November 28, 2006

They Might Get Their Asses Kicked!

When the boys came home from school, on the day of Thanksgiving break, they threw their filthy stinking sweaty poo poo wrestling clothes and bags in the laundry room.
So what else is new, you say.
Well, how about this. While Katie was doing her hair the next morning, her elbow caught the edge of a shelf in the laundry room. Said shelf was above the cluster of mildewing wrestling clothes. The "nudge" sent a large, very very very expensive bottle of old lady smelling perfume crashing down...down to shatter into a million pieces of sparkles. Embeding not only shards of glass into Alecs unitard (singlet) but Andrew's gym bag as well. AND even though the unitard was washed, dryed and sprayed with febreeze and line dried again and the gym bag was hung outside during the mist all day...I'm afraid all items that were baptized with the parfume were still eeking out the scent of french ho. I can only imagine what all those burly he mens in tight tards were thinking when Alec strutted onto the sweaty mat reeking to high heaven.

November 27, 2006

Low Fat My ASS! (I Wish)

Did you know that low fat PRINGLES have 700 freaking calories in one container!!
Not that I would sit and eat a whole container of PRINGLES in one sitting...NOW!

November 25, 2006

Fat and Sassy

Thanks to help from Mom and some of my blonde cousins, The COFFEE SHOP is ready for Christmas!! It was no mild feat I can tell you that. It was, in a nutshell, H E double mofo toofpicks. If I could liken this chore to something I would compare it to having major dental surgery without anesthesia, naked, in an outdoor dentist office on a busy street corner during rush hour. yah something along those lines. But THANK YOU DEAR UNDRUNKEN COUSINS!! I am in great debt to you all!! I spent about 12 hours working on it today, with half the day being helped by Mom and Slat Ass and her munchkin. The only thing left now is to put lights on the grove of christmas trees in the pharmacy and to maybe run a string of icicle lights in the coffee shop window.
We had a nice Thanksgiving and got fatter and sassier...hope you did the same.

November 22, 2006

Sentimental Journey

I felt the posting of these old poems would be appropriate for Thanksgiving. The first one reminds me of one of our family's "Ho Downs" and no I don't mean HO as in HO...geeze you people.
I noticed the date of this first poem was 1 day before the dreaded 9/11. Weird to think of it now. I guess weird isn't the right word. Here I was writing of a garden party and within 24 hours I would be hard put to think of anything but anguish over that horrific day.
On that note...hope you have a joyful day. One filled with family, friends and good food...also...wine and plenty of it....and naps! Oh yah...and sweat pants with elastic waist bands.

FESTIVAL OF JOY

Ivy clings to the gazebo
Curling green intermingled with tiny white lights
Blinking
Stars for tonight
A cool tang seasons the air
A taste of woodsmoke and the brightness
A cleaning frost may bring
The last of the mums bob their golden heads
Looking like grannies bent over their knitting
Guitars and voices together
Brush the night with a party hue
Baskets of bread, and bowls of fruit are scattered about
Soup spoons clatter into emptiness as each drop is savored
Laughter and smiles and sleeping children are plentiful
Hands that clasp one another are rough with the work of harvest
But a callous is worn with pride and love here
As we celebrate our life

9/10/01...Sheryl McCurdy


Just There


The chrysanthemums have yet to reach the age
Where they coat the sidewalks with their petal dust
But autumn has made her presence known
In many other ways to us
Our cheeks are scolded by the morning breeze
Then warmly stroked in the afternoon sun
Stems of sharply pointed grasses crunch beneath our feet
Broken to jagged edges by the nip of last nights frost
A hunger for the sound of leaves strolling down the street
Rumbles deep within our aching soul
Fuzzy caterpillars deplete a milk pod plant
Feeding on leaf after leaf after leaf
Fall has tweaked our senses
With her basket full of browns and reds and gold's
Step outside to see and feel and smell and hear
And watch this glorious day unfold

10/11/01 Sheryl McCurdy

November 15, 2006

Pantene Aint Got NUTHIN On ME!

I think I'm on to something.
You remember the other day I used vinegar water on my hair??
Today AND yesterday people told me my hair LOOKED GOOD!
yup...all these years of using sprays to volumize, gels to stiffen, mousses to hold "the look", moisturizers to heal my damaged locks, shampoos for finer than frog fur hair, I have found the answer!!

Hear Ye Hear Ye...Let it be known throughout the universe!

VINEGAR WATER KICKS ASS When vigorously spritzed onto the hair follicle!

AND...it makes a nice douche too. Hey...kill two birdies with one rock if you can.

November 14, 2006

Stripper or Teaser...all the same.

On Sunday, Mark and I stripped wallpaper off the laundry room wall. Not all of it mind you...the paper is stuck like a mofo. When mom and I papered we really pasted that stuff on. So...if you've ever stripped wallpaper you might have used vinegar water to hasten the process. You fill a spray bottle with the brine add water and then spritz the paper. Mark and I got quit a bit of the wall nude before we had to quit.
This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I washed my hair, added gel and then, for an added touch, I spritzed my bad boy hair with..vinegar water. I didn't have time to redo the whole thing...so I picked my hair, combed it up and left it. If I smell like a pickle today...you know why.

November 12, 2006

Lincoln

Our volleyball girls were a tish away from being in the finals of the State Tourney. We won our first game agaisnt a team that had beaten us twice. To say we were ecstatic would be putting it mildly. Our next game was scheduled for 6 pm. In between games the mamas went to the Olive Garden and prodeeded to enjoy. The Bruschetta was divine the Shiraz was flowing freely the Italian Margaritas were extroidinaire! We ate bowls of salad and we munched pizza and appetizers and enjoyed our friendship.

November 08, 2006

Good News

Today Dad had a Dr appointment in Kearney. The oncologist decided he needed to have his heart checked out. See if the fluid problem lies within that area. He doesn't think cancer is the culprit. So...now we pursue that. Good report really. The chest x-ray showed fluid in the left lung, as always but no tumor growth. We are happy but remain watchful.

Barefoot and Wafering

I walk around barefoot in my living room and feel that I need to vacuum. Instead I go to the pantry, pull open the door and find 4 lemon wafer cookies, slam the door shut, take them to the table and eat them while I read my new book. Occasionally I take sips of Strawberries and Cream Diet Pepsi. I'm multi tasking this afternoon. I'm baking cookies for Katie to take on the bus tomorow and doing laundry AND eating lemon wafers. Our high school volleyball team made it to state and they play on Friday at 11 am in Pershing Auditorium. So...I'm baking chocolate chip and caramel apple cookies for the bus ride. Not the homemade mother of the year kind. No...these were the Oh Shit I forgot I needed to bake 3 dozen cookies for the blah blah blah school function kind...the kind you need right now and maybe yesterday. Frozen in neat little patties oven ready. I get then occasionally from one of my wholesalers for just such a crisis. I should be making supper but I can't figure out what to have tonight. Lemon wafers and Diet Pepsi loom on the horizen.