My Eye! Ain't so Bad...

When I woke up this morning my right eye was mattered shut and puffy and it sort of reminded me of when I went on my first BRAN ride and woke up with an eyelid overhang that could put most circus fat ladies to shame. I think Cindy Sue splashed me with her Moscow Mule fixins last night! There might be a lime swimming behind my lid. But hey...just so ya know...if you are going to go blind there is no better way! Boy is that a magic potion! Right now I'm sitting on the "man throne" (recliner) watching the discovery channel and writing this instead of sleeping. Why? Because of OLD FASHIONED SATURDAY NIGHT! What the hell is that you ask? A lot of work. It's a town celebration we have here that involves food, Saturday night, horse rides, games, music, eating and for me...just a lot of work. Also...the first annual BRAIN FREEZE CONTEST at the coffee shop. We had a contest to see how fast someone could suck down a SWIRLY (that's a fruit smoothie), and survive the brain freeze. The SWIRLY'S were neon green, looked like some type of biohazard and flavored SOUR APPLE. Our sign up was good. We had about 50 people try it and we have 4 first place T shirts and 12 certificates for 1st, 2nd and 3rd places to hand out. We had a few hurlers and a few quitters...but most...stuck it out. I hope to post pictures some day. Anyway, I can't sleep because I'm crippled after working all day to clean up the hell hole the shop turned into. Mark and the kids helped me off and on. It took from 11 am to 9:30 pm. I am watching a show about birthmarks and nevi that cover the whole of someone's back and then werewolf syndrome and now...something about a guy who will be cooled off to such a level that his heart is stopped so they can repair his brain aneurysm. So...my back hurts, I have heartburn AND I'm watching shows about people with medical problems. Luckily my eye...it ain't so bad...

A Friend Sent Me This List...it's a good one!

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere) 1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. 2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. 3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss, rather than working hard. 4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream, only to get screwed and die in the end. 5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles. 6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. 7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato 8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. 9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. 10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. 11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for stealing free photocopies from one's workplace. 12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another. 13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. 14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. 15. 404: Someone who is clueless. (From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.) 16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions. 17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake.) 18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks. 19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

Hellfire and Nuts

I roasted nuts tonight...among other things. But...I have to say the end of my night was all about hot spicy nuts...and sugary sweet nuts. This was my day off. I had a list the size of my ass of things to do. Therefore I did hardly half of them. I scrubbed my floors on my hands and knees with a scrubby brush. I did laundry (that's a given). I did dish after dish and cleaned out my fridge. We ought to be ashamed of ourselves...so many leftovers crusted with mold. I fed my compost pile. I shopped for food, shampoo and laundry detergent. I read a magazine and saw that Brittany Spears has dark hair now...not to mention she's about to pop out a kid. I wanted to tell her, Brittany...these are the best days of your life, like my grandma told me! I BBQ'd chicken on the grill. I hung laundry on the line. I took out trash and I thought about a nap. I went to the shop and worried about OLD FASHIONED SATURDAY NIGHT...which is this weekend. I made a few plans, shopped for my moms birthday present, took lunch to Mom and Dad, started the water on their lawn. The topper of the day was a huge drama with Alec who came home from his second football practice of his life with tears in his eyes and dreams dashed...already. He is "on the line", "because he's "fat and slow" and "I won't ever get to touch the ball" and that's not where he wanted to be...blah blah blah.....Oh my good lord...how does one raise a child without feeling like a total stupid ass? how? or losing one's mind?? or beating the holy hell out of them?? I think this may be a year of sheer hellish shit storms. This may be the year of hormonal imbalance...mine AND his and maybe therapy, medical and or mental. This may be the year of going gray and sensing bone density evaporation looming on the horizon. Andrew had a few issues too. Katie came home singing and hurried and as always, oblivious to everything. She grabbed a chicken leg, a peanut butter sandwich and went jogging. Meanwhile Mark and I attempted to fix the unfixable with Alec, calm him and set him straight and teach him and comfort im and ditto Andrew. We got done with this drama not long before we had to go to a meeting with the pastor about Alec and his conformation classes. I felt beat up and ugly and mean and bitchy and sinful. After the meeting I went to the shop, did a few things to get ready for tomorrow and when I came home...rubbed Alec's back with lotion, kissed Andrew, gave Katie a bug that was caught in my Moms car grill for her advanced biology class and sent an order my e-mail to my "syrup guy". I then...roasted nuts. for fun. I took a bath and drank some Merlot and read THE SNOWS OF KILIMANJARO and posted this message. I've decided that hell won't be so bad if there are nuts, salt, honey, brown sugar and beer there.

Need Some Wings To Keep Up

Just seems that life is so full of the little things that I don't have a minute to sit down and type anything...let alone make sense with what I'm doing. I doubt it will slow down anytime soon. First football game this week...then...let the games begin. I did take a bike ride to Bartley and back with Cindy today. I rode like I'd never been on a bike before. Panting all the way. I was thirsty and tired and it was only to Bartley. slipping into the gray abyss I'm afraid. I've been doing weird projects in my few minutes of insomnia...decoupaging shoes and jelly jars. yuh...high heeled shoes from junior high days and jelly jars of old. I'll take a picture and show you later. Other than that those strange projects...same old same old. Seems as though time is flying and I am not.

Just Don't Feel Wordy

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I'm Gettin Grayer by the Minute!

Katie got her senior pictures taken yesterday. I can't wait to see her proofs. She took some really neat poses. She is going to graduate before I know it. Andrew is surviving football practice although he finds it sheer hell to get up so early in the morning. Alec is gloomy much of the time (seventh grader now)and thinks he gets to do "nothing fun" compared to the other two. This will be a HELL quick year. Katie...senior Andrew...freshman Alec...seventh grade Mom and Dad...nut house

I Oughta Leg Rassle Your Ass!

Some little shiass boy remarked to me (in my own home no less), "My gosh your calves are as big as my HEAD!" earlier this afternoon. In shock and piss assedness I replied, THANK YOU VERY LITTLE!! and under my breath I muttered, YOU LITTLE PEE DRINKING CRAP FACE! I have calves the size of a watermelon headed pee drinking crap faced boy! Oh boy, did that make my day. Man, I can't believe how cute I feel now. It rivals my high school homecoming when I was FOURTH RUNNER UP for homecoming Queen, which, if you could do the math that year...meant...LAST!! In retrospect I probably should take that remark as a compliment...considering the size of that little twits cranium. asswipe

Chemo Limo

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