May 28, 2007

Pontoon Dreams

I feel extra super dooper fat and I feel kind of horny. The two should NOT be linked together in one sentence I'm sure. I also feel tired. I think that "tired" will win over horny, and well, fat, of course, WINS WINS WINS everytime...bas turd...
In other news...I just watched Penn and Teller and felt for the first time that they were putting on a skit. The show was about anger management and although some of their show appeared to be based on true interviews...there was one "interviewee" that seemed too dorky to be true. Sort of like a Saturday Night live skit character. That PISSED me off!! If they've run out of ideas to bitch about then they should QUIT! More fake bullshit we DO NOT NEED!
Does it sound as if I need anger management??
tuff shit
Well, the "holiday" weekend is over. What holiday? I did not go out to the lake and eat burned hot dogs and sandy burgers. I did not get mosquito bit and sunburned. I do not have aching leg muscles from skiing or wind burn from tubing. I did not catch fish or hook a worm or wade in the shallow banks in the mud and feel minnows nibble my toes. Nope...I stayed at home, for the most part alone, and cleaned at moms and put on their screens and watered my flowers and chewed gum and made suppers that no one ate. I thought about Colorado and the mountains and pontoon boats and fresh fish and baked potatos. Mark played with the band on Saturday night in McCook at the lake and I didn't go. I was too damn tired. I guess I should have gone just to say I did something. I mean who dosn't want to go somewhere and sit alone and drink beer by themselves?? OR...better yet...with a bunch of drunk people?? Oh know I LOVE that!! yayyyyyyyyy
I wondered why we never go anywhere together or do anything together but go to "games" and work.
I thought about cleaning and said FUCK IT. Fuckity fuck FUCK IT!!!!
How about that for some foul mouthed talking??
Pretty tame according to how I feel like talking.
Must be the weather...baramoter dropping or something like that...sighhhhh AND NO I'M NOT SUFFERING FROM PMS! Probably good that I'm not...

May 27, 2007


Not only do I have trouble with the kids wanting to cruise around all over...

May 26, 2007

Where are my kids when I need them??

I just spent 40 minutes trying to get my DVD player to play a DVD. We have 3 remote controls, two of which I could find. One, in the bottom of our living room chair, the other up in our bedroom. Finally I got the movie to play, but it was all in black and white. Also...the sound was for shit. Soooooo...I pushed all 45 buttons on the two remote controls, opened the DVD player several times, fiddle dicked around with all the controls, cursed the fact that, although I had the whole house to myself, I could not even watch a frickin' movie without the kids here to run the gadgets. I finally turned on a light, moved the TV a bit, looked at the octopus of wires in the back of the tube, and unplugged and replugged them and changed them around and WAA LAHHHH! JACK POT! I'm not even sure I want to watch a movie now...

May 21, 2007

I can't find anything I want to talk about.
Everything seems...

I See My Baby Girl

May 15, 2007

1 Down 2 to Go

Three to get ready ... go ...go ...pbbbbhhhhbbbbblaaahhhhttttt
Katie graduated on Saturday. Afterward we "recepted" until 1 a.m. ish. We had BBQ hawg wings, homemade rolls, mom's macaroni salad, Aunt Joyces potato salad, cookies, white cake and chocolate cake, spaghettio's, punch and laffy taffy on every table! I ordered my outfit online and henceforth it shall be known as a Larry, Mo and Curly production dress. Spring green jacket with black piping, black flouncy hem skirt with the same spring green flowers and only 2 other people had the same outfit on...and only one of them had a daughter graduating too...and only one of them entered the door at the SAME TIME AS ME!! We would have made nice bookends...anyway
Mark's sisters all made it down and his mom. I only wish they could have stayed longer. We barely got to visit.

I feel pretty much drained and head achey yet...and school is out tomorrow.

I can see the summer smiling like an apple cheeked Dennis the Menace...sigh

May 10, 2007

Ball Crusher Alert!

Cindy likes to crush balls. I know this because I saw her. Green ones especially. So...if you have green balls and Cindy is nearby...hide them, protect them, and whatever you do...DON'T LET HER HANG THEM UP!!

More of the Same

The serum calcium hasn't dropped. In fact the last one checked was 12.2 and the alk phos was higher, the SPGOT was higher, everything was higher. I think he was pretty dehydrated though. They are giving him a litre of fluid with each dose and I think that is helping as much as anything.
It just seems like a nightmare. He can't eat anything. He is crabby about everything. He says his pain is under control and he appears to be pain free. He just sits on the couch with his head hanging down most all of the day. I don't know how mom takes it. She wont' leave the house. I get the mail, the groceries, we mow their lawn. Mom is held prisoner, as we all are this disease. Dad is on Prednisone now, Miralax for his bowels, Ms Contin for, Darvocet for breakthrough pain, Coumadin, Lasix, Aldactone, Potassium. He can eat only smooth foods. His dentures don't fit and I don't see him going into the dentist office for a fitting. He is weak. He weighs nothing. He has no shortness of breath really...doesn't use O2. crazy ass disease

May 05, 2007

Which One Is YOU? Yahhhh...I thought so

Crazier than a shithouse rat.

Stronger than mule piss with the foam farted off.

Finer than frog hair.

Drunker than a cowboy on Saturday night.

"Slicker than cat shit on a linoleum floor." Redd Foxx

Richer than six foot up a bull's ass.

Tighter than a bull's ass on fight night. (Also, tighter than a bull's ass during fly season.

Grinnin' like a possum eatin' shit out of a light socket.

Nervous as a dog shittin' peach pits.
The dog is nervous, one supposes, because of anxiety over the next painful peach pit passage.

Funnier than homemade dog shit.

No bigger than a pint of piss.

Fatter than a shithouse spider.

Slicker than the devil in velvet pants.

Grinnin' like a cat eatin' shit out of a hairbrush.

Slicker than shit through a tinhorn.

Colder than a witch's tit in a brass brassiere.

Happier than a pig in shit.

Hotter than the hinges of Hell.

Tighter than a gnat's ass stretched over an oil drum.
(Neither Redd nor I could imagine anything tighter. MDJ)

Shinnin' like a diamond in a goat's ass.

Grinning' like a shit eatin' possum.

Hornier than a three-balled tomcat.

Faster than a cat can lick its ass.

Meaner than cat shit.

Sucks like a bucket of ticks.

Nervous as a whore in church.

Tougher than a 10-year-old rooster.

Weaker than puppy piss.

Faster than a dog can raise his leg.

Slicker than greased owl shit.

Tighter than a crab's ass. (That's waterproof, folks)

Wilder than a peach orchard boar.

Worthless as a cup of cold piss.

Ugly enough to scare a bulldog off a gut wagon.

Drier than a popcorn fart.

Hotter than a fresh-fucked fox in a forest fire.

Funnier than a fart in a space suit.

Funnier than Ex-Lax in a diarrhea ward.

Funnier than a pay toilet in the diarrhea ward.

May 03, 2007

An Inspiration...and reminder...I'll Quit Bitching Now.

Dick and Rick Hoyt are a father-and-son team from Massachusetts who together compete just about continuously in marathon races. And if ... all » they're not in a marathon they are in a triathlon — that daunting, almost superhuman, combination of 26.2 miles of running, 112 miles of bicycling, and 2.4 miles of swimming. Together they have climbed mountains, and once trekked 3,735 miles across America. It's a remarkable record of exertion — all the more so when you consider that Rick can't walk or talk.

May 01, 2007

Story of my LIFE!

A woman was wondering why she hadnt had sex in 5 months.

So her friend told her to go and see a chinese sex doctor.

When she got there he told here to take off all her clothes and crawl to the other end of the room and back.

As she was crawling back towards the doctor, he said "Oh yes... I see the problem now"

"What is it", replied the woman.

"Your face look like your ass" said the doctor.

Another Chapter Started

Got dad over to the local hospital for an IV infusion of Zymeta. While waiting for the serum calcium report (12), dad just kept looking at the floor, bent over, totally fatigued and horrible looking. I almost hoped they would keep him there. He hasn't hardly eaten in the last 2 weeks. Not much anyway. Finally they got him in and decided to infuse a liter of fluid with the med. He really seemed to feel a bit better right away. By that I mean, he didn't just look at the floor and he seemed a bit more animated. I think mom said he ate almost a whole fried egg, 2 strips of bacon and several different juices for supper last night. I'm sure the liter of fluid helped too. We go back on Thursday for another dose...if needed...which I'm almost sure we will.