July 31, 2005

If My Books Could Talk...and some whining

When did I get so old that the heels of my feet started to turn into cracked flayed leather?
Why do hairs grow places they shouldn't? and in the wrong color?
Where does one store a spare tire when ONE DOESN'T FUCKING WANT ONE AROUND HER WAIST!? Why can't I just not like to eat??? Why? Why? Why? If only I liked to smoke, or jog or ummmm masturbate maniacally instead.
If only...sigh...
In Other News:
The garage sale is over and done thank God. Mark and our kids ran our side of it and there were several other groups gathered at our house as well. We have a good spot...near the highway and a deck over part of our drive to protect from the searing heat. I got rid of a lot of books which I'm glad I wasn't there to see. I hate to part from my books. They are like my pets. Most of them looked 100 years old due to the fact that I drop them in the tub so damn often. Well, it's hard to turn a page with a Michelob in one hand and a bottle of Clairol in the other. Anyay, I suddenly remembered something my mother told me a while ago that cracks me up every time. We were talking about books or something and I asked her, Did I read a lot in the tub when I was young? She got this incredulous look on her face and exclaimed, Honey, you had the cleanest ass in town!

July 30, 2005

How Do I Get It Back?

I've been wanting to write more poetry but it seems like once we opened the coffee shop my creative energies began to be sucked dry by that place. I remember writing like wildfire when I was doing home health nursing and spending a lot of drive time in my car. I'd write with one hand on the wheel and the other on a pen and whatever I could find to scribble on...checkbooks, my hands, medical records, tampax wrappers, blood pressure monitors, old pepsi bottles, nu guaze, enema boxes...anything handy. Stuff spilled out of my head and wrote itself. Granted most of it was plain drivel but still...it was fun and I want to do it again.

How Do I Get It Back?

I've been wanting to write more poetry but it seems like once we opened the coffee shop my creative energies began to be sucked dry by that place. I remember writing like wildfire when I was doing home health nursing and spending a lot of drive time in my car. I'd write with one hand on the wheel and the other on a pen and whatever I could find to scribble on...checkbooks, my hands, medical records, tampax wrappers, blood pressure monitors, old pepsi bottles, nu guaze, enema boxes...anything handy. Stuff spilled out of my head and wrote itself. Granted most of it was plain drivel but still...it was fun and I want to do it again.

Just So Ya Know

My hair looks like a cross between a beehive and a mullet today...and even though it SUCKS hardcore...I have to wear it that way.

Countdown...10...9...8...

...to the annual Community Wide Garage Sale!
Yup...you can almost see the excitement it's soo thick around here! Like a big blanket of crap thick. Finally done setting it up. I started dragging anything that wasn't nailed down and even some things that were about 4pm...and am finally done. Funny thing though...I won't be here to help during the sale...ahahahahahahhah....I'll be at the coffee shop! Weeeeee haawwwww! Good thing for friends and chilluns!
Well, I'm too tired for chatting. More about the debacles of the garage sale tomorrow!

July 28, 2005

Pissin Petie Is ALIVE

SHIT...I keep trying to upload a song to play and I KNOW it's too big but I thought maybe I could just sneak it by anyway and I CAN'T!! I just wanted to share my boogie people.
In other news...Pissin' Petie was sick yesterday...and actually at my mom and dads...while we were gone...! I thought maybe I'd wake up to a puddle of dead Petie this morning. Nope...when I checked him at 4:30 he was okay...but looked guant. Shaking my head I opened a can of...Pickles the bitch cats...wet cat food...he proceeded to eat like he was setting down to prime rib and growled like a mofo when Pickles got her panties ina wad and got too close. I think that little shit ass was faking it! I guess he vomitted at mom and dads and he did yesterday too. I'm starting to see a trend though. We go on vacation without him...he gets sick....we go for a long weekend without him...he pisses on all the furniture...we go around the block without him...he shits on the bath mat...hmmmmmmmm....I wonder if he is THAT smart?!

July 27, 2005

There's No Place Like Home Toto!

We are back from our Worlds of Fun/Oceans of Fun family vacation.
We drove up to Kansas City on Saturday after work. Yup...went 8 hours straight without hardly a wince...well...there were a few "winces". Like when the kids were singing Chitty Chitty Bang Bang at the top of their youthful lungs and I looked back and saw Andrew with 2 pieces of red licorice, one from each nostril - both ending up at his mouth grinning like a Chesire cat, and when they mutilated an entire pack of cinnamon bears making characters like, Elvis complete with pompadour hair and the devil with horns and a forked staff to name a few, before eating them.
Yes, we McCurdy's know how to have a good time don't think we don't!

July 23, 2005

Who's Got An Extra Doo Rag? Anyone? Anyone?

Well, it's off to another day of donut hawker.
Wish me luck...luck that I make it to work with hair on my head. Why you ask? Because it looks like it's getting shorter every time I look in the mirror!! WTF is that all about? Could it be falling out now? Whyyyyyy must I look like a Rogaine candidate? I think I may take to wearing a doo rag...in public even...hell even by myself!
AGHHHH
And don't tell me it's easy to "do" my hair now because really people...it takes me lots of minutes to get this look...SEVERAL in fact. Minutes I could be using to powerwash my deck, strip and restain my 17 creaking stairs, scrub the stools, watch my beefmaster ripen, or stare at traffic with a half smile and drool dripping down my chin! Hell, I could "do" my hair with a washcloth now!

July 22, 2005

Ripe When I'm Gone...

We are going to go on vacation for a few days. Probably not to Colorado where I LOVE to go and laze around in a cabin, play in the river and smell the smells of the mountains
NO.
I think it may be something starting with an 8 hour car ride with 2 teenagers and 1 preteen and ending with rollercoasters and, in my case, violent dizziness, nausea and intermittant vomitting and according to the weather reports - potential severe heatstroke,.
Joy.
Mark this one down for a happy happy joy trip.
I think it might be funner to go 20 feet north and vacation in our rental house. OR it might be funner to stay home and watch my big beefmaster tomato the size of my ass ripen (which it will...in about 2 days...when we are gone!)
Mom and Dad will be watch Pissin' Pete...and Pickles the Queen. They will deserve an awesome treat for that! I hope they like beefmaster tomatoes!

Happy 14th Andrew!

July 21, 2005

Queen Of Langoria

I now know what it means to feel lanquid, I think. Here is the definition I got from Dictionary.com:
languid \LANG-gwid\, adjective:
1. Drooping or flagging from or as if from exhaustion; weak; weary; heavy.
2. Promoting or indicating weakness or heaviness.
3. Slow; lacking vigor or force. Hellooo...that is me.
Limp noodle even. I am just a big ole scoop of slow ass slugness today. I want Fall...but I also want my tomatoes. There are about 2 or 3 that are just....this close to being ripe. I can't wait!
Well, that's enough now... gotta go

July 20, 2005

Don't Read This...it's B O R I N G

I've been feeling bored and restless lately. I don't want to do housework I don't want to cook I don't want to watch TV I don't want to do anything. I especially don't want to get up at 5 anymore. I think it may be the heat.Today, a storm began to blow up around late afternoon. The heat was something else at 106 degrees at one thermometer! As soon as I saw the dark clouds I began to want to work outside. I'ts something weird with me. I like to work outside in the rain. That's when I like to do my planting, weeding, cutting, strolling about and just looking. Sadly, it rained only spittingly and the sidewalks almost sizzled as the drops of rain fell down.I am missing the coolness of Fall. I feel dain bramaged and boring. The only strange things I even want to talk about today are that I broke my bike mirror...it fell over as I was carrying 1 case of spicy bean burritos and 1 case of some other kind of burritos and on top of that in a dish pan tub were about 3 or 4 bottles of Lipton tea. What a surprise that I broke something besides my own leg. I've been keeping the bike inside the house because...I feel like it's alive and needs it's own room. Anyway...my second mirror...history. The burritos...not even scratched. Today, I also pierced my hand with a very sharp knife while trying to open a box of some kind of something. No blood...so...how bad could it be... my skin is thicker than I realized.This post is pathetic really as I know nothing...at least nothing I want to blog about anyway.

July 19, 2005

I"m Late for WORK!

Therefore I do not blog...much.

July 18, 2005

Don't Try This At Home Kids!

Have you ever drank/drunk...(what is the correct grammar I wonder) Mountain Dew through your nose...Accidentally OR on purpose?
I did and I don't recommend it to anyone. The taste is not augmented by filtering through nose hairs as one might believe. The tingling of the nares leaves MUCH to be desired and the pretty picture one makes afterwards is, well, in a word or two, NOT PRETTY. The soda running out of your nose in rivulets, eyes watering, the gushy phlegmy cough and the slight gag make this something to laugh at when someone else does it and that's about it. It's all my daughters fault. She bought me a LITER of Diet mountain Dew(my other favorite drink) on Saturday after that hellicious swim meet. I'm still drinking on it today...or I was...a LITER of pop can last me quite some time...but give me a LITER of Michelob...hmmmmmm I'll get back to you on that! You may not have noticed this but a LITER of Mountain Dew has a mouth on it the size of an elephants asshole. Anyway, as I attempted to take a sip of the warmish, fizzless pop this morning, my TINY mouth could not prevent a leakage of Dew fluid. You guessed it...that soda poured out of my TINY mouth and shot up my unsuspecting nose like a Yellowstone geyser!
I would call it a nasal colonic sort of thing. Lesson learned...no Liters of pop for me...just beer!

July 17, 2005

Things I noticed today:

1) My fat did not dissolve overnight nor did it disperse in an attractive way...in fact it appears to have settled in, unpacked bags and put it's feet up on the good coffee table like an unwanted house guest, alerted the post office to send it's mail to my address and invited friends over to partay
2) My hair did not grow
3) My dog Petie the Pisser needs his toenails clipped, especially that one dew claw one that curves in on itself and I hate to trim it because I always clip a little toe meat too
4) I have 5 pear tomatos on the vine...ripe
5) I'm out of beer
6) I'm a tired old bag and it shows
7) My ice machine at work is a BAS-TURD!

5-10

I've just been riding around town since we got done with the Century. No real speed or consistency really. I would love to go today. Housework first though...sniff.

July 16, 2005

Oh Boy

It's been a day if ya know what I mean.
Up at the butt crack of dawn, making rolls, I realized something. It was an epiphany! I think I achieved nirvana even.
Too bad I can't remember what the hell it was.
May have been the sun stroke I got today while attending the state swim team meet. The kids did well...thought not good enough for them I guess as I got several scowls, evil comments and a few swim caps thrown toward me as I congratulated them on a job well done. Hell, I think making it to finals is a great achievement in itself. So what if you come in 8th or 11th or whatever. You Made It Here! I exclaimed. They, apparently wanted number 1 in everything. Woe to me for trying to encourage them I guess. Sometimes it would just be easier to sit there and shut up.
Anyway, I digress. As I was saying...May have been the sun stroke or the BRAIN DAMAGE I got from sitting by someone who talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talked me to DEATH! This certain someone talked talked talked talked talked even when I was attempting to work on the schedule, read the paper, watch the swim meet - you get the picture. Pretty soon it was like I wasn't even hearing her speak. At one point I looked around and said, My gosh the wind sure did let up - and then realized it wasn't the lack of wind I was hearing, it was just that she had stopped talking to take a drink! I'd just gotten so used to hearing that constant yammering it was odd not to hear it at all. Never fear, as soon as she greased the axel, so to speak, the wind came right back up...monsoon level even. As a matter of fact, if I had any hair left on my poor demented head it would have been blowing in the breeze like I was riding a Harley down fucking Mt. Everest!
I could barely make it home from the meet. After waiting 1/2 hour at Burger Death for our food I put the pedal to the metal and on reaching home crawled up the stairs and passed out for 2 hours fully stenched up and smelling like a Sumo Wrestler after a bout with the circus lady.

July 15, 2005

Amazing but Twue

I rode my bike 5 WHOPPING miles(in and around this dinkytown) at dusk tonight and the sunset was beautiful...all pinks, reds and oranges.
I got another mosquito in my eye...basTURD!
I didn't see another deer.
I read that Armstrong ran around 75 miles an hour coming down a mountain on his bike...holy shit...I once put the skids on when I was going around 37 mph down a hill last year on BRAN...because it was a wittle scary. Am I cool or what?
This year I met Jose' Mesa a Prof at University of Lincoln who teaches...what else...foreign lanquages...who was a professional bike racer in ...? Spain? Anyway...he runs around 35 mph just regular flat. I really am cool am I not? Fast AND cool as I glide down a hill going 15 mph as gracefull as a pig on ice I'd say.

Lately, tonight in fact, I was just making a bird in distress whistle to torture my cat Pickles. I was tucking Alec in (his tall tall bunk bed), he asked me to whistle, I did. Pickles looked like a leaping gnome as she attempted to fly up to the top of the bed and kill the helpless bird....haahhahahaah...stooge.
Tomorrow, the State Swim Meet. All 3 kids are in it. From start to finish.
All day.
In the hot hot sun.
Who has more fun than me?!

I'm Still Awake

...and my hair is still...rat tail brownish blondish MOFO-SHORT!
It's Friday night!
whooo. yahhh. man oh man oh man. watch out for me now...I'm...yaaawwwwnnn...
Do you ever feel your children are trying to pull a fast one on you? That maybe they really really think you are as dumb as you look? That makes me FURIOUS! Madly Deeply Furious even. Could moi have been so naive as to think my parents didn't know half the crap I did?
gulp
gag
gah
Crap...now THAT makes me shudder.
ugh
Must change subject feeling faintish
must get glass of beer? I mean... water!

I've Been Up Since 4am

I'm thinking of coloring the "upper" part of my hair Grape and the "ends" of my hair Cherry Red with KoolAde. If, for no other reason than this: it just doesn't matter if you have been up since 4 am what you do to your hair because by the time it's time to go anywhere, say like work, your hair will look like you just got out of bed anyway as you have BEEN UP FOR HOURS AND HOURS TWISTING IT ALREADY!
I guess I should go make the donuts. Watch the sun come up. Drink MANY cups of coffee. Take my Tums. Read the paper.

July 14, 2005

Oh Deer!

I took the bike out for a spin tonight. I just wanted to sweat a little. I did. I also got a rather large mosquito in my right eye, blinding me for a good 1/2 of the ride. Stupidly I pushed hard against my eyelid when he flew in and probably mashed him to smithereens inside my eye. I wonder if you can get West Nile in that manner. Anyway...have you ever had a mosquito bite on your cornea? It's an optical illusion that might be worth the risk. I highly suggest it if you are bored and out of beer.
Right as I got on the walking trail, after smashing the skeeter, what do you think I saw(optically enhanced) heading straight for me? And this was no hallucination. A deer. Probably a yearling doe heading straight for me, along the trail. After she noticed me, (chuhhh I mean how could you not notice a big big girl with a short short hair do on a little bike smashing a skeeter inside her eye while wearing head phones and therefore forgetting that others could hear you talking out loud and so was littering the air with sailor style cussing) the doe took off down a narrow path toward the creek.
Hooray~! That's my news for the day. Top that one if you dare!

July 12, 2005

Just Wondering About Things

If someone can make a drug that enhances blood flow to a PENI why can't someone make a drug that inhibits blood flow to a cancerous tumor and kills it totally I know that studies are out there and that there have been wonderful advances in pharmaceuticals but you would think that by now we would have cures.

July 11, 2005

There's Always Something Isn't There?

Considered biking in the hot hot hot sun about 4pm and then thought...maybe I should take up checkers or badminton or chess or plastic surgery for a hobby instead. I'm still debating the pros and cons of hitting a birdy or seeing a birdy...wearing a helmet or wearing an anesthesia mask, being a bike queen or getting kinged instead, biking or jumping or sitting or spinning or hitting or sleeping or getting a heat stroke and dehydrating and I guess if it isn't one thing it's another.

July 10, 2005

Have You Ever Laughed So Hard You Blacked Out?

Cindy and I laughed to much I think that was more of a workout than our bike ride...and that's saying alot! In fact I almost blew out a brain vessel and blacked out on the way home. My face hurts. I think my jaws are swollen...no...they are NOT JOWELS JUSTIN!!
We are back from our bike adventure. We rode in a head wind AGAIN, in the heat of the day, and weirdly I had bike troubles...blew a sidewall, had a flat...double your fun I guess.
I suffered brain damage as well...not from the bike ride...from the RIDE HOME LISTENING TO CINDY'S POOR POOR DEMENTED 13 YEAR OLD SON!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP! There may be a problem there...can you say THERAPY! Justin...if you are reading this...please wipe the glazed look from your eye, stopping making cricket noises and talking about a mudpuddle stompin' lawn mower ridin' superior! !
m u s t g e t s l e e p


soft music to go night night with...and please bear with me as I get all sentimental and such... Mark sang this for me when we were dating...made a tape actually...(oddly in his bathroom...better acoustics I guess) with him playing and singing this Replacements Song...and he didn't suck at all! Everybody go...awwwwwwwwww
Skyway

It Was...something else

Yup...it was dejavu like...haven't I been here before riding into a headwind?...and ps...add on flat tires! Yes...I said flat tireS...Plural. Poor poor Jim...Mr. Big Boy of the Blues Bike and Fitness himself who had to take care of my NAUGHTY Terry. That little hussy blew a sidewall AND then got herself another flat before my ride was over. I could have spit bullets had I only had enough spit. Yah...it was hot too. The ride out to Beatrice was a bit of a BITCH because of the headwind which was strong. Just when we turned to head back to Lincoln, after passing a SLOW MOVING TRACTOR...I was heading into speed heaven with a tailwind and KABLAAAMMM I ran over a big damn rock! I was soooo mad. That's when I blew a big damn split in my sidewall. Jim came by to help a poor blonde and because the tires are odd size he rigged it up with chewing gum and a gum wrapper (just kidding). Anyway...to make a long story short...Jim fixed my hussy bike twice, hauled Cindy and I around, took us to his shop (which by the way I LOVED!) got one of his dudes to put on a couple new tires, Cindy and I shopped , I got a new speedometer, water bottles, looked at bikes, drooled, dreamed and then we went back to Cindy's brothers house in Kearney where we drank a cold beer and crashed for the night.

July 07, 2005

Pray For Rain

...because I have to go to a baseball game in like...now!
I also got a haircut and dye job.
I look like a (you know the drill)...everybody now...A FAT BOY WITH TITS...and add on...WITH A NICE DYE JOB!!
whooooooooo!

July 06, 2005

Gut Guzzling Gutmeister

Alec...or me...take your pick. We both have the appetite of a lumberjack. I unfortunately have the body of one. Not attractive on a woman really. Especially if she doesn't wear flannel shirts carry and ax and have whiskers...although...the whiskers ARE only just looming on the horizon.
As I just finished the earlier post and was shopping at LUSH and AMAZON Alec calls to me, Mom...come make my nest! and Make me a ham and cheese sandwich and Don't forget the chocolate milk and I was like...hmmmmmmmm okay...cuz it felt like snack time to me. Who cares really if it is 11:30 pm??? Not me...just call me Paul Bunion...or is it Bunyun? Hmmmmm I forget. Anyhooo....I informed Alec...NO to the ham and cheese but how about toast? He said...okay and so I made 4 pieces...some for him...some for me...you know the drill. He got chocolate milk...I got something else...one for him...two for me...and so on.
No wonder
Really now
Well, it's all Mick's fault...he TOLD us to CARB up for the bicycle ride!!

Jumbled Up Jargon aka Just Rambling Tonight

I love LUSH maybe even more than AMAZON. I don't know...it's a toss up between books and bath fizzies...sigh...heaven, both together.
I'm reading BITCH POSSE right now...and it's...well, it's just okay. I bought it without reading anything about it...just pre-ordered it because of the name. I'm reading that and still HARD EIGHT by Janet Evonovitch and I started Bleachy Haired Honkey Bitch...you know....that one I was talking about earlier. I have one book in the downstairs bathroom and one in the upstairs bathroom and one in the living room. You know, when I sit down...I like to read a sentence or two. Pathetic really, how long it takes me to read one book now days...I don't sit down and just read for any length of time anymore. A page here a page there. Often I mix up the several books I'm reading...oh well.
I got my flat tire fixed tonight by Potsie. I feel like I have my legs back!!
I finished painting my porch tonight and I'm planning a hair cut and maybe a highlight lowlight festival for tomorrow...please please please please let me get out of work early.
We ride on Saturday morning at 6:30 am...100 miles...gulp...I hope it's a loveerly day...but I'm not counting on it. Mayhaps we should just go to the mall and shop. hmmmmmmmmm....thought
AND...for a finale...learn to dance with Napolean Dynamite!

July 05, 2005

Happy Birthday Shelley! Ewwwwww You're Lookin' Good!

For Someone Who Is 40!!

Everybody Clap Your Hands!
Trouser Press

Cindy Sue Serves Rated R Cake!!

Just how pathetic is it when...your arm hurts from flinging Black Cats...The firecracker kind...into the air?
Cindy told me she often experiences July 4 arm pain and now...today...after a night of fire flinging revelry...I have it too. We spent our fourth out at Cindy Sues diner...her kitchen! We had hamburgers, hotdogs, beans, salad, better than sex cake, brownies, moscow mules,chips...You name it...We had it. Alec asked for cake, got some, stated he didn't like it, then asked Cindy what kind it was. She said, Better than sex cake...Can you remember that?. Alec tried to hide his giggle managed a stern frown and than asked, straight faced mind you...Do you think that's appropriate for children? Cindy and I looked at each other, clinked our copper mugs and stated Hell No...keep your arms by your side, exit the building and give us the fork!

Century Ride Awaits Us

July 9, Cindy and I will be riding 100 miles from Lincoln Nebraska to Beatrice and back to Lincoln for the Cornhusker Games. I'd like to get in another ride before we do that but life is hectic now and it's iffy at best.
Funny thing...I got a flat tire...in my own driveway! Never got one on the BRAN ride, any other ride for that matter...just my own damn driveway.
Good grief...I hope this isn't a sign of what's to come.

July 03, 2005

Simple Effective Treatment

All child molesters should be killed.
immediately.
Period.
Why spend money trying to rehabilitate them. It is a MASSIVE WASTE OF MOOLA!
You cannot reab a child molester. They are freaks of nature in the worst way.
There is no real need for people like that to inhabit the earth.
Their purpose in life should be their own death.
Police state when a child goes missing they instantly start looking at the registered molesters in the area.
Why?
Because it is almost always THEM!
I used to believe that they should be: a) killed OR b) castrated but now I don't think de-balling should be an option at all. It's just an easy way out for those sick fucks and that's not fair.
So...I will always and forever say...and you can't change my mind on this issue...Kill Child Molesters! ASAP

July 02, 2005

Prune Assed

Well, I just got done with a bath. I'm reading Hard Eight by Janet Evonovich so my ass is pruney. I kept the door unlocked because I thought Mark might bring me up a Moscow Mule or a plate of nachos or something...but he didn't. He's watching "Troy". You know...The Battle of Troy...over Helen...the beauty queen. Actually, and I didn't watch the movie...this is Mark's Cliff Notes...Helen was to be in an arranged marriage and left for her younger lover...thus leading to a war. What a slut! I mean, really if that war was because Helen could suck a golf ball through a garden hose...those guys were wayyyy stupid. I mean any woman could do that...if they wanted to. Those are the key words...wanted to. Men are ruled by their cocks. Too bad really. And what about Helen, not wanting an arranged marriage. What's the difference really? Except for the fact that you wouldn't know everything about your man until after you'd been married awhile. Hell, she probably wouldn't have discovered the snoring, public ball scratching, toliet seat leaving up, deep nose mining, pubic hair leaving on the bathroom floor man quirks until after she's been a married woman awhile...unlike those who have NON arranged marriages and often discover these sad facts prior to the happy day. but say, oh well, perhaps he'll "change" for the better after a bit of TLC...hahaahahhahahahha~!

I ramble...and I forget what I wanted to tell you.
shit
totally gone...
ahhh welll
maybe tomorrow I'll rememeber

Dippity Doo Dahhhhh Dippity Ayyyyyy

My new books arrived from Amazon. They are as follows:
Bleachy-Haired Honky Bitch...Tales from a BAD neighborhood by Hollis Gillespie, Confessions of a Recovering SLUT by Hollis Gillespie, Lost In The Forest by Sue Miller and A Year Of Pleasures by Elizabeth Berg...there was one more I thought I ordered...I forget, maybe it was Bitch Ho Gets Into The Dippity Doo...by Sheryl McCurdy...but I doubt it.
Sayyyy...speaking of dippity doo...wasn't that the funnest crap invented. I mean who needs that crap they call slime anyway. You could fill up a water balloon with that mass of goo and have the same kind of stuff. I'm going to have to compare the ingredients of toy "slime" to dippity doo and see if they are the same.

Dippity Doo Dahhhhh Dippity Ayyyyyy

My new books arrived from Amazon. They are as follows:
Bleachy-Haired Honky Bitch...Tales from a BAD neighborhood by Hollis Gillespie, Confessions of a Recovering SLUT by Hollis Gillespie, Lost In The Forest by Sue Miller and A Year Of Pleasures by Elizabeth Berg...there was one more I thought I ordered...I forget, maybe it was Bitch Ho Gets Into The Dippity Doo...by Sheryl McCurdy...but I doubt it.
Sayyyy...speaking of dippity doo...wasn't that the funnest crap invented. I mean who needs that crap they call slime anyway. You could fill up a water balloon with that mass of goo and have the same kind of stuff. I'm going to have to compare the ingredients of toy "slime" to dippity doo and see if they are the same.

July 01, 2005

Setting Possums On Fire!

Okay, I know this is horrible...but really, possums...all over body shudder. Fire is too good for a stinking possum as far as I'm concerned.
Really the reason I'm posting this is because these people are from...FORT DODGE, IOWA...where my hubby is from.
Read it and weep...errr whatever.

Pedaling For A Purpose!!

Check out this link
and this one...Cancer doesn't care...but we do link. This one is dear to the family heart as Norma is my mother in laws good friend. Go HERE to donate and find out about updates on Norma's condition.

Cool Fun Jones Soda


Today I got a letter saying that a picture that I submited to Jones Soda will be A LABEL for their Rootbeer. It's a pic that Mark snapped of our son Andrew and family friend Nate cruising around on Go-Karts in Estes last year on our vacation. Isn't that COOL!! They sent me 12 labels...no free soda...and it's a crapshoot if I can purchase it close. I don't know when the distribution starts either.
Oh well... be on the lookout for this label on Jones Soda!

I Eared Down Alec

It had to be done. He was beginning to look like The Homeless Boy. I'm not done yet, not by a longshot, but I did get his ears cleaned out, hair washed (with shampoo) and conditioned (with conditioner) and toenails inspected.
Of course it was all by sheer luck and surprise I discovered that he'd forgotten to lock the bathroom door while taking a Mr Bubble bath with what could have been my last drop of dish soap. I crept in with a shampoo bottle firmly in hand, squirted it from a distance of 10 feet and without missing a mark scrubbed his head before he knew what hit him. I know, I know, he is a little old for that but lately I've been wondering if he was using...something...like lotion to wash his hair with. He firmly denied this of course but...still...something wasn't looking right. I used my time with him wisely...This is a bottle of shampoo!, I crowed and THIS is a bottle of lotion, I explained. He just glared at me and after the washing...I left with him still sputtering, I know that Mom....goshhh! Later as I smelled his baby soft hair and rubbed lotion on his back he gave me a sleepy smile and I...quick grabbed a nail file and filed down his evil barbed wire nails!
Ha HA!
Now...if only I can find my hair scissors...for a midnight trim...mwahahahahahaha