August 30, 2007

I Got Tickled By a Stache

...Burt Reynolds Mustache that is.
So can you.
check it out@Burt Reynold's Mustache

August 29, 2007

Calamity Is Our Middle Name

We got Katie off to college this last weekend. It was a sad and happy time for us all. I let her drive me around Omaha...and we didn't hit anything although my eyes were closed for most of it so...
Andrew had a football game on Monday and in the first 4 seconds of the game he got hit, tore his ACL and MCL, got a contusion on his patellar bone, and has perhaps some minor meniscus damage. So...we saw an ortho, got him braced and set up with Physical Therapy, surgery is in about a month. He will rehab for 6 -8 months. His football, wrestling, and track are all pretty much bye bye baby. He is blue and once we get his knee taken care of I worry that he will be looking for something to keep him busy and find something...something I don't want him doing.
We've had the worst summer on record and now...I just don't know if I can take it really.
I mean, thank God this wasn't a spinal injury. I realize we need to by thankful. But it just seems like we've had so much to deal with this summer with the kids and everything. I feel so very very tired and maybe just blue myself.
Today was Andrews first day back to school and he wasn't even gone yet and the phone was ringing and Alec had in school suspension for "intimidating" someone.
shit, I almost expected that.
It's as if I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop every minute.

Calgon...take me now. Too bad I'm too damn tired for a beer cuz this has definitely been a beer moment...

August 28, 2007

Get Your Beaver Ready!

I just caught sight of a "local event" that will be going on Sept 29th in Atwood Kansas. If you like to make bbq or if you just like to eat bbq you cannot miss this gala. Whatever you do...don't be late. Are you ready for the name of this affair?

SMOKIN ON THE BEAVER. Yes, that's right...I said, SMOKIN ON THE BEAVER...and it's a BBQ contest...not a porn shoot...although I did notice the article touted "unique barbecue grills and cookers"...hmmmm boggles the mind really.

Click SMOKIN BEAVER to find an entry form!

August 18, 2007

Oracle of ASS

When I typed my coffee drink in(short double shot sugar free caramel no whipped cream, extra hot)
THE ORACLE OF STARBUCKS gave me my Personality type.

BAS-TURD...what does he know....grrrrrr

The all-knowing Oracle of Starbucks
Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: High Maintenance

You pride yourself on being assertive and direct; everyone else thinks you're bossy and arrogant. You're constantly running your mouth about topics that only you would find interesting. Your capacity for wasting other people's time is limitless. Your friends find you intolerable, that's why they're plotting to kill you.

Also drinks: Water. Bottled, chilled, with four ice cubes, a twist of lemon, in a crystal glass.
Can also be found at: Trendy martini bars

August 16, 2007

Glasses my Asses!!'s come to this now...glasses. JUST FOR READING THOUGH...and computing and etc. What next...a leaky bladder? a pendulous abdomen...ooops...too late...already have that. Nothing like two big shiney pieces of glass surrounding your nose to call attention to it. And who doesn't enjoy that? That is exactly what I need. I only wish that my glasses had a big red flashing sign on the bridge that said, Look over here at this gargantuan schnoz! Check it out! It's so big it should have it's own zip code...

August 11, 2007

Listen Up Hot Bods

People, are you just sitting around on your dead ass bitching about the heat? Well, hear this...tomorrow night, go outside, lay down on a blanket, or come over to my house and we'll lay down on our deck, and watch a Big Meteor Shower because it Peaks Sunday Night and then you will have something else to bitch about...mosquitos AND heat. But think of the awesome sight.

Mrs.G Sent me this and It's GOOD

This is too good! If this don't get your Husker Irish up nothing will.

This is the veterinarian from Crete who routinely writes “Rants”,

usually about NE Football, but sometimes about politics or current events .

Dear Friends.....Several of you E mailed me and requested an update on the LA Times Bruha. I forget that many of you live outside of Nebraska proper and were not privy to the LA times opinion article. I have therefore copied the article and my response. And now......the rest of the story...

By TJ Simers - LA Times Sportswriter
July 31, 2007
I am writing this now to give the overland stage time to get it there.

USC will be playing in Nebraska on Sept. 15, and I will be joining the
greatest football team ever assembled as they strike out into the

If possible, I'd like to spend time boarding with some corn cobs, maybe
getting a smell of what it's like to be around livestock - then leaving
Lincoln to move around the state and spend a few days here and there.

A stop in Wahoo at the Wigwam Cafe is probably a good start, but I was
thinking it'd be interesting to stay with a real-live-boring Cornhuskers
family somewhere out on the prairie so I can feel what it's like to have
nothing to look forward to in my life other than a Saturday afternoon
football game.

I'll be going to Nebraska early in the football week, and while I'm not
sure what corn cob hospitality is like, I'd like to remind folks that
when they came to L.A., I tried to help.

Remember when the Cornhuskers came to the big city to lose in the Rose
Bowl? Everyone here knows there are no individual seats - just long
benches for the skinny people who live here.

I was looking out for the corn-fed porkers, of course, including all
their big-butted women, when I told them that if everyone sat down after
the anthem, there were going to be people falling atop each other at the
end of each row.

A number of corn cobs e-mailed to say they were unhappy with Page 2 but
thrilled now to have their very own Internet machines.

They also wanted to tell me about their wonderful lives, kids and the
modern facilities being built right down there by the creek. Well,
there's nothing like a Wal-Mart coming to town to excite the locals, so
I was thrilled for them. But for some reason that didn't come across in
our correspondence, and there might still be some hard feelings.

I got to thinking last summer, though, as I drove the
family-that-I-used-to-love across Nebraska in a RV what it must be like
to actually live there most every day of your life.

I can't remember for sure if it was Nebraska or Kansas where I saw a
tree, but it just seemed as if there wasn't much there.

That's why the corn cobs love their football. It's all they have,
everyone wearing red, and sitting there like plump, ripe tomatoes with
corncobs stuck to their heads, singing, "There is no place like

Hard to argue. There's not a 7-Eleven in the entire state, thousands of
people never once tasting a Slurpee, which got me wondering whether I
could live that way for a whole week.

I know there aren't a whole lot of cities in Nebraska, but I'm willing
to spend a few days out yonder with a family if someone would like to
show me what it's like to live without DirecTV and not ask me to kill a
chicken for dinner.

I can play checkers if forced, though, or make a run to the Feed Store.
Right now I'm willing to go wherever the corn cobs tell me to go, and
while several have already done that, I'd like to see for myself they're
not talking about some place in Nebraska.

My Reply:

Dear TJ of the LA Times...... I can understand your concerns about our lifestyle...In my hometown of Crete, Nebraska, located about 20 miles southwest of Lincoln, Our lifestyle is certainly "Un Californiaiish". Do you realize that:

1. I live 1/4 mile from my Veterinary Clinic so my commute to work is all of 20 seconds.

2. I live in a house with about 5000 sq. ft....own 7 acres, and can catch a 5 lb bass, right off of my deck.

3. I live about 1/2 mile from "gangs" of Turkey, deer, Canadian Geese and bobcats and none of them are "armed".

4. Your Pete Carrol coached guys have had a nice run of 58-6 these past 5 years which is second only to my Huskers who went 60 and 3 from 93-97 with 3 National Championships.

5. I can spell "Murder" but there hasn't been one in these parts for at least my 50 years.

6. My house has a lock on its door.....but we have never had to use it.

7. In Crete, People spend $100,000 on houses......not cars

8. When I go to church, I care about the other 300 members because I have known most of them....most of my life.

9. My kids can walk to school and walk around downtown and in shopping malls without a guarded escort.

10.On a clear day, I can see the Capital 25 miles away......I'm not even sure what "Smog" is.

11......And last but not least......I am about 4 fairway woods from a golf course where it costs $9 to play.

I would invite you to spend some time with me the week before the USC game, but our village already has an idiot and currently, we are not advertising for anyone else to take his place.......As Always in Huskerville...GFL

August 08, 2007

I Had This Dream

last night and it was this:
Mom and I were sitting here at my house waiting to go to my Aunt Vernas funeral (which is what we did today) and my dad came storming into the house and sat over on the bench waiting to go with us to the funeral. He was wearing his mowing clothes. Mom and I looked at each other and both of us wanted to say, "What have you been doing??" and "Where have you been?". And that was it. It was so vivid and real feeling. I told mom that dad wanted to go to the funeral with us. OR he was mad because I hadn't gotten the mowing done yet.

August 06, 2007


I just finished reading "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini and I loved it. Drew me in right away. I'm now reading another of his books called, "A Thousand Splendid Suns" and I love it too. The characters are easy to grasp and real.
Of course, I can't sleep. I am thinking about my Aunt Verna who died early yesterday morning. She had renal cell carcinoma of some sort. She was recovering from having her kidney removed at my dads funeral but able to drive and walk and do things on her own, and now, 7 weeks later, she is gone. I would have to say that even in my nursing career, this was one of the worst cancers I have seen. Her body became a bag of tumors. She suffered pain, nausea, shortness of breathe, and many, many, other symptoms. Bleeding, anemia, she third spaced her fluids, her tongue was sore, she could not eat and in the end, she spent a week in the hospital with pneumonia, clots in her lungs, her leg, she was bleeding inside, had an NG tube, Iv fluids, Morphine, Duragesic patches, meds for nauea, she got blood and she felt terrible.
Haunting really.
Doesn't seem like she should be gone.
Seems like this is a deadly summer. There have been many people who have died from around our community this summer. Young and old time citizens.
I am eating, of course, Asian Trail Mix...I like only the Hot Wasabi Balls and the rest tastes like hay.
I'm going to go back to reading now. Donut time is soon...shit...another day of me looking and feeling like crap because I can't sleep...

August 01, 2007

This Might Take Awhile

I mowed at mom and dads place today. I started at 10 and got done at 2:30. Needless to say I was tired, hot and dirty. When I got home I noticed:
1)a smell that reminded me of cat piss...wild cat piss...sick, wild cat piss...a dead, sick, wild cats last was about 3 pairs of boy's wet from swimmin' in the creek leather tennis shoes scattered about my entryway floor
2)all the doors were open
3)both TV's were on
4)the dog cowering (as well he should be) as he had recently blew chunks on his bedtime blankie
5)there was a spider the size of my ass on the kitchen floor
6)no one answering my screams of "someone come kill this spider!"
7)the kitchen sink full of a)dishes b)water that would not drain
8)the cereal from this morning still on the kitchen counter
9)the lawn was not mowed as was supposed to be
10)no one home but ME!

So...I vacuumed up the spider (I hope!!), scrubbed out Pissin' Petie's chunky hurl stain, threw the blanket to the laundry (gag), vacuumed the downstairs rooms including the entryway, threw the stinkin' shoes outside, watched as one of the boys friends ran into the house, tracked mud, water and filth across my freshly vacuumed floor and through my entire house and then said, sheepishly, "sorry" as he sloshed his way back outside, wiped up the mess the kid left, took a shower and then did a few errends for mom.

where is the beer fairy when ya need her!


I wish I had some candy.

also...I LOVE these kind of tattoos.