Not Too Funny

Unless you are NOT me. and you aren't. Yes, I just finished cleaning up a toilet overload. hahahaha oh isn't it just too funny. And just to make you giggle harder...the toilet was the UPSTAIRS one. Yes, not only did it overflow into the bathroom...at midnight...as I was just going up to bed...yes you guessed it...it flowed through the ceiling and flowed like a bladder dysfunctional cousin of mine...into my empty washroom...devoid of dirty poo poo clothes because I not only washed all freaking day but yes, I hung the mo fo's all on the line....uh huhhh...AND I'd just brought in the last load of clean laundry from the line about 2 hours ago. Fresh and sunshiny smelling. Fresh and dry and clean. yup so funny. so very very funny. My wallpaper peeled off...the dust bunnies under the washer flowed out in couples like they were looking for an ark...I got pissy diryy toidy water on my head...and feet and ughhhhh! Mark cleaned around upstairs while I handled the downstairs. My freshly mopped smelling like new laundry room is now FILLED TO THE RIM WITH DIRTY PISSY WET STINKING CLOTHES THAT I JUST WASHED!!!!! One good thing I can think of before I head upstairs to bathe the stench away...at least we hadn't put up another ceiling tile since the LAST TIME THE TOILET UPSTAIRS OVERFLOWED!!! Remember that one?? shitcakes on the house...anybody?

Yoo Hoo

Funny things happen everyday. Each and every day that is a fact. But I have no time to blog. Right now? I'm sitting here almost late to Andrew's ball game and half dressed and that is NOT a good thing cuz anybody might just walk right in and I would have to live with causing them permanant scarring to the brain be seeing me here at the computer. There are some of the things I need to tell you about when a) I am fully dressed and b) I really have more time 1) The parrot singing a hymlike song in a voice something like Carol Channing and Ethel Mermon crossed. 2) The Tent 3) Cindy getting the "air pushed out of her" 4) Carpet cleaning 5) Donuts are my life 6) Energy jelly belly beans 7)

Moo Moo Skeeter Dope

I'm thinking of drinking some red red wine. But I'm damn tired. Just finished Geek Love again...loved it. Sickenly so. I've two yummy new paperback books straight from Amazon.com...unopened, smelling of new...still not dropped into my bath water begging me to read them. Right off hand I can't think what the names of them are. I think Water Witch is one and ... whatever. I mowed my back lawn and hoed my garden after work tonight. I also got a MASSIVE skeeter bite on my calf. Just what I need...a MASSIVE skeeter bite on my MASSIVE BIG ASS CALF! I mean I could call my calf...a cow. Let's just say...my calf cow and a telephone pole...are similar in girth. When I was young we always called mosquito spray...dope...as in...have you got any skeeter dope on?? or... Aaaghhhhh...I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm blind! You got the damn skeeter dope in my eyeeeeeee!!

Cow Pie de jour

Next Time You See Cindy Sue: Ask her if she got into a wreck with a van carrying cotton candy or is that just her hair do?? In other news...I'm thinking of creating a Shake or a Swirlie out of chocolate puddin'. I could name it...Cow a Bunga Look like Dunga Shake...if I use sugar free pudding maybe CowPie Swirlie Delight...maybe Here's Mud In Your Eye Cow Pie...McCurdy Turdy Shake...Turds Away!!! hmmmmm I wonder if you can deep fry pudding? just a thought PS...Jo Jo Dancing Bear...you will suffer for mailing me that defaced and now devalued picture out of the paper...don't think you wont! sooo sooo tired...

How Do They Know?

Okay...I'm so serious. I may be working my ass off all day at work then when I'm done there...at the house, kids everywhere like stink on shit and when there is finally a quiet moment and all the little nose miners, some mine some not mine, are gone to the pool or the b-ball courts or the ball field or...whatever, when I'm not so tired that all I can think of is nappy nappy nappy, when I finally sit down at the computer desk and want to type up a blog entry what the hell do you know? The kids come back in like water through a New Orleans dike. Why? Do they sense my need to sit down at the computer? Better yet...How? How do they freaking know? Are they gifted with ESP? In any case...my time here is done now. Children are scrambling around like ants on a dirt mound.

It's Raining!

The boys baseball games were rained out even. I want to lay in bed and listen to the storm. ...with a glass of wine and my latest old book of course...I'm reading Geek Love...which I love and have owned for several years. It's about two carnies who decide to breed their own freak show. The female is dosed with arsinic and amphetamines and other lovely drugs in order to produce sweet baby freaks. It works and the rest is...Geek Love. Read it. Must go now and enjoy the storm.

Piss Poor Painter Persists

I don't know about you but I tend to multi task. Like when I'm using the toidy...I ALWAYS end up changing the roll of toilet paper or wiping up the hairballs from the corners of the room! Today I painted my bathroom and washed every blanket we own and did about 699 other loads of laundry and hung them all on the line because as usual it's a bitch of a windy ass day and why heat up the house really. I also mowed some of our lawn and some of our non neighbors lawn (because no one lives there and no one mows there) because I decided to use that clothes line because it's a big four line one. Mine is only one little string and it always falls down when I hang up blankets. Anywayyyyy I went into the newly painted bathroom to utilize the facilities and...whilst sitting there discovered that A) my paint job suck ed B) there were hairs to be gathered from the corners C) there was NO toilet paper D) wallpaper is sticky when wet AND the most important thing I discovered...I CAN paint while I Pee as well as I paint when I don't pee...so therefore...I can now justify doing both at the same time!

BRANTICS

No Backing Out Now

Our tent is packed. The cooler is full. The kids are taken care of...I hope! The dog is worried. The both of us are tired as HELL. The anti monkey butt powder is ready!

I Done Been Training So Muchly I Be Fine!

Well, I guess things are lining up for Cindy and I to ride BRAN again. We have only a few bike miles under our belts and no big rides at all. I think we will do just fine. We ride hard...and I know we will laugh so much our abs will get a work out! Don't worry about the little old heart cath that Cindy had. She is fine! Hell, she was loading and unloading big ass sacks of feed on her way home from the procedure! At least she didn't pick a bouquet of flowers with her ass on her way home from the hospital this time. Remember when she had her knee scope? She was on her way home from the hospital...still sedated a bit, her leg wrapped like a mummy from ass to toe, and they stopped off at a country auction?? Cindy sat quietly in the pick up...but soon she had to pee...and she was no weight bearing AND there were no toilets? Uhh huhhh...you guessed it...she "hopped" out of the truck, squatted like a giraffe getting a drink of water (one leg at an angle) and taa dahhhh...peed in the dirt! After she got back into the truck she noticed an odd itch and pulled out a lovely bouquet of wildflower that she'd managed to pick with her ass while squatting! Well, anyway...we leave some time on Saturday...and will be coming home sometime shortly thereafter in an ambulance. god gulp ugh Don't know if I can do it this year...