June 29, 2005

Just Wondering

a) are there invisible mosquitos?
b) is school about to start?
c) is it wrong to want my kids to go to summer school...maybe just the boys?
d) how much does boarding school cost?
d1) does is really really matter??
e) is it normal to twitch when I smile?
f) could I go to boarding school??
g) is it wrong to send my children to the corner to "wait for the bus" in the hot hot sun without a hat on their heads in an ant hill when we have no bus stop??
h) how long do you think it will take before they understand that this is just a ploy?
i) when it comes right down to it...does it really matter?
j) can house clutter mate like rabbits in the dark of night?

28 Miles

Met Cindy at her corner. I went 22 mph or above the whole way. I thought I was fabulously powerful and in shape until I noticed the ditch weeds bending over and touching their toes...indicating a powerful tailwind.
Oh well, who cares...it was fun while it lasted. Of course we turned straight into it and then went for a ride to Bartley and back.
You know, we better start carbing up for our 100 miler...mental note to self...buy quarts of Michelob Beer...not Ultra light though...gotta think CARBS!

June 28, 2005

Could Be Worse...I guess

Today a delivery man came up to me, sniffed hard and said, You smell like bread. I for once said nothing because it shocked me but I thought silently to myself, Could it be I smell like bread because I have BEEN UP SINCE 5 FUCKING A.M. STICKING CINNAMON ROLLS IN THE OVEN!?!? Hmmmmm??? Then I thought, Why don'tcha just call me grandma while you are at it.
At least the scenario wasn't him poking me in the belly and me giggling like the Pilsbury dough boy I appear to be morphing into.
shit

June 27, 2005

27 Miles

Cindy and I went for a lovely spin in the country in the 101 degree afternoon. We did the southern route and climbed a few little hills. We are still preparing for the century ride on July 9 in Lincoln. We thought we might do a ride every other day for a while.
We filled up our water bottles and splashed ourselves off with cool water at the top of a hill and turned around. We had a bit of a tail/corner wind on the way back into Cambridge and that was nice riding. We then rode out to Cindy's corner, loaded up our bikes and came back into town for a cold icy pop. That was wonderful good!

Just Sos Ya Know

My hair looks like shit today and it's going to look like shit tomorrow and probably the day after that too...and probably until infinity unless someone can tell me how I can fix my 5 thin as a gnats eyelash hairs into a fanfuckingtabulous hair do...and that does NOT include shaving my head. Because as you all know, I have a flat spot right at the crown of my head which could be useful for a beer holder for someone should I be on my hands and knees.
shut up
So therefore I cannot shave my head or I would be forever holding beers there and not get any fun out of life at all, besides the fact that I would have rings on my head because NOBODY would use a coaster now would they? hmmm?

June 26, 2005

Blind Eye For The Pheasant Guy

I leaned something from Psycho Cindy Jo on Friday. She was going to go to a "pheasant blinding party".
chuh...Sounds like a FUN TIME TO ME!
I asked, my mouth dropped, eyes wide open, You are going to actually blind pheasants while in the back of my mind I saw her dressed in a samurai warrior outfit, grabbing a pheasant and taking a plastic sword...you know, the kind that poofy drinks have in them with fruit speared on, and piercing the innocent pheasants eyes out.
She said, No, not blind them dumbass, put blinders on them.
Ohhhhhh yahhhhhhh that makes sense to me, I replied while silently dialing 911 muttering to myself, get the white coats ready and the padded room unlocked.
She then went on to explain that the person who raises the pheasants has to put blinders on them so they don't kill each other. I tried to imagine the tiny little leather harness that you slipped over the pheasants head, like a horse with blinders don't ya know and was befuddled.
She then explained that the blinders were placed on by piercing, see see I knew there was piercing involved somewhere, through the soft spot in the pheasants beak.
God! To think of it!
Of course I begged her to let me go...maybe next year!
Have a look at the pictures her hubby, Saint Keith sent me. Notice, if you will, that Psycho Cindy is NOT IN THESE PICTURES.

















Just Kidding on the last one.....hahahhahahhaha

June 25, 2005

30 miles

Went for a short drive int the mid day heat. We need to get used to the humid and muggy weather... and it's going to take some riding for me to do that. I had a bit of trouble getting my breathing right today, but we ran around 16 or so mph it seemed and my legs felt strong.
Man did it feel good to ride though. I feel so much better when I'm out on the bike. Cindy and I stopped in Indianola at the C store or something like that and got a gaterade and a few crackers. We met a man and his wife and visited for awhile. The lady has pancreatic cancer and he has had about a zillion heart attacks.
Life is short and we have to live hard and play hard people. You never know when your time here is done.

Big Fat Post

I love to eat, as from my posts you can tell. With me perhaps it's an obsession. The feel, the smell, the taste...it's all involved in the process of taking in nourishment. In fact, I'd say if it wasn't food it would be something else. Smoking, boozing, sexing, exercising...you get the picture. What does that smack of? Some Freudian oral fixation thing I'm certain of. Anyway, I'm aware of it.
I am not thin(by a long shot) but I'm not totally gargantuan. I'm not actually circus lady yet. But I'll tell you a secret. I once craved to be circus lady fat. Wouldn't that be the bomb? A huge giant soft mass of lovelerly marshmallow sweet fatness? Eating at swill...errrr I mean at will? Maybe not...grin after all I am a nurse and I have taken care of fat peoples...fat does not usually equal sweetness (smell etc) but it's just the thought of all that eating!!
I once was thin. When I was at nursing school I exercised religiously, running, weight lifting, jazzersize...I ate as little as I could get by on...and that was sometimes a handful of raisins and a cup of rice...not good eating habits at all. I realized I was thin one day when I went from the tub to a chair and sat down. You know when you sit down and there is a bit of fat that is sometimes called a spare tire? Well, I didn't have that...in fact, I had nothing there...no fat at all...not even a tiny bit! Could not even pinch...anything!! I could hear this trumpet play and my eyes get wide and it was suddenly like...goal achived...GAME OVER. I soon got back up to my "normal" weight and when I could afford it...my normal eating patterns. So why am I telling you all this?
I don't really fucking know. Just listen to this gross song.

June 24, 2005

Simple, Easy to Do, Yet Never Gets Done

Every morning, after I'm awake and functioning (this means fully dressed with my underwear on the inside and able to sit in a chair without falling back to sleep for at least 1/2 hour) I say to myself, Today, I'm going to call and make all those appointments I'm over due to make like, I'm about 3 months or so late on getting my teeth cleaned, my hair cut, a year or two over due for my annual physical, the kids need their orthodontist appointments made, their annual physicals are due, all three kids need their hair cut and every night when I go to bed I say, DAMNIT! I forgot to make those calls...tomorrow...I'm going to make those appointments I swear I am!

Was That A Helicoptor...or a Mosquito?

A Mosquito!
No kidding. We grow 'em big here in Cambridge. Just got back from the boys games...about 11:15 and am covered with skeeter bites of all sizes. Those blood suckers drll through clothes and maybe even car windows. I've NEVER been so miserable in my life...no that I can remember anyway. The boys both had losses and didn't feel they played their best. Frankly, I was too busy swatting bugs and scratching my oozing welts to notice.
You know how when you donate blood at the bloodmoble and you donate a certain amount and get a pin? Well, I donated tonight by gosh and I feel certain I deserve a pin of some sort to commerate this event.
Now, I'm tired and must retire...it'll soon be time to make the damn donuts...

June 23, 2005

20 Miles

Cindy and I went for a short on the flat with the wind in our face today.
God we'd been missing that.
Thank the lucky stars it was windy today, not only that but it was gusty.
Man...you just can't get lucky enough sometimes!
Joy!

June 22, 2005

Cemetery Hopping

This afternoon Cindy called and wanted to do something. I agreed, hauled my gargantuan arse out of the recliner went to Gas-n-Slurp and bought a 6 pack of Corona and 1 Diet Rite foolishly thinking that as I checked out the clerk would think I was buying the Diet Rite for me and the 6 pack of beer for, maybe someone else. I don't know why I cared really...it was 3pm...certainly not in the am and certainly I am over 21...hard to believe I know...hahahahah of COURSE I made an ASS of myself in the Slurp. As I tucked the Diet Rite into my armpit to enable me a better grab at the coldest beers I knocked the 6 pack of bottles against the glass cooler doors making a helluva noise. Everyone paused in their gossiping, kind of like when the bad guy walks through the saloon doors and the piano music stops, and looked at the lard ass with the beer and cheesy grin. I got the hell out as fast as I could write a check. As soon as I got into the car I rolled all the windows down, cranked up the stereo and turned the air conditioner on full blast. The music was blaring and I was singing and enjoying myself to the tune of Feel Like Makin' Love...a remix of the old tune. I was enjoying it alright until I realized the CD that was blaring said music was my DAUGHTERS...chuhh...that kind of put a damper on my parade...but I dealt with it and made it to Cindy's home. We drank beer and went country cemetery hopping. We looked at some of the coolest headstones. One whole cemetery is filled with our relatives. Yes, this sounds like we need a new hobby I know but some of those old country cemeteries are so cool. Anyway...I'm too tired to go on now...must get to bed....tired....failing....feeble ness setting in. yawnnnnnn

Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow

Cindy and I are going to get a ride in tomorrow. We need to get back in the saddle and prep for the Cornhusker Games. We will ride a tour of 100 miles on July 9. We are going to go up the day before and hit a few shops. We start at 6:30 am and go from Lincoln to Beatrice and then back again. Kind of boring to go back...like Cindy says...you see the same dog turd, the same road kill, the same bra by the side of the road. oh well



Doesn't riding a bike just get in your blood? Make you crave it like a drug?

June 21, 2005

Rat Bas-TURD aka Pissin' Petie

Just got back from Andrew and Alec's ball game to find Pissin' Petie AWOL AGAIN!
THAT RAT BAS TURD!
2 days ago he escaped and was found up at a "friends" house. The friend is a Jack Russell female...although...she is fixed. Maybe she puts out anyway. When we brought him home that time he got all depressed and tried to open the gate all day. We spoil him, we feed him we love him we play with him and THIS is how he repays us.
BAS TURD!
We found him tonight just coming back from the school track. Probably working out to impress the bitches. Well, let me tell you something. I've got a plan for Petie that will NOT impress the bitches. It involved a scalpel and some ligature. I'm calling the vet tomorrow.
After we found him tonight I threw his ass into the tub and scrubbed him up and sent his sorry ass to the kennel.
Enough about the soon to be eunuch.
Alec's team lost by 1 but Alec played well and hit some nice pop flys. He's the catcher and does a nice job there too. Andrew was an animal and hit 2 line drive to the fence home runs tonight! They ended up losing by about 7 unfortunately. Kinda like Lincoln in the College World Series. Katie kicked ass in her volleyball games and they won!
Well, enough bragging about my awesome wonderful kids! Now I gotta wash the uniforms...another game tomorrow...weeeeeee who's havin' fun now!

June 20, 2005

Well, We Did It Now...

Signed up for The Cornhusker Games. Cindy and I are going to ride the bike tour on July 9 in Lincoln. We will be riding a century (100 mile) ride. It should be fun. Like having a baby is fun...haha. No really. F U N fun. I'm almost positive it will be fun with a capital F.
Tonight I've been balling it. Baseball that is. Andrew and Alec had games tonight and every night for the rest of the week. Katie has volleyball tomorrow. Andrews team won and he hit a home run too! Clear out to the fence! Alecs team won also. The first game was at 6:30 and Andrew's just got done around 10:15.
yah
Who has more fun than me??

June 19, 2005

Several Miles

I rode my bicycle tonight, in the dark, and it was awesome! I had to go do a bit of work at the shop around 9:30 and decided to ride. After I was done, around 10:15 the moon was almost full and I couldn't resist the temptation to cruise a bit. The smell of honeysuckle was almost overpowering in the muggy air. I decided to go to the fountain and see the colored lights. There, the smell of the chemicals and the feel of the heat rising off the pavement reminded me of when I was a little kid walking home from the pool. I was a bit wary of gravel in the crossings but I sped along and going down North street I kicked it up a notch and enjoyed the breeze. Now, I wasn't very safe at all as I was wearing a brown shirt, no helmut and regular shoes. I had a blinky red light to put on the back of my bike...but I didn't do it. I just chanced it and rode for the love of it. For some reason riding at night made me feel young and a little bit reckless. I can't wait to do it again.

About Shit

I've been thinking about those damn carrot seeds that were sent to me instead of the Chipira family. Then I started thinking of the movie About Schmidt and the boy from Tanzania, Ndugu that Jack Nicholson is writing to. I wondered if I should write to the Chipira family. They have 7 children, malnourished and the pamphlet claims that they all went for 2 weeks without food. Why aren't they asking for birth control pills AND seeds. How about a little sex education too.
I went to WorldVision's web site and wandered around there a little bit, looking at their financials and etc. I have a hard time trusting an organization that large. You know, not everything you read on the internet is gasp true.

June 18, 2005

Turn Up Your Speakers!

QueenBicycle.MP3

I Got the Chipira Familys Seeds!

I just got carrot seeds in the mail...from WorldVision which is a supposed Christian relief organization...with a message saying that the Chipira family doesn't want a handout. All they need are seeds and tools! WTF? Why didn't WorldVision send THEM the seeds. Stupid Asses...they could have saved the Chipira family some grief.

June 17, 2005

Fine Prison Wine

From THE SNEEZE...which is a blog that often makes me laugh so hard I pee myself. This excerpt is no exception. Pass the Huggies.

Please go read PRISON WINE RECIPE

Bermuda...Beer...muda...YES!

I sat straight up in bed this morning at 6:30 a.m. and shouted, "What day is it?" loudly. Mark slumbered on and scratched his nether regions as I realized, it just doesn't matter does it? I have to get up early EVERY DAY! Somehow I scrambled out of bed, washed my 5 hairs and assembled myself in my coffee shop attire. Today, aqua Bermuda shorts and an orange T-shirt and set out to make the donuts. I thought I looked fine...in fact, good enough to make a donut and a pot or two of coffee. However my daughter and another person who I like to call...Loose Wheel, made comments like, "Nice shorts" and raised 1 eyebrow whilst doing so. Cindy Sue herself made a grand appearance at the coffee shop and said something like," I like your nice corduroy shorts!" and "Where is your shiny belt?"...(I don't want to tell her that yes indeedy this pair of NON corduroy shorts did come fully equipped with a string of metal and jewel like beads that constitute a rather shiny belt) Therefore, I will now wear this outfit always and forever matched up together...without the belt. No I put my foot down on shiny belts! It's not exactly the shiny I object to...it's the cinching of the waist thing that always gets me down.
Yes! The new look for summer 2005? Aqua and Orange...together!

June 16, 2005

Cruella on Crack!

Recently I met a cartoon character. In real life. Not your average Disney cartoon but one with a bit of a twist. Imagine Cruella Deville...on crack. I swear it was her. She was thin, not just anorexic thin but starvation death knock knock knocking on the door thin, cheek bone sharp as a Ginsu Knife thin, sweater wearing but still shivering in mid July at noon thin, eyes poppin' outta the head like a baby bird lookin' for his first worm thin. I mean T H I N. Not only that but she was twitchy. Her eye kept opening and shutting and squinting. She kept wriggling her mouth as well. Maybe her face was sooo tired it fell asleep and it was dreaming of eating food. I didn't see this person on the street with a sign that said "Homeless...will work for food" either. I tried to avert my gaze whenever possible but I was simply drawn to the spectacle of her grimaces. The nurse in me diagnosed tardive dyskinesia but she doesn't seem the type to be on strong psych meds. Maybe it's...tourettes like. No barking or cursing noted though. I hope I see her again soon.

June 15, 2005

New Use For Old Bike Tires & Tubes!

Since I'm on a food roll I thought I'd post a picture of one of the wonderful meals that Cindy Sue's, for lack of a better word, "other half" mwhahahahahahahha cooked for us. Delicious shish ka bobs! I highly reccomend him as a chef when you are on a long bike ride OR a short one. As a matter of fact should you want to hire him for a meal or two...let Cindy Sue know...he is rentable I'm SURE of it!

June 14, 2005

No that was NOT a train...it was my STOMACH !

Okay, since I've returned from BRAN I've been hungry. Seriously hungry. Not just a tiny graw that makes you think, maybe a sandwich. This is like, I'M HUNGRY FOR 2 BACON LETTUCE AND TOMATO SANDWICHES AND A LARGE HELPING OF CHEESY POTATOES GO HEAVY ON THE CHEESE AND A BIG ASS SALAD WITH MANGO PINEAPPLE DRESSING PLUS THROW IN A COUPLE OF BANANA CREAM CREAM PUFFS FOR A SWEET THANK YOU VERY MUCH AND PUT LEGS ON THAT WILL YOU AND CAN I LIKE HAVE THAT NOW!?!
2 hours later: I'd like a BAG of red licorice, 4 nutri grain bars, a milkshake with whipped cream and a cherry on top and a piece of cherry pie please
2 hours later: I wanna hamburger, cheeseburger, lettuce and tomato, a baked ham bone and a French fried potato, a hot dog, chili dog barbecue mustard and a pickle and a mountain dew!
2 hours later: got any pork rinds, tapioca pudding or steak handy?
You get the picture. I am going to have to resort to something desperate and pathetic soon...posting a picture of my soon to be increasing ass on the fridge, the pantry door and on every cafe, diner and fast food joint door within the next 100 mile radius with the caption: If you see this woman AND her ass DO NOT I repeat DO NOT allow her to order food, eat food or coerce anyone else to get her food, she is to be apprehended and taken to the nearest health club immediately and put to work!

ps...anybody got a pretzel?

Ass!

I just walked into the living room and instantly noticed a strong stench. I exclaimed, "What the hell is that stench?" to Pissin' Pete and much to my surprise, Mark, having just returned from a school board meeting and sitting on the couch in his PJ's explained, "I just took a crap." in a very nonchalant voice.
"Why on earth couldn't you have utilized the school facilities?", I wondered LOUD AND CLEAR, not for the first time or the second for that matter. I received no answer just a shrug and a grin.
basTURD!
Damn...and out of lysol spray.
Just as well it's after midnight and time for bed...must escape to the upstairs as soon as possible.
ugh
and double ugh
Bodily functions are disgusting yet...highly interesting in some cases...not necessarily in this one though...good night all...and pass the frickin' Glade Super Dooper Nature Scented Spray!

June 13, 2005

Loser

I feel like a LOSER for not finishing the BRAN ride.
Cindy and I ARE made of sugar so we PROBABLY would have melted in the rain...grin. It was kind of depressing, all that crappy weather and not riding after all the training, bitching and excitement.
Now...it's over...only I feel like I need to get on the bike and quick ride another 200 miles or so to make up for the shitty week.

Just a Dreamy Song For A Dreamy Day

Click -N-Listen

June 11, 2005

Bike Broads Return

Early.
One Word.
Rain...or...Wind...or...Lightning...you pick.
I'm bummed. The BRAN ride was difficult due to crappy weather.
The first day the wind was cool and a bit of a fierce head wind. I had an allergy attack and picked up a wheeze so bad I was branded right off the bat as sounding like a 68 year old 5 pack a day Camel smoking queen.
The second day, again windy and hail and 2 tornado sightings at the town we were to ride to.
The third day...brisk headwind about halfway done...damn damn damn
The fourth day...one word...PERFECT
The fifth day...coolish, windyish...and then a thunderstorm with pelting rain (like a cow pissing on a flat rock) with lightening bolts to the ground so bright you were blinded.
The fifth...today...steady hard downpour
Hearing the forecast for potential rain all day and in the a.m. Cindy and I decided to cash it in.
I'm sooo sad we didn't finish it.
I hate riding in rain and especially with lightening.
What a suckwad riding week.
We did meet some new fun people and we laughed a LOT!
I think I had more fun on the SAG stops than I did last year. We did a lot of visiting and giggling.
Road biking will never be the same because now Mark has decided he wants to give it a try!
What will I do for a tent boy now?
Any takers?

June 10, 2005

BRAN Broads Return...

Early.
One Word.
Rain...or...Wind...or...Lightning...you pick.
I'm bummed. The BRAN ride was difficult due to crappy weather.
The first day the wind was cool and a bit of a fierce head wind. I had an allergy attack and picked up a wheeze so bad I was branded right off the bat as sounding like a 68 year old 5 pack a day Camel smoking queen.
The second day, again windy and hail and 2 tornado sightings at the town we were to ride to.
The third day...brisk headwind about halfway done...damn damn damn
The fourth day...one word...PERFECT
The fifth day...coolish, windyish...and then a thunderstorm with pelting rain (like a cow pissing on a flat rock) with lightening bolts to the ground so bright you were blinded.
The fifth...today...steady hard downpour
Hearing the forecast for potential rain all day and in the a.m. Cindy and I decided to cash it in.
I'm sooo sad we didn't finish it.
I hate riding in rain and especially with lightening.
What a suckwad riding week.
We did meet some new fun people and we laughed a LOT!
I think I had more fun on the SAG stops than I did last year. We did a lot of visiting and giggling.
Road biking will never be the same because now Mark has decided he wants to give it a try!
What will I do for a tent boy now?
Any takers?

June 03, 2005

Tomorrow We Leave!

We start our CRAN ride tomorrow. Drive up to Kimball, camp out and get ready to ride! Hooray! I'm going to try to update this site daily. I'm not quite sure I can...but I may even try audio blogging. Talk to you later!

June 02, 2005

Time To Carb Up

Well, Cindy Sue's brother said that we should have been carbing up for the BRAN ride already. I think that if we quick switch from Michelob Ultra (low carb ) to QUARTS of regular Michelob we should be able to catch up in the 2 days we have left before the bike ride.
Cheers!
A Toast to Mickey!

Come Rain Come Shine Gonna Whine

I'm thinking the BRAN ride is going to be a cool wet affair. The thought of camping let alone biking in rain and wind is bumming me out.
Seven days.
Yikes...that seems so much time to be gone. The shop is in good hands. I've got good gals in there...but away from the kids that long...SUCKS. My mom and dad might agree...they will be "attending the chilluns" AND pissin' Pete. I feel bad about that last part. My original plan was to see if the vet would room, board and neuter Pete while we we gone. So far I haven't got that arranged.
Seems like a nice morning. The birds are singing like they are in a Cinderella movie, there is a nice breeze, but you can feel the muggy coming on.
I'm going to go into work, open up, train a few coffee queens to open and then come home and wash: clothes, bathrooms, floors and whatever else wanders into my path.
My life is one big partay isn't it?

June 01, 2005

Nail Biting Insomniac Queen of Nada

Yes, I have been awake in the night for awhile. Seems like we have sooo much going on I can't get "un-nerved" to sleep. Pissin' Pete and I have been watching a lot of late night television...mostly the weather channel. I find it soothing. AND I really resent it when the "regulars" are not on when I'm awake. The nerve.
soooo....
Andrew will get back from DC tomorrow...crossing fingers...I hope! He has the tendency to be "left behind" when taken places. I'm worried I'll get a call tomorrow..."Hey Mom...can you come and get me?"
soooo....
Only 2 more days until we hit the trail for BRAN. Actually we CRAN (car ride across Nebraska) on Saturday to go to Kimball, where we start. I'm REALLY nervous. I mean REALLY REALLY nervous for some reason. I don't feel like I have enough training miles in...oh well.....little too late now...gulp. Mark is going with me to be my tent boy so that should be fun. He isn't going to be riding a bike...yet...but I'm trying to convince him to.
soooo....
My real concern is the kids, at home, with G-ma and G-pa and Pissin Pete! That could be something to come home to allright! whoooo yadaaaa
sooo.....
must go make the spaghetti now...later

Nail Biting Insomniac Queen of Nada

Yes, I have been awake in the night for awhile. Seems like we have sooo much going on I can't get "un-nerved" to sleep. Pissin' Pete and I have been watching a lot of late night television...mostly the weather channel. I find it soothing. AND I really resent it when the "regulars" are not on when I'm awake. The nerve.
soooo....
Andrew will get back from DC tomorrow...crossing fingers...I hope! He has the tendency to be "left behind" when taken places. I'm worried I'll get a call tomorrow..."Hey Mom...can you come and get me?"
soooo....
Only 2 more days until we hit the trail for BRAN. Actually we CRAN (car ride across Nebraska) on Saturday to go to Kimball, where we start. I'm REALLY nervous. I mean REALLY REALLY nervous for some reason. I don't feel like I have enough training miles in...oh well.....little too late now...gulp. Mark is going with me to be my tent boy so that should be fun. He isn't going to be riding a bike...yet...but I'm trying to convince him to.
soooo....
My real concern is the kids, at home, with G-ma and G-pa and Pissin Pete! That could be something to come home to allright! whoooo yadaaaa
sooo.....
must go make the spaghetti now...later