November 28, 2007

Nude Mopping

Well...how else to get the bathroom floor sparkly and avoid flinging that pee pee poo poo mop water onto your clothing. Skin washes easily whereas if I go near my washing machine in the next day or so it may suck me in and kill me. Thats me...safety girl!

Powered by Castpost

November 24, 2007

Don't Take My Tom!

I'm watching Pieces of April, which you all know is one of my favorite movies. One of the memorable lines is, "Please give me my stupid fucking turkey!".
This was the first holiday without Dad. I took the kids up to the grave site to see his headstone before we had our Thanksgiving. It's been a bit sad. Mom stayed all night last night. We thought about going shopping at 5 am. We've never done that before...but...didn't work out.
Anyway, hope you had a nice turkey day and you had a smart bird in the pot!

November 20, 2007

No Dogs so..ESPN or VAGINA

Guess what?
Tonight...no dogs...no lights...no barking/howling/singing...no nothing.



strange...I miss Junior and even Claud...not their shit really...just their faces...

Like PRINCE sings to me, "You're never satisfied!"


Well...the vagina monologues are on ... so I've got to I've got to turn the channel now and watch ESPN

Top 10 Reasons I Love New Neighbors

10) Hey, I'm an animal lover and aren't I lucky my neighbor just moved in two nice, black labs. Junior, who I like to call CowDog cuz his turds are about the size of a cowpie and Claud who I like to call Pavarotti...I think you know why. In case I get bored with them, I could listen the tin can yip of "the indoor doggie" who I like to call asshole.
9) Thanks to the futuristic thinking of my new neighbor ak "Sweetie" I would have a front row seat if someone built a drive in theater in my or Sweeties backyard. Let's hear it for drive in OR drive through backyards!
8) I do not have to worry about stubbing my toe when the sun goes down thanks to Sweeties outdoor MEGAWATTAGE dog night light.
7) If dog piss is good for watering flowers, trees and grass I have nothing to worry about as far as my brand new herb/prairie flower border that I planted just last year!
6) I love how rustic the border in my backyard looks with a cattle gate and wooden door on its side held up with tomato cages.
5) There is just something about the scent of large dog breed shit and piss that speaks to me as I go out back to put steaks on the grill....ahhhhhh
4) There's absolutely nothing wrong with beer, in the morning, with Sweetie and Junior and Claud.
3) I would never have been able to see that deer being gutted at 10 pm without the help of Sweeties night light.
2) I LOVE a good fiesta around 2 am.
1) I LOVE DOG SHIT

November 15, 2007

Eat My Lawn Ornament! or a Donut!!

I baked pumpkin spiced donuts with a dusting of nutmeg and cinnamon tonight...oh yah...I forgot...since I was out of vanilla I had to use spiced rum. They were not too bad really...actually pretty good. Other than that...wrestling...balh blah blah...bleacher butt syndrome...blah blah blah...pricing and marking Christmas goods...blah blah blah...bitching about my new lawn ornaments...they are not lawn gnomes but they are about the size of a large gnome. Yes...my new ornaments are...LARGE HEAPING PILES OF DOG SHIT!
Yes...I bet you can't wait to get some of your own. I would share mine...but I'm getting sortta attached...by the shoes mostly.

November 11, 2007

Oh Buddy Boyyyy GET THE BEER!

I just saw there is a movie called "Buddy Boy" and the description says, "A teen caring for his disabled alcoholic mother spends free time spying on a neighbor."

I think I know this disabled alcoholic mother....hee hee hee

November 06, 2007

Hell Yes and Hell No

I imagine hell is perpetual daytime, around 5am, and alarm bells, and never any naps and mascara in your eye, itchy feet and dry skin around your nose and heartburn. I would venture to say that hell is thin hair on your head and a full mustache(for women), eyebrow waxing, bra strap slipping, and popcorn kernels under your bridge. Also, for good measure one must throw in mouthwash that burns, biting the inside of your cheek, earaches and cold sores. Ingrown toenails, skinny relatives who are also beautiful and nice, and crumbs under the couch cushions. You could also refer to hell as dirty ceiling fans, stickers in your socks and daydreams of naps at 2pm.

November 05, 2007

Surgery and Tickle Tickle Tickle


Just looking at the e-mail and watching a little plastic surgery on the tube. Facial deformities, very insteresting and makes me miss nursing.
It's midnight and I need to go to bed but I don't want to. Seems like a short/long weekend as I worked every waking hour and some that should have been spent sleeping, decorating at the shop.
yup...Christmas came to Shirley K's this weekend.
yipee
I just ate a popcicle and now I'm watching a facial surgery to lengthen a jawbone of a tiny baby.
Petie is asleep on his brown blankie beside me on the couch. I'm going to tickle his hind feet hairs. He HATES that! heee hee heee
I supose this makes me an evil bitch. Oh well
so be it
night night