January 30, 2006

Houston...There Is A Problem


yah...


MY ASS!!

At least I found somewhere I can buy candles....or as least pose as a model!

A Typical Day Of My So Called Diet

Pre-Breakfast...handful of vitamins..blegh, ENERGY drink...not bad if you like the flavor...vitamin
Breakfast...contemplate meal replacement shake...then...have...1/2 scone (damn)...handful of vitamins
Pre-Lunch...ENERGY drink...vitamin
Lunch...contemplate a meal replacement shake...get the shakes just thinking about having a meal replacement shake...instead have...a small salad (good), cup of(let's fatten up your big ole ass)soup, diet soda, handful of vitamins **gag**
Mid afternoon...ENERGY drink...some other kind of pill thing, I think a vitamin
Pre Supper...some kind of pill thing like Crave Check or Fibo-Trim or Carb-Ease...if I can remember that one
Supper...contemplated shake meal replacement for about 1 nanosecond and then ate handful of bacon wrapped shrimp 1/2 piece of my garlic bread and 1/2 piece of uneaten garlic bread and then a piece of stray bacon and then...SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT and THEN...while checking up at the shop...ate a fucking peanut butter frosted cinnamafucking roll!!

On a bright note I am thinking that the smell of a vitamin enriched fart may send me rushing to the toidy to make a deposit and then I will be freshly empty and like new!

Do you think that counts as a calorie free day???

January 28, 2006

Cindy...Ohhhh Cindyyyyyy

Did you have a mofo meal reaplacement shake???




YOU LIER!!!

All's Well In Lard Ass Land

Day 2 of The Diet dawns bright and clear. I'm off to a GREAT start. I took my mofo vitamins and almost barfed. I ate ONLY the middle out of a day old cinnamon roll.
HA
Hell, yesterday I took my pre breakfast vitamins, my breakfast vitamins, 1/2 a scone(DAMN!), my ENERGY drink(not bad), my pre lunch vitamin(gag), my lunch was a salad, diet soda and cup of FATTEN UP MY ASS soup and from there it began the slippery descent into hell. For supper...no not a meal replacement shake...nottt thatttt, no...a handful of bacon wrapped shrimp, 1/2 brownie(SUCK!), then later that same evening...a beer and a handful of yes...cashews! Oh yahhh....a few pretzels too....SHIT DAMN HELL!!!!!!

January 27, 2006

Big Bitch or Little Bitch...it's all the same...except for some poundage

I'm starting this Advocare diet thing.
hahaahahahahahahhahaha
yah right

drink a damn meal replacement shake

my ASS

I hate a replacement shake...grrrrrr......


why oh why oh why did I think I could do this.....

grrrrr


lets see what a big ole lard ass bitch I can really be...

January 26, 2006

Watch Out For That...??

Today might well have been called Tumbleday instead of Thursday. Why? Because the wind was gusting up to 40 mph and blowing those mofos across the road the entire time I was taking Dad up to and back from Kearney this morning.
Good God! Forget about watching for deer...which are a real hazard around here...watch out for big, rolling freaking tumbleweeds!
One managed to escape the fence row and make a run for it across the interstate just as we were breaking the speed of sound on our way home and BAM we struck it with the right front of the bumper...or it struck us I should say. After that, Dad was pretty much on full orange alert. He and I were scanning for tumbleweeds in the ditches so much it looked like we were watching a table tennis game. I managed to avoid any more weed kills but man is my neck aching!
Just for your info...Tumbleweeds are large Russian Thistle plants that roll like hell when they dry. Now, check this out...someone in Kansas...actually...SELLS...tumbleweeds. uhh huhhhh....like sells as in for money. Here is the price list in case you were thinking of, you know, ordering a few of those choice plants.

LARGE PRAIRIE TUMBLEWEED $25.00 US Dollars PLUS SHIPPING charges to your state or country -..20 inches diameter and up
MEDIUM PRAIRIE TUMBLEWEED $20.00 U.S. Dollars PLUS SHIPPING charges to... your state or country .. 14 to 20 inches in diameter
SMALL PRAIRIE TUMBLEWEEDS $15.00 U.S. Dollars PLUS SHIPPING charges to your state or country ...12 to 14 inches in diameter

Jo Jo Dancing Bear...why don't you add that to your e-bay sales?? Jo Jo sells cow skulls...dead of course...and adds a touching melodramatic story about the poor bonehead like...Cow was struck down by lightning on a clear and cloudless sky, or...Cow threw herself in front of her baby calf saving it but charring her to a pile of ashes...all that was left...was this skull.

You can't put a price on that!


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January 25, 2006

The Kleptomatic Returns!

You may have heard me mention the "kleptomatic" before. Poor woman, bless her heart, has cancer and goes to the Cancer center for her radiation treatments, same as Dad. Poor gal has been seen by me, filling a bright red tote bag with the treats that are left in the kitchenette part of the Cancer center...Literally filling her tote with twinkies, ho ho's, granola bars, cookies...you name it!
Two weeks ago, I heard her mention that she had only 1 week left of radiation, that she would have one week off...then resume treatments the next week. That means she will be done this Friday.
Today, as I was getting coffee for Dad the Klepto (also affectionately called "one eye" by me) and who was looking at her lap, ordered me to "Take this paper (waved a scrap of paper around in air )and put it into my red bag!!", I glanced around and then realized she meant moi, as no one else was in the room. Okay, I say and get the paper and then casually...You mean this red tote bag here on your walker?? I act all innocent like and stuff. She nods and I open the bag, thrust in the paper and say, All Done! She says nothing. I smile as I leave because the damn bag is filled to bursting with goodies...again.

PS...Dad is doing well. He had bloodwork today(hgb...13.3...WBC...8...platelets...good...in fact most everything looked good) and a CT scan (no results yet) to see if the tumor is getting smaller yet. He had treatment 22 today out of 33 and the only concern I have is that he has an increased cough. But he had that before, about a week after his first chemo treatment...and then it subsided on about 2 weeks afterwards. We are on week one after his second chemo treatment so I am hoping for the same scenario.

I Read A Book!

I just finished The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. Jeannette is a regular contributor at MSNBC and writes their gossip column. The book was awesome. A tale of her life and what a life it was. She is truly someone who can say they went from rags to riches...and be telling the truth! One can hardly believe the crap she went through and how the whole family survived such squalor. It made me think back to a family that lived across the street from me for about a year or less when I was about 6. The kids always stank of pee and unwashed skin. The father - of booze and cigarettes. There were car parts and dirty diapers and food wrappers in the yard. The old man came over to our house to ask for cigarettes occasionally. There was a girl close to my age that once peed her pants and slid down the slippery slide at school. Of course she was tortured by the evil ones. Kids can be so cruel. Poor, poor girl. What a life those people had. I remember at Christmas that year my Mom made up a box of food, clothes, diapers and toys for them. I helped her to take it across the street and up to the front door. When the Mother answered our knock and took the box I peeped in. I could see a crib in the living room with a bawling baby in a dripping, drooping diaper on. The scent of piss permeated the house. It still makes me shudder. Anywayyyy, I digress. The book is good if you like that sort of survival of the fittest thing.

January 24, 2006

Damn

The girls suffered a stinging loss last night. They are either on or off and last night was...off. Perhaps the fact they played a tournament just this last weekend contributed to the no show. They may very well have been tired. Also, we were missing one of our "tall" girls...and we could have used some of her defensive/offensive skills. Katie contributed neither good nor bad to the melet as she spent her 4th game in a row on the bench. As she is a junior and is seeing less and less time playing (both JV and Varsity) I'm thinking she's getting the slap in the face hint - If you think you aren't playing much now...just wait until next year. Anyway, I wonder if she will continue to play sports after the way this whole year has gone. This is coming from me...not her. She doesn't mention anything about not playing to me or Mark...except to acknowledge that her shooting skills are poor and she knows that's not an asset. I know she is disappointed and frustrated but she doesn't complain. She is a good girly and involved in all kinds of activities that make her happy so that is good.
Well, sadly the loss of the RVL first round game makes our basketball viewing week less hectic. Instead of games all week...we are down to Andrew playing today and if we want to go to the boys RVL games they are tonight and I think Friday and Saturday (if they keep winning).

January 23, 2006

It's Raining!


Have you tried the new gatorade yet?
Rain? It just came out and there isn't much info about the drink on the Gatorade site yet. I happened to order a couple cases from my wholesaler and found it to be a light, watered down version of regular gatorade. In fact in kind of tasted like what I take on my long bike rides...gatorade mixed with water. I like it. Berry is my favorite kind.
This has been a total advertisment.
In other news...I'm late for work.
AND
We had ballgames yesterday in Holdridge. We left here at 1pm and got home at 7:30.
AND
I then went to the coffee shop and YES rearranged again getting home at 11:30. I really do have a serious problem with furniture rearranging. I think it's a disease.
AND
We have a ballgame tonight, tomorrow, Wed...OFF, Thurs, Friday, Sat, and SUNDAY!
AND
Who KNEW we were going to be HAVING SO MUCH FUN !!!!

January 22, 2006

January 21, 2006

I Feel Like This




I Look Like This


Update

Dad has been feeling soo good since his chemo. I think it must be the steroids. He still has a fringe of hair around the back of his head...but he's shedding so I think he'll lose that too...especially after this last chemo. We had a nice birthday celebration on Wednesday when we got back from Kearney with family...and MORE cake...and a few microbeers. Dad didn't have any beer...but you can bet your bippy we all did! And man did I need one! We held a "card shower" for him and he had about 50 cards to open when we got back home. That was cool and he enjoyed that.
Yesterday, Dad woke up with a headache so I suppose the weekend he will be tired and feel "flu-like" again.

4 treatments left and about 15 zaps to go.
Then what?

January 20, 2006

Wheeeeeeeeeee

I'm sitting here with my freshly washed hair in a turban and I'm sure it's drying to a fine looking bird nest. I'm listnening to Tom Waits and I'm wishing I could go back to bed and wake up like hours later and wear my pajamas all day and eat tapioca and watch movies about gross medical miracles and such.
Went to a BRAN (bike ride across Nebraska) meeting last night...mainly because hubby is the coordinator for the Cambridge stay this year. Yup...BRAN stops over in Cambridge on day 3 and then let the partay begin. It was quite interesting to mention all the "projects" people(non riders) could participate in. My favorite you ask? Bed a Biker. uhh huhhh You can "bed a biker" and charge for it. Or...you could not charge for it...just bed a biker out of the goodness of your heart. hmmmmm there are all kinds of giggles about this "project". I did kind of mention (in an aside) that a biker, after pedaling miles and miles and miles up and down and through hills and vales would not wish for any "bedding" for quite some time. In fact the only thing a biker(speaking from my own point of view entirely) wants between the legs when you are done with your ride is ... nothing.
Anyhoo...it's been busy week. Monday Andrew had a b-ball game and Tuesday Katie had a b-ball game and Wed Dad had chemo AND his 71st birthday and Thursday Andrew had a game and there was that BRAN meeting and tonight is another of Katie's games and tomorrow? The same. And work for me and Sunday? Freaking more b-ball games.
shit fire and hide the matches!! That busy schedule fails to mention...meanwhile I have to work, clean,make a donut, pull espresso, cook and plunge toilets all the while!
JOY!!!!...it's just like Disney land around here it's so fun.

January 18, 2006

Happy Chemo Birthday To You!

Chemo day dawned red, pink and too damn early. We took off around 7am. I happened to think we were leaving at 6:30 so...I got up around 5...my usual time...and waited and waited and then...fell back to sleep.
Dad had radiation at 8:30...we just go there and off he went. We saw his radiologist and that was a 30 second I don't know how much office call because we had no questions or problems. Then off we went for a blood draw and chemo at the oncologists office.
Again, Dad had a reaction to the Taxol. Mom and I stayed while he got his pre op meds and then...the dreaded Taxol. Almost instantly Dad looked bug eyed and his face was bright red. He coughed and sputtered. I asked him about three times..."Dad, are you feeling okay?" Each time he would say..."Yeahhhh so far". In reality he was about to pass out. He never did say he felt bad. The nurse turned off his med, gave him Solu Medrol and then had to wait about 1/2 hour to restart his chemo. Eventually Dad got back to his self but we hated it that he'd had another reaction. For his next chemo they will pre medicate him with Prednisone and Benedry. I asked if this type of reaction was very common and the nurse said simply, "No." and then I asked if there was a better or different chemo drug he should try and she replied that this was the best for Dad's type of cancer. So...after Mom and I were satisfied that Dad would live through his chemo we ran over to Walmart and she picked up some groceries and I got stuff for the coffee shop and then we got lunch for Dad and took it back to him. He ate some and soon he was done with his meds.
His bloodwork had checked out good, his weight stable and his vital signs stable except for when he reacted to the Taxol.
I'd brought a chocolate cake and he's eaten a piece of that and so had several of the nurses, patients and other staff. They even came over and sang Happy Birthday! That was nice.
After we got home, I took another chocolate cake to their house and we had a bit of a birthday party with family.
4 chemo left and 17 more radiation treatments...(we hope)

Interesting note...the cancer center sent some copies of reports to Mom and Dad...and the cancer was a grade 2 there...not a grade III as reported to us.

weird...and interesting and possibly very very good news.

January 17, 2006

Long Day Tomorrow

Katie cried and she cried and she cried about her Grandpas cancer tonight. It finally just hit her she said.
Today all the kids at school kept asking her and asking her and asking her why her Dad had shaved his head and she kept having to explain and explain and explain that her Grandpa's hair was falling out and her Dad did it because of that.
I felt so bad for her.
I feel bad now and I can't write much.
Tomorrow we go for the second chemo treatment.
Dad seems like his old self these past two days and now...chemo...square one probably. God I dread it.

Raising Kids Is Like Swimming The Backstroke In a Pool Of Mashed potatoes

This has been one of the TOP WORST NIGHTS OF MY LIFE!!! I can't even talk about it with you yet it's just that bad.
Well...Maybe a little bit...(surprise)
Personal stuff that is spinning around inside of me like a 7 year old on a tire swing.
How will I ever get these kids raised...?? And right??!! And Survive??!!

Katie is having troubles(no not that kind)...And part of that problem revolves around something simple...You guessed it...A BOY! Need I say more?? Of course I do...sigh...How about LOVE SUCKS YAHHH YUAHHHHH!!!
Anyway...so we are having a talk/lecture this evening...let me rephrase that...Mark is talking calmly and I am screaming like a BANSHEE!! (What the hell is a banshee anyway??) To make a long story longer and make even less sense...it involved her telling a lie because she was protecting her boyfriend who had already lied.
Needless to say...that did NOT SET WELL with her father or I.
If only I could be quiet, calm and coolly collected like Mark. I SUCK!! God...my emotions are always so...out there like a giant neon sign. Anyway...blah blah blah...so we are ending the lecture and I feel fairly good (I mean...at least it's almost over). I mean, I get my screaming over with and then...pretty soon...I forget what the big uproar is about. So...Mark is done...Katie is very contrite...in fact she is so contrite she is so blue and sad and so...I ask Katie if she wants to go with me, Mom and Grandpa to Kearney tomorrow for Dad's chemo and...then Katie puts her head down...sobbing...and when we ask "What?", she says she doesn't think she could take that and then she bursts out saying that everybody was asking her at school why her Dad shaved his head and that she had to explain over and over and over that her Grandpa was getting chemo...and that it was just finally hitting her about Grandpa and his cancer...and she sobbed...and she sobbed...and she sobbed...oh my god ...it killed me...I felt bad for her...for all that's going on...I felt bad for Dad...I felt bad for Mom...I felt bad for everything...I just plain felt like SHIT!!!!!!!!! I can't even put into words...another shocker what a bad day this has been. I fell like I've been hit by a bus...three times...in the same day...



More later...I just can't seem to get everything done tonight...

January 16, 2006

Rad Day

I took Dad to radiation this morning. We yacked the whole way. Dad is deaf in his left ear and as I was driving (speaking toward his left ear) it made for some unusual conversations. At once point we just broke down laughing at the sheer idiocy of our statements.
He seemed his old self really...finally.
Most of his hair is gone...except the fringe around the back and sides of his head. He wears a ballcap and you can't really tell he's just sporting peach fuzz. It is NOT that way for Mark I can tell you...he's as smooth as a billiard ball.
In two days is Dad's 71st birthday AND his second round of chemo. I dread it really as he had such a horrific reaction last time. I think we are all a little concerned about how he will react. Seems he just now is back to where he is "himself" and here we go again.
I ordered a couple of chocolate cakes with chocolate icing, one to take to the cancer center and one for home.
Dad isn't coughing as much, his edema is less and he even has pink in his cheeks.
How long will that last?
I wonder...


some Dadisms(words that Dad made up)

SCOPALOTOME pronounced...scope a lot o me...meaning...generic term for any type of invasive procedure

KLEPTOMATIC...prounounced...kleptomatic...meaning...woman with one eye who takes all the cancer center's "goodies" from the goodie tray such as twinkies, granola, hard candies etc and places them into a large tote bag attached to her walker before she leaves the building

ADDADICKTOME...pronounced...add a dick to me...meaning...prodedure to...well...you get the picture!

January 15, 2006

Ad Space For Sale



Mark shaved his head tonight because my Dad's hair started falling out. I bought the first add for Shirley K's! I'm thinking we should turn this into a money raising project for cancer research...or...maybe just draw a big ass circle on, have a dart tournament and use the cash for beer money...not sure yet...still under heavy debate.

For Sale...Space On My Husbands Head!

Mark shaved his head tonight. He did it because my Dad's hair is falling out due to the chemo. Isn't that nice? So...anyway...I think we should sale his head space for ads because...there's alot of space there! Make an offer people!


Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

Tonight I combed Dad's hair to dislodge some of the looser strands and it just kept falling out. I felt so bad because he has always had such pretty silver hair...Combed over on top of course and sprayed into place but still...Hair just the same. After that it was like we had to finish the deed.
Shave it off.
Be done with it.
Move on to the next big event.
Mom put the next to the last edge on the shaver and buzzed him. He was left with a fine fuzz all over his pate. This too shall probably fall out but it was all Mom could muster the nerve to do right now. Dad didn't look into the mirror. He just tightened up and then put on the fish hat I'd bought him years and years ago. The hat used to have a fish head poking out of the brim but he pried that off with a screwdriver earlier this morning. He just sat there with his hat on and looked sad and resigned. Resigned to life with cancer, chemo, fluid retention, coughing, weakness, poor appetite, people asking him how he is every day and every time they see him and the looks of pity he or his family may get.

I've decided that cancer is like a 3 ring circus with all kinds of acts playing at the same time eventually leading up to the big finish.
There are many big events in cancer. First of all the thought that one might have cancer. Then, awaiting the diagnosis, which involved all kinds of tests, some painful and most certainly invasive.
Each new "event" you achieve leads to some sort of a resolution and then you move on until the next event and so on and so on and so on.

You've got cancer
You must have biopsies
You have stage IIIa non small cell cancer of the lung
You aren't able to stand surgery
You must take radiation five days a week for 33 doses
You must take chemo
You must take chemo every 3 weeks for 6 doses
You must drive 1 1/2 hours every day for your treatments as no other place is closer.
You may have side effects from the chemo
You may have to take medications for the side effects from the chemo
You will lose your hair.

You Will Lose Your Hair...and so it goes.

Summary of the past few weeks

01/04/06
After getting back from radiation and bloodwork in Kearney I cleaned my fish pond. It smelled like an orangutan ass or a 1970's home perm. There was definitely a chemical reaction going on and it wasn't a good one. I spotted a lone bloated goldfish carcass (and who could blame him) and I couldn't see any more. Of course, the heater wasn't on so, at one time they were all probably frozen goldfishcicles. Hopes of survivors weren't too high. I set up the filter and and got it to going. My heater is toast and I don't really care. What would be the point of heating a pool of rank bubbling fishless water? I've decided to name my pond. It just came upon me as I was typing this. Ready? Okay, from now on my backyard area itself will forever be called...


Ass Gas Pond


01/02/06
We came home from Dad's radiation treatment through Lexington. We went to Kearney via the Holdridge way and thought we wanted new scenery. Just after Johnson Lake we saw police lights flashing and cars stacked to the nines. There was hay scattered about the road and I thought there was a big accident up ahead. Instead we noticed good old cowboys on horses driving cattle across the road. They were being moved from one field to another. Better than an accident any day.
Dad is feeling better today. Not so many aches and pains. I encouraged him to get up more and get fresh air as the day was beautiful.
Mom stayed home and put in the coffee shop grocery order for me. Damn freight early tomorrow. Back to the grindstone I guess. Having 3 days off has been habit forming for me. It will be hard to face getting up at 5 let alone trying to get ready again.
When we got back from Kearney I took Mom and Dads outdoor decorations down and then went home to take mine down. I still have a couple of strands of lights left on my upstairs but most is done.
I had a lot of crap to do at the shop to get ready for tomorrow. Several orders to get ready and wash to do and dishes to do and trash to take out and blah blah blah blah.
Dad called me up tonight and told me about the most expensive coffee bean in the world...Kopi Luwak. It's a bean that is eaten by a palm civet, a dark brown tree-dwelling cat-like creature (while in cherry form) and then after it's shit out, is gathered up and then...whatever it takes to clean that up...readied for resale. $175-300 dollars a pound for that coffee.
HOLY CAT SHIT!
Can you imagine the aroma that bean would have? Do any of you own cats? Litter boxes? If so...you can imagine the nostril effect that particular bean might have.
Could be the new trend at Shirley K's...Cat Shit Coffee Beans...Cat Shit Cappuccino's...Cat Shit Shakes...Kitty Litter Lattes!

god...the possibilities...




I'll end up with a little music again.



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12/31/05
Well, Dad felt sickish today. Flu like symptoms...headachy, muscle and bone pain, common for the meds he got. Also he is retaining fluid. I think it is probably because of the steroid he received because of his chemo reaction. I told him it was time for the "pee pill" again...lasix. He agreed and actually took one.
Mom is going stir crazy. She needs to get out a bit.
I am just plain tired. I feel exhausted in fact.
I didn't open the coffee shop today though I should have.
I didn't get my house clean or my Christmas decorations down.
Lucky I got my dishes from yesterday done.
I hate New Years Eve. Always have. For some reason it makes me blue. I took Mom to Walmart in McCook today because she needed to get hair dye...like mother like daughter...hee hee
Actually she needed to see the eye Dr. and get her broken glasses taken in to be fixed.
Since it was New Years Eve...we missed the office hours and therefore went to the stupid Walmart instead.
I bought 3 DVDs...FRENCH KISS...which I LOVE!! A MIGHTY WIND which Mark and I have watched many a time and loved for it's hokey ness. And last but not least...Standing in the Shadows...MOTOWN which we just watched MOTOWN and liked it very much.
The boys are at Moms and Katie has several friends over and here Mark and I sit like old farts.
He keeps getting called out...just now in fact...out the door he goes.
01/01/06
crap into my "decoration cupboards" in the sunroom.
Today was also inventory day at the pharmacy and the coffee shop. The kids and Mark did most of that while I was working here at home.

It's misting a bit here and it smells so good. I should go walking because I feel like a total LARD ASS.
I may go get on my trainer and ride a few miles.

Dad has quite a bit of edema going on in his lower legs. I can't hear much air movement in his lungs either. He started back on his "fluid pill" yesterday as I thought he was retaining quite a bit of fluid. He didn't cough much today but he didn't walk around very much at all...nor did he change out of his pj's. He says he felt pings and pangs all over. No nausea though. I took him a soft stocking cap to wear in case of hair loss. I guess one usually starts losing hair on day 10 or so. We'll see in a few days if that will be his case.

Mom came over for a while this afternoon...right after I got done putting up the Christmas decorations. We watched a show about obese children and gastric bypass surgery. We are MANIACS!

Tomorrow Dad has radiation so I will leave about 8:30 and we will probably get back around 12:30 or so...and then, since the shop is closed, I'll go and take down all the outside decorations. I hate to because it'll look bleak and naked.

That said I think I'll end this bleak little post up with some good blues.




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12/29/05
Dad isn't sick from the chemo yet.
I say yet because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
We went to Kearney quick like the wind today.
First Radiation...we got in and out fast.
Then...to the hopsital for yet another X-Ray...this one of his left shoulder. The PET and bone scans showed probable degenerative changes but they still gotta check it for cancer.
I hate that.
After this...Perkins, YET AGAIN, for another plate of break the fast. Dad loves it there. I think because they still have a smoking room there and he can dream can't he.
Tonight is our Christmas Party for the pharmacy and the coffee shop.
I'm ready for a nice drinky poo but I'm afraid I will be too tired.
I'm letting the kids have a party at our house.

I know...what the hell was I thinking...sigh
12/28/05
Dad's first chemo treatment was today. We left at 7 am to get to his 8:45 radiation first. We also saw the radiologist(to be forever referred to as Dr. Gaydar) and wasn't that fun. He asks dad, "How are you?" dad says "alright as far as I know". . . the Dr. says "Fine, see you in a week". Dad gets radiated...we are off to chemo at another office.
We get there and check in. Dad is on a Taxol and Carboplatinum regime receiving chemo every 3 weeks. He is pre-medicated with Zofran and Benadryl to alleviate any nausea or reaction to the meds. This will take about an hour and the other meds will take around 4-5 hours to infuse. Mom and I decide, after Dad is hooked up to the IV and in a comfortable recliner, to go and quickly shop and then we will bring dad a hamburger for lunch. Off we go. We buy a few things at a Hobby Lobby and then go for lunch. When we get back to the office Dad is sleeping. He wakes up when we go in and tells us that his "head almost blew off" and he had a reaction to the chemo and his IV rate was now slower. The chemo nurse tells us she medicated him with Solu Medrol, Benedryl and maybe something else. She says this sometimes happens and that the medications will be running in at a slower rate. We will be here longer that the 4-5 hours we were initially told.
We saw sooo many people with cancer today. The chemo room is just that...one big room and all the chemo patients sit side by side in recliners while the nurses adjust rates, draw blood, flush ports and start IV's. There are no secrets in this room. "Let us know if you have blood in your urine" tells a nurse to a bald big eyed woman. She nods and says she will. Quietly she vomits into a plastic bag much like an airplane barf bag and then cleans herself up. There is a man who looks robust and healthy hooked up to an IV of some type of chemo. He tells me he is an experiment. There is no cure for what he has. He just takes treatments until he croaks or... is cured. His daughter just had her first baby last night. Another woman twists and turns and moves her legs restlessly while her medication runs in. Her husband and 2 older children visit quietly in Spanish while her youngest boy, about 4, plays with plastic animals and leaps them across bedside tables and across the arm of the recliner. He grins and gives his mama a kiss on the cheek when she opens her weary eyes. Her bright bandana slips and she tugs it back in place. A 6 year old boy leaps into the room, sidles up to the bowl of hard candies, shovels many into his gap toothed mouth and proceeds to leave. The nurse shouts, "Hey...where do you think you're going?" and then he grins, caught in the act, sits in the chair and gets his cancer fighting drug infusion. He looks and acts like any other 6 year old except he is bald and has an infusaport implanted beneath his skin. One lady is as white as a bedsheet. Transparent almost. Her husband and daughter pretend they are enthralled with the beautiful pictures in a big coffee table book about Nebraska but in reality they are just looking away, at anything anywhere else but the sickness of their loved one.

It is quite something this disease.
12/24/05
In lieu of a card...ta daa you get an e-mail. In short...a cliff note on each of us.

Mark...busy as a one armed paper hanger best describes this man as most of the waking hours are devoted to scheduling work around attending sporting and school related events. Luckily he has a good harem of pharmacy workers to fill in when necessary. He's also done a lot of Medicare speeches throughout every little town, village and street block that wants him to. Hobbies are taking a backseat lately...unless you call the above...a hobby.

Sheryl...making coffee, tea and swirlies by the gallon keeps this chick busy...as well as attending sports and school events. There is always something to do at the shop or at home or at school or at ... you get the picture.

Katie...busier than the busiest one armed paper hanger says it all. Katie is in volleyball, basketball, one act, speech, FCCLA, Cheerleader, Swing Choir, Band and yadda yadda yadda ya. When she's not busy with any of those things she is cruising with her buds and when she isn't busy with that...she just LOVES to help me out by working at the shop.

Andrew...Junior high years...sigh...just the best don't you agree?? Andrew is participating in football, basketball and track. He is in FPS and Quiz bowl for extra activities. He even managed to squeeze in a girl friend (for a week or two) much to our surprise....aghhhhhh! He has a crew he hangs with and boy oh boy I can't wait until they start to drive! wheeeeee

Alec...Yet another busy body. Alec is in 6th grade and aren't they the kings of the school yard now. He is busy with FPS, Quiz bowl, being the high school boy's basketball manager, playing 6th grade basketball and is involved in the Sing Around Nebraska program. We are excitedly awaiting his entrance into the pre teen years...actually we are teetering on the edge if ya know what I mean. Oh Boy!

Petie our dog and Pickles the cat still remain active members of our home. Petie's favorite hobby is sneaking into the cat litter and strewing about special sculptures for us to find. Pickles enjoys only food and sleep. I envy her.

In other news my dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer. He starts chemo and radiation therapy on Tuesday. We've been dealing with this since Thanksgiving and so it feels good to be starting something. Much time will be spent on the road as he is to receive his treatments in Kearney which is 1 and 1/2 hours away. The radiation is Monday through Friday for 33 does and his Chemo every 3 weeks for 6 doses. They are not thinking they would be able to do surgery at this time. My mom is doing okay but it is a difficult time for her and all of us. I'm sure it brings up some memories for you all as well.

Anyway, we miss you and wish we could see you soon but it seems impossible with all that is going on and will be going on this winter. Until we do...e-mail will have to suffice.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
The McCurdy Clan
12/23/05
It's almost Christmas.
Though, not cold winter mitten time that I long for.
No need for sleds or long johns now...the Chinook wind is blowing tonight...the snow is still melting atop our deck.
dripping dripping dripping yet.
Ugly brown and naked branches are showing.
ack...I h a t e the ugliness of this time of year.

Am I ready for Christmas?
Perhaps.
Gifts are not my priority this year...maybe tomorrow they will be.
I wrapped and be-ribboned the few packages I had hidden in the trunk of my car.

We will have soup and sandwiches at my house tomorrow...Mom, Dad and the McCurdy 5! Then on Christmas day we will go to Mom and Dads...for prime rib and other goodies.

Already the kids are tired and bored with Christmas vacation. Only... 12 days more to go!!

How many chores can I create?

I also wanted to thank those who have supported and encouraged me during this time of uncertainty with my Dads cancer.
Thank you all...you are my support group.
12/20/05
The day turned out differently than I expected.
No gloom and doom. No waving of the finger saying, "You idiot, why did you smoke!", or "You get what you deserve when you smoke." No such comments were made at all. No life expectancies were brought up. No talk of death or dying...nothing except talk of living with cancer and the treatment of cancer.
The office smelled of new carpet and paint,was calmly decorated and relaxing. The chemo room itself was beautiful and the nurses, the ones we met anyway, were very nice. The oncologist is almost an exact replica of Mark's older sister, Teresa (she's the one who is going to be opening a coffee shop in Iowa). It was very bizarre to see and hear her. She was easy to visit with, open, friendly, and Dad liked her. The main reason he liked her is that when he mentioned cigs the Dr. did not freak out. She said, matter of factually, "The damage is done, if smoking helps you to cope, is something that you feel you must do, than do it". My dad instantly thought he would send her a Christmas card, invite her to lunch, buy her a gift...
We go back to Kearney on Thursday for an introduction to the radiologist and perhaps a simulation of his treatment. We start next Wednesday with his chemo regime...again...in Kearney. The two meds he gets will be given per infusion, but no port will be placed! They will just start an IV each time. He will receive chemo every 3 weeks for 6 doses and radiation every day (Monday through Friday) for 6 weeks.
Dr. Lewis does not travel closer to Cambridge and we will have to make the 1 1/2 hour trip there and then 1 1/2 hours back Monday through Friday. The longest days will be his chemo days when the meds take around 4-5 hours to infuse. I think we will have helpers when I can't go or mom can't go.
Surgery did not appear to be an option. Dad did not mind that. He preferred this route.
It feels good to be starting something.
So, let the roller coaster begin.
12/19/05
My mom told me that she told my dad, "People don't die from cancer...they die from not eating!" Therefore she justifies the 3 squares and 3 snacks a day plus 3 glasses of liquids per meal and a daily vitamin smoothie that appear magically in front of dad at every strike of the clock. I thought to myself...By God I'm not going to die skinny! I might die...but I'll be buried in a piano case!
I saw the PET and bone scan reports today.
No mets.
Really.
We must be thankful for small victories.
Still there is cancer.
Still cancer is deadly.
But it felt like such a relief that the cancer was not all through the body as I earlier suspected.
It sure felt different going and telling mom and dad that, so far anyway, according to the recent tests, the cancer is confined to the lung.
Still we will probably be doing chemo, radiation and perhaps surgery.
Funny how your priorities change.
First the word cancer sent us into a downward spiral.
Now we hear "no mets" and that sends us into positive orbit even though we know there is still cancer to deal with.
Mom is running around, wrapping presents, getting out more decorations. Dad is animated. He got out and drove around in his pickup today. Went to his old haunts.
Tomorrow we go back to Kearney. It won't be roses I know that. We will probably hear about life expectancies and chemo and mortality and radiation and nausea and vomiting and minor surgery for insertion of a port and God knows what else.
I'm glad though, to see mom and dad less anxious. That's worth a great deal to me.
12/18/05
Yes my dad smoked but...
What About All The Other People Who Live(d) Beside And Around That Area of Town?

Lung cancer is a leading cause of death in the West, its greatest anamoly being that it is primarily self-inflicted: over 80% of lung cancers are caused by smoking; next is residential radon, a by-product of naturally-occurring breakdown of radium, which comes from decaying uranium. (hmmmm....uranium...where have I heard that before???? Oh YAH...IT'S IN OUR WATER THAT'S WHERE I HEARD IT!!!! )

One in fifteen homes has been calculated to have ambient radon levels exceeding safe levels. Lastly, comes work-related carcinogens - again, self-infliction.

Self inflicted...kind of like saying I'm Thirsty, My Body Needs Fluids...I'M GOING TO DRINK THE WATER HERE EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!!
12/17/05
Some days I don't feel quite so bad about Dad's cancer...for a moment. And then, I remember how thin his shoulders looked when I helped him put his shirt on, or I see the back of his neck as we were driving up to Kearney for his bone scan and I feel so very very bad. I remeber seeing that little patch of neck skin and feeling so goddamn helpless. Just that tiny bit of skin exposed to the elements. Unprotected. So much like riding a rocket that's out of control.
Actually this feels like having a baby...it's coming and there is nothing you can fucking do to stop it. It's not under your control anymore.
The strangest things double me over. Like seeing Dads hands drumming along his knee as we were heading up to Kearney...I wonder...is he thinking...this is it...I'm going to die soon...my day's are numbered...will I suffer...how much pain will I have...is this my last Christmas...I can't hardly take it.
I think of holiday music and warm homes and everybody getting together for their family meals, I think of Christmas Eve and how we always go to Mom and Dads for soup and and I wonder what we are going to be doing then.
Getting a subclavian for Dad's chemo to start? Taking radiation? Both? Worse?
I don't want Tuesday to come. I don't know if I can take it.
Every day that passes by and we don't go to the Dr. or talk about going to the Dr. makes it seem less like we are dealing with cancer. Seems we are just biding time until...something bad happens.
Tuesday will be the start of...something.
The results of the scan I'm afraid will be devastating.
Mom want to postpone the appointment until after Christmas.
I don't know what to do right now.

except cry
12/14/05
I found myself pacing pacing pacing tonight and for some reason I wanted to go jogging. However, the thought of feeling my fat gut bulging and swaying in the breeze not to mention the slap of a couple of jugs in the face made me reconsider. I walked and left the running up to my nose.
Tomorrow we take Dad up to Kearney for a bone scan. Today we had the PET scan. Next Tuesday, we go up and talk to the oncologist who will tell us if the cancer can be treated with chemo, radiation, surgery or... nothing. I fear the worst.

Merry Fucking Christmas.
Jingle Fucking Bells.
Deck the Fucking Halls.

In other news:

I recently found out that the Bike Ride Across Nebraska(BRAN) ride will be coming to Cambridge next year. On Day three the riders will be camping here!

Jo Jo Dancing Bear is still alive and kicking although after her latest bout of illness I had my doubts. She was sputtering and spewing, pale blue and laughing at...of all things...my Christmas Stick Tree the last time she was at my house. I saw her today at Duckballs where she was picking up a discounted egg peeler... a perfect holiday gift for that special someone...(??) Hopefully not me.

Petie has a new name. Yes, it's Petie Rat BasTurdburgler. When we got home from Kearney, I hurridly threw down the few presents I have gotten around to buying on the "piano room" floor and tried to wrap them as I had a spare hour. As I knelt down on the floor I noticed a lovely dried litter encrusted cat turd staring up at me as sweetly as a dried litter encrusted cat turd can stare. I knew something wasn't right. Yes, I was that sharp. Petie was standing at the open door with a shit eating grin on his face. When I narrowed my right eye and lifted my lip in disgust, he slunk down and fell on his back like he'd been harpooned.
That RAT BASTURDBURGLER!
12/13/05
When you find yourself delivering very good, hot Colombian coffee (from a reputable coffee shop) and Xanax to your parents home and wishing you had a vat of whiskey as well you know things are going downhill. One minute you may find yourself making homemade apple fritters, the next...telling your Dad that the Dr called and he has non small cell squamous cancer of the lung. You may find yourself setting up PET scans and bone scans and buying groceries for your folks. You may find yourself crying when you least suspect it. You might wonder how you can smile and wish anyone happy holidays when your own are tainted by the appearance of those bastard cancer cells.
We are now in the process of staging.

You can't know how awful it was to take the phone call from the Dr in the early evening hours, decide to wait overnight to talk to your folks so they won't have a sleepless night, go in the morning and see them turn to you with fearful eyes and then say "Dad, it's cancer".

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
12/11/05
We wait for reports and I feel myself growing older and grayer. It's only been 2 days, yet it feels like eternity. My Mom and Dad are hibernating in their home. Locking themselves inside a protective bubble. Forgetting everything the Dr. already told them, they are waiting for a miracle. I am so not ready for this thing to get rolling. Let them remain in hiding I want to scream! I imagine I will call the Dr's office in Lincoln tomorrow or early early Monday and ask them for results, explain that I would like to know before they dial up my folks. Somehow, I don't know if they will tell me anything. HIPPA violations are something to behold. I dread for Mom or Dad to answer the phone and take in the news like sponges...only to deflate, curl up inside themselves and implode.
I'm expecting the worst.
My stomach is in knots.
My Mom is in some kind of world I cannot fathom.
It's almost unbearable.
I find myself feeling guilty if I forget for a second that my Dad is sick, my Mom floundering. What I could have should have need to do is flogging me with every breathe.
I wish I could do anything to make things better.

Sitting In Limbo



Posted by dashblog on 2005-12-10 22:15:12 PDT | Permalink

Filename: john_cruz_sitting_in_limbo.mp3 | Tags: by John Cruz
12/08/05
Got back from Lincoln around 5 pm today.
Dad had his, as he called it, scopealottome, or otherwise known, bronchoscopy and biopsies this morning. Mark asked him if he also got an addadicktome while he was at it.
boys
Dad tolerated the procedure well. Better than us in fact. Me, Mom and Mark sat in the waiting room and waited.
Waiting sucks bad.
The Dr. talked to us, showed us pictures of the bronchial airways (right side perfect...left side...not)...the good news(which I don't think there was)...the bad news(probably cancer)...and now we await the biopsy results.
Early next week.
We will know for certain sure what we are dealing with and then we can plan what to do or not to do.
I'm so tired right now. I can't imagine how my Mom is feeling let alone my Dad.
This SUCKS in a big big big way.
12/07/05
One day down.
We got here(Lincoln) last night, checked into a motel, slept zero, got ready, had a massive breakfast, and then, went to Bryan Medical Plaza. There we met Dr. Johnson, pulmonologist. Dad's x-ray looked worse today then when he got out of the hospital 2 weeks ago. More fluid around the base of the left lung. The lower left lobe was not expanding at all.
Probable cause...cancer.
No surprise there really but to hear the Dr say it out loud was almost a relief. At least it was out in the open. Dr. Johnson also said that the haziness could be caused by a severe pneumonia.
He gave us that glimmer of hope. He isn't abrupt and cold. I mean even if there is 1 chance in a zillion it is just a severe pneumonia it's nice to hear that there "is a chance".
I like him. He is a non threatening and non judgmental Dr...so far. We found out he grew up around Alma. He knows some of the Cambridge folks too. That was kind of a neat plus.
Dad was then scheduled for a pulmonary function test and after that and an arterial blood gas draw, he had a thoracentesis done. This is when a needle is passed between 2 ribs and into the space between the lung and the rib and fluid is drawn off. In dads case...2 liters of beer looking fluid. Dad teased Dr. Johnson and said his distillery had been found out. His lung did not immediately expand after the fluid was drawn out. It might yet, or not. We don't know yet. Tomorrow, we go into Bryan at 5:30 am and dad will have a bronchoscopy done. There Dr. Johnson will take biopsies. Then, we go home. We will have the results of the biopsies early next week. Once we receive those we will form our plan of action or non action. Right now, we don't know for certain sure what we are dealing with.
Mom is doing okay...as good as she can. Dad seems good. He doesn't say too much. I almost felt like he was relieved that the word cancer was out in the open. I don't know.
It's been a day.
If the weather doesn't get a lot worse (been snowing off and on all day) and dad tolerates the scope, we will be home tomorrow late afternoon.
Thank God for Mark. He has been toting us all everywhere, getting our rooms, getting baggage here and there. This trip would have been HELL without him!!
12/06/05
Due to the weather we are leaving today.
That means we won't see the kids' Christmas programs (silver lining?) ha ha ha. I am sad though, because I hate to miss anything the kids are in.
I soaked Dad's feet and trimmed his nails last night...slowly slowly slowly...cuz that's my way and Mom veered in with a sidecutter and practically wedged off a toe.
Good Lord!
No wonder I love gore, sores and weeping pustules! It was born right in me!
Cindy Sue called me late afternoon, from Kearney, from the mall, to inform me
SHE'S SNOWED IN AT THE MALL!!!
OMG! Call 911! The stores will never be the same! I think she and her mom were going to buy sleeping bags and camp out in Herbergers or something like that.
What A Terrible Tragedy!!
Snowed in at the MALL!!
12/04/05
Academic All American ...that's our girl! If you haven't been keeping up with Nebraska volleyball (and WHY NOT!!) then you wouldn't know about Christina, who hails from our sweet town of Cambridge. Regionals are Dec 9-10 and should be awesome.
I hope we are all home and watching on our own TV set not in a Lincoln hospital bed. Dad is quite the Husker fan...he always watches, listens to the games. It would be cool to take him to a game one day.
Dad looks good, says he feels good, is not coughing, is eating and NOT SMOKING!! The not smoking part is amazing. It's probably good I chew my fingernails cause if I didn't, I would probably be a smoking machine like Dad was.
Dad is quiet, Mom is exhausted and this wait is almost unbearable. I dread what is coming yet, we need to know and take some type of action. We may leave tomorrow, depending on the weather. Wednesday at 11:30 is the appointment.
Other news, I made raspberry walnut cream cheese biscotti tipped with holiday almond bark last night.
yah
me
baking...and no fire.
They don't taste half bad either.
Today, I spent in a flurry of activities trying to organize my leaving for a few days. The shop is in good hands, but there are all kind of bizarre things I need to do to leave.
Well, gotta put an order in for goodies so more later.
12/01/05
One week we go to Lincoln.
One long week of waiting.
It's hard, very hard.
You know what you will probably hear and you don't want to hear it but maybe hearing it will ease some of the strain.
Actually, it will probably just put the strain somewhere else.
Funny, this afternoon I thought, I'm going to put up my Christmas decorations. I'd come to the conclusion...We should be living life one day at a time and we should enjoy what we have together...now...and now meant decorating for Christmas. I called Mom and we talked about that and she felt the same. I had a moment of relief.
Then, tonight, I felt like shit...bawly and morose again.
I just feel so damn sad and I hope and pray that if we hear bad news, that Dad won't have to go through a bunch of painful medical procedures. I just dread that. I just can't hardly stand the thought of it in fact. I may have to rearrange my furniture again.
I do that when I'm nervous.
Feng Shui Furniture Therapy I guess.
Maybe I could start a Feng Shui Furniture Moving Group. We could meet at each others homes, wearing kimonos and thick canvas work gloves. Our steel toed boots would protect us from any injuries we might possibly receive from taking oak buffet tables from one corner of the room to the other. Baby Grand Pianos wouldn't slow us down either.
In other news, I picked up several branches that blew down from our "blizzard", stuffed them into "Petie's Pickle Crock", threw lights on them, our Christmas decorations and taaa daaaaaa....our Christmas Tree!!
RedNeck Style...except I haven't hung any beer bottles on the ends...yet.
11/28/05
It's a blizzard here like we haven't seen in awhile.
The wind gusts are up to 50 mph or more at times.
With snow.
Mark and I headed up to the shop around 6 am(ish) and while he shoveled I planned what meal to feature, made rolls and lined up the coffee shop stuff. I decided I would just shower there after I was done with the morning stuff.
I thought I'd probably end up with a shower partner but Mark ended up taking an elderly man to the hospital instead. The man was out walking into a restaurant down the street (not even open) and he fell on his arm...breaking his shoulder. Poor guy. Luckily I got my shower done quickly unluckily after dressing I made a decidedly bad discovery.
I hadn't brought my make up with me!
I was due to open up in 5 minutes, Mark was gone, I had no car...my face looked like, ass. I thought...oh surly no one will come in.
Oddly, even though it was blizzarding, people did come in to get coffee and hot chocolate, cappuccinos and lattes...and I made chili and cinnamon rolls for our "daily special" and Thank God that Katie walked in and I made her work and new girl Amber trained our front today and she caught on AWESOMELY and it worked out okay. I had to stay all day and close just like the old days and I am tired.
Ran out to take some groceries to Mom and Dad as they are trapped inside of their house due to the blowing snow. Dad doesn't feel real well today...not sleeping well, slightly nauseated and in his words felt like he had a hangover. We don't have our Lincoln appointment yet. It's a worry.
Funny, as a nurse I dealt with this all the time...while at the hospital or doing home health and hospice...but now...it feels different.
I hate it very much.
Everything seems to be spinning inside my head. Much like a snow globe.
Just waiting for everything to settle down so I can see what's really going on. 11/27/05
Dad's home and we will probably be going to Lincoln sometime this next week.
For now we wonder if the rattle is an infusion from the pneumonia or, as he says, "My leetle buddies", making an imaginary ciggarette with his fingers.
We can only hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
In other news, I tore the coffee shop appart yesterday and attempted to decorate and move the tables and chairs around so some people can sit as long as they wish and others, who wish to shop, could actually shop.
It was a nightmare from hell.
I moved every table, every chair, almost every counter, every book, coffee bean and more.
I always regret it when I get the place torn from stem to stern, because it takes FOREVER to put things away.
In the end, I got things put back somewhat in order, but I didn't get all my decorating done.
Today I suppose, I'll finish.
The thought of decorating my house makes me shudder.
I have no desire to do it.
At all.
We should have put up our outdoor lights yesterday when it was nice out.
Today is cold, windy and possible it will snow and rain later.
At least some of my Christmas shopping is done.
Boxes have been arriving lately.
Filled with things I ordered.

If only I could remember who I ordered that monkey for.
For now...

11/24/05
Not much new.
Dad still in our local hospital with "inconclusive CAT scan results" leading to a check up in 2 weeks with a pulmonologist in Lincoln.
He is being treated for Pneumonia now and for the next 2 or 3 days...Even though he has been smoking since he was 11-12 years of age...and the inevitable is looming on the horizon.
He has lost 20 or so pounds.
He has a chronic cough.
His RBC is 12...not 14 like a man should be.
He occasionally coughs up bright red sputum.
You do the math.

It's been a hard 2 days and it feels like a month has went by.

It might be miller time soon...
11/22/05
My Dad's in the hospital.
Not great news.
We may be heading for Lincoln, pulmonologists, biopsies etc.
I'll know more today...probably more than I want to know I'm sure.

Sex & Pickles

I had the "keep your pickle in your pants" talk the other day with Alec and Andrew. It was just the boys and me for supper. Although Alec is the student manager for the boys basketball team and should have been 1 1/2 hours away attending and I should have been 1 1/2 hours away watching Katie play we were instead having supper together. Andrew had b-ball practice and didn't want to miss and Alec had detention for a spit ball incident during a substitute teachers horrific day(poor woman...I should've warned her). So therefore, I decided to forego the game and make Alec's life hell for getting into trouble. Thus...the pickle in the pants talk. Really, it's just a sex talk. I believe we were watching CNN and an episode about a young couple came on with their baby or something like that. I don't really remember. What I do remember is thinking Ahhh Ha! I can't pass up this opportunity to embarrass my young uns. You have never seen two kids eat so much in so little time, do their chores, take their showers and want to hit the hay so fast. hee hee hee

YESSSSS!! Parenting CAN be fun!

Sex & Pickles

I had the "keep your pickle in your pants" talk the other day with Alec and Andrew. It was just the boys and me for supper. Although Alec is the student manager for the boys basketball team and should have been 1 1/2 hours away attending and I should have been 1 1/2 hours away watching Katie play we were instead having supper together. Andrew had b-ball practice and didn't want to miss and Alec had detention for a spit ball incident during a substitute teachers horrific day(poor woman...I should've warned her). So therefore, I decided to forego the game and make Alec's life hell for getting into trouble. Thus...the pickle in the pants talk. Really, it's just a sex talk. I believe we were watching CNN and an episode about a young couple came on with their baby or something like that. I don't really remember. What I do remember is thinking Ahhh Ha! I can't pass up this opportunity to embarrass my young uns. You have never seen two kids eat so much in so little time, do their chores, take their showers and want to hit the hay so fast. hee hee hee

YESSSSS!! Parenting CAN be fun!

January 14, 2006

Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes we didn't have as kids

Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little bastard.



MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two hunks of bread.



JACK AND JILL Went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.



SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,

"What have you got there?"

Said the Pie man unto Simon,

"Pies, you dumb #$%!"



HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again.



HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock.

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

Then died of electric shock.



GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.



There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo,=20

and a sports car.

January 12, 2006

This Is Soooo Weird...(maybe)

Okay, I was looking in my documents thinking I might read some of my old poems and put some on my poetry site when, strangely, I came across this poem written below one my older saved poems.

refresh
button

button your lip
tightly
for you don't need to
speak to the Lord
she' all alone in her upside down house
basking in the startled gaze of the angels I believe
there is nothing on earth so vivid as the sight of that party
except for the patch of sunlight that perches across your hair
you seem unwise to the ways of this world you might be scolded
unaware of the beauty of letting those words fall into your ears
downy thoughts unhinge open fly from your eyes don't they just wish
you could put life into them and let go


there seems to be a controversy about the way some people use their space



What is strange is that I don't remember writing this poem...but it was in this odd place where no one else could have like, planted a poem so...I must have written it. I'm thinking I must have been corked outta my brain or something. Maybe my "OTHER SELF" wrote it. It's got me freaked out really.
Goosebumps really...cuz it doesn't sound like what I write...OR does it????

hmmmmmm


I am

losing my

MIND!


It's amazing what the beer of the month club can do for you...and your loved ones...if used correctly.

January 11, 2006

List of things that make our house a slob:

1) toilet upstairs runs all day long
2) porch falling down piece by piece
3) deck falling down piece by piece
4) missing ceiling tile in washroom...Still
5) need odd size fluorescent bulbs in washroom (that's where I do my hair so the lack of lighting explains a lot!)
6) kitchen sink squirts like a geyser from the backside (sometimes) so you don't know until water is puddling on the countertops
7) washing machine talks back after every spin cycle AND you have to lift the lid to get it to advance to the next cycle after soak
8) downstairs bathroom looks like a pepto bismol explosion...needs painted
9) window frames on South side are rotting off
10) whole house needs painted
11) 12 cats live by our dumpster
12) isn't that enough?!!

January 09, 2006

School Night Routine

Me: It's shower time.
Them: WHAT! (incredulous)
Me: Please someone go take a shower...it's time.
Them: Turn on TV, get Cheetos and plant ass on couch
Me: It's Shower Time! (I pick child (boy child) at random) Go Take A Shower...NOW!
Them: I'm going I'm going I'm going...you don't have to yell at me! (goes upstairs into bedroom, gets on computer, headphones and turns on music)
Me: (stomp upstairs after not hearing water turn on and find THEM as stated above with phone pressed to ear unbelievably dry and fully clothed and obviously not ready to shower I SAID IT'S SHOWER TIME AND I MEAN SOMEONE BETTER BE IN THAT SHOWER IN 2 SECONDS AND WASHING UP OR I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT COMPUTER THAT PHONE THAT EVERYTHING YOU OWN AND THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW AND YOU'LL NEVER BE ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING EVER EVER EVER AGAIN AS LONG AS I'M WALKING THIS EARTHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Them: (eyes rolling race to bathroom, run into each other, begin wrestling on the hallway floor knocking pictures off the wall meanwhile it's 10:35 by now)

Me: 1:30 am...I make it to the flooded bathroom, turn on the water, put in Calgon, fill the tub to the brim and slide into the FREEZING ICE COLD WATER...THOSE LITTLE SHITS TOOK ALL THE HOT WATER YET ONCE AGAIN!!! AGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

January 07, 2006

Cat Safari

Thanks for all your lovely suggestions and cat trap presents! I now have the means to snag enough furry felines to make a King sized bed quilt. Here is a useful link in case you need to purchase catch 'em alive traps of any sort. Or...you could just whine about it in your blog and see if anyone "plants" one in your yard!

Here are my favorites so far:



The Diet Coke Trap is wildly popular for one and only one reason...I think those silly horny cats want to use it for a whorehouse. I'm waiting for them to install a red light!






The Traditional is simple yet lovely...the only problem? Who put carrots there? I can't think of one cat that would nibble carrots!




January 06, 2006

I Tawt I Taw A Puddy Tat...I Did I Did I Did...I DID!

One day I noticed something about my dumpster. As I was taking out the trash I saw a cat idly licking it's paws near the curb. Then, I saw two more cats playing with a piece of string on our lawn. Then, I saw another feline in one of my, granted, dead now, but once thriving newer perennial flower garden spots covering up crap. As I neared the dumpster, I saw four...yes F O U R more cats sitting in the street watching me. Soon there were 10...T E N cats surrounding me!
Have you ever watched that show, The Birds? or Killer Bees?
Welcome to my world.
In the end there were twelve potential road roasts staring up at me with their bright wee eyes. All of them were fat as ticks. Bastards! Fat furry flower pawing and cat crap covering up bastards! I hate them!
Anyone who wants one come and get two. Take three if you can.
And if you can't take one please drive by my house really really fast several times a day with a long string hanging from the back bumper.

Old Mother Hubbard

Is it wrong to fix my kids Texas toast for breakfast? And serve it with Surefine Limade? Because that is about all the food I have in the house except for condiments. Oh wait...there is one lone dill pickle in a jar of juice. We are O U T of groceries. Nada. Good thing there is a game tonight.

January 04, 2006

Girls Night

Katie and her buds got together Monday night and played "dress up"...only in camo...?? They had fun and I was happy to see her hang with the girls instead of the alternative (boys...aghhhh!).


I Dub Thee

After getting back from radiation and bloodwork in Kearney I cleaned my fish pond. It smelled like an orangutan ass or a 1970's home perm. There was definitely a chemical reaction going on and it wasn't a good one. I spotted a lone bloated goldfish carcass (and who could blame him) and I couldn't see any more. Of course, the heater wasn't on so, at one time they were all probably frozen goldfishcicles. Hopes of survivors weren't too high. I set up the filter and and got it to going. My heater is toast and I don't really care. What would be the point of heating a pool of rank bubbling fishless water? I've decided to name my pond. It just came upon me as I was typing this. Ready? Okay, from now on my backyard area itself will forever be called...


Ass Gas Pond

January 03, 2006

Back To The Grind

Back to work.
Back to basketball games.
Back to concessions stand suppers.
Back to thinking fingernails and beer are major food groups and need to be added to the food pyramid.

Back...one definiton is...the part or area farthest from the front.
Yup...that's me...I'm back alright.

Dog paddling through the day and wondering if anything gets easier anytime soon.

January 02, 2006

Here Kitty Kitty

We came home from Dad's radiation treatment through Lexington. We went to Kearney via the Holdridge way and thought we wanted new scenery. Just after Johnson Lake we saw police lights flashing and cars stacked to the nines. There was hay scattered about the road and I thought there was a big accident up ahead. Instead we noticed good old cowboys on horses driving cattle across the road. They were being moved from one field to another. Better than an accident any day.
Dad is feeling better today. Not so many aches and pains. I encouraged him to get up more and get fresh air as the day was beautiful.
Mom stayed home and put in the coffee shop grocery order for me. Damn freight early tomorrow. Back to the grindstone I guess. Having 3 days off has been habit forming for me. It will be hard to face getting up at 5 let alone trying to get ready again.
When we got back from Kearney I took Mom and Dads outdoor decorations down and then went home to take mine down. I still have a couple of strands of lights left on my upstairs but most is done.
I had a lot of crap to do at the shop to get ready for tomorrow. Several orders to get ready and wash to do and dishes to do and trash to take out and blah blah blah blah.
Dad called me up tonight and told me about the most expensive coffee bean in the world...Kopi Luwak. It's a bean that is eaten by a palm civet, a dark brown tree-dwelling cat-like creature (while in cherry form) and then after it's shit out, is gathered up and then...whatever it takes to clean that up...readied for resale. $175-300 dollars a pound for that coffee.
HOLY CAT SHIT!
Can you imagine the aroma that bean would have? Do any of you own cats? Litter boxes? If so...you can imagine the nostril effect that particular bean might have.
Could be the new trend at Shirley K's...Cat Shit Coffee Beans...Cat Shit Cappuccino's...Cat Shit Shakes...Kitty Litter Lattes!

god...the possibilities...




I'll end up with a little music again.



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January 01, 2006

Nothing Much but Ending With The Hoochie Coochie Gal

I spent the better part of today taking down all my indoor Christmas decorations (except the snowmen) and repacking all the crap into my "decoration cupboards" in the sunroom.
Today was also inventory day at the pharmacy and the coffee shop. The kids and Mark did most of that while I was working here at home.

It's misting a bit here and it smells so good. I should go walking because I feel like a total LARD ASS.
I may go get on my trainer and ride a few miles.

Dad has quite a bit of edema going on in his lower legs. I can't hear much air movement in his lungs either. He started back on his "fluid pill" yesterday as I thought he was retaining quite a bit of fluid. He didn't cough much today but he didn't walk around very much at all...nor did he change out of his pj's. He says he felt pings and pangs all over. No nausea though. I took him a soft stocking cap to wear in case of hair loss. I guess one usually starts losing hair on day 10 or so. We'll see in a few days if that will be his case.

Mom came over for a while this afternoon...right after I got done putting up the Christmas decorations. We watched a show about obese children and gastric bypass surgery. We are MANIACS!

Tomorrow Dad has radiation so I will leave about 8:30 and we will probably get back around 12:30 or so...and then, since the shop is closed, I'll go and take down all the outside decorations. I hate to because it'll look bleak and naked.

That said I think I'll end this bleak little post up with some good blues.




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Happy Silver New Year

The worst thing that happened today?
Just happened around 11:49 tonight. Mark and I were watching TV and a commercial came on. There was a black background and silver letters that spelled out...WERE YOU BORN BETWEEN 1935 AND 1966??
After that...it gets a little blurry. I was indignant. Surely that was not a medicare plan or something just as "aged" meant for someone MY AGE!
FOR SHIT'S SAKE!
Mark said, "No...it's not a Medicare plan...it's a funeral plan". I said...Ohhhhh...gureattttt! That's much better!

shit
happy frickin new year I got a Silver Plan...do you?