January 22, 2009

Bawl Baby Crippled Ass

Okay...today I had a day off in like...I don't know...a long time.  A day where I could sleep in, stay home and clean house, watch TV, get groceries, make a nice supper, vacuum...whatever.  It was strange.  Sadly, my back was totally screwed, my knee was freaking squeaking and I had a nice caffeine withdrawal headache.  As the day went on, my headache got worse.  I even took medicine.  yah...you know it's bad if I take medicine.  Soooo....I moved all the furniture in the living room and vacuumed and dusted while I watched a movie I'd never seen before.  Freedom Writers.  And guess what?  I CRIED.  geeze....my hormones must be totally out of whack.  God.  Crying over a movie.  Next thing you know I'll be crying over a commercial.  yuck  I also...took a 2 hour nap.  I slept in the recliner downstairs last night and I will be sleeping there tonight.  My back is totally screwed up.  Our bed is NOT GOOD FOR MY BACK.  The only place I've ever slept and slept well and never ever woke up with a back ache is EMBASSY SUITES.  Their mattresses are from THE DENVER MATTRESS COMPANY.  I am THIS close to just googling them and ordering a new bed online.  I mean seriously...it will be worth it.  I hate to think of having to get up and go to work tommorow.  I dont' know if I can.  DUHHHH!!  I have to.

shit...sometimes it SUPER SUCKS TO BE THE BOSSS.

January 20, 2009

Questions and Answers from an AARP Forum

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt .'

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: 'Gosh, I remember these. SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, right?

January 18, 2009

Lately I feel older.  Aging and not gracefully.  I take my bath and rub baby lotion into my drying skin.  I may rub Vicks into my dry feet and put on soft, cotton socks.  The vicks a "known" cure for "coughing in the night" sending up wafts of old age along with the soft unsexual scent of baby lotion.  I see my hair, graying, fraying, the eye brows growing cockeyed and rough, the lines spreading across my face, my body, and then there is the ever present softness of my body.  My back aches in the night.  I get up at 4:30 am to go and sit in the recliner downstairs.  There I "rest" and wait until it's time to get up and make the donuts.  If I stay in bed my back hurst SEVERLY and it's just not worth it.  I feel my stamina dwindling and the urge to nap/sleep/rest increasing.  I may have to make a new rule in our house.  The boys may have to wake me when they get home.  I may have to give up the watch as my extreme sleepiness takes over.  I may choose to ignore the giggling of girlfriends and the laser breath of the drunk, the crackling of potato chip bags and the scent of dirty socks.  I'm heading down the path of hard of hearing and slightly blind.

The clock seems to be going double time.  I can see myself older, grayer and yet I don't see myself as a "grandparent" even though that is what I want...eventually.  I almost feel my death arriving before this happens.  I'm afraid I have my Dad's genes. His family mostly died young.  I suppose I will be the same.  Maybe I'm on borrowed time already.  whatever...what will be will be....

January 10, 2009

Oh Mighty MantyHose...Shazaaaam!

[caption id="attachment_1774" align="alignnone" width="400" caption="Oh Mighty Mantyhose"]Oh Mighty Mantyhose[/caption]

 

I found this article about male pantyhose and was a bit in awe.  The picture alone is worth a second glance or two.  My boys wear under armour "shorts" instead of the famous ass baring jocks that the boys wore in "my day" but I don't really know if they would wear these.  I'm going to ask them soon.  In fact, maybe I'll ask them at the wrestling match this morning.   They may really really want to visit with me about male hose while at a testosterone strewn gym.  grin  Okay Okay I probably won't do it.  I do care for my boys safety.   

I've been posting some on face-book only for the reason that I love to play word scramble.  So, not much posting here at all.  Things are okay.  Andrew has started wrestling.  ACL and all.  This will be his second meet.  He is having to lose weight and Alec is having to gain weight.  Supper time here is a BITCH!  Mostly everybody is in a bad mood.  Alec sometimes oblivious to the gaunt cheeks of his older brother eats 3 or 4 peanut butter sandwiches as an hors de'vours and Andrew has one celery stick on his plate.  I hate it.  Both boys now have girl friends.  Yes, my 14 soon to be 15 has a cute little girlie.  AGHHH  I've given the keep the pickle in the pocket talk again.  Much to his dismay and extreme embarrassment.   ha HA  I must get my kicks anyway I can.  Well, gotta go nap a little before the 1 hour trek to the all day wrestling meet.