollered, again, "A BUG FLEW INTO MY EYE!" seeking sympathy and old Al boy never changed course and casually stated, "It happens", and I had to agree and then somehow the bug popped out and then we went on as if nothing had happened.

Hungry Like The Wolf

Have you ever been so hungry you went into your pantry, opened up a can of Campbell's Chunky Baked Potato Bacon Bits & Chives, grabbed a spoon out of the sink(cuz the rest is all dirty), sat down and just...spoon fed? me either

Random Idiot Verse

I'm thinking about riding in B.R.A.N. Cindy has gone for 7 years now and she loves it. I just am not sure I've got enough road time under my belt. The first day is 87 miles long. I'm leary. Other things on my mind: 1) my cat has a new neon pink cast 2) it has to be changed and sutures taken out on Saturday 3) my 20 year class reunion supper extravaganza is...Saturday 4) we are doing it at...our coffee shop 5) I'm an IDIOT 6) somehow I wrote me in as working on Saturday morning...like DUH!!!! 7) we need some rewiring at the coffee shop 8) I consider it an emergency...the electrician seems to think...ehhhh fehhh & whutevahh 9) I once again blew mother of the year as I a) forgot about vacation bible school yesterday b) failed to call and explain that my children were in Omaha with daddy-o at Alec's Dr. apointment c) almost forgot again, today d) did get one kid there only to e) forget both the boys had dental appointments this afternoon and THEN after remembering, finding, and sending ONE of the boys to the dentist f) spotted my dirty clothed, long haired, bedraggled looking son with a bloody rag sticking out of his mouth walking along the gutter and sticking dead toads in his jean pocket and found out he got a tooth pulled out (loose baby one) yet, still,..I wasn't there.

Are You Ready For FUN?

Click the picture

Fancy a Big Mac?

I found this trivial fact...somewhere and was so disgusted I had to share it with you. I don't know about you but when I pack a lunch for the kids I always worry about putting mayo on and if the lunch will stay cold enough, or if I'll give my kid food poisoning...hell next time why worry. In Australia, a scientist put a Big Mac in a desk drawer and left it in there for a year to test the preservatives. When he pulled it out a year later, there was not a speck of mould on it. The only only thing different was that the buns were hard. He then microwaved it with a cup of water and ate it.

Question

Okay...how do I convert a pip file to a pdf? I can't seem to do it...anyone? anyone? anyone?

I've Just Got ONE Thing To Say!

It's FRIDAYYYYYYYY!!!!! ...well...almost This has been a hell of a week filled with so many ups and downs I am wiped out. Plus...school is now officially out. Good and bad if ya know what I mean. I only had about 12 calls at work today and some were about: "How do I make microwave macaroni and cheese?" "Can I use the stove?" "Why does Andrew get to stay over night with someone for 2 nights and Katie gets to and I don't?" "Where are the socks?" "When are you going to come home?" "Could you bring me a pop when you come home" ...you get the idea. When I did get home I was starteled to find: 1 dozen long stemmed red roses...for my daughter...awwwwwww Nate is so nice 5 pairs of dirty socks in the middle of the living room floor 2 pairs of wet jeans, shirts, shoes in various rooms of the house 3 bags of chips partially eaten 2 half gone bottles of juice on the coffee table 1 partially empty bottle of pop on the coffee table 3 slices of toast crust...on the coffee table a pheasant feather in the entryway 4 backpacks...1 of which I don't know who belongs to a years worth of papers from school in several clumps on the entryway floor a bag of p.e. clothes too disgusting to describe ...various other things that weary me to talk about. note to self...fill pantry with easily chomped on food stuffs in bulk amounts...

Happy Birthday Baybe!

I went to bad at 11 pm last night and woke up at 12:58 thinking the night was over. In other news: Yesterday was Cindy's birthday. Happy Birthday Baybe I can't wait for the CNN news reporter to get here. She is going to be known around the globe now. She is going to shit stickers when she finds out what I've done. Possibly this will be my last entry as she may fling me into the oncoming traffic as we bike down the rode. Oh well...it's been fun.

Name That Food...errr....I mean Kid!

After reading Mrs. Twat's Sunday entry I remembered something Mark's sister told me. She was an OB nurse for quite some time and sometimes ran across unusual names. The two that stick to mind were siblings. The mother was giving birth to her 3rd child and when the nurse asked for the name of the proud siblets the panting mom to be replied, "Lemonjello" and "Orangello" ...only the names rolled off the tongue and sounded like...lumonjyaylo and orrronjyaylo...go figure.

Do I Need To Say More?

Do Your Bio

I always get the fun at shenry's blog...here is another example...watch out...it's addicting! Your Bitch Posse Bio by Dash blog it all Your Name Your Bust Size Your IQ Bitch Posse Name Dusty Bitch Posse Job Prez Bitch Posse Creed Beer first...then your mundane bullshit. Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Sign Your Name You Loser!

Dear (Mr Someone) and Mark McCurdy, It looks like you two board members were taken in by a lawyer, which you know lawyers don't always tell the truth. We don't know what coffee group (Mr. Lawyer) has been talking to but it is not the one that meets at the (Somewhere) center. Because there has been a lot of talk about the superintendent and it is not positive talk. If you two want to know what the people think join us for coffee at 10 am at the (Somewhere) center. That is if you have the nerve to hear the truth how our school has been going downhill for the last three years because we don't have the leadership that is needed. Especially board members. It is pretty bad when a school has a split board. but we can tell you two don't care. You are too googled eyed by (Mrs. Superintendent) to think in terms of the good of the school. See ya at coffee. The Coffee Group As you can see...some names where changed to protect the innocent. This letter is going to go global...I swear it...I am SOOOOO SICK OF ANONYMOUS LETTERS! I'm going to hire the Good Year Blimp, a plane to fly with this as a banner, I'm going to put it in flyers and on telephone poles, and on doors, I'm going to send carrier pigeons to the four corners of the world, make paper plates and napkins out of it, I'm going to wrap rolls in it and toilet paper, and then...I'm going to get really mad and put it on a milk carton and a cigarette paper and then I'll turn it into a T-shirt at one of my shops and wear them around...yahhhh

Ever Seen A Pickle In A Cast?

Pickles is our 10 year old cat. She suffered an achilles tendon laceration and after surgery(yes...surgery on a 10 year old cat...including after hours vet visit and a 2 night stay no less)...is shown modeling her lovely paw to hip cast. We are not sure how our cat got a lacerated achilles...but we found her in a hole under our porch after she'd been missing around 1 1/2 days. Petie is tickled pink and attempts to sniff Pickles' ass every chance he gets. bas turd dog anyway Our only concern now is trying to find a teeny tiny set of crutches...

Kiss My Moscow Mule!

We had a funtabulous BBQ Saturday night to celebrate my folks 47th anniversary and my ahem...something something birthday. There was all kinds of food from bacon wrapped shrimp to nachos to Mediterranean dip to cheese cake. The beverage department consisted of beer, lemonade, shasta pop and drum roll please...Moscow Mules! Mary brought her portable piano(not her accordian this time) and the old time favorites like Yellow Rose and many various Polka's soon began to flavor the air along with the stench of flaming wieners. We had our fire pit going and the kids were ripping of tree branches right and left to spear marshmallows, wieners, and whatever else came their way. Anyway, soon after Mary began playing Mark brought out the electric guitar and began strumming something. Along about 11:30 pm the drum set made an appearance and the raspberry bean dip made a disappearance. Sayyyy about 12:30...the whole tribe was singing Amazing Grace...loudly and not really heavenly. Around about 1:30 I'd say the party began to simmer down and we began to clean up. The only mishap (and there were about 20 or so kids) was Alec. Yup. He cut a hole in his forearm with a very sharp paring knife just about 15 minutes before the party was to start. He was trying to cut off his belt. He really needed stitches...4 I'm guessing...but found some benzoin, plastic tape and steri stripped it up. We had lots of help...1 Dr., 1 Dentist, 1 EMT, 2 RN's, 1 LPN, 1 mortician, 1 pharmacist, a variety of farmers and teachers and the number one in charge...my mother. Moscow Mule 1 1/2 oz. Vodka, 1/2 oz. Lime Juice, approx. 4 oz. Ginger Beer Fill Copper Mug with ice and add ingredients. Give a quick stir and enjoy. Comments: This is traditionally served in a copper mug, if you do not have copper mugs there is no ill affects to glass. The original recipe calls for 1 oz. of lime juice but I found it to be too much for my taste. Ginger beer is non-alcoholic and can be found in local grocery stores.

Oh Boy What A Beautiful Morning!

You ever wander bleary eyed into the bathroom in the early early early morning and take a bath and climb out...still bleary eyed because it is so very very very very early and sit down on the toidy without drying off because you can multi-task and dry off and do...you know and then...notice...ta duh...there is A) No toliet paper and B) Not one single kleenex in the box C) Oddly...and I do mean oddly...someone has emptied out the trash leaving not ONE scrap of anything D) One lonely teeny tiny washcloth in the towel cupboard E) Notice you already through your pajamas downt the laundry chute

Organ Music Anyone?

The words "To have my cake and eat it too" have taken on a whole new meaning after tonight. Nuff said... In other news...IT'S FRIDAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have a fire going and the thought of sleeping outside on the deck keeps crossing my mind except for the fact that I don't like ticks and the smell of dog piss. I also happen to have a large amount of black birds that enjoy shitting on my deck furniture...and me. Tomorrow we are having a BBQ and I think it will be fun. We've invited anyone and everyone who can walk, wheel and crawl to come...and bring their instruments. I especially can't wait for the skin flute trio. That will be mind blowing I'm sure. ps...yesterday we biked to Indianola and back in a DAMN mean wind...it was 28 miles of pure HELL!! I felt like throwing up for awhile and then...I felt so hungry I could have eaten the bark off a tree.

Can You Hear Me Now?

If you hear a scream it's because I kicked Silver Tongued Hamel's ASS!

Even Fat Girls Can Fly!

My life in a nut shell...LIVE. Today I: worked (my ass off thank you very much!) had a snowball fight and WON(poor Larry) drank only ONE coffee...applause worked with Cindy...that deserves SOMETHING don't you think! tempted people with "root canals" delicious and not painful...! biked to the lake road and back(I think around 15 miles ) a: lost only 1 and 1/2 lungs b: almost barfed a taquito up while biking(to Harry Strunk Lake) up a mutha of a hill...and i mean MUTHA c: choked on a bug(unknown species) d: moaned and bitched about blondies statement of "It's just this LAST hill and we'll be on the homestretch" (chuh...rigghhhhhttttt!...and monkeys might fly outta my ass too!) e: BIKED A BUNCHA HILLY MILES PEOPLE! WHOO WHOO

Chicken Watch

I went shopping with Cindy on Sunday and then went for a jaunt up to the lake to see their trailer. I have to say that ole Cindy Sue could hang with the BP juuuust fine. In fact she puts us all to shame. When you can not only buy a quart on a Sunday at noon without a flinch and then quaff it with ease and put a sailer to shame...whyyyyyy....you are IN! In fact I'm may do an honorary bitch posse induction. You are all invited! My house...Saturday...BYOB...munchies provided. Well, in other news...my mom and dad went to Rosebud to do a bit of gambling ie waste a bit of money and I'm "taking care of the chickens". Dad called me up and asked me to "shut the chicken door" and "open up the chicken door" and especially reminded me to "not walk under the big branches hanging over the chicken pen because they might fall on me if there was a big breeze" ? uhhh ok Dad...let me call a helicopter so they can drop me in the pen instead. hee hee Well, gotta go check the chickens now before I'm late for work...no I did NOT say something else...grin

Fashionable Bitches RULE

New BitchWear...check it out! hee hee hee Doggie Style >

Hot Tub & Copper Mugs!

Had a little impromtu hot tub partay last night after we got done cleaning up the coffee shop. Friday night follies LIVE AGAIN! Cindy Sue and I were lusting after Moscow Mules(had been all the live long day(sad)) but decided to settle for a little Takillya as we had a bottle handy and soon after we devoured a wedge of cheese the size of my ass, 5,000 pepperoni slices and chip crumbs we made the desicion to go see Lois Lane (our BP treasurer). Luckily she was home and the hot tub was humming and even luckier...I'd left my swimsuit (underwear) there from the last time! JOY I only THANK THE UNDERWEAR GODS ABOVE that Lois hadn't already put my "suit" on a: 1)flagpole 2)ad for e-bay 3)my front door ANYWAY...My tongue was a little furry this morning and instead of shaving my legs...I shaved it instead. On another note...does anyone know where one might purchase copper mugs? Please let me know if you do. I think I may be in need of at least 2!