July 30, 2008

Esther Had a Cute...Hot...Wet...Pussy...Cat

Should NOT have been GONGED!

hee hee hee...whew...was that funny.  Wish I could have seen the  hole whole show!

If that link doesn't work...try THIS ONE!

New Gong Show

Andrew in the Bahamas

[caption id="attachment_1547" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Andrew and someone on the beach in the Bahamas"]Andrew and someone on the beach in the Bahamas[/caption]

On a science trip called Wild Studies...NO...not girls gone wild people get your head out of the GUTTER!  PLEASE!  http://www.wildstudies.com .  He should be home Thursday.  I hope to have more pictures then.

July 29, 2008

Just Bitch Slap Me !

If I ever ever ever ever ever ever have another garage sale again as long as I shall live amen!  I could tell you all about setting up the sale and the mountains of "crap" that was assembled on tables made of bi-fold ( I like to call them bisexual) doors and milk cartons, doors and saw horses and old ping pong tables and the amount of time it took to sort, place and mark the "crap" and then the amount of time it took to move it all back into the garage because it looked like it would rain in the night and that would super suck but I won't bore you with the details...I won't do it.  I won't tell you about the long night and the early am and the turd floater rain that came up and almost floated my large big blue shorted ass away down the gutter...I won't...you can't make me tell you.  I am not about to tell you about the amount of time it took to then move all the "crap" that was left and there was a lot of it BACK into the garage to avoid rain and the time and fun it took to load up the "crap" and take it to the thrift shop in the 109 degree heat the next day...nahhhh I won't bore you with that stuff...because PEOPLE IT WAS SOOOOOO WORTH IT!  I mean you don't make $1.69 every day do you?  huh????

July 26, 2008

Sleep Deprived

City Wide garage sale day.


Yet, in a way, it will be.  I will be at the shop making scones and coffee and frappuccino's and other people will be running my garage sale.  I'm sure fun will be had by all....hahahahahaha.  Everyone came to set it up last night.  LB Fart brought a cooler with many beers and that was nice.  During the "set up" though, we noticed something.  It looked stormy.  On the weather radar a large green blob with a red center appeared to be swirling it's way right toward our county.  


After some debate we therefore moved all 3,498 tables of  crap  treasures into our filthy dirty stinking sty of a garage.  You couldn't put a hair between the tables so we will, I mean someone will have to move all those items outside in the early wee am.  

As I said, I have to go to work.  Shame.

So...I went to bed around 12:30 and Pissin' Petie woke me at lovely 2:30 am with a gentle WUUUUUFFFFFF.


I grimaced at the window and peered outside expecting to see a turd floating rainstorm.


WHAT?!!  Nothing?!  Nothing!?  Yah...nothing.  

We moved the tables inside for nothing.

hells bells

Now, I've been awake since then, looking at the radar which still shows the same swirling green and red blob.  hmmmmm  it's 4am and my alarm will be going off in 1/2 hour.  

Now what.

July 24, 2008

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' on a Roadbike

It's 100 degrees(yet falling gently falling) and I'm going to go for a bike ride.  How stupid is that.  

Must go change into my super tight large ass padded britches and big top that pushes up and contorts fat rolls and accentuates the fact that it does this.  

agh...what the hell is wrong with me...

July 23, 2008

A Repost Cuz I Feel Like it Damnit! aka Short Poem

Short Poem

Summer looms
My ass blooms
take me away Calgon

if bubbles wont float

my troubles away

Jose Cuervo, lime and salt
hit me with a double!


July 21, 2008

You Are the Ducks Nuts!

Speaking of nuts...our trip in a nutshell:

We are back from a whirlwind 48 hour trip to Omaha to see daughter Katie, Mark's sister Kathie (one of the famous "Moonspinners" and her husband Dan of the infamous "Jacks" band, and Teresa...aka Mo T, a variety of nieces and nephews including but not limited to Carly "Bun Crust", Ashley "Lil Mo T", Nick "Ice Man", and Tom "Guitar Hero" for realZ and we had a sort of Mini Reunion.

 We cooked out and sipped a Bacardi Silver Mojito.  

We saw and saved a den of baby bunnies from the hungry dog Zeke.

 We learned some new words from the Urban Dictionary and did a little shopping for a tongue ring and a pair of pants.  Not for me.  

Saw a good show on Panini Sandwiches featuring some ideas that I may incorporate into my shop.  I'm stealing those ideas.....yesssss.....I am...he he he

Alec went with us and we took...ahem....THE BUG.  Yes, a 4 ish hour long trip with two long legged guys and me...short, fat and shoved into the back...it was suweet.

July 17, 2008

Gong Show is Back

I can't believe it.  The Gong Show is Back and I have to admit it I laughed...alot.  Especially when the midgets kicked some maor ASS in wrestling the judges.  he he he.  The tit slapping music men are on now.  So far my favorite act was the Lava Dancing Monkey Spanking Titty lady.  They did not score well.  shoot.  Shows what kind of taste I have huh?

July 16, 2008

Babeland, Mintland...whatever melts in your mouth first...

okay, I'm always on the lookout for new items for my shop.  So I found these mints called eat whatever .  I looked at the website and then I clicked on where to buy them.  I often find wholesalers in this way.  Call them and find out the terms and if I can afford to have the product.  First I found Earth Matters.  It seemed like a nice organic food place.  I decided to check out all the sites to see if any of them were close to Nebraska and what type of places carried these mints.  Next I saw Amish Fine Foods ...strange but okay.  Next I saw Babeland okay now...that is NOT a mint place...or is it...????  How unusual...hmmmmmmmmm.  Maybe I don't need mints maybe I need......

Baseball District Play

My boy is number 21...catcher for Maroon uniformed McCook.  He is the one coming home to score but they call him the wrong name.  We rallied and got ahead by 5 runs then Holdridge got a 6 run inning.  We ended up losing 10-7.  CRAP
NTV - KHGI/KWNB/WSWS-CA - Where your news comes first. - Grand Island, Kearney, Hastings, Lincoln | Sports

Score! Pitch Some Viagra Someone Needs Wood!

Is anyone else awake and watching the All Star Game?  Sheeeittt.....get an out already people.  Someone needs to SCORE!!!

July 14, 2008

What I've Been Watching

[caption id="attachment_1512" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Tough Guys"]Tough Guys[/caption]

Andrews team...in district play now.  click on the pic to listen to the game.

July 11, 2008

It's Friday Already?!

Hell...it's Friday.  Friday night to be exact.  Time flies when you are havin' fun.

The day started with me opening the door to the garage and almost stepping on an inert body.  Not human...animal.  Pickles the Queen cat rushed in past my legs yowling with pleasure.  She'd left another "present" for us.  I looked a bit and then quickly made my escape.  I couldn't face it.  Not today.  I later chickened out and called home leaving messages on the boys phones.  "Please pick up the dead animal and give it a proper burial...aka throw the fuckin' thing OUT AND HURRY!!!"  Mark later told me the animal was a baby possum.


You all KNOW how I like possums.

I did get my "new boy in town haircut and dye job" today.  THANK YOU CINDY!   I also drank Bacardi Silver Mojito which I pronounce MOGEETO... like a hick.  who cares   AND we drank a Bacardi Silver Raz.  I prefer MOFOGEETO myself.  Cindy did my hair and then we swam in my Aunt's pool.  Well, we held our drinks and floated after I skimmed off the June bugs.


people...drinks, hair dye and water...joyyyy.

Later that same day...like an hour later when I got home.  The guy came over to work on our sprinklers and waaa laaaaa  he says, "Hey, go check out that brown bag in my pickup and bring it here!"  So, of course I did and it was Clamato Beer.  Ice Cold.  HELL YAH!  My day baybe.  We guzzled on our deck and discussed life, death, church, raising kids, sex and food.  It was good.  It was very good.

Now...I'm TIRED.  I can't figure out why...

July 08, 2008

Isn't it Friday?

I keep thinking it is.  Must have something to do with EXTREME late nights and early mornings and stress and baseball games and life.


Alec had baseball tourny action last night and tonight and tomorrow in Elwood.  It started to rain as we were coming home.  The rain was sooooo bad that on our way home...we had a hard time seeing the road.  Oddly...there was no rain in our town.  You could see the "dry line" were it went from rain to nothing.  strange phenomenom.  By the way...Alec's team won!

Andrew has baseball game tomorrow in North Platte.  I won't be able to attend.

Mark will attend Andrews game as he is the coach and I'll be cheering Alec on in his finals.

Katie called and said she was "sick".  Great...another worry.  Listening to her on the phone however, I felt better.  Sounds like allergies.  Not Pneumonia like I instantly assumed.  Mark was talking to her on the phone and explaining meds, throwing out words like Diphenhydramine, Loratadine, and Dextromethorphan and I could almost see her eyes going wide.  I got on and told her vitamins and juice and rest and less going out and no smoking and in general "mom" stuff.  She sounds good.  I think it odd that lately I've been thinking of her and missing her and yesterday afternoon I sent an order for flowers to be delivered tomorrow to her at her place of work...Chuck E Cheese...(I sent them online and I'm nervous is she got them)  I didn't tell her I sent them.  Hope she had a fun surprise.

I Need Help or Kid for Hire...QUICK!

I do not know how one raises children without maiming either them or yourself.  Does that sound bad?  Hell yes it sounds bad.  I feel so frustrated with the almost 17 year old boy now.  He has a nice girlfriend.  But that isn't really the problem.  He constantly sneaks out.  To do what?  I can guess.  The girl lives in another town soooooo...anyone knows.  I do know there is NOTHING GOOD GOING ON IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.  He has a job but it's part time.  The rest of the time he is doing as he pleases.  I CANNOT stand a lazy kid much less a lazy boy.  I'm ready to hire him out as a servant.  He really needs a hard physical job to make him tired at night.  Sore in the day.  Appreciative of the things he has. I've taken everything away this year at least a million times...except this one last thing.  And it's almost ready to be yanked.  He's supposed to be going on a science trip to the bahamas.  yahhh that's right...bahamas...we've been paying for a year for this trip.  BUT I'M ABOUT 5 MINUTES FROM TAKING IT AWAY.



July 05, 2008

Falll Can You Save Me

I heard the first locusts two days ago.  I saw lightening bugs a month ago.  The air is coolish.  I'm thinking of football and the bite of frost.  I don't want to hurry things along, but hell yes I do.  Wake me in September.  That's when I'll clean my house.  Wipe off sticky rings of soda pop from my coffee tables, throw away the thousands of potato chip bags, sunflower seeds and bread crusts.  I'll make time to match the socks and make the beds and wash every dish.  I'll clean out the leftovers and paint the bathroom.  I might be able to face sweeping out the garage and organizing the un-used toy room.  It's a possibility I might be able to gather all the old clothes up and take them to the thrift shop in tidy piles neatly marked Large, X Large and Big Assed Big.

July 03, 2008

Take 2 Watermelon and it's VIVA VAGINA! OLAY

Supposedly watermelon can make you react the same as if taking viagra.  Read this article, I guess it relaxes your BLOOD VESSELS allowing for schWIIINNNNGGGGG!

I think someone has a fruit fetish and made that up.


Now, everytime I'm at the grocery store and I see a guy buying a melon, I'm gonna know why.  wink wink wink...he's gotta a "wood" problem.