January 18, 2009

Lately I feel older.  Aging and not gracefully.  I take my bath and rub baby lotion into my drying skin.  I may rub Vicks into my dry feet and put on soft, cotton socks.  The vicks a "known" cure for "coughing in the night" sending up wafts of old age along with the soft unsexual scent of baby lotion.  I see my hair, graying, fraying, the eye brows growing cockeyed and rough, the lines spreading across my face, my body, and then there is the ever present softness of my body.  My back aches in the night.  I get up at 4:30 am to go and sit in the recliner downstairs.  There I "rest" and wait until it's time to get up and make the donuts.  If I stay in bed my back hurst SEVERLY and it's just not worth it.  I feel my stamina dwindling and the urge to nap/sleep/rest increasing.  I may have to make a new rule in our house.  The boys may have to wake me when they get home.  I may have to give up the watch as my extreme sleepiness takes over.  I may choose to ignore the giggling of girlfriends and the laser breath of the drunk, the crackling of potato chip bags and the scent of dirty socks.  I'm heading down the path of hard of hearing and slightly blind.

The clock seems to be going double time.  I can see myself older, grayer and yet I don't see myself as a "grandparent" even though that is what I want...eventually.  I almost feel my death arriving before this happens.  I'm afraid I have my Dad's genes. His family mostly died young.  I suppose I will be the same.  Maybe I'm on borrowed time already.  whatever...what will be will be....

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