May 31, 2005

Super Heros Extraordinaire'...a series on unusual people.

The Vagina Lady





Her Mission:
Phallic symbols can be seen and recognized throughout our society. Vaginal imagery, however, seems to have been left behind. What gives? Somehow the air of mystery about the vagina has become mingled with shame and discomfort. But the vagina, in its glowing non-pornographic beauty, deserves to be admired in a non-pornographic way. The Vagina Lady wishes only to share that beauty with the world.


joyyyyyy...doesn't she look blissfully unaware that she is wearing a vagina? In public?

Super Heros Extraordinaire'...a series on unusual people.

The Vagina Lady





Her Mission:
Phallic symbols can be seen and recognized throughout our society. Vaginal imagery, however, seems to have been left behind. What gives? Somehow the air of mystery about the vagina has become mingled with shame and discomfort. But the vagina, in its glowing non-pornographic beauty, deserves to be admired in a non-pornographic way. The Vagina Lady wishes only to share that beauty with the world.


joyyyyyy...doesn't she look blissfully unaware that she is wearing a vagina? In public?

May 29, 2005

Celebrate Good Times!

I'm watching the annual Medicine Creek Days Fireworks from my window tonight. I'm tired, yah, again yet even, tired. This weekend has left my end week. Alec ran the road race early Saturday morning and we were in the parade, as you can see below, and we took first prize! whoo hooo! Funny thing about that parade. YOu see we haven't had rain for awhile and you guessed it...rain, AND hail AND thunder. Of ALL the times! Anyway, after the parade, we went downtown to attend the duck dive, watch the kids games and eat good BBQ hamburgers. Yummmm...nothing like eating outside, walking down the street with ketchup on your chin! I love it! There was a new event this year, Dodge Ball Tourney for the elderly AND the young. Frankly I'd forgotten what a lot of running there was in dodge ball. Turned into an all day affair. We finally got home around 4:30 - 5:00, just in time to greet someone at our door needing a space to store some kajillion-thing-a-ma-bobs from the celebration at our shop. So...there we went and unloaded things and reloaded things and blah blah blah. Got home, got ready for the street dance, and took off. Mark and I poured beer from 11 until 1 and then found out we had to clean up too...ugh. That done and a few dozen other things inbetween made it a long night. Beddy bye around 2:30 am I believe. Today was the road rally. Good LORD I laughed til I cried. Cindy, Katie and I were the only dorks in our car. We got the first clue, missed the second, found the third and from then on...it was ALL DOWNHILL. We wandered and retraced and cussed and accidentally found pink flags and orange flags and spilled chips and pretzels and drinks and called Hamel for help and generally sucked at the road rally. Finally we got home, late and laughing, and didn't check in because we did NOT want to be laughed at.
Now...I'm SO tired I could ...just...nod off.f..fffffffff

May 26, 2005

20 Miles

We took a short jaunt in the cool afternoon air today. Just a straight to the west, head first into the gusty nor'easter. Funny to be glad when a semi passes you by so you can catch a little of his air...maybe a little warmth from the stinky hogs he's hauling. But when we turned around to head east oh boy howdy, I do love tail wind yes I do! The traffic is bad now and we probably won't want to ride in it. Today Cindy just about got a slap on the ass from a trailer. I don't like to ride on 6 & 34 when it's thick with holiday drivers. 10 days now...gulp.

Does a Bear? Will a Bear? Without Paper?

Some days the fact that you are slacking, lacking or devoid of parental skills smacks you plainly across the face. Today, my cheeks are burning..not to mention something else. Anyway, as I have been working on about 15 different projects, my housework has been on back burner. Housework is a general term for "everything that involves life within your abode"...such as groceries, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, windows, scrubbing floors, ironing, folding, putting away, providing nutritional meals, sparkling fridge's stuffed with deviled eggs, jello, crunchy apples and the square meal deal, and oh my God so many many many many more items too numerous to mention. I have to say, I've been lacking. But I didn't know how badly until tonight. Yes, tonight, after working on the float for about 14 hours straight I went inside and had to "utilize the facilities" so to speak. Our downstairs toidy had not a hint of "paper" so with pants unbuttoned and face in a grimace I sprinted upstairs only to notice the lack of paper up there as well. Needless to say, I improvised.
Later that same evening...I went upstairs to bathe as I was hot, sweaty and painty. As I glanced at the toidy I noticed a cardboard toilet roll in the bottom of the toilet. Good god Someone, ( a boy in this family) had OBVIOUSLY used this as toilet paper. SICK I called downstairs and said, Whoever wiped their butt on a cardboard toidy paper roll had BETTER COME UP HERE AND GET IT OUT OF THE POT!. No one showed up. Odd, can you believe it? I had visions of my sons sliding around the carpet like a dog with worms. Sick and double sick...and Alec called up to me..."Well,what did you want me to use?", and I had to think...well...yahhh...geeze...maybe something like...yahhhhh...okay...don't worry about it!

May 25, 2005

The Float Is Almost Done

...and so am I.
Done for that is.
I think I'll just post music...Del Fuegos..."I Can't Take His Place"...although...I've always believed the title to be...I Can't Take THIS PLACE...instead. In fact...that's how I still sing the words...not that I sing you understand...out loud...where anyone could hear me.





sorry you are missing my music


Over 350

I cannot believe that it REALLY takes me at least 300 miles on the road to get to the point where a 30-40 mile ride feels good. Where I'm actually able to enjoy and not feel utterly wiped out. Now, I need about 200 more before BRAN to strengthen.

It's All Begining To Blur Together

I think summer vacation is going to just be thought of as one long donkey ass day instead of 3 months...a compressed file so to speak. Last night was baseball, home thankfully, from 6pm-10pm. I bked 32 miles after opening the shop, painted on the float, did a load or two of laundry, thought about weeding the garded, skipped that, unloaded dishes, fed the kids an early supper so they could be strong like wood for the games, went to the games, waited for a thunderstorm to pass over so witness the last game, came home around 10pm...hungrier than a bear, fried up a million eggs and made toast for us all, and we watched the end of American Idol and ate. I went to bed around 11:30 and ta dahhh here I am...already late for work today.

May 24, 2005

32 Miles

We rode part of the "section" today. We rode east through Wilsonville instead of west, then turned before we got to Hendley and headed back home. Of course there was a headwind, both ways. I am feeling stronger by the day, except I don't think I had enough to eat this morning and was getting a little low on energy the last few miles. I also am going to have to start carrying the camelback as I don't think I'm drinking enough. Not many days left before BRAN and I haven't done a big ride yet. That makes me nervous. I'm glad I've got more than 350 miles in though.

May 23, 2005

So...other than that Jackie.. how was the parade?

Had a busy weekend and i'm beat.
There is not enough time in the day to get done what needs to be done.
The float, the housework, the biking, the planning for Andrew's DC trip, the parade, BRAN, the weeding, the gardening, the watering, the shop, the training of others to help when I'm gone, the ordering ahead so they won't have to when I'm gone, the planning of what I'll need on the BRAN ride, trying to spend quality time with the kids between this, chasing after Pissin' Petie as he sneaks out at every chance to find love...blah blah blah...

31 Miles

Cindy and I rode to McCook last night. I love that ride. The hills aren't too bad and the straights aren't too long. Besides...we had a bit of a tail wind some of the time. I don't have much time to write about much of the scenery. I felt stronger and am getting excited for BRAN.

May 21, 2005

Is That a Cricket or Am I Just Hearing Things?

I don't even know where to start today.
Really...it was...something else...
I feel like I've been hit by a bus...or a cricket...or maybe a corndog
It's a really really really, long story
I'm just too feeble to talk about it now...I probably will one day...when I gain a little strength...after a long, long, long, long, rest...in a quiet dark serene mattress padded room in the...INSANE ASYLUM !

May 20, 2005

Today's Title Choices:

1) Larry, Mo, Curly & Darryl's other brother Daryl run the coffee shop
2) When Life Gives Ya Lemons? Make lemonade and THEN spill the whole damn pitcher on the floor! Twice!
3) Shirley K's Fitness Video...mopping CAN be exciting AND considered EXERCISE if you do it right and sometimes if you do it WRONG!
4) I'm A Little Coffee Pot Short And Stout...tip me over and pour me out...on the burner...on the counter...on the floor...in your shoes...down the sides of the cupboards...12 times...in one day...!

I like Peanut Butter and Goat Toast!

You know when you confuse what you think is a covy of bee hives with a herd of goats you are in T R O U B L E. Good night Irene. Yesterday when Cindy and I were riding, about on the last leg of our journey, Cindy calls out to me, Is that a bunch of bee hives? I, the world traveler, say assuredly, Why yes, I believe so!
Later that same afternoon, we discover, much to our astonishment, that the bee hives are in fact, a herd of white goats. Sweet, yes, but not the real thang.
sad really

May 19, 2005

Copied This Post From My Bike Blog

A wonderful day for a ride down south! yah The temp was perfecto. The scenery was beautiful...meadowlarks and hairy assed red beaks serenaded us while we rolled past field after field of wheat and pasture land. The green of the landscape was lush. A little year old doe ran parallel the highway for about a mile, leaped over a barbed wire fence and then crossed the road in front of us. Her white flag was waving surrender so we didn't try to chase her down. We had a few lovely hills to skate and went over a NICE bridge that said 2 ton limit, so we took turns crossing and we made it fine. Cindy and I both have stink bug pneumonia but my allergies seem to be zapped by a combo of Zyrtec, Singulair and kleenex shoved up my nose holes. I got a nice sunburn today. My feet like like a sepia toned zebra from my bike sandals and my hands each have a perfect red hole just above my wrist where my bike gloves don't cover. I've got 2 sunburns on my legs, one from just above the knee down and the other mid thigh down. Yes, Virginia, I am a freak. Well, other than being hungrier than a lumberjack, french fried, crusty eyed, windfarkingblown, and stiff in the neck, wrists, lower back, feet...I'm just fine. Tomorrow? WE RIDE!

42 Miles

A wonderful day for a ride down south! yah The temp was perfecto. The scenery was beautiful...meadowlarks and hairy assed red beaks serenaded us while we rolled past field after field of wheat and pasture land. The green of the landscape was lush. A little year old doe ran parallel the highway for about a mile, leaped over a barbed wire fence and then crossed the road in front of us. Her white flag was waving surrender so we didn't try to chase her down. We had a few lovely hills to skate and went over a NICE bridge that said 2 ton limit, so we took turns crossing and we made it fine. Cindy and I both have stink bug pneumonia but my allergies seem to be zapped by a combo of Zyrtec, Singulair and kleenex shoved up my nose holes. I got a nice sunburn today. My feet like like a sepia toned zebra from my bike sandals and my hands each have a perfect red hole just above my wrist where my bike gloves don't cover. I've got 2 sunburns on my legs, one from just above the knee down and the other mid thigh down.
Yes, Virginia, I am a freak. Well, other than being hungrier than a lumberjack, french fried, crusty eyed, windfarkingblown, and stiff in the neck, wrists, lower back, feet...I'm just fine. Tomorrow? WE RIDE!

May 18, 2005

Camping, Cowboys and Such Shit

What a long donkey ass day.
And I meant that!
I'm tired and I think it's from a little bike ride...cheese and rice what will I do when it's a LONG ride?!
I am, however, SO excited for the Medicine Creek Days Parade! If you all are NOT there...you are gonna be sorry! I have a rental house that is OPEN and available FREE OF CHARGE if you come down for "THE DAYS"! I may also have an extra Coffee Bean Queen costume OR a Wannabe Costume...(cuz who DOESN'T' want to be a Shirley K's Coffee Bean Queen?!)for a few of you! GET DOWN HERE!
THINGS OF INTEREST:
Today I noticed that rap music is really country music...I mean the rap is all talking about, my Chevy is fucked and my cousin is my mama and my dog loves the polka and sheeiit stompin crap like that! I called Katie down from her room and told her this info and she was all like, duh...rap has always been that way it's just that now it's slowed down so you can understand the words!
huh...who knew
My new "flower border deluxe" is growing a weed a minute and I SO REGRET not putting down trash can liners then mulch.
god
Cindy Sue is OLDER THAN DIRT NOW
BRAN ride is coming up and my bike miles are not that many. I caught the sound of an underground sprinkler the other night and I began to miss camping out...hahahahah
Katie loves a rodeo clown boy...???
yes...it's true...a cowboy rodeo clown boy...god....tell me where I went wrong...please...

28 Miles

I got the donuts made and the coffee hot in the pots this am and got my arse out the door by 9am. Cindy Sue (a much OLDER Cindy Sue) and I were going for a spin!
Finally, a day to ride! We still bucked a wind from the North but who gives a rats ass because we let it push us a bit of the way home! yayyyyy
Also I send out a thank you to a few semi's who gave us a breath of fresh air and a whooooosh along the way...gag.
I felt pretty strong except my nose ran a river and my gloves were kind of rough...and the wind was the kind that stings your lungs...but hey...at least I didn't leave 'em by the roadside...yet.
We just did a straight as Cindy had a funeral to go to and we are planning a bigger ride tomorrow with a few sumbitch hills thrown in.
Now, if wind gives ya character...Than it's NO WONDER CINDY AND I ARE CHARACTERS!
My new motto: Damn the wind! Let's drink margarita's! Ole'!

May 17, 2005

Is That Your Final Answer?

Okay, who can identify:
A) what this represents
B) what this actually is


May 16, 2005

Confucius Say WHAT?!

I just opened a fortune cookie, threw it away and read the fortune.
It said, You have a lively family.
hahahahahahahahahahahahah gasp hahahahahahaahahahaha gasp ahahahahahahhahahahah

Ya think?

May 15, 2005

BICYCLE RIDE ACROSS NEBRASKA Silver Lining Tour

Here is the schedule for the 2005 BRAN ride starting June 5.

Day 1 Kimball to Bridgeport 73 miles
Start your day by being part of 25th Anniversary group photo. Tailwinds help us take off north to our week’s adventure. Wide shouldered roads allow us to wave at the endless stream of antique cars going south on the Sugar Valley Antique Car Rally. Hopefully you stocked up on several rolls of film. You will be compelled to stop many times in the Wild Cat Hills, Scotts Bluff Monument and Chimney Rock.

Day 2 Bridgeport to Arthur 106 miles
Did you explore Court House and Jailhouse Rocks? Finally, a BRAN century to get your gears into. First 58 miles are aneasy warm up along the North Platte River. Then 25 miles of rolling hills along the shores ??? of Lake McConaughy. Even with the recent drought, it is still among the largest of its type in the world. Then its north into the Sandhills for the final 24 miles.

Day 3 Arthur to Arnold 85 miles
Don’t plan on seeing many people today. BRAN out numbers the total population of Arthur and McPherson counties. This day will take you back 150 years and make you feel like travelers of that era. Lonely! Midway, quench your thirst in the lone town in McPherson county, Tryon. The only town we’ll see in Logan county is Stapleton. That’s it, only 2 towns for the day.

Day 4 Arnold to Loup City 71 miles
Can you imagine cars going up to 160 MPH in this countryside? They do in August during the Sandhill’s Open Road Challenge. Today’s route is divided into 3 convenient sections. Long ups and downs turn into an easy flat middle. Tighten your helmet straps for the roller coaster hills to finish the day.

Day 5 Loup City to Aurora 71 miles
This is what people think all of Nebraska is like. Fertile plains with endless miles of cornfields. Imagine today as a spinning class while you pass thru the oasis of Cairo. The miles will slip by rapidly leaving you plenty of time to explore the fascinating Stuhr Museum in Grand Island.

Day 6 Aurora to Brainard 74 miles
Did you learn how Edgerton revolutionized modern photography? The Plainsman Museum reveals the story of the 24 yearold Brigadier General and Civil War Medal of Honor recipient, who became Aurora’s Mayor. Quiet county roads let you reflect on life’s problems and solutions. Anybody remember Route 66? Rolling hills the last third wakes you up for the evening festivities.

Day 7 Brainard to Waterloo 45 miles
The greatest week of biking (that’s a no brainer) is coming toa fast end. Alternating hills, flat, hills, flat highlight Nebraska’sS ilver Lining last day. Having now toured all 93 counties,what odd thing will next year’s tour reveal.

Borders Salsa & Margaritas

So the other night I sat out back on our steps and contemplated my new flower border. There has and will continue to be a tremendous amount of work involved with it. Mulching, weeding and watering are the main chores. I did not use a mat or a plastic sheet on top of the earth before I planted. I almost put sheets of newspaper before I applied the mulch, almost is the key word here. Now I regret that omission. I see weeds and grass popping up between pieces of cedar bark shreds. As I made my way from the back steps to the border itself I found myself struggling through the tentacles of octopus dandelions. I believe it's a new hybrid. I may use it for a ground cover this year. My neighbor is, again, and you know what they say, "When in Rome" and "Keeping up with the Jones'" and "The grass is always greener"...Well maybe not that LAST saying. I see my border of sunflowers are coming up, the lettuce is growing, the radishes are bursting out and my other plants are still green and perky. Alec mentions everyday that he can't wait for garden salsa. I have to agree. Won't it be wonderful to get the fire pit going, mix up a mess of margaritas, apply copious amounts of mosquito repellent, go to the garden and get my hot chili peppers, green peppers, tomatoes, onions and make a big bowl of Pico d Gallo grab a bag of tortilla chips and have a yummy snack while sitting out back lulled by the sparkle of lighting bugs and the smell of fresh cut Octopudandelions? Mmmmmm it just doesn't get any better than that.

May 14, 2005

I Can See Clearly Now

Today I met a professional gyspy (do those two words go together?) window washer guy. He showed up at the shop and asked if I wanted my windows washed for...$6.00...!
He had me at hello.
Hell, I would have paid hime $50 if only he so asked.
I would have liked to visit with him and pick his brain but he was gone like a fart in a skillet.

May 13, 2005

Bitchwad Alert Bitchwad Alert

Marks in the other room watching Bob Costas and laughing his ass off...alone. Giggling like a newborn babe even. Geez...to be so gleeful about a bunch of guys discussing sports...gag
I am drinking Mich with Spicy v8 and vacillating about surfing blogs I love to read and don't ever seem to get the time to read anymore and hitting the fluffy pillow.
I've had what I think should be called a peri-menopausal mood swing moment when I got home from work. The "moment" involved a child/teen/boy/mine and various eye rolling mean assed sneers and basic teen shitdom, room un-cleanliness, rudeness and a variety of other items I tire of thinking about.
Can I survive this?
Can I?
How do people raise kids? Right.
sigh...I think I dread the summer...
In other news, the backyard is looking up. I mean if you can ignore the dandelions, dog shit smell and general untidiness...It's looking good.

May 12, 2005

She's A Maniac On The Floor!

Very often I wonder why I bother to post. Especially when I hear about some blogger who was 16 when they started an E-zine about sex education or religious theory and now they have a best seller on Amazon, or when I peruse some of the political blogs that run rampant or when I reread some of the crap on dash blog...and then I remember...I started this blog because I liked to write and I thought this sounded like a fun way to keep a journal of stories or perhaps a diary of sorts. yah...I didn't start dash blog for a money making project, or to persue my dream of becoming a "voice of America". Nope, I write it because I can.
Anyway, today I went to Cook town with Cindy and her mom and I got the rest of my herbs for my herb garden...lemon basil, wooly thyme, cilantro, lavendar and also some flowers for the shop barrels. I also bought Flashdance...remember that movie? I'm going to play the Flashdance soundtrack at the shop tomorrow. Can you see us now, dancing like we've never danced before...delivering your cappuccino with ropy hair dripping sweat and wearing leg warmers? hehehehehehehhehehe god....they don't make leg warmers big enough for my cows...and let me tell you...that's a good thing. yikes...I seem to remember having pink leg warmers when I was young....sad really...probably looked like 2 REA poles with sweaters...gag

May 10, 2005

News Flash News Flash

I just, out of sheer desperation, made up a new drink.
Jones Soda...Sugar free Cream Soda
AND
Crown Royal to taste
wah lah...meet Cream Royale'

Just Another Day In The Life of An Itchy Scratchy Whining Bitchy Thirsty Girl

That's what I get for riding a bicycle with good old "Stink Bug". If you are wondering who "Stink Bug" is...it's Cindy. Yesterday as we were riding I suddenly heard this huge hawking, hacking, gulping and I lean over and Cindy has just swallowed a stink bug....whole! I mean that little varmit grabbed her uvula...you know...her hangy down thingy in the back of her throat, and swung around like tarzan and then went down the chute!
god it was funny...until I ran into a swarm of gnats and inhaled them into my right upper lung lobe.
Where is the beer fairy when ya need her?
The tops of my feet are sunburned my body itches, my hair looks like ass, my house stinks, and my cows(calves) ache...so therefore I deserved a big old Mich. Alas, I've looked under my pillow, the underwear drawer, the couch cushions and the gutters...nothing.
sigh

20 or so...

Cindy and I were chomping at the bit today. The weather was gorgeous and we had to work. Finally about 4:30 we got together and took off. We had a nice tail wind...and I mean NICE as we headed west. I felt like, Yah...I can do this! Then we turned around. chuh...did I say NICE. ahahahahaahah It wasn't as nice heading into it I can tell you that. It was another 4 letter word! A big storm was brewing up and giant thunderheads were building in the east and south. Anyway we made it back without eating any stink bugs or gnats this time. Hoo yah. We are planning a nice big ride on thursday if there is no rain.

May 09, 2005

26 miles...or so

Cindy and I rode late afternoon. We went the straightaway to Indianola and back. Still windy, but hey, this is Nebraska right? Odd though when we stopped by the roadside for Cindy to take a call, there seemed to be no wind at all. When we perched back on our seats and pedaled off, we were against a headwind. Stop at roadside...no wind, ride...headwind...go figure.
Kind of sounds like that tale of I walked 2 miles to school uphill both ways we've all heard from our grandpa's. Anyway, we rode hard and spotted a few treasures, a mutilated Nerf football, perfectly good from all sides except the bottom, a bungee cord thingy, half an orange, beer can about 3/4 of the way home...very tempting to bend down and give it a shake just to see if there was a drop left...just kidding... and a variety of road "pelts" that could make someone a fine blanket had they no ability to smell.
Whenever Cindy and I got off our steeds we looked like we were 80 year old broads...or weebles...Remember those things? sad really... Our backs are sore from gardening and life in general. That's just our genetic make up I guess. We oughtta be a couple of real sweethearts tomorrow at work...hope everybody want their coffee iced!

Gone To The Dawgs!

I've decided to come to terms with the dogs next door. I'm through wasting energy bitching about them. I renamed them Larry, Mo and Curly and while I'm planting a flower border between their stinky ass cage and my yard, I talk to them. Gently and sweetly I tell them to be quiet and shut their pie holes. I do not grimace and threaten them with the hoe or garden hose, no, I decided it's best to conserve my anger energy toward something else. I know that summer is coming on strong and school will be out WAY TOO SOON and I'm sure I'll need it for that! I'm planting a huge flower border and I'm excited to get that going. I KNOW I'll be pissed when weeds start popping up faster than the flowers but oh well. I planted two gardens...an herb one with oregano, basil, lemon thyme, lemon balm, rosemary, chives, and a salsa one...with many different kinds of tomatoes, peppers, onions as well as sweet corn, okra, lettuces, spinach, radishes, carrots and out behind the little house I stuck in some watermelon. I always have freak gourds and pumpkins that grow from our compost pile. They are always perfect for Halloween decorating. Anyway, that's where I'm off to now...planting, weeding and general bullshitting to Larry, Mo and Curly.

May 08, 2005

Poetry For Mothers Day

LAUNDRY
Though obscured by panes of cotton sheets
Harnessed between the ancient elms
I knew that silhouette
Mother hanging laundry in March winds
Head bent to the task
Mouth pursed about wooden clips not Marlboro
I did not help but hid and stared instead
Smelling the clean bleached day
Watching the billows of our bedding engulf her
Snapping and cracking like a whip

by Sheryl McCurdy


CAN BE A TV MOM

Soon they will be home
and I haven't even made the brownies
or mixed up the Kool-aid
the milk is still puddled
on the placemats from morning
where has the day gone
wasn't I just awakening
or even just going to bed
how can time go so quickly
what mark have I made
and I'm tired...just plain tired
wanting an hour
just to nap or read
the flutter of activity will be full force
for about ten minutes then abandonment
the friends the TV the Nintendo
will invade the house
I will stir up brownies
mix up Kool-aid
vacuum the carpet
take some Motrin
set out plates and glasses
pin an understanding smile on my face
when the pre teen rolls her eyes
and the youngest begs for friends to stay
and the middle one storms around because he is exhausted
from staying up far too late
I will be a TV Mom for a few minutes
a perky Mrs. Brady
wise AND blonde
patient and forgiving
full of damn good advice
if I can
because I know it won't be long now
and they will be flying away from me
gone just like that

by Sheryl McCurdy
This poem was printed in SHEMOM...a chapbook published by Peggy French in the Fall-Winter issue #13 of 2001

May 07, 2005

Shake it to the Left! Shake it to the Right!

The gal who is making our costumes for Medicine Creek Days Parade had one of our Shirley K's Coffee Shop costumes ready so she brought it down to work yesterday.
I tried it on and...
Holy Spanky Pants!
Nuff said bought that.
Other news:
Our celebration last night(for mom and dads 48th Anniversary, Cindy's ma and pa's Anniversary, Cindy's boy, Jess's 16 birthday, my b-day, Slat ass and hubby's Anniversary and...a few others) was a success! There was a wide variety of people there, my crowd (fairly wild and definitely crude and eager for the drinks) and mom and dads crowd (pretending NOT to be wild and crude and eager for the drinks)...Anyway...
there were a few awkward moments. Like when Jo Jo Dancing girl showed up and was showered with her belated turning 40 years old gifts including but not limited to: a small, sticky, throw it against your wall so you can watch it crawling down your wall, hot pink cock & balls toy, and someone actually threw it against the wall, ceiling, large paned shop windows and yes, we all, including my parents guests, watched the talented little bugger crawl, flail, and jet toward the floor...another odd moment was when Mark and I carried Jo Jo's gift bag into the room with it's bright orange ballon proclaiming, HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY in large black letters.

May 05, 2005

Time For Michs & Picks

My legs are aching and I'm craving pickled banana peppers and icy spicy V8 beers...no I'm not PG! I took a 22 mile ride on the bike today and that made me thirsty...well, it might have been the fact that Cindy and I talked the entire time we biked too.
Surprise!

I'm Younger Than Jo Is I'm Younger Than Jo Is!

Had a great birthday thanks to all. Katie surprised me with a lovely purple Saint of Poverty candle she got at her Spanish class trip to Grand Islands "Little Mexico" and some awesome blooms from blooms! Sandy and Cindy Jo made the day festive with cake, gift certificates to Blooms and insults about aging that were passed out liberally. Biker Cindy gave me a water plant which I already sunk in my pond and am waiting for it to put out a Lilly pad, a floating pond light that I am going to charge up and plop in as soon as possible (the better to drink vino at midnight by), a curling iron...hm mmmm...wonder what's up with that?? Methinks Cindy Sue is mocking my hair...all 4 of them! And a totally cool plant decoration that is colored glass to look like a bee flapping his wings by an iris bloom. Mom and Dad got me a humongoloid pink petunia plant and a wee white chair and...dear God I'm spoiled! GP gave me Cheech and Chongs classic epic tale...Smokin it up...and a pink blooming bundle of JOY...no not a baby...a plant! Mark got me tomato cages...the large ones...wink wink wink...water filtration system...I know I know...how romantic does it get around here....and S U R P R I S E...a very beautiful diamond chips necklace on a thin gold chain. I LOVE IT! Maybe I'll have to finally give him HIS BIRTHDAY PRESENT TONIGHT!

ps...Kurt, Biker Cindy sues "Other Half" is going to be wishing he didn't call a certain radio station and blab about dinosaurs and ancient birthday landmarks and the big butt fairy and the elderly old broad who runs Shirley K's and and and that kind of thing!
He is in BIG TROUBLE !
Kurt...paybacks are a bitch from a bitch! winkity winkity wink!

22 Miles

Windy bitch of a day for a girl who doesn't get out enough on her bike. Cindy and I rode West to Jo Jo Dancing Girls house today, wished her a belated 40th birthday(yesterday) and back home for a whopping 22 miles for me...add on about 6 more for her. I didn't feel real strong today and probably that is because...I'M NOT! How in the hell am I going to get ready for BRAN?
I had a bit of trouble getting my breathing right today. About 3/4 done I was HUNGRY too...and after digging in my basket...came up with a year old honey lemon cough drop. yayyy... I spit that out after only a few minutes. Anyhoo...it's miles under the belt.
Temp was around 74 and the breezes were moderately strong from the South.

May 04, 2005

Gadzooks!

Mary Jo Dancing Girl Bitch Posse Oneder Woman Extraordinaire is
40 today!
hahahahahah!!

ps...did you lock your door...I'd hate for you to come home to a kitchen dining set in your living room and your recliner in your kitchen...just kidding

You're Gonna Be Jealous! Nyah nyah!

Today, I had many pleasures which I shall list in no particular order:
A visit to the school that is really too unpleasant to even mention, think OR write any more about.
An over flowing toilet...which in fact enabled me to mop my floor AND do extra laundry...joyyyy.
An allergy attack...granted I did go on a 2 3/4 mile sweet bike ride in order to cause it...this short ride was taken in order to find pissin' Petie as he chose to escape this afternoon...bastard.
A lovely visit with a salesman on the phone at the shop about 60 lbs of Monterey Jack cheese that the driver attempted to leave off at Shirley K's and the red road apples he calls tomatoes that we received instead of vine ripened ones we ordered.
Those are a few of the more obvious pleasures I experienced today.

May 01, 2005

Ding Dong Ding Dong Ding Dong...Here's Your May Basket!

Kick Your Ass Dirty Martini
Vermouth, extra dry 1/4 shot
Vodka 1 shot
Carbonated Water/Club Soda Fill with
Olive Juice 3 tsp.
Olive 2 whole
Ice 3 cubes
Glass to use: Old Fashioned glass
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Blue MoFo
Curacao, blue 1/2 oz.
Gin 1/2 oz.
Rum, light 1/2 oz.
Tequila, white 1/2 oz.
Vodka 1/2 oz.
7-up 1 splash
Sour Mix 1 splash
Glass to use: Collins glass
Mixing instructions:Pour liquors into a glass with ice. Add a splash of sour mix and a splash of 7-up. Give one or two shakes and serve.
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Tropical Scream Juice
Vodka, raspberry (WKD Original Blue)
5 parts Lemonade
2 parts Orange Juice
3 parts (Pure, With Pulp)
Lime 1 slice
Ice 3 cubes
Glass to use: Cocktail glassMixing instructions:Start by putting pure orange juice with pulp in a tall glass. Pour lemonade over the top to create a small head then gently pour in the rasberry vodka. Garnish with umbrella, ice, lime and straw.