February 28, 2005

Punch It Margaret!

Holy Brake Pads!
Katie got her drivers license today and is out for her first drive A L O N E.
pleaseohpleaseohplease whatever you do...stay OFF THE ROADS.
just kidding...I hope.
She is practicing her stick shift moves and YIKES...I've got a sweat on my upper lip that would drench a handlebar mustache.
The funny thing is, I can't really drive a stick shift well at all. But I don't tell that to Katie.
There is absolutely no reason to let her in on that.
I will just have to get up around 2am for a few dozen nights and learn to drive that sucker so that I can be cool and casual when I have to ride with her somewhere.

Back From Birthday Bashing!

We are back from a wild fun weekend celebrating Katie's 16th birthday.
I'm exhausted.
We left early Saturday morning and got to Omaha in time for the Creighton Men's Basketball game. Our seats were in the nose bleed section. But as the game wasn't sold out the girls,(yes, we took 3 extra teenaged girls) moved around and got to sit fairly close to the student section in the second half.
I almost fell asleep.
Noise does that to me...if you can imagine that a basketball game is like a gentle soothing lullaby you can actually almost sleep there.
That, and exhaustion.
Anyway, after the game, we malled it and that was fine.
After malling we went to Kobe's Japanese Steakhouse.
Now, people, if you have a large group of friends and want to go out and have F U N and do something different. YOU MUST GO TO KOBE'S! It can be pricey but it is WORTH every penny spent. I would go to Omaha just to go to Kobe's.
There we sat at a large table/stove top where our own chef prepared our food, fired it up and served us. The veggies, fried rice the Teriyaki Chicken, the Lobster, the Salmon was excellent!! The atmosphere was too. We had such a nice time. At the end of the meal the chef sauteed shrimps and he balances them on the tip of his spatula and flung them into the air for each of us to catch with our mouths. What a hillareous time. Andrew caught 5 in a row. The record is 11, by the way...grin.
Anyway, now it's back to work even though I could use a few hours sleep.
Here is an animation I made of our pictures.

February 26, 2005

Catchy Tune For A Birthday-ee Kind Of Day

You will be humming this song all day long!
I promise!
In other news my daughter is 16 today.
geeze in some ways it seems 100 years ago and in some it seems only a year ago that I was laying on my sister in laws bathroom floor as she, an OB/GYN nurse, checked me using a condom in lieu of rubber gloves, as I was going into labor 3 hours away from my "home hospital" and 3 weeks early with a possible breech after going dancing with Mark until the wee hours of the night, listening to my brother in law play in his band called The Jacks.
wow doesnt time fly when you are havin' fun?!
I think that may have been the last time Mark took me dancing.

February 24, 2005


1. worked the a.m which involves too many things to list
2. went home to rinse my drier thingy
3. moved my washer instead
4. attempted to plug my washer in and much to my dismay, the outlet, well, for lack of better word...exploded.
5. went to call the electrician
6. noticed a buzzzzzz on the phone
7. called the phone co after locating the elusive electrician
8. began frantically trying to stuff laundry, dirt and anything else in laundry room in baskets, buckets and whatever to clear the way for the electrician
9. both repair men arrive at the same time, as well as the UPS man(nothing kinky damnit)
10. regret calling these guys cuz now my day off is full of this kind of stuff
11. got my outlet repaired, got a light in my pantry fixed which will now allow us to see the food in our pantry...handy let me tell you...I think
12. found out through the electricians lively banter that my basement has water all over the floor (I do nothing to correct this however)
12. have to take the phone guy into Katie's room WHICH IS A LIVING HELL
13. got phone buzzzzzz removed(no repair men were injured in this episode)
14. later on...found out my ice machine(at the coffee shop) was leaking and needed all taken apart, mended, and cleaned.
15. wallpapered my computer room with pictures the kids drew years ago
16. listened to the Cambridge Trojan Boys win Coach Del Shoenfish 500th basketball game!
17. this

February 23, 2005

Lint Schmint

I was inspired by the previous post about dryer lint mesh thingy cleaning so I moved my dryer today, to, you know, clean behind it.
Holy Lint Ball!
Cleaning behind the drier is OBVIOUSLY something one needs to do more often. Kind of like, change the fire alarm batteries, clean behind the drier.
Maybe I'm the only one who DOESN'T clean behind my drier that often. Mainly, and this is entirely an excuse, my drier, not to mention my washer, is never empty.Therefore, when the hell could I move it?
Anyway, when I moved the drier out a bit and went to unhook the "drier vent tubing that looks like a giant caterpillar thing", it turned into a pile of ash.
Apparently, it needs to be changed or something.
I spent most of the day trying to think of something I could use to vent my drier other than another drier vent tubing thingy.
I thought of a bunch of toilet paper rolls duct taped together, a tube sock, a Pringles can, but I didn't have any of those things handy. So I just cleaned behind the drier and then I decided to get a real drier vent tubing thingy tomorrow.
I also made Foccacia bread and lasagna.
I did, however, forget to rinse my drier LINT thingy...you know, the reason I was inspired to move my drier in the first place.
Ahhhh welllllll.........I'll put that on the list for tomorrow.

February 22, 2005

An Important Message!

Dear Shirl, I had a wonderful morning, the heating unit went out of my dryer! Why does everything seem to fall apart this time of year!??? The guy that fixes things went in to the dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. We always clean the lint from the filter after every load of clothes. He told us that he wanted to show him something. He took the filter over to the sink and ran hot water over it. Now, this thing is like a mesh - I'm sure you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like - WELL......the hot water just laid on top of the mesh!!! It didn't go through it at all!!! He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh and that's what burns out the heating unit. You can't SEE the film, but it's there. He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long time (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long! How about that???!!!! Learn something new everyday! I certainly didn't know dryer sheets would do that. So, thought I'd share! Note: I went to dryer and tested my screen by running water on it. The water collected a little but ran though the screen. I dried it off and was ready to put it back in the dryer since the water ran through it but, I thought was the heck it won't hurt to wash it while I had it out. Warm soap water and a nylon brush and I had it done in 30 seconds.I then ran the water over the screen and what a difference the water just gushed through it with no puddling at all and this time I was running the water at a faster rate. That repairman knew what he was talking about.

Word Up Shirl!
Now everyone go check your dryer lint catcher thingy and SAVE the LIFE of YOUR dryer!
Only YOU can prevent heating unit burn out!
I will now LAUGH at heating unit burn out...ha HA I say!

February 20, 2005

Dunk a Roonie Time

I love the NBA slam dunk contest! Watch the slide show here. It doesn't really do justice for winner Josh Smith and his awesome "jump over Kenyon Martin in the chair" though.

February 17, 2005

Recipe For "White Trash Trifle"

I wanted to share this recipe I gleaned from a book I am reading. The book is God Save The Sweet Potato Queens by Jill Conner Browne(which by the way...is awesome!), the recipe is called Twinkie Pie aka White Trash Trifle.
1 crate of Hostess Twinkies...NOT fat free.
Take one out of every package and eat it right on the spot, take the other and split it two lengthwise and put it in a big ass pan.
Make up some vanilla pudding, the kind in the box, whatever brand
Spread the vanilla pudding over the Twinkies.
Cover all that with sliced bananas, strawberries, peaches-whatever kind of fruit you want.
If you are trashy you can use fruit cocktail.
Now, put it in the refridgerator and whn it's cold, eat it until you either get full or sick.

ps...Cindy, I am going to make up a big ol batch of this and send it with you on your trip! No dieting for YOU!

pss...Cindy...here is something JUST for YOU...and believe me...I think it may solve a few errr...problems! hee hee heeh eheheheheeh or maybe you want this one!!! hahahahahah
I myself am going to try this one!

February 15, 2005

Someone To Admire

I just watched part of the Loretta Claiborne story while I was getting ready for work. What a remarkable woman!
Just wanted to share the link to her story.
If you ever need inspiration just watch the movie.

February 14, 2005


You ever had to fire anyone?
It totally sucks. Especially if you've:
Researched the proper etiquette of "How To Fire Someone" and you are prepared to handle outrage, questions, emotions. You are sure of your reasons and prepared to back them up with precisely documented data and then when you finally go do the deed...well...here is the scenario:
Me: "I'm sorry (insert name here) I have to let you go."
(Insert name here): "Okay"
Me: "Ehhh...I'm...sorry (insert name here) I errrr...have to...let you...go....gulp"
(Insert name here): "Okay"
Me: "Okay...errrrr...then...errrr..uhhhh....well....okay then...durrrr"

You get the picture. It was tooo easy. I was flustered immediately. There was no fight at all. a fight I could handle. In fact I expected it. Somehow, someway I know the wrath of (insert name here) will be coming sometime soon. I can feel it growing like a massive toxic waste cloud...rising above me to rain down acid drops of spitting lye into my upturned eyes!
I can hardly wait!
teeth c l e n c h i n g now
muscles tightening up
wary eyes scanning dark corners and hoping for fair sky's...

Camptown Races

I typed Doo Dah into google to see what I would come up with. Of course the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band came up but more interesting was this...The 22nd annual Doo Dah Parade is coming up on July 5th. I know that is a ways off but hey, it never hurts to be prepared. The only rules: RULES :
That is funny. The parade is billed as a way to Celebrate Libery & Lunacy! A political satire parade.
So...if you happen to be in Colombus Ohio around July 3rd or 4th...put on a funny hat, take off almost all your clothes and strut your self about!
Here is the contact info:

Doo Dah Hotline: 614-228-0621
Friends of Doo Dah
235 Buttles Avenue
Columbus, Ohio 43215-1303

February 13, 2005

Happy Valentines Day...goshhhhh

I've been making valentines "for the kids" today. And since ya'll know I love Napoleon Dynamite here is my Valentine for YOU!

February 12, 2005

Guess What I'm Doing Today!

Mark came into the laundry room, where I was murmering to myself with the camera. He asked, "What the hell are you doing?" making that squinty eyed face that means are you insane ?
I asked him, "How do you make a flip off sign?"
He showed me this:

and then I took a picture of him flipping off the laundry basket and then I did this:

...bastard laundry basket anyway...reproducing like rabbits...

February 11, 2005

I know what I want for Valentines Day!

This item found on E-Bay:


Of course it's the "Graphic Illustrations" part that was the icing on the cake...I mean, bizarre, perverse, abnormalities are just perks...but Ill u stra tionssss...Graphic even, now that just makes my mouth water!
Just see what a few of the pages contain!: 800-Elephantiasis of the scrotum, 519-Premature burial, 567-Leech in the pharynx 645-Foreign bodies in the rectum, ,401-Sexual influence of odors, 401-The odor of insanity, 679-Fracture of the penis, 523-Death from joy and laughter, 119-Birth by the rectum

Now WHO in their right mind wouldn't want to pour over this book of knowledge?

ps...no need for gift wrap...!

February 10, 2005

Support Colon Cancer Awareness

Colossal Colon tour
The Colossal Colon will stop in Omaha from Feb. 10 to 12 at Westroads Mall during mall hours. The four-foot-high, 40-foot-long structure is an educational exhibit designed to raise awareness about colon cancer prevention, detection and treatment. Visitors can crawl through (or walk along and look through windows) to see examples of colon cancer and other conditions associated with the large intestine. Admission is free. For more information, visit http://www.rollingtorecovery.com/colossalcolon.htm

Help in the fight against colorectal cancer by ordering your twelve-month 2005 Colondar now.

Donuts Shcnonuts

Well, I missed the whole thing! I was at work, when the 6pm blips ran and at 10pm the coffee shop part wasn't on. I'm pretty glad actually that I missed it because seeing myself on the tube would probably scar me for life...not to mention the poor suckers who DID happen to see it. As I'm late I must flee to make the donuts!

February 08, 2005

Who IS Perky Perkins Anyway?

Okay, enough about my bruised errr ego and no more about the 8 1/2 hour drive homefrom Omaha(usual drive time...4 hours) on roads sooo treacherous that Mark even drove slowly. On to the next adventure!
Namely this...Cambridge was picked for "The Road Less Traveled" and we (Cindy, Rami, and Yours truely) acting all barrista like will appear (looking 12-20 pounds heavier than we really are I assure you!) on the boob tube tomorrow at 5am...ungodly hour and then at 6pm and 10 pm.
WHAT IS "The Road Less Traveled" you ask? The Road Less Traveled is a series of news stories where the NTV news team, in our case, Colleen Williams and her camera man, who I'm sorry to say I'm not sure of his name, profile every town in the NTV viewing area. Towns are selected from a random drawing, and the townspeople are asked to phone the station with story ideas. The goal is to highlight places, people, and the history of each place. 245 towns are in the viewing area.
So, if you are not doing anything at say, 5am turn on the tube and view our trubute to Cambridge! I'm not sure what all business's are going to be featured but I hope it's a great piece!
On another note, Cindy told me she knows one of the weather men at NTV, a certain Mr. Paul Perkins, who she lovingly called, Perky Perkins. Soooo we made a few signs and placed them at strategic places and later the camera guy filmed our signs!
Tonight, when I was posting, I decided to go to NTV's website and post a link to Perky Perkins...when to my surprise, I didn't find him listed! Hmmmmm....I wonder who he is and what NTV thought about our signs?

February 06, 2005

Partay Animals

I only have one thing to say...Odd I know and it's this:
That puts Shelley belly right up there in the Sainthood earning department!

Here is us Before The Party Heading Up To Omaha

Here is Mark In His Beer Goggles...There will be NO pictures posted of some of the other gifts Mark received...Naughty naughty naughty.

My Big Assed(Ass) Hematoma suffered in an unfortunate fall down a few stairs up in the nose bleed section at the Creighton Game...ps...Thank you for the kindly push whoever was behind me...assho!

Mark After Losing Balance In The Shower, Falling and Wedging Himself Between The Tub and toilet But Multi-tasking and Flushing The Toidy At The Same Time With His Back! ps...He WASN'T wearing the beer goggles at the time...I Swear It!

It just goes to show that we are TOO OLD FOR PARTAYS!! now. We had better stick to plain old Party's.
Mark is already thinking of next year though...The Second Annual Mark Is Turning 40 Partay could be on!
Get it penciled in now cuz you won't want to miss the action! You might want to make sure you have health insurance first...Although, if I'm not mistaken, Mark and I were the only injured ones there...hmmmmm....Although I did try to break a few eardrums with a couple of choice nasty words...sigh...do NOT I repeat DO NOT mix wine, cold medication, beer and tight pants together...it smacks of disaster! Unless it happens to be someone else...and then...its funny!

February 04, 2005


We are leaving in about 1/2 hour for Katie's game and then it's off for the weekend long PARTAY!
Pictures will be posted accordingly...if not rated > R hee hee hee.
Gooooooooo Creighton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Feared That Fire

I just saw that Towering Inferno (remember that show?) was listed under the Family Movie Channel. When I saw that show I was sooooo scared! Now it's on the Family Movie Channel...gooooood grief.
I wonder if our kids(meaning the whole passel the whole generation) will be jaded.
Now...for a teaser...countdown is on for "The Rest Of Mark's Birthday Partay". More on that later!

February 02, 2005

A Few Of Mark's Birthday Pictures!

Mark Gets A Ride From The Local Mortician Into Work

Lordy Lordy Mark is 40...(and look at Shelley...doesn't she look grand today...a little hairy...but grand just the same!)

Still Not Too Old To Grab Some Ass


Jimbo sent me this joke and I laughed so hard I thought I would burst something. I had to share it!

When opening a can of Carnation evaporated milk for your recipes, just smile and think of this.

A little old lady from North Dakota had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation. When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan/rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all ." and she said, I know all about milk and dairy farms ... I can do this!
She sent in her entry, and about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house .. a man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1,000, even though we will not be able to use it .... "

Here is her entry:

Carnation milk is best of all,
no tits to pull, no hay to haul,
no buckets to wash, no shit to pitch,
just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch.