December 31, 2005

The Shoe Dropped

Well, Dad felt sickish today. Flu like symptoms...headachy, muscle and bone pain, common for the meds he got. Also he is retaining fluid. I think it is probably because of the steroid he received because of his chemo reaction. I told him it was time for the "pee pill" again...lasix. He agreed and actually took one.
Mom is going stir crazy. She needs to get out a bit.
I am just plain tired. I feel exhausted in fact.
I didn't open the coffee shop today though I should have.
I didn't get my house clean or my Christmas decorations down.
Lucky I got my dishes from yesterday done.
I hate New Years Eve. Always have. For some reason it makes me blue. I took Mom to Walmart in McCook today because she needed to get hair dye...like mother like daughter...hee hee
Actually she needed to see the eye Dr. and get her broken glasses taken in to be fixed.
Since it was New Years Eve...we missed the office hours and therefore went to the stupid Walmart instead.
I bought 3 DVDs...FRENCH KISS...which I LOVE!! A MIGHTY WIND which Mark and I have watched many a time and loved for it's hokey ness. And last but not least...Standing in the Shadows...MOTOWN which we just watched MOTOWN and liked it very much.
The boys are at Moms and Katie has several friends over and here Mark and I sit like old farts.
He keeps getting called out...just now in fact...out the door he goes.

December 30, 2005

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus

Survived the Christmas party without wearing cake in my underwear or a lime in my hair.

December 29, 2005

Keeping My Fingers Crossed

Dad isn't sick from the chemo yet.
I say yet because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
We went to Kearney quick like the wind today.
First Radiation...we got in and out fast.
Then...to the hopsital for yet another X-Ray...this one of his left shoulder. The PET and bone scans showed probable degenerative changes but they still gotta check it for cancer.
I hate that.
After this...Perkins, YET AGAIN, for another plate of break the fast. Dad loves it there. I think because they still have a smoking room there and he can dream can't he.
Tonight is our Christmas Party for the pharmacy and the coffee shop.
I'm ready for a nice drinky poo but I'm afraid I will be too tired.
I'm letting the kids have a party at our house.

I know...what the hell was I thinking...sigh

December 28, 2005

Something Else Indeed

Dad's first chemo treatment was today. We left at 7 am to get to his 8:45 radiation first. We also saw the radiologist(to be forever referred to as Dr. Gaydar) and wasn't that fun. He asks dad, "How are you?" dad says "alright as far as I know". . . the Dr. says "Fine, see you in a week". Dad gets radiated...we are off to chemo at another office.
We get there and check in. Dad is on a Taxol and Carboplatinum regime receiving chemo every 3 weeks. He is pre-medicated with Zofran and Benadryl to alleviate any nausea or reaction to the meds. This will take about an hour and the other meds will take around 4-5 hours to infuse. Mom and I decide, after Dad is hooked up to the IV and in a comfortable recliner, to go and quickly shop and then we will bring dad a hamburger for lunch. Off we go. We buy a few things at a Hobby Lobby and then go for lunch. When we get back to the office Dad is sleeping. He wakes up when we go in and tells us that his "head almost blew off" and he had a reaction to the chemo and his IV rate was now slower. The chemo nurse tells us she medicated him with Solu Medrol, Benedryl and maybe something else. She says this sometimes happens and that the medications will be running in at a slower rate. We will be here longer that the 4-5 hours we were initially told.
We saw sooo many people with cancer today. The chemo room is just that...one big room and all the chemo patients sit side by side in recliners while the nurses adjust rates, draw blood, flush ports and start IV's. There are no secrets in this room. "Let us know if you have blood in your urine" tells a nurse to a bald big eyed woman. She nods and says she will. Quietly she vomits into a plastic bag much like an airplane barf bag and then cleans herself up. There is a man who looks robust and healthy hooked up to an IV of some type of chemo. He tells me he is an experiment. There is no cure for what he has. He just takes treatments until he croaks or... is cured. His daughter just had her first baby last night. Another woman twists and turns and moves her legs restlessly while her medication runs in. Her husband and 2 older children visit quietly in Spanish while her youngest boy, about 4, plays with plastic animals and leaps them across bedside tables and across the arm of the recliner. He grins and gives his mama a kiss on the cheek when she opens her weary eyes. Her bright bandana slips and she tugs it back in place. A 6 year old boy leaps into the room, sidles up to the bowl of hard candies, shovels many into his gap toothed mouth and proceeds to leave. The nurse shouts, "Hey...where do you think you're going?" and then he grins, caught in the act, sits in the chair and gets his cancer fighting drug infusion. He looks and acts like any other 6 year old except he is bald and has an infusaport implanted beneath his skin. One lady is as white as a bedsheet. Transparent almost. Her husband and daughter pretend they are enthralled with the beautiful pictures in a big coffee table book about Nebraska but in reality they are just looking away, at anything anywhere else but the sickness of their loved one.

It is quite something this disease.

December 27, 2005

Really, It's MARKS gift...Not Mine...REALLY!

Mark's Christmas present arrived today.
Beer of the Month Club!
Yah Baybe!
I rapidly tore open the package as he "was busy" up front at the store and I was in the back of the store pacing around the box and too impatient to wait. hee hee hee
I LOVE IT!
The first featured microbeers are from ABITA BREWEREY from Abita springs, Louisiana and the FLYING DOG BREWERY out of Denver Colorado.
The well padded box contained...in no particular order...TURBODOG BROWN ALE, CHRISTMAS ALE, OLD SCRATCH AMBER LAGER (GOLD SCRATCH) and SNAKE DOG I.P.A.

good god how could anyone RESIST such tempting names as these?

Shenry...have you been to the Flying Dog Brewery? If not...you must go. The beer labels are hilarious and probably worth the trip anyway. They all feature a type of dog in mid turbodog throes with tongue hanging out as if to say...must have beer...must have beer....must have beer...and who hasn't really felt that way?? and often...for that matter.

Mark had to go back to work...so...I...must...wait...to open...HIS...present...gasp...cough cough cough...must have beer...must have beer...must have...gasp...BEER!

do I sound desparate?


SO WHAT! Join me??


December 26, 2005

Nice

Okay, I was just thumbing through the channels during a commercial break on a show about EB (Epidermolysis Bulosa...that's a disease where skin doesn't stick to your body) and I saw one of my old favs was on...Born Without A Face...but it too was having a commercial break.
Guess what the commercial was for?

A Home Kit for Micro Dermabrasion.

god

December 25, 2005

495 Miles

Next year BRAN will be staying in my home town on day 3...Cambridge Nebraska. We are all excited about the opportunity. Cindy and I have been recruiting new bods to ride.
My hubby is the coordinator...lucky sap.

December 24, 2005

Happy Christmas from the McCurdy's

In lieu of a card...ta daa you get an e-mail. In short...a cliff note on each of us.

Mark...busy as a one armed paper hanger best describes this man as most of the waking hours are devoted to scheduling work around attending sporting and school related events. Luckily he has a good harem of pharmacy workers to fill in when necessary. He's also done a lot of Medicare speeches throughout every little town, village and street block that wants him to. Hobbies are taking a backseat lately...unless you call the above...a hobby.

Sheryl...making coffee, tea and swirlies by the gallon keeps this chick busy...as well as attending sports and school events. There is always something to do at the shop or at home or at school or at ... you get the picture.

Katie...busier than the busiest one armed paper hanger says it all. Katie is in volleyball, basketball, one act, speech, FCCLA, Cheerleader, Swing Choir, Band and yadda yadda yadda ya. When she's not busy with any of those things she is cruising with her buds and when she isn't busy with that...she just LOVES to help me out by working at the shop.

Andrew...Junior high years...sigh...just the best don't you agree?? Andrew is participating in football, basketball and track. He is in FPS and Quiz bowl for extra activities. He even managed to squeeze in a girl friend (for a week or two) much to our surprise....aghhhhhh! He has a crew he hangs with and boy oh boy I can't wait until they start to drive! wheeeeee

Alec...Yet another busy body. Alec is in 6th grade and aren't they the kings of the school yard now. He is busy with FPS, Quiz bowl, being the high school boy's basketball manager, playing 6th grade basketball and is involved in the Sing Around Nebraska program. We are excitedly awaiting his entrance into the pre teen years...actually we are teetering on the edge if ya know what I mean. Oh Boy!

Petie our dog and Pickles the cat still remain active members of our home. Petie's favorite hobby is sneaking into the cat litter and strewing about special sculptures for us to find. Pickles enjoys only food and sleep. I envy her.

In other news my dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer. He starts chemo and radiation therapy on Tuesday. We've been dealing with this since Thanksgiving and so it feels good to be starting something. Much time will be spent on the road as he is to receive his treatments in Kearney which is 1 and 1/2 hours away. The radiation is Monday through Friday for 33 does and his Chemo every 3 weeks for 6 doses. They are not thinking they would be able to do surgery at this time. My mom is doing okay but it is a difficult time for her and all of us. I'm sure it brings up some memories for you all as well.

Anyway, we miss you and wish we could see you soon but it seems impossible with all that is going on and will be going on this winter. Until we do...e-mail will have to suffice.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
The McCurdy Clan

December 23, 2005

Christmas Tidings

It's almost Christmas.
Though, not cold winter mitten time that I long for.
No need for sleds or long johns now...the Chinook wind is blowing tonight...the snow is still melting atop our deck.
dripping dripping dripping yet.
Ugly brown and naked branches are showing.
ack...I h a t e the ugliness of this time of year.

Am I ready for Christmas?
Perhaps.
Gifts are not my priority this year...maybe tomorrow they will be.
I wrapped and be-ribboned the few packages I had hidden in the trunk of my car.

We will have soup and sandwiches at my house tomorrow...Mom, Dad and the McCurdy 5! Then on Christmas day we will go to Mom and Dads...for prime rib and other goodies.

Already the kids are tired and bored with Christmas vacation. Only... 12 days more to go!!

How many chores can I create?

I also wanted to thank those who have supported and encouraged me during this time of uncertainty with my Dads cancer.
Thank you all...you are my support group.

December 21, 2005

I'm In The Mood . . .


Powered by Castpost

...the epitome of... me!
Perhaps my epitah should read this entire song.

December 20, 2005

Look Ma No Hands

The day turned out differently than I expected.
No gloom and doom. No waving of the finger saying, "You idiot, why did you smoke!", or "You get what you deserve when you smoke." No such comments were made at all. No life expectancies were brought up. No talk of death or dying...nothing except talk of living with cancer and the treatment of cancer.
The office smelled of new carpet and paint,was calmly decorated and relaxing. The chemo room itself was beautiful and the nurses, the ones we met anyway, were very nice. The oncologist is almost an exact replica of Mark's older sister, Teresa (she's the one who is going to be opening a coffee shop in Iowa). It was very bizarre to see and hear her. She was easy to visit with, open, friendly, and Dad liked her. The main reason he liked her is that when he mentioned cigs the Dr. did not freak out. She said, matter of factually, "The damage is done, if smoking helps you to cope, is something that you feel you must do, than do it". My dad instantly thought he would send her a Christmas card, invite her to lunch, buy her a gift...
We go back to Kearney on Thursday for an introduction to the radiologist and perhaps a simulation of his treatment. We start next Wednesday with his chemo regime...again...in Kearney. The two meds he gets will be given per infusion, but no port will be placed! They will just start an IV each time. He will receive chemo every 3 weeks for 6 doses and radiation every day (Monday through Friday) for 6 weeks.
Dr. Lewis does not travel closer to Cambridge and we will have to make the 1 1/2 hour trip there and then 1 1/2 hours back Monday through Friday. The longest days will be his chemo days when the meds take around 4-5 hours to infuse. I think we will have helpers when I can't go or mom can't go.
Surgery did not appear to be an option. Dad did not mind that. He preferred this route.
It feels good to be starting something.
So, let the roller coaster begin.

December 19, 2005

Tomorrow It Will Begin

My mom told me that she told my dad, "People don't die from cancer...they die from not eating!" Therefore she justifies the 3 squares and 3 snacks a day plus 3 glasses of liquids per meal and a daily vitamin smoothie that appear magically in front of dad at every strike of the clock. I thought to myself...By God I'm not going to die skinny! I might die...but I'll be buried in a piano case!
I saw the PET and bone scan reports today.
No mets.
Really.
We must be thankful for small victories.
Still there is cancer.
Still cancer is deadly.
But it felt like such a relief that the cancer was not all through the body as I earlier suspected.
It sure felt different going and telling mom and dad that, so far anyway, according to the recent tests, the cancer is confined to the lung.
Still we will probably be doing chemo, radiation and perhaps surgery.
Funny how your priorities change.
First the word cancer sent us into a downward spiral.
Now we hear "no mets" and that sends us into positive orbit even though we know there is still cancer to deal with.
Mom is running around, wrapping presents, getting out more decorations. Dad is animated. He got out and drove around in his pickup today. Went to his old haunts.
Tomorrow we go back to Kearney. It won't be roses I know that. We will probably hear about life expectancies and chemo and mortality and radiation and nausea and vomiting and minor surgery for insertion of a port and God knows what else.
I'm glad though, to see mom and dad less anxious. That's worth a great deal to me.

December 18, 2005

Yes My Dad Smoked But...

What About All The Other People Who Live(d) Beside And Around That Area of Town?

Lung cancer is a leading cause of death in the West, its greatest anamoly being that it is primarily self-inflicted: over 80% of lung cancers are caused by smoking; next is residential radon, a by-product of naturally-occurring breakdown of radium, which comes from decaying uranium. (hmmmm....uranium...where have I heard that before???? Oh YAH...IT'S IN OUR WATER THAT'S WHERE I HEARD IT!!!! )

One in fifteen homes has been calculated to have ambient radon levels exceeding safe levels. Lastly, comes work-related carcinogens - again, self-infliction.

Self inflicted...kind of like saying I'm Thirsty, My Body Needs Fluids...I'M GOING TO DRINK THE WATER HERE EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!!

December 17, 2005

The Back of the Neck

Some days I don't feel quite so bad about Dad's cancer...for a moment. And then, I remember how thin his shoulders looked when I helped him put his shirt on, or I see the back of his neck as we were driving up to Kearney for his bone scan and I feel so very very bad. I remeber seeing that little patch of neck skin and feeling so goddamn helpless. Just that tiny bit of skin exposed to the elements. Unprotected. So much like riding a rocket that's out of control.
Actually this feels like having a baby...it's coming and there is nothing you can fucking do to stop it. It's not under your control anymore.
The strangest things double me over. Like seeing Dads hands drumming along his knee as we were heading up to Kearney...I wonder...is he thinking...this is it...I'm going to die soon...my day's are numbered...will I suffer...how much pain will I have...is this my last Christmas...I can't hardly take it.
I think of holiday music and warm homes and everybody getting together for their family meals, I think of Christmas Eve and how we always go to Mom and Dads for soup and and I wonder what we are going to be doing then.
Getting a subclavian for Dad's chemo to start? Taking radiation? Both? Worse?
I don't want Tuesday to come. I don't know if I can take it.
Every day that passes by and we don't go to the Dr. or talk about going to the Dr. makes it seem less like we are dealing with cancer. Seems we are just biding time until...something bad happens.
Tuesday will be the start of...something.
The results of the scan I'm afraid will be devastating.
Mom want to postpone the appointment until after Christmas.
I don't know what to do right now.

except cry

December 14, 2005

Bath & Beer O' Clock

I found myself pacing pacing pacing tonight and for some reason I wanted to go jogging. However, the thought of feeling my fat gut bulging and swaying in the breeze not to mention the slap of a couple of jugs in the face made me reconsider. I walked and left the running up to my nose.
Tomorrow we take Dad up to Kearney for a bone scan. Today we had the PET scan. Next Tuesday, we go up and talk to the oncologist who will tell us if the cancer can be treated with chemo, radiation, surgery or... nothing. I fear the worst.

Merry Fucking Christmas.
Jingle Fucking Bells.
Deck the Fucking Halls.

In other news:

I recently found out that the Bike Ride Across Nebraska(BRAN) ride will be coming to Cambridge next year. On Day three the riders will be camping here!

Jo Jo Dancing Bear is still alive and kicking although after her latest bout of illness I had my doubts. She was sputtering and spewing, pale blue and laughing at...of all things...my Christmas Stick Tree the last time she was at my house. I saw her today at Duckballs where she was picking up a discounted egg peeler... a perfect holiday gift for that special someone...(??) Hopefully not me.

Petie has a new name. Yes, it's Petie Rat BasTurdburgler. When we got home from Kearney, I hurridly threw down the few presents I have gotten around to buying on the "piano room" floor and tried to wrap them as I had a spare hour. As I knelt down on the floor I noticed a lovely dried litter encrusted cat turd staring up at me as sweetly as a dried litter encrusted cat turd can stare. I knew something wasn't right. Yes, I was that sharp. Petie was standing at the open door with a shit eating grin on his face. When I narrowed my right eye and lifted my lip in disgust, he slunk down and fell on his back like he'd been harpooned.
That RAT BASTURDBURGLER!

December 13, 2005

Weary

When you find yourself delivering very good, hot Colombian coffee (from a reputable coffee shop) and Xanax to your parents home and wishing you had a vat of whiskey as well you know things are going downhill. One minute you may find yourself making homemade apple fritters, the next...telling your Dad that the Dr called and he has non small cell squamous cancer of the lung. You may find yourself setting up PET scans and bone scans and buying groceries for your folks. You may find yourself crying when you least suspect it. You might wonder how you can smile and wish anyone happy holidays when your own are tainted by the appearance of those bastard cancer cells.
We are now in the process of staging.

You can't know how awful it was to take the phone call from the Dr in the early evening hours, decide to wait overnight to talk to your folks so they won't have a sleepless night, go in the morning and see them turn to you with fearful eyes and then say "Dad, it's cancer".

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

December 11, 2005

Define Better

We wait for reports and I feel myself growing older and grayer. It's only been 2 days, yet it feels like eternity. My Mom and Dad are hibernating in their home. Locking themselves inside a protective bubble. Forgetting everything the Dr. already told them, they are waiting for a miracle. I am so not ready for this thing to get rolling. Let them remain in hiding I want to scream! I imagine I will call the Dr's office in Lincoln tomorrow or early early Monday and ask them for results, explain that I would like to know before they dial up my folks. Somehow, I don't know if they will tell me anything. HIPPA violations are something to behold. I dread for Mom or Dad to answer the phone and take in the news like sponges...only to deflate, curl up inside themselves and implode.
I'm expecting the worst.
My stomach is in knots.
My Mom is in some kind of world I cannot fathom.
It's almost unbearable.
I find myself feeling guilty if I forget for a second that my Dad is sick, my Mom floundering. What I could have should have need to do is flogging me with every breathe.
I wish I could do anything to make things better.

Sitting In Limbo



Posted by dashblog on 2005-12-10 22:15:12 PDT | Permalink

Filename: john_cruz_sitting_in_limbo.mp3 | Tags: by John Cruz

December 10, 2005

Today I Forecast...Nap

Chinook wind like weather...almost feels like Spring.
Who knew 30 degrees could feel tropical?
I wanted to open the windows up and air out the house.
But instead of doing dishes, laundry, etc...I think I will take a nap and then go to basketball games.

December 08, 2005

We Are Home

Got back from Lincoln around 5 pm today.
Dad had his, as he called it, scopealottome, or otherwise known, bronchoscopy and biopsies this morning. Mark asked him if he also got an addadicktome while he was at it.
boys
Dad tolerated the procedure well. Better than us in fact. Me, Mom and Mark sat in the waiting room and waited.
Waiting sucks bad.
The Dr. talked to us, showed us pictures of the bronchial airways (right side perfect...left side...not)...the good news(which I don't think there was)...the bad news(probably cancer)...and now we await the biopsy results.
Early next week.
We will know for certain sure what we are dealing with and then we can plan what to do or not to do.
I'm so tired right now. I can't imagine how my Mom is feeling let alone my Dad.
This SUCKS in a big big big way.

December 07, 2005

Tests and More Tests

One day down.
We got here(Lincoln) last night, checked into a motel, slept zero, got ready, had a massive breakfast, and then, went to Bryan Medical Plaza. There we met Dr. Johnson, pulmonologist. Dad's x-ray looked worse today then when he got out of the hospital 2 weeks ago. More fluid around the base of the left lung. The lower left lobe was not expanding at all.
Probable cause...cancer.
No surprise there really but to hear the Dr say it out loud was almost a relief. At least it was out in the open. Dr. Johnson also said that the haziness could be caused by a severe pneumonia.
He gave us that glimmer of hope. He isn't abrupt and cold. I mean even if there is 1 chance in a zillion it is just a severe pneumonia it's nice to hear that there "is a chance".
I like him. He is a non threatening and non judgmental Dr...so far. We found out he grew up around Alma. He knows some of the Cambridge folks too. That was kind of a neat plus.
Dad was then scheduled for a pulmonary function test and after that and an arterial blood gas draw, he had a thoracentesis done. This is when a needle is passed between 2 ribs and into the space between the lung and the rib and fluid is drawn off. In dads case...2 liters of beer looking fluid. Dad teased Dr. Johnson and said his distillery had been found out. His lung did not immediately expand after the fluid was drawn out. It might yet, or not. We don't know yet. Tomorrow, we go into Bryan at 5:30 am and dad will have a bronchoscopy done. There Dr. Johnson will take biopsies. Then, we go home. We will have the results of the biopsies early next week. Once we receive those we will form our plan of action or non action. Right now, we don't know for certain sure what we are dealing with.
Mom is doing okay...as good as she can. Dad seems good. He doesn't say too much. I almost felt like he was relieved that the word cancer was out in the open. I don't know.
It's been a day.
If the weather doesn't get a lot worse (been snowing off and on all day) and dad tolerates the scope, we will be home tomorrow late afternoon.
Thank God for Mark. He has been toting us all everywhere, getting our rooms, getting baggage here and there. This trip would have been HELL without him!!

December 06, 2005

Leaving Today

Due to the weather we are leaving today.
That means we won't see the kids' Christmas programs (silver lining?) ha ha ha. I am sad though, because I hate to miss anything the kids are in.
I soaked Dad's feet and trimmed his nails last night...slowly slowly slowly...cuz that's my way and Mom veered in with a sidecutter and practically wedged off a toe.
Good Lord!
No wonder I love gore, sores and weeping pustules! It was born right in me!
Cindy Sue called me late afternoon, from Kearney, from the mall, to inform me
SHE'S SNOWED IN AT THE MALL!!!
OMG! Call 911! The stores will never be the same! I think she and her mom were going to buy sleeping bags and camp out in Herbergers or something like that.
What A Terrible Tragedy!!
Snowed in at the MALL!!

December 04, 2005

Husker Volleyball and other stuff

Academic All American ...that's our girl! If you haven't been keeping up with Nebraska volleyball (and WHY NOT!!) then you wouldn't know about Christina, who hails from our sweet town of Cambridge. Regionals are Dec 9-10 and should be awesome.
I hope we are all home and watching on our own TV set not in a Lincoln hospital bed. Dad is quite the Husker fan...he always watches, listens to the games. It would be cool to take him to a game one day.
Dad looks good, says he feels good, is not coughing, is eating and NOT SMOKING!! The not smoking part is amazing. It's probably good I chew my fingernails cause if I didn't, I would probably be a smoking machine like Dad was.
Dad is quiet, Mom is exhausted and this wait is almost unbearable. I dread what is coming yet, we need to know and take some type of action. We may leave tomorrow, depending on the weather. Wednesday at 11:30 is the appointment.
Other news, I made raspberry walnut cream cheese biscotti tipped with holiday almond bark last night.
yah
me
baking...and no fire.
They don't taste half bad either.
Today, I spent in a flurry of activities trying to organize my leaving for a few days. The shop is in good hands, but there are all kind of bizarre things I need to do to leave.
Well, gotta put an order in for goodies so more later.

December 03, 2005

Bar None

At the basketball game last night, at the "away gym", I saw a small boy, with his head stuck through a grill or "barred" area at the end of the court. It kind of looked like one of those black wrought iron fence type things. I thought it looked as if this kids head was actually stuck between two of the bars. He wasn't screaming or cyanotic so I thought, hmmmm...maybe he isn't...but then again...maybe his is and I raised up in my seat and started to go toward him. Soon afterward, before I got there, he pulled his head out and wandered off to torture his own parents.
Head intact.
It brought back memories.
My own son, Andrew, got his big melon stuck through a chair seat one time...no not recently thank God. He must have been 3 or 4.
Mark and I were laughing so hard it was difficult to get a good picture...but we managed.
Now if only I could find and post it!!

December 01, 2005

A Week of Feng Shui

One week we go to Lincoln.
One long week of waiting.
It's hard, very hard.
You know what you will probably hear and you don't want to hear it but maybe hearing it will ease some of the strain.
Actually, it will probably just put the strain somewhere else.
Funny, this afternoon I thought, I'm going to put up my Christmas decorations. I'd come to the conclusion...We should be living life one day at a time and we should enjoy what we have together...now...and now meant decorating for Christmas. I called Mom and we talked about that and she felt the same. I had a moment of relief.
Then, tonight, I felt like shit...bawly and morose again.
I just feel so damn sad and I hope and pray that if we hear bad news, that Dad won't have to go through a bunch of painful medical procedures. I just dread that. I just can't hardly stand the thought of it in fact. I may have to rearrange my furniture again.
I do that when I'm nervous.
Feng Shui Furniture Therapy I guess.
Maybe I could start a Feng Shui Furniture Moving Group. We could meet at each others homes, wearing kimonos and thick canvas work gloves. Our steel toed boots would protect us from any injuries we might possibly receive from taking oak buffet tables from one corner of the room to the other. Baby Grand Pianos wouldn't slow us down either.
In other news, I picked up several branches that blew down from our "blizzard", stuffed them into "Petie's Pickle Crock", threw lights on them, our Christmas decorations and taaa daaaaaa....our Christmas Tree!!
RedNeck Style...except I haven't hung any beer bottles on the ends...yet.

November 28, 2005

My Head Is A Snow Globe

It's a blizzard here like we haven't seen in awhile.
The wind gusts are up to 50 mph or more at times.
With snow.
Mark and I headed up to the shop around 6 am(ish) and while he shoveled I planned what meal to feature, made rolls and lined up the coffee shop stuff. I decided I would just shower there after I was done with the morning stuff.
I thought I'd probably end up with a shower partner but Mark ended up taking an elderly man to the hospital instead. The man was out walking into a restaurant down the street (not even open) and he fell on his arm...breaking his shoulder. Poor guy. Luckily I got my shower done quickly unluckily after dressing I made a decidedly bad discovery.
I hadn't brought my make up with me!
I was due to open up in 5 minutes, Mark was gone, I had no car...my face looked like, ass. I thought...oh surly no one will come in.
Oddly, even though it was blizzarding, people did come in to get coffee and hot chocolate, cappuccinos and lattes...and I made chili and cinnamon rolls for our "daily special" and Thank God that Katie walked in and I made her work and new girl Amber trained our front today and she caught on AWESOMELY and it worked out okay. I had to stay all day and close just like the old days and I am tired.
Ran out to take some groceries to Mom and Dad as they are trapped inside of their house due to the blowing snow. Dad doesn't feel real well today...not sleeping well, slightly nauseated and in his words felt like he had a hangover. We don't have our Lincoln appointment yet. It's a worry.
Funny, as a nurse I dealt with this all the time...while at the hospital or doing home health and hospice...but now...it feels different.
I hate it very much.
Everything seems to be spinning inside my head. Much like a snow globe.
Just waiting for everything to settle down so I can see what's really going on.

November 27, 2005

Ten Second News

Dad's home and we will probably be going to Lincoln sometime this next week.
For now we wonder if the rattle is an infusion from the pneumonia or, as he says, "My leetle buddies", making an imaginary ciggarette with his fingers.
We can only hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
In other news, I tore the coffee shop appart yesterday and attempted to decorate and move the tables and chairs around so some people can sit as long as they wish and others, who wish to shop, could actually shop.
It was a nightmare from hell.
I moved every table, every chair, almost every counter, every book, coffee bean and more.
I always regret it when I get the place torn from stem to stern, because it takes FOREVER to put things away.
In the end, I got things put back somewhat in order, but I didn't get all my decorating done.
Today I suppose, I'll finish.
The thought of decorating my house makes me shudder.
I have no desire to do it.
At all.
We should have put up our outdoor lights yesterday when it was nice out.
Today is cold, windy and possible it will snow and rain later.
At least some of my Christmas shopping is done.
Boxes have been arriving lately.
Filled with things I ordered.

If only I could remember who I ordered that monkey for.
For now...


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November 24, 2005

I Need A Drink!!

Not much new.
Dad still in our local hospital with "inconclusive CAT scan results" leading to a check up in 2 weeks with a pulmonologist in Lincoln.
He is being treated for Pneumonia now and for the next 2 or 3 days...Even though he has been smoking since he was 11-12 years of age...and the inevitable is looming on the horizon.
He has lost 20 or so pounds.
He has a chronic cough.
His RBC is 12...not 14 like a man should be.
He occasionally coughs up bright red sputum.
You do the math.

It's been a hard 2 days and it feels like a month has went by.

It might be miller time soon...

November 22, 2005

The Word

My Dad's in the hospital.
Not great news.
We may be heading for Lincoln, pulmonologists, biopsies etc.
I'll know more today...probably more than I want to know I'm sure.

November 20, 2005

Sunday Lovely Sunday

We got ready for church this morning (no small feat ) the kids were just dragging around, fighting, bickering, putting on clothes that were wrinkled (not the one's I'd already ironed and laid out of course), too little, fully holey...not holy...and just in general trying to piss me off.
They succeeded. I blew up and shouted and screamed and bawled I was so mad. Finally as I saw we were already later than late I capitulated and said, as everyone assembled, finally clean, combed, non hole wearing fully clothed, WE ARE NOT GOING...DO YOU HEAR ME...YOU GOT UP EARLY AND YOU GOT READY AND WE ARE NOT GOING!!!!!!
Then, I did yard work, bought Christmas presents online and wrote this.
I should have just went, late with kids in tow...but I didn't.

November 17, 2005

Sly...John...It's ALL GOOD!



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...If You Want Me To Stay...Sly and the Family Stone



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Alone in the Dark...John Hiatt



Okay this is SO BIZARRE THAT I HAVE TO DO AN ADD ON TO THIS POST!!!
After I posted these 2 songs I walked out to the living room and was immediately startled to see a balding man, very sincerely saying to the camera, A man's brain can be likened to a vagina.
chuhhhh
and HE'S MAKING THE BIG BUCKS!!
vagina my ass
A man's brain is a PENIS...DUH.

November 16, 2005

FRIDAY FOOTBALL FRENZY- coming to a stadium near you SOON!

In fact, the boys play Friday at 11 for the State Football championship!!!
Hope the snow in Lincoln will be gone by then. Mark called me from Omaha and said there was 2 inches tonight.
Some notes of interest about one of our football players/all state choir members can be read HERE. KHAS-TV News 5 is carrying this unusual tale of a talented kid who must choose between singing in the All State Honor Choir on Saturday or...playing in the State Championship Football Game on Friday morning. The Choir rules are that if he misses one rehearsal he cannot sing in the final concert which would be Saturday. Anothony auditioned and qualified for the All State Choir several weeks ago. He is one of those rare individuals that excels in everything that he does...AND he is a nice kid. Too bad he has to choose one over the other...but...such is life I guess...and unfortunately this probably won't be the last tough decision he will have to make.
I will not be able to go to the game as I'll be here working. I got to go to the girls volleyball game so that was my time off.
Cambridge will probably be a ghost town by Friday.
Last time Cambridge was in the State Playoff Cindy and I popped a dishpan full of popcorn and propped our feet up by the TV at the shop and watched the game between making lattes and hot chocolates for the few stragglers that remained. We might do that this time too.
My chilluns will all be at the game...Katie, cheerleading and the boys there by farming them off with a willing family. Mark will meet them there. He's in Omaha at a State School Board meeting of the minds...yahoooza...wish I WAS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

November 15, 2005

Hold Onto Your Hats People This Is B I G !


I'm thinking about having a Scrabble tournament at the coffee shop.
I know...dip me in mustard and call me hotdog...if THAT doesn't sound wild!!



Let me know if you want to sign up!

November 14, 2005

Thrilling

2005 NSAA STATE FOOTBALL
CHAMPIONSHIP FINALS SCHEDULE
{All games to be played at Memorial Stadium - UNL}

Friday -November 18th -Plainview vs Cambridge 11:00AM {Class C2}

What a feeling to play at Memorial Stadium.
I cannot even fathom how exciting a time those boys will have just being there.
Awesome!

November 13, 2005

Moon & Mars




If you look closely you can see Mars left of the "Frosty Beaver Moon". I took that picture last night. On Monday night, the distance will shrink and the pair will have a close encounter.

Merrily Merrily Merrily....Life is But a Dash

Recently, after reading darling Shenry's recent blog entry titled, God of Shenry I went to the Urban Dictionary.
I wanted to look up some naughty words so I started with...Shenry...and found out what I already knew...Shenry is undefined!
duh
I then looked up Dash Blog...alas...I am not undefined and cool like Shenry.
There were a few definitions involving the word dash and a few with blog and one I particularly liked involving the words...Life is a Dash.
I think I'll make that my new motto.

November 12, 2005

Good Luck C.H.S. Football Team!

Katie...on her way to CHEER the TROJANS to a VICTORY!!





Andrew and Katie head for the game!


Could've Would've Should've

Well, the girls lost.
That's about all I'm going to say about it for now...if I can control my big fat mouth...and THAT may not always be the case...as you all well know...in fact...let me say this ONE thing...If you have to barricade a player from receiving, at this time of year, in a game where you are playing at State Tournament level, than that person should not be playing in the back row. Especially if it's not an isolated incident.
There is no shame in that. The only shame is not using ALL your players to the best of their ability.
Those girls could have swept the tourney.
See...I knew I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
Now, it's on to the boys football game. If we win tonight...it's on to the State Tournament for them next week.
I heard that if the BOYS go to State they go up 2 days early.
WTF!! Is that necessary? Did I hear wrong?
One day for a walk through on the field, one day to practice...then...??
Why don't the girls go up several days in advance?? They could benefit from a walk through at the gym they will play at.
I say what is fair for one group if fair for all...??
Or....am I not seeing this in the right light?

Oh yahhhhh....I forgot
Boys are special, football is different, girls don't need that kind of treatment nor do they deserve it because God knows lowly girls don't put in the amount of time, effort and blood, sweat and tears the boys do
grin
I know I know I know...why don't I open another can of worms!

I'm OUT!

November 10, 2005

Just So Ya Know

I fucking HATE those chips called..."Scoopers" or something like that.
Dahum!
Every time and I mean EVERYFUCKINGTIME I eat one I cut the roof of my mouth!
what is UP with that!
I guess it's GOD telling me, Hey fat ass I think you need a Scooper let alone half a bag of Scoopers like you need a pocket in your underwear.

State Volleyball Game...Tomorrow, Lincoln, 2:30.


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November 08, 2005

Moving Soon

I'm thinking of changing my blog URL. So don't be surprised if you show up and I'm...like...gone.
You can e-mail me at poniday@msn.com if you would like my new URL. Otherwise...adios pot roast!

November 06, 2005

12 Miles

Just went 12 miles with Cindy Sue. Her first since she had a knee scope, my first since the Century ride. I loved it and I want to get back at it again. Funny what a little break will do.

November 05, 2005

Volleyball Girls WILL Go To State!


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We play on Friday at Pershing at 2:30. I am so excited for the girls!!
Wipe 'em OUT GIRLS!!!!!!

Shit Cakes, Tooth Decay - and how they are related.

Petie took a curlique crap on my carpet night before last because we didn't put him in his kennel like we usually do.
Bas - Turd!
When I got up yesterday I cleaned up the shit cake and after the usual morning routine, went to work.
Last night when I was flossing my teeth (with a wild animal children flosser of course) I was walking around the house (talking...imagine that) and I dropped my only flosser...guess where.
yah
sick

November 02, 2005

Meet The Flockers!

Well, I just got back from a noon meeting of the minds.
Over lettuce studded with shrimps (of which I abstained) and reddish pinkish dressing of unknown origin we planned Old Fashioned Christmas 2005. Something new for our town. We giggled, some spilled our water and Karlala wrote everything out. All we need are reindeer and eggnog and we'll have 'er done. We may have to resort to our local florist Jolee's Flocking machine for the snow...but we are going to have us some fun on Dec 8. If you are in the neighborhood please stop down...and put on an elf costume for added pleasure.
One idea of mine that didn't go over...I said we should flood our streets and have ice skating...never mind those drunks in the gutters! Guess everyone likes those drunks better than ice skating! Damn

Now...I think we should start planning and Old Fashioned Easter...hmmmmmm wouldn't that be something now.

Benched...Mentally AND Physically

It is so hard to face your child, ready to give yet another "life lesson speech" when she comes home game after game hurting, tears in her eyes. Let me tell you, Mark and I have given so many life lesson speeches this year already that we are running out of ideas. Mark is so good about saying the right things but I am impatient...too emotional...and am frankly sick and tired of having a perpetual lump in my throat. But...instead of screaming and stomping my feet and making an ass of myself (something I'm quit good at by the way) I write it out and (make an ass of myself in print), I research my questions, I try to make sense of it. I try to find another "lesson" I can give my daughter that may help her to understand that she IS important to the TEAM, that SHE IS part of a T E A M. I feel that is something the coach should be doing. I know it's hard for me to be objective since this is MY CHILD. I'm not stupid. I realize my daughter probably shouldn't be front row...although she did fine in junior varsity there...and her skills there have improved...but still...I feel her passing and tremendous serve, her scrappiness are an asset that has been misused all this year. Unfortunately, her self esteem, her confidence in her abilities have decreased as she has been told things like, "You had your chance and you blew it", when she missed 2 serves, or when she asked for instruction on her spike approach, "Yah...that looks good enough". Instead of being nurtured and felt like what she does is important to the "team" she has been benched both physically and mentally.
There is a tremendous pressure put on the juniors that sub in for one play then sub out. Their mistakes are glaring since they are only in for that one play. I know, though, that because of the sheer talent of the "team" that Katie, and the other subs must take what they get and do the best they can do. I also feel that your team is only as good as your bench is.
Our mantra has always been, Do your best at whatever you do. We have always been proud of our daughter in all that she does and we praise her. But, I feel there should be some praise for ALL the players from the coach as well.
Well, I can't say if I feel totally better yet...but at least I got this off my chest.

Top Ten Issues in Coaching

No. 10 - Dealing with Frustration - or maybe this is better known as How to Communicate with your players effectively..if you're a yeller or screamer at your players - and that's the key phrase at your kids - then you're becoming obsolete..Why? because the vast majority of kids today DO NOT respond well to being belittled by their coachesÂ….most kids will NOT, repeat, will NOT rise to the challenge.they just end up hating you and will shrink from the task at end.

So, if you want to scream and yell, modify your approach so that you yell at the TEAM in general - not at an individual player. That's the key difference. It's much easier for the entire team to hear they're not making an effort than for an individual kid to be picked up and humiliated in front of his teammates.

Top Issue No. 9 - Make every possible effort to get everybody into the game.now, this is a tough challenge for some coaches, but for others, it's easy yes, especially at the varsity level, you want to win.but the best coaches seem to understand that in order for the team to win, it helps dramatically if every kid - -even the second stringers - get a chance to break a sweat and get dirty, even if only for a few plays.

Why? Because it's hard to talk about how We're a TEAM if only a few kids play in the game.kids on the bench begin to lose interest, their self-confidence withers -after all, how good can they be if You, the coach, don't trust them to play them in the game and eventually, your entire program suffers because you get the reputation as favoring only a few kids

Coaches, trust me on this.find a way to get All your kids into the games .and not just when the score is lopsided.

Issue No. 8 - Learn how to Communicate with your players. That means You, as the coach, have to build a rapport with every kid on your team.talk to them one on one.let them feel free to give you ideas, feedback, etc.don't be afraid to let the kids make suggestions to you on how to use a certain player here or there.sometimes, the players know better than you do who should play where on the teamÂ.

I remember a player telling me that one of my outfielders - a kid who didn't play much - had a terrific knuckleball.I went to this outfielder, asked to see him pitch, and lo and behold, he was great.but he never came to me to volunteer that info, and I would have never have heard about it unless I had listened to his teammate.

ALSO be careful and precise with your words. Those youngsters live and die with what you say, so be very, very careful. Above all, never make a promise to a kid if you don't plan to carry it out that will absolutely ruin any trust or rapport the kid has for you .example: telling a kid he's going to play a lot in the next game, and then the kid gets in only briefly there's no reason to do that.

Issue No. 7 - Here's a tough one Parents should be treated with respect and with friendship-they are NOT to be avoided like the plague .Now, I know this can be very difficult for coaches .but the only thing that parents want from you are two things: 1) a few kind words about how their kid is doing, and 2) they may want to offer a coaching strategy or two.

My advice? Give the parent 5 minutes of your time, let them give you their advice, and give them a sincere smile. Sometimes, they may even have a good idea.but to be distant or aloof from these folks is a big, big mistake.

Also, always remember that parents rarely tend to be objective about their kids' abilities as athletes. But that being said, it's not your job to deflate the parent's dreams .don't worry - -when the time comes, the kid will either rise to the top, or they won't.you won't have to tell the parents the bad news.

And one last thing about parents. If they call you, make every effort to call them back within 24 hours.

Issue No. 6 - Make sportsmanship a key priority..don't just say and shrug, "Oh yeah, I guess we gotta shake hands after the game with the other team." Rather, teach your kids about the Golden Rule in Sports - treat your opponents the way you would like to be treated.

As a coach, praise the opponents and their efforts. Let your kids know that the other team is working hard, too. Teach your kids what's acceptable after they score, and what isn't. Let them know that running up a score is just not right .I still get angry when I hear about coaches letting kids run the score in a game in order to set a personal recordÂ….that stuff stinks!

Teach your kids how to win - and lose -- with class.

Issue No. 5 - Be careful with your words! You can never go wrong with praise, but you can really run into problems if you lash out at your kids and use words that cut right to the bone.

Sacrasm is really the worst enemy you can have. If you're a coach, don't try to be a comedian. Don't try and poke fun at your kids by using sarcastic remarks .kids, for the most part, won't respond to that. And by the way, remind your asst. coaches of the same philosophy.

Issue No. 4 - Don't try to be the player's best friend. He or she already has lots of friends. Your job is still to be an educator. You can talk to them, listen to them, and motivate them, but don't think for a second that you're on the same level with the kids. You're still a grown-up here, and you're being paid to act like an educator. So educate them - don't be part of their social world.

Issue No. 3 - "We're building for the future - -that's why I'm playing the younger kids over the seniors." Hmm.is that fair? At what point do you pull the plug on the seniors who have waited for their turn to play on the varsity? Is building for the future really part of the high school mentality, or is that better left to the pros and colleges?

From my vantage point, too many high school coaches think this is appropriate. This is wrong. It's not fair to the upperclassmen who have waited to get their playing time.

Issue No. 2 - Conditioning and safety .coach, what do you do if you find out that one of your kids is taking some legal but controversial nutritional supplements to his or her diet? Are you going to say anything to the kid? To their parents? Is that part of your job?

We have already learned about kids working out in the heat and have paid the price, sometimes with death. Now, at least, there are water breaks for the kids. But what about those situations where a kid is taking creatine, or ephedrine, or any other supplement that might seriously damage their health? Coach, what kind of responsibility do you have to that kid? Let me put it this way - suppose it was your kid?

Issue No. 1 -- - Discipline - Every coach on every team has to have some sort of team discipline. That's the easy part. The hard part is to trying to determine what kind of punishment should be handed out if a kid disobeys one of the rules.

Example: the coach says that if you're late to the pre-game meeting, then you sit out the first half of the game. No excuses accepted. Well, what happens if the kids are playing the biggest game of the year, and the star player is late for the pre-game meeting because he witnessed a car accident and he stopped to render some assistance to the injured people? Coach --- according to your rules, he sits out. Is that fair? Is that the kind of message you want to send to a kid who's a good Samaritan?

Top Ten Issues in Coaching Kids Today
September 30, 2001
The Sports Edge

October 31, 2005

Letter of Doom

My MIL has been here this weekend. She came up on Friday to see Katie in THE SOUND OF MUSIC!
Did I tell you about the play yet?? ha ha
Anyway, everytime Darlene comes here there is a death or two back in her hometown. Her schedule of funerals to attend seem large and intimidating. Good grief, she must know every single body in that town. There is always an e-mail from Darlene's sister Hazel that sounds something like:
"Hi Mark and Sheryl, how was the (play/game/weekend etc...?) Tell Darlene that (so and so/so and so's uncle/so and so's daughters grandma's sister in law...etc) (is sick/has died/is in the hospital on their last leg...etc).
The weather is clear and cold. Have you made the fart bars lately??
Enjoy the day!
Hazel

October 29, 2005

Forgive Me For I Have Not Blogged

It's been 3 days since I last blogged. As you can see from this photo I've been busy. Busy attending THE SOUND OF MUSIC ... high school style. Katie was Mother Abbes...and it was AWESOME!!! I LOVED IT!
I'm too tired to write more but I'll upload more pictures soon because I KNOW YOU WANT TO SEE MY DAUGHTER IN HER PLAY! Wait till I post the video...hee hee hee.


October 26, 2005

Take 2 and Call Me In The Morning...with pictures!

Dear Jo (aka Typhoid Mary),




ps...this is also available in blow up style...go figure.

Something That's Been On My Mind

Good Coaches: What's In

Coaches Who Understand and Motivate Their Players
Coaches Who Are Tough but Fair
Coaches Who Teach Life Skills Along With Sports Skills
Coaches Who Make It a Team Effort

Sport can, and does, have a positive effect on young people. Sport can help in providing an enjoyable environment, an opportunity to make friends; it can build trust, promote teamwork, leadership and self-confidence. These benefits are only possible if young performers are put in the care of a good coach.


Coaches play a crucial role in the development of any sport and in the lives of the performers they coach. Good coaches ensure that the individuals in sport have a positive experience and are therefore more likely to continue in their sport and achieve their potential.

A Good Coach should:
Provide a safe, fun and appropriate environment for all performers to take part in
Have up to date appropriate coaching qualifications, continually training to develop and maintain their level of competence
Have experience of coaching the relevant age group
Always put the welfare of each performer first - before winning or achieving goals
Treat all players, irrespective of who they are, fairly and with respect and dignity
Having a balanced relationship with players, based on trust and respect
Give performers the right amount of input
Give enthusiastic and constructive feedback, rather than negative criticism
Recognise performers' needs
Get to know their performers and their parents/carers
Promote fair play
Be an excellent role model by demonstrating appropriate personal behaviour at all times

Bad Coaches: What's Out

Coaches Who Focus on Only a Few Players
Coaches Who Yell or Put Players Down
Coaches Who Can't Teach or Don't Give It Their All

A good coach supports, rewards, teaches, and makes a sport fun. For most of you, that motivates a team to win more than anything else. And, hearing what you suck at never inspired anyone."

Here is a link entitled
Work Ethic: Raising a Team Player by Danny Peary/Harry Sheehy that I did really really enjoy.

Most of the above is taken from googles about coaching.


Music I just found and LOVE...heee hee hee


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October 25, 2005

October 22, 2005

What A SHOCKER!

The fungus called truffles can cost $800 to $1,500 per pound. They are sniffed out by female pigs, which detect a compound that is in the saliva of male pigs as well.

The same chemical is found in the sweat of human males.
...huh...what do ya know

October 20, 2005

Warning ***** BandAid ***** Warning

Have you ever been inspired to take down your curtains and wash them? And while you are taking those nasty little peckerheads off the curtain rod have you ever inadvertently almost cut your finger off because you are trying to screw the curtain rod head back on because that BAS TURD decided to take a leave of absence? And have you ever walked calmly to the laundry room holding your gashed open hand high in the air to stem the spurting arterial flow, because you know where you keep your BandAids, because not only are you a nurse but a mother and a wife and you have 2 boys and there is almost always blood on the weekend requiring either stitches, super glue, a tourniquet or BandAids of some sort? And have you ever put on a BandAid and returned to your work all the while wondering why the hell your stub of a finger is hurting even worse that before? In fact, it feels as if it's on FIRE! And have you ever then looked at the covering over your oozing wound and realized that yes indeedy it certainly resembles a real BandAid...except for the fact that this type of dressing is used to remove warts?
Me either!

October 19, 2005

Just Say NO To Naked Limbs


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This was a perfect fall day. I want to get a glue gun and start pasting all the beautiful leaves back on the trees because I really hate naked branches though.

October 16, 2005

Pez Tunes

CLICK AND FOLLOW
I just purchased a Christmas gift.
Really I did.
I don't know who I will give it to yet because I think I will want it for my ownself.
Check it.
I was over at Nef's Blog and saw this add for something so fantabulous that I HAD TO GET IT!
An MP3 Pez!
I LOVE IT!
GO GET ONE AND LET'S GET TOGETHER AND DANCE!

Cheerleaders, Cookies, and Weirdness


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I love this picture of Katie and Brittany. This was taken on Homecoming night. Katie is number 88.
Anyway, I just tried out Castpost for hosting pictures and I love them...so far...so good.
Other news:
I raked leaves and baked 600 cookies.
Mark has the shits.
Those two things aren't related...I mean COME ON MY COOKING ISN'T THAT BAD!
shut up Shelley
Andrew, Jake and Alec have been making movies all day.
There are a variety of stuffed animals sporting duct tape on legs, arms and ears and these items are scattered throughout the computer room.
Andrew's "girlfriend" came over and she brought a friend and that was weird.
Katie is wandering aimlessly around the house.
I put on Quiet Man and watched some of it.
I picked lavendar, rosemary and lemonbalm and humg them all over my house.
That's about it.

October 15, 2005

I Dyed My Hair Last Night!

...and if my name was Betty this would be my theme song.


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October 13, 2005

Can't I Just Lock 'em Up and Throw Away The Key For a Few Years?

Okay, I just looked into the book I bought way back when Katie got her first boyfriend. The name of this tome? Changing Bodies Changing Lives by Ruth Bell.
Oh MY GOD!
Ruth Bell is my hero. I wonder about her parents but still...Ruth Bell writes about everything from anal sex to the zyphoid process. AND luckily enough there are illustrations, photos, general "how to", "how not to", "why should you", "why you shouldn't", "why you did", "what you think you did", "what you really did" step by freaking step easy to follow instructions to E V E R Y T H I N G you even thought you knew about sex. Scattered among the colorful yet painful to see with both eyes open pictures are lovely paragraphs about clits and cocks and balls and gay sex. There are chapters about depression, aggression, testosterone, pubes, and masturbation. There are soooo many useful articles.
I guess.
gulp
I'm too scared to look any farther.
I'm putting that fucking book back on the shelf and I'm going to tell Mark to "do the talk".
I can't even read about it...gulp.
gag
ucky poo poo

...and the HELL if I'm letting Andrew see that book...let alone Mark!
Good Night Irene!

Cranes, Tigers & Puke

I always like to put Kill Bill on while I clean the house. For some reason it soothes me. Do you think that means something could possible be wrong in my psyche?
nahhhh
I love that movie. I think I've said before that it's Art to me.
Like a painting. The fight scene between Black Mamba and O-ren Ishii in the garden is my favorite. O-ren looks like a big white graceful bird...maybe a crane as she fights and Uma like a sleek tiger. The sound of the water and the bamboo fountain is awesome. The white of the snow...Beautiful.




Anyway, la la la la la la Like you really care to hear about this shit.

I did forgot to tell you that Katie barfed on her homecoming date on Saturday. She came home bawling and embarrassed with a fever, hives the size of my hand and puke chunks on her sassy black and white outfit.
The only good thing about this?? No worries about back seat grappling.
hee hee
I know...evil...but hey...I'm the mama!! I can and will be evil!!

no more news about Andrew...thank GOD in heaven...holy CRAP I hate the thought of having 2 searching for mates.

October 11, 2005

Okay, I know I said hiatus.

But it must be said.
SHIT!!!
Andrew is "going" with someone.
Even to the display of "holding hands" my daughter tells me...but only unless I don't tell anyone else! Of course I tell you...because I know you can keep a secret.
I told Mark tonight...Mark...you must have "The Talk" with the boy. I cackled when I said it because I am FREAKING OUT PEOPLE!!! Andrew is in 8th grade...his HO is in HIGH SCHOOL!!! Granted it's just 9th grade but OH MY GOD!!!! HE'S JUST A BAYBE...NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
At least she lives out of town and they are both "non drivers" still! OMG! Baybes!
shit
shit
shit
I am NOT READY FOR THIS!
It's bad enough Katie is on the prowl...
gag
young love makes me VOMIT!!!!
When did I become so fucking old?? and jaded??
damn...I hate this feeling. I wish I could be young and wild and ... nevermind...shittttttt!!!
Anyway...I'm sure all will be well...because Alec offered to give the sex talk for us...and HELL ON WHEELS...HE PROBABLY KNOWS MORE THAN WE DO ALREADY!
shit!!!

Six Pack On The Dashboard


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Unable To Master the Sudoku

Could you do it?
I struggled and thought I had 3/4 of it done and then discovered I had it wrong. Man, that is frustrating!
Still raining...day 2.
maskes me a bit gloomy and tired.
Not much different that usual really.
ha

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I'm thinking of giving this site a hiatus as I feel it is no longer cathartic or useful in any way. I struggle to write something, anything to put in a post and that isn't what I wanted it to be...a struggle. I started this journal mainly as an experiment in 2002. My main site was my poetry site at that time and this was just a bit of a lark. Now, I haven't written anything or sent out anything or had anything published for several months. And I don't feel inclined to either. So, if you see that several days go by without an update it's because, well, I may not be updating at all.
Thanks to the 3-4 dash blog readers for sticking with me for this long!

October 10, 2005

Sudoku This!


The name Sudoku is apparently an abbreviation for Suji wa dokushinsha ni kagiru. Clear? Well, we're told that means "numeral(s) limited to a single person". This probably refers to the fact that only one of each digit can appear in a row, column or box.

October 08, 2005

Mother Are You In My Head Again??

1) We need groceries
2) I need hair dyed ASAP!!
3) Homecoming dance is...NOW!
4) Katie is there
5) We are here
6) I am NOT going to call her on her cell phone and check on her even though I want to so bad I can taste it!
7) Must wash second load of dishes
8) Cop car was at the dance...I know this because Mark took Petie for a ride(yes, the dog gets to go on a date with Mark more than I do)...and saw it then reported back to me that bit of news...thank you MARK!
9) am NOT going to call Katie on her cell phone and totally embarrass her even though I want to know what the hell is going on
10) Am sick of my 1) hair
2) body
3) face
4) attitude
5) job
6) being tired

11) Yet, as I hear my mothers voice in my head I am thankful
1) I have hair at all
2) I have a body that works
3) I have a face(?)
4) I have a brain that can work enough to have attitude
5) I am lucky enough to have a job
6) I have a bed
shit
It just doesn't seem right to bitch at all now...sigh



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October 05, 2005

A Shit Load

During the varsity volleyball action this evening, after sending Alec home (bad headache) and then Andrew (coughing up a lung) I expected to watch the games in relative peace. Even though, by happenstance we were sitting 1 row above the "student section". Dear God in heaven who are those creatures and do I really have some of those things?! So, while immersed in game 3 who should appear but Alec, all frantic and shouting, "Help!", "Come home!" "We've got a major leak!" and Mark and I looked at Mr. Drama King and then each other and Alec says, "Part of the ceiling came down!". Meanwhile the games were on and we were behind! Hell!! I looked at poor Alec's face, nudged Mark and said, "You better go" and then, after Mark got up and followed Alec in hot pursuit I mentioned, in an aside to my mom, "Mayybee I better go too."
Dahum, I hate missing a game.
Anyway, Mark and Alec sped off and I walked at the fastest pace my 2 stubs could go until I got home. I allowed myself the vision of a brand new bathroom, fully equipped with claw foot tub, mini bar and hair dye shooting out of a vat above the sink!
fuckin' aye
When I arrived at home I went to the laundry room and saw a panel of the ceiling dripping shit colored water into every pot and pan I own (on top of the washer and drier). Directly above the laundry room is the upstairs bathroom.
Yah
The toilet got stuck and overflowed and collapsed part of the ceiling. Andrew and Alec used every towel, blanket, shirt, curtain I ever even thought of owning to stem the flow.
goody
They did well.
So well, in fact that a new bathroom is out of the question.
shit
I just have to get a new ceiling tile and wash 4567 loads of laundry.
soon
I also had to mop the laundry room floor, the downstairs bathroom floor, the upstairs bathroom, the shower, the bath tub, scrub the walls and you get the picture.
I'm waiting now on load #2.
It's gonna be a long donkey ass night.

October 04, 2005

Don't Hold Your Breath

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October 03, 2005

T I R E D

Cindy Sue stopped by after her therapy this afternoon. No not mental therapy, physical, if you can believe that. Her knee was like a cantelope after Saturday night. She's going to try working again tomorrow but I don't know how that knee will take it.
I think I've discovered a way to slow her down thanks to Andrew.
Andrew and his study hall teacher that is.
Cindy and I went down to the football field to watch our boys finish up with their 54 hour practice. When we could finally spare a second from munching on jalepeno corn nuts,wasabi peanuts and slurping our pops we noticed something. Some of the boys were done with practice and were heading back to the gym for a much needed shower. Some remained behind. And then, one at a time, they began running around the practice field with a tire looped over each arm.
shit
We noticed Bustin' Justin leaving with a big grin on his face...sans tires.
No Andrew though.
double shit
Then, I spotteed him...with tires, loping half heartedly around the field.
great
After he staggered around and eventually walked by us toward the school I asked politely, What did you do! He smiled and said sweetly, "I lip synced a song during study hall and got a detention"...then turned and headed for the showers.
huh?
okay then.
Anyway, to make a long story short, If necessary, I will just put tires on Cindy to slow her down a bit. I'll probably have to get tractor tires but hell, whatever it takes!
I'm going to take a picture of that cantelope tomorrow...I can't believe I haven't already done that!

October 02, 2005

A Fine Time Was Had By All

We had a gigantic hoe down at Shirley K's last night to raise money for the hurricane victims.  It was both a success and somewhat of a disappointment.  
There were Mark burgers and we had live music and that ALWAYS makes me happy.  I walked around with a grin on my face the whole entire time.  The people that attended seemed to have a great time as well.  We moved a TV in so  the Huskers (both football and volleyball...go Christina!!) could be seen though not heard.  We also moved the tables out of the way so that there could be dancing.  And there WAS dancing.   Lots of it.  
We left the cleaning until today and that took me about 8 hours with my Mom and Funky Cold Medina's help.  That sucked because then, the day was done and my house remains sty like.
  Actually I was a bit surprised and disappointed that there were not more people there to enjoy the evening.   I think, because I put so much work into the evening (quote from daughter…”You try too hard Mom”) that I felt quite a let down when I arrived back there this morning to start cleaning.
I wondered...was it worth it?
Would I do it again?
I was leaning toward no.
Then, I thought of the happy faces of those that were there.  The people clapping and tapping feet.  The singers and players voices echoing off the tin ceiling.  People gathered into a small room, eating, laughing, greeting one another and I think of Matt, singing and dancing.  
I think of how good it felt to hear the music, be a part of that and I think, yes, hell yes!  
I would do it again in a heartbeat.

September 30, 2005

Choices Choices So Many Choices!

Just a quick note before I go to beer…I mean bed.
Ha
Choices for TV viewing tonight…(after coming home from games…we won…we lost…I laughed …I cried)
It’s a tough one people.
  1. Sideshow freaks

  2. Hippos…the DARK side

  3. Abe Lincoln in Illinois
God…you might know…all my favorite shows are on TONIGHT at the SAME DAMN TIME!

September 29, 2005

Seeking New Material

I just finished Songs of the Humpback Whale
Harvesting the Heart by Jodi Picoult.
My God, I haven’t read a book that has moved me like Harvesting the Heart for quite some time.
I loved it.
I felt I knew those people.
Jodi Picoult has a gift.
Of course both the books were filled with sadness, the only kind I love.
I really like the voice of Jodi’s characters.
I love the stories she spins.
Her words are wonderful. How does she do it? How can you make up sooo many details? How does that work? Where do the voices come from?
I sooo wish I had that talent.
I ordered more of her work off of Amazon today.  I’m out of books now and am starting to re read some of my old favs like Poisonwood Bible and .something else that lies face down in the bathroom…I forget the name, but not the story.
Damn!!
I need to get my book reviews done at Book Fetish…but I am having trouble (ps…dear Sheila…could you walk me through posting again?) with MT.
I hate that I finished my book. I’ve always hated finishing a book. I can prolong a reading for weeks if I like it. That last page can take days. Now, I have no new books to read.
Sigh I hope I get a magazine in the mail tomorrow.

Crikey!


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September 27, 2005

Crossing My Fingers, Taking Tums and Heading For The Fart Sack

You don't think Nacho Cheese Doritos, jelly beans (only black and orange...how Cambridge Trojanistic can I get?), Runza fries, diet Mt. Dew, leftover Chinese food and 1 bottle of BAWLS will make me dream do you?
Nahhhhhh

I Lived Through It!

I dreamed I was in a Kill Bill movie last night. Therefore, I took a bath and washed my hair this morning. Reason being that to put my head underneath the head wash sink would have left me vulnerable to attack from behind.
Why do I have to dream so much?
Even as a child I would wake up terrified many many nights a week.
I think it’s because I read so much, and watch shows like ½ ton man and Born with Two Heads and I always have.
That dream has me freaked out!
I remember the feeling of being one of the hunted and anticipating pain and death.
Yuck
Well, on that note, good morning sunshine!
I’ve got to get ready for work now as freight is arriving soon.
Today, volleyball in Cozad. I love that because I can sleep all the way there.
Sad isn’t it…sleeping has become my social life.
Except when I dream I’m in a Kill Bill movie…than it becomes my antisocial life.
Grin

September 26, 2005

Fat Man in a Little Coat

I watched Half a Ton Man Last night. I was too tired really but I did it anyway.After that was done at 1 a.m. was Born With 2 Heads. I wanted very much to watch that but it was too late.
I can only hope it will be on again.

September 25, 2005

I'm Having Troubles

That is the only reason I've taken off my brand new template created by Sheila at Tart Graphics.
I LOVE THAT SKIN!
Until I figure out what is causing my page to screw up...I'll use this.
yay hoo

Whattya Lookin' AT?!!

So the other night about 3 a.m. I woke up with a start, turned and saw Mark staring at me. I said, as you can well imagine, What the hellareyou looking at? He said, I think you have sleep apnea.
I said, So WHAT! I was asleep! Don’t stare at me!! I suppose I was rude. Maybe he was worried about me…or maybe he was waiting for me to asphyxiate. It’s a wonder I didn’t find a mirror under my nose.
God
I HATE being stared at.
ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT!
In other news, I made turtle cookies today on the waffle iron and the are good
I made hot fresh salsa and it was FREAKIN’ HOT!
I am craving hot spices like crazy and I don’t know why.It’s starting to piss me off.
I decorated the shop yesterday and it looks cozy and I love that place.
My house on the other hand looked as if a small bomb went off inside it.
I did get the downstairs cleaned fairly well but it could stand a good hosing down.
Nuff said, I’ve wasted enough time on this bloop.
Later

September 24, 2005

SAMO as a neo art form

Just watched a show about Jean Michel Basquiat, an artist well known in the 80s for his graffiti painting..  Of course, as many artists,  eventually he kills his tortured soul with a drug overdose.
I look at some of his paintings and wonder I wonderI wonder why the hell someone would get paid for this!
I also wonder why the hell cant I get paid for doing that.  I mean, who CANT do that?
Still the paintings do capture something.
Your attention I guess, or the lifting of a dogs hind leg whichever comes first.


Just kidding
I lurv it all.

September 23, 2005

I'm Not Your Average Joe!

10 Highlights of the Night...Brought to you by Insomnia

10) got several loads of laundry done
9) matched several billion socks to their actual mates
8) due to blurry eyes was unable to visualize my pigsty house
7) read more than 3 pages of a book at one time
6) able to plan a sensible weight loss diet
5) drank 1/2 diet Pepsi and ate toast and eggs(not on diet)
4) thought important thoughts
3) dreamily watched a star until I realized it was a lightpole reflection
2) replayed coffee shop horror scene from yesterday where lady who talks TOO MUCH came in and started a fight with a customer and than dragged me into it because I couldn't TAKE IT but this time I was a calm cool cucumber of a woman and controlled my big YAP!
and finally the NUMBER 1 highlight!
1) hearing Lou Dobbs say "bitch slap"

September 22, 2005

Just Tell Me Why?

I feel as if I am watching a car race and waiting for the crash. or waiting for a hospice patient to die.   Somehow it doesn't seem right to have such a morbid fascination about the present storms but I can't quit watching the news.  I have to watch the weather.  I have to see how the storm is progressing.  I have to know.
Hurricanes need warm tropical oceans, moisture and light winds above them. If the right conditions last long enough, a hurricane can produce violent winds, incredible waves, torrential rains and floods.  
Okay, then why don't we, as soon as the tropical storm is spotted, cool the ocean right close to the source?   Could there be a way to do this?  Maybe we could drop something into the eye of the hurricane to make it blow itself up...like say...dry ice or Shelley or something such as this?  Why can�t we alter the conditions that make it favorable for a hurricane to form?   Why?  Why?  Why?
We talk about all the things to do before a hurricane and after the hurricane but why not do something BEFORE IT BECOMES A HURRICANE?!
Okay now, I�ll stop with the wondering.

I Wish I Had a Diet Mountain Dew...real bad

Volleyball games tonight.
oh boy
I can hardly wait.
Hopefully darlin' daughter will be jv so she can at least play.
It's another triangular so will be all night with it.
Andrew doesn't have a game until next week.
I wish I had something interesting to say. I always love to go read Joy Unexpected where everything she writes is funny or at least interesting.

September 21, 2005

Cocks & Cappuccino

This morning I decided to listen to NPR at the shop. Of course, news is the forte in the a.m. along with intermittent music. I was really busy from the time I unlocked the door and never did get any cd's put on. I usually put on swing, jazz or big band since my regular early morning customers enjoy this type of music the best. I was glad I wasn't able to turn it off though because the station is good. AND I needed to listen to a news station besides CNN once in awhile. Anyway, I did hear a weird news story and I could hardly take it. It was all about cocks...and a man who was being interviewed was talking about how after his cock got a shot it was swollen up and he just stroked and stroked his cock. I KNOW my eyes were about the size of the Wide Load Latte I was making at the time. I thought about whistling, dropping a cup, kicking the cupboards...anything to drown out the voice of this cock stroking man filling the air space at NPR. As I loudly walked up to the last customer and rang her up, sent her on her way, I noticed that nobody else seemed embarrassed or distressed. I listened to the rest of the interview and giggled when I discovered it was about "cockfighting" and Asian bird flu vaccine. Of course, how could it have been anything but that?!

Gawk at Moe Lee (get it?)

Well it�s that time of year again.  Yup, school pictures.  You know, sexy beast time�as Alec refers to it.  Damned if his pictures aren�t the best he�s ever taken though.  Andrew�s pictures are good as well but he has a �spot� on his chin.  As I peered at it Andrew explained.  I tried to tear that mole off right before the picture was taken.  I hate it.  My mouth dropped.  Good Lord.  I thought of the opportunity to use this as �life lesson� time.  You know, to explain about self and heritage and and and �I just didin�t want to.  I said, Maybe we could get an appointment and have it taken off�professionally?  He said Okay.  I said, Right then.  That was that.
I had a loverly mole once�on the tip of my nose.  Yah, like a witch.  I always called mine a �birth mark� to make me feel less freak like.  When I was about 30 a neighbor who was about 9 was over playing with our kids and suddenly she peered up at my face and stated, matter of factly, You have a mole on your nose like a witch!  I made the appointment that very afternoon and by the end of the week I was mole less.  I wonder if any of my ancient relatives had a similar �birth mark�.  Anyway, I�m  rambling and since I left my make up at the shop I better get going.  I gotta �spot� on my chin today�no it�s not a mole�

September 20, 2005

Always a Silver Lining...somewhere.

Promises of a chicken flu pandemic, hurricane after battering hurricane, missing children, water fouled beyond belief, no pledge of allegiance in school, soaring oil prices...what the hell. I suppose the uber religious will say, "The end is coming!", "The end is coming!" and things like "Hooray!" and perhaps, "I told you so" while skipping gleefully along the church sidewalk peering into the frilly white clouds picking out their new home.
I for one will not be saying "Hooray!" if the world is ending. I want to live for a while yet thank you very much.
Well, the only good bit of news I have found, and I HAVE been searching, is...are you ready? There is hope for Shelley.
Yes, there is a make up product just for her. In fact there are several to choose from. So here they are Shelley...knock yourself out girl!

You can pick out a new silver glittery eye liner called...Trailer Trash from Hard Candy or maybe you want turquoise blue eye mascara called...Spazz.

I knew you would be jumping for joy on that couch on the porch! Get purty now!

September 18, 2005

Letter of Notice

Attention...Click Here!


Does this sound like your editor? I found this by Alec's new/old typewriter and I had to borrow it for a moment.
Poor Ethen...writing for sheer enjoyment and abuse instead of cash.

Misty Water Colored


I read part of the Omaha World Herald this afternoon and spotted an article about The Ranch Bowl. I also noticed a poster depicting The Jacks which was a band that Mark's brother in law Dan played in. In fact I met Mark because a bunch of us nursing students decided to go listen to the band play...not at the Ranch Bowl though, at Arthurs. Anyway, it was weird to open up the paper and see this picture. It brought back a bunch of college memories.
wow
I maybe shouldn't read the paper so much.
gulp
Memories....sigh