Yes Virginia, There Might Be A Problem

Alec's little episode may not be entirely without premeditation. I am dumb and not aware of all the new "games" that kids play. I've been hearing(today) about the choking game. Kids choke, pass out, wake up. WTF??? Is this FUN?? What in the hell happened to Red Rover Red Rover, and Mother May I?, and Dodge Ball, and Line Tag and for that matter, Freeze Tag??? Is choking FUN??? If it is then I must be a dud because if someone choked me until I passed out I would NOT THINK THAT WAS FUN, nor would I think choking someone else would be fun. I would think that would be a crime. Attempted murder to be exact. Anyway, I don't know the true story of what happened to Alec, for sure, but I think I have a pretty damn good idea. AND I AM NOT HAPPY!!! If kids are going around choking one another, at school, THIS NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED!! I really hate the idea of sticking your head in the sand and ignoring the obvious. I found this info and I'm going to be looking for more. This is a dangerous game folks. Please address it with your school and let's hope they all initiate some education related to this before someone dies.

Cliff Notes of Recent Life & FO BP

1) Easter dinner = pie intoxication and ass inflation 2) Must Camp on the Big Muddy...see pictures 3) Alec = Facial Smash and Dentist Dream boy and Sprained Jaw with Chin Scruff due to Asinine Boy Tossing Game 4) That means Alec got turfed into the track by a playful shove and received 8 stitches inside his mouth and chipped ALL his permanent molars and will need 5,000 crowns and perhaps braces(again) and has a crooked face and may never look the same again or be able to chew the same again or have his own teeth...sigh...gummer on the horizon. 5) Pickles, our 14 year old cat may have a tumor and be finally dying. 6) I bought a BOX of sangria and must be turning into my mother 7) Made up a fabulous tasting sandwich at the shop today...lasagna panini...DAMN IT WAS GUD... 8) am thinking about buying a fat reducing bodysuit while drinking boxed wine 9) must go to bed 10) was DISSED by my BP girls as they are playing volleyball and I WAS NOT EVEN ASKED !!!! am feeling like a PIECE OF SHIT because they didn't even ASK ME TO PLAY I SUPPOSE BECAUSE MY ASS IS AS BIG AS A HOUSE OR I SUCK AT VOLLEYBALL UNLIKE THOSE BITCHES BECAUSE I SUFFERED A DEBILITATING HIP INJURY DUE TO BEING PUSHED OUT OF A MOVING VAN BY MY BITCH POSSE AND ALL...bitches will be bitches and I guess they are the QUEENS...So therefore I DIVORCE MYSELF FROM THE BP...EXACTo ELBITCHO POSSE EVICTO...!

Cluster Cleaning Freaking Week!!

Don't know why I haven't been posting except for the fact that I've been FREAKING BUSY WITH TWO OR THREE EXCLAMATION POINTS BEHIND IT!!!! We closed the shop for a week to spring clean and I'm telling you what. My staff ROCKS !! I cannot believe what they accomplished. My shop has never been so clean and fresh. I am truly blessed with wonderful employees. Now, enough of that. I took a day and jetted to Omaha with Cindy Sue to see Katie. She seemed homesick but I must wonder if she was really just out of clean clothes. We went malling and she got a shitload of stuff. When Cindy and I first got to Omaha it was about 9pm and we wanted to eat supper. So...we called Katie, picked her up and took her to Old Chicago...actually she steered us there. There, Cindy and I got a little faced and embarrassed Katie...(I hope). Then, after we mowed down a pizza and nachos and gargantuan beers we went to the HYVEe that Katie uses and Cindy and I each bought a 6 pack of beer. Nothing else. We dropped Katie off at her dorm, she didn't want to stay with us old broads...I don't get it. Anyway...we drove down 72nd street and suddenly I recognized a motel. I'd stayed there before. Embassy Suites! f YES! I love that place. Anyway, we got a million dollar room complete with our own soft and CLEAN bedding (no flaming spooey thank you very much!) and we each placed out own 6 pack of beer at bedside and we rented JUNO on the TV. We were too full to drink more than a beer but it looked funny anyway! The movie is more for younger audience but we stayed awake and watched anyway. When we got upt he next morning we shopped until we dropped for Katie. I few items for us. Then we headed home. Which we got there about midnight. After I went in, kissed Mark hello, the boys in bed, I headed off to the shop to unload the stuff I got for there. Then, Ikept on working, I moved one thing and it led to me moving another thing and that led to another and so on and so on...I ended up working all night down there. It's a good thing though, because it took us ALL WEEK TO CLEAN! I AM SICK OF CLEANING!! Except I would have loved to clean Katie's bathroom...gag. note to self...send toilet paper to Katie

Cold and Dirty

Katie called. She said it's been so cold in Omaha that she doesn't want to haul her laundry from her dorm apartment up the hill to the laundromat. She told me she has worn everything she owns (at least once). I fear the stench. gak She said today, in fact, it was so cold and she had no clean clothes, that she drove to Target and bought a pair of jeans. dear Lord...she could DRIVE TO TARGET AND BUY A PAIR IF JEANS but she COULDN'T JUST WASH HER CLOTHES!! sigh It boggles the mind.

Wrestling with a Decision

Well, Andrew started "live" wrestling last weekend. He was cleared by the Doc and it's time for our weekends to become non existent. Last weekend he had one match on junior varsity and he won that one. This Friday, he had three varsity matches and he lost all three. Then Saturday we went to a junior varsity meet and he won one and then lost three. He did wrestle better on Saturday, but he looks rusty and his timing is off. Of course it would be. He is starting out as other wrestlers are in mid season. I don't know if it was a good idea to do that or not. He has faced many a battle during his injury and I suppose this is just one more. The main problem as I see it, is that Andrew is so hard on himself and he wants to win so badly, that when he loses he is devastated. I worry that his "mental game" will be affected. It's hard to work your ass off and then lose, lose, lose and feel confident. Anyway, the decision to jump back in is one that I wrestle with daily.

Wrestle Maniac Mama

Had a short night that led to a donkey ass long day. Petie had a pissin' frenzy and wanted outside to pee every damn hour or so during the night. WHAT AN ASS!! Mark took Andrew to the surgeon for a visit today and the Dr. felt his knee was healed and well and really he left it up to the physical therapist as to when Andrew can wrestle. Maybe as soon as Saturday, Mark told me. I flapped my jaw and threw my hands around and said "WHAT!", and "I CANT GO TO THE MEET ON SATURDAY!", and "OH MY GAWD!" and Mark stated, "I can't be there on Saturday either." just as calm as a highly sedated sloth. I can't bear the thought of him wrestling without us there. Not only for the "watching" but for the fact that he hasn't been able to do anything sportswise since the first 4 seconds of the first football game of the season when he BLEW OUT HIS KNEE and I am just sick that he could get hurt again. I don't think I can watch. I just don't think I can and I also can't bear to not watch. ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh am tired now

Basketball, Coffee Shop & Back Scratching

That's my weekend, in a nutshell...or should I say nuthouse?! Another weekend gone by...on wings I think. I still have red stripes on my porch columns. The wreath is by my front door...naked, but still there. My tree is still up, it too naked, save for white lights, which enable me to see while sitting at our kitchen table. In fact, I may leave the thing up as a light fixture I like it so well. Too tired to really write much...hahahaahah...right you say. trivial facts: Might snow tonight?? And we are in the 24th sunspot cycle which is the "lean" part of the cycle. Petie needs his toenails trimmed and Alec needs his unibrow shaved. Mark probably needs his nosehair trimmed, Andrew is growing a sporadic hopscotch of hairs all over his face and my hairs are fine...except my head which is like a fluffy chicks ass anyway, as you ALL KNOW! Steel Magnolias is on. I need to go to bed. I itched all night last night...for NO APPARENT REASON! shit! give me a REASON at least! I am craving a COKE and Rice and Raisin pudding NO NOT TOGETHER PEOPLE! I wish I craved exercise and hot water and lemon and rice cakes instead...double SHIT on fat and food!! I felt mean and nasty and have been teasing Pissin Petie by saying, gleefully, "Wanna take a baaathhh??? and then quickly acting like I'm going to pick him up and saying, "Let's go take a bathhyyy!!" Pissin' Petie then raises his lip like Elvis and growls at me and then cries. gawd it's funny!!!!! So he will need pet therapy...sooooo whatttttt...join the rest of this family!@!

Talk About Sex Leads to Free Time!

I like to take a nice soft hot bath with Calgon "peaceful orchard" scent bath beads, read a few pages from an old dog earred book, put on baby lotion, and soft jammies, go downstairs, fix a drink like a glass of wine, a crown and coke or something like that, get a little salty snack, sit on the side of the couch, read my book with the tv on low, eat my snack and sip my drink, while everyone else is in bed. I usually have to stay up so late to fullfill this little fantasy that I'm too tired to enjoy it. Tonight, all was in place and then...THE VACUUM arrived (I like to call Alec that because he eats everything in sight from 3:30pm until 11 pm, just sucks it all in) to have his back scratched. Alec, who had already eaten the newly purchased groceries (TODAY!!) needed a back rub AND a back scratch tonight. Finally I started to talk about babies and how cute they were but what a lot of work they were and then I started in on "keep the pickle in the pocket" kind of talk. That was all it took...he left. Gawd...how easy. Now I know how to get my free time in. Talk about contraception. I should have known.

Pew Spew

So...right when we needed to go to church for Christmas services, Andrew came downstairs, in wrinkled clothes. It was a battle, as you can see, for him to surrender his shabby T to be pressed. In fact, I discovered a glitch, I was out of Magic Sizing so had to wet a washcloth, throw the clothes in the dryer and patiently wait...all the while thinking church started at 7:15 instead of 7:00. Reality check...church started at 7:00. We squeaked in. This may become our Christmas letter picture. All through the service people were coughing, coughing, coughing behind us. Not just your average "ahem" kind of cough. No, this was a phleghmy, loose, yet at time harsh barking HACK. It was all I could do to stop myself from standing up and sctreaming for the Riccoli girl. Dear GOD, I thought, please help this virus spewing pew of peoples from spreading disease and mucous. I felt myself edging further and further and further to the front of our pew. I tried to sing but I was just listening for the chorus of croup behind me and waiting for the splat of a loogie on the back of my neck. On that note...good night and pleasant dreams.

Well...Hell!

Which jobs have highest rate of depression? Report says personal care, restaurant industries suffer worst cases of blues WASHINGTON - People who tend to the elderly, change diapers and serve up food and drinks have the highest rates of depression among U.S. workers. Workers who prepare and serve food — cooks, bartenders, waiters and waitresses — had the second highest rate of depression among full-time employees at 10.3 percent. In a tie for third were health care workers and social workers at 9.6 percent. Most of the women I know are food servers and diaper changers along with their career. Like...is there a choice in that anyway??

Snip that Sucker!

Last night around 11 pm Alec informed me through a muffled voice that he had a wire poking into his mouth that was on his very back tooth. side note...my mom took him up to the ortho yesterday and he got a few things adjusted on his braces. Anyway, I looked into his mouth and saw...rice krispies...gag and after he rinsed I saw...a wire poking directly into the ripped and shredded tissue near his molars. OH MY GOD I said, I have to do a little sugery! Alec got wide eyed but laid down and opened his mouth. I got a q-tip, sterilized my tweezers, found and cleaned, sterilized a toenail scissors (just kidding), I really just looked into his mouth and wished I had a hemastat to snap off that little damn wire. I thought a bit about calling the dentist...especially as Alec pulled out a wad of his t-shirt he had ripped off his sleeve to use as padding during the school day. I looked around for a taper candle to shove into that little space between cheek and wire...nothing...nothing...FINALLY...I remebered I had some wax that I'd used for arthritis pain on someone (probably me) and slightly warmed that and made a wad the size of a walnut and Alec shoved it in. I would call the dentist in the am and hopefully get that sucker snipped. what next? don't EVER EVER EVER SAY THAT...the trouble fairy will come right your way...take it from me

Quickie

I'm in a stinky poo poo motel with Mark and Andrew. Tomorrow Andrew has ACL repair...hopefully without anything to the MCL or Meniscus. His surgery is at 7:30 am. Then...let the rehab begin. damn damn damn. I keep saying to myself, at least it wasn't his spine...at least he has 2 more years...but it is hard to see your kids dreams dashed. He was looking forward to wrestling and track, of course he was into football, but hopefully, with good rehab, good attitutde, he will be able to do some track this year. We'll see. Mark just went to get some chow. GOD I hate motels. The bathroom in this one smells like a boys locker room...not that I would know...just from what I hear ** wink wink There is a tiny bed in here with 2 pillows that look like they could fit into a double A training bra. Hey Slat Ass...here is some padding for yours! Maybe I'll slip them into my suitcase and give them to her for Christmas. This place is so dank and smelly I can almost see the DNA flashing about the room like a neon sign. Probably filled to the max with curly pubes and toenail jam. gag gag eeekkkk....my motel neurosis is getting worse as I age. I don't think I used to care about such things years and years ago...probably too busy leaving my own DNA to think about someone elses. Great...we are right under the staircase. Someone in logging boots and weighing in at 340 just went upstairs... Well, I need to go now. Andrew is done with his shower and I want to talk to him. Will update later.

Sexual Deviancy and 19 Years of LARD

Katie, fresh from college,one week now, tells me she has just been to the bookstore and borrowed several books on sexual deviancy, for an oral interpretation report. SHOULDN'T THAT BE A SENIOR CLASS PROJECT PEOPLE??!!!! shit Then she asks me if I don't have a book that would be appropriate because I read all kinds of things... of course I do...and she finds it in our extensive sexual deviancy library. Thank God for Oprahs book list...grin In other news it's Mark and I 19th Anniversary today. I spent it working at the shop...SURPRISE. Mark told me happy anniversary this morning on his way to work, and the kids didn't remember. Mom remembered of course well...19 years and 19 extra pounds...I can hardly wait for 50 years...dahumn...I'm sure Mark is thinking.

Calamity Is Our Middle Name

We got Katie off to college this last weekend. It was a sad and happy time for us all. I let her drive me around Omaha...and we didn't hit anything although my eyes were closed for most of it so... Andrew had a football game on Monday and in the first 4 seconds of the game he got hit, tore his ACL and MCL, got a contusion on his patellar bone, and has perhaps some minor meniscus damage. So...we saw an ortho, got him braced and set up with Physical Therapy, surgery is in about a month. He will rehab for 6 -8 months. His football, wrestling, and track are all pretty much bye bye baby. He is blue and once we get his knee taken care of I worry that he will be looking for something to keep him busy and find something...something I don't want him doing. god We've had the worst summer on record and now...I just don't know if I can take it really. I mean, thank God this wasn't a spinal injury. I realize we need to by thankful. But it just seems like we've had so much to deal with this summer with the kids and everything. I feel so very very tired and maybe just blue myself. Today was Andrews first day back to school and he wasn't even gone yet and the phone was ringing and Alec had in school suspension for "intimidating" someone. shit, I almost expected that. It's as if I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop every minute. Calgon...take me now. Too bad I'm too damn tired for a beer cuz this has definitely been a beer moment...

This Might Take Awhile

I mowed at mom and dads place today. I started at 10 and got done at 2:30. Needless to say I was tired, hot and dirty. When I got home I noticed: 1)a smell that reminded me of cat piss...wild cat piss...sick, wild cat piss...a dead, sick, wild cats last piss...in reality...it was about 3 pairs of boy's wet from swimmin' in the creek leather tennis shoes scattered about my entryway floor 2)all the doors were open 3)both TV's were on 4)the dog cowering (as well he should be) as he had recently blew chunks on his bedtime blankie 5)there was a spider the size of my ass on the kitchen floor 6)no one answering my screams of "someone come kill this spider!" 7)the kitchen sink full of a)dishes b)water that would not drain 8)the cereal from this morning still on the kitchen counter 9)the lawn was not mowed as was supposed to be 10)no one home but ME! So...I vacuumed up the spider (I hope!!), scrubbed out Pissin' Petie's chunky hurl stain, threw the blanket to the laundry (gag), vacuumed the downstairs rooms including the entryway, threw the stinkin' shoes outside, watched as one of the boys friends ran into the house, tracked mud, water and filth across my freshly vacuumed floor and through my entire house and then said, sheepishly, "sorry" as he sloshed his way back outside, wiped up the mess the kid left, took a shower and then did a few errends for mom. where is the beer fairy when ya need her!

I See My Baby Girl

Seeds of all Sorts

I ordered some native Nebraskan wildflower seeds today. I think it will be pretty if I can get them started. I'm ready to get into the dirt and start digging, planting, sneezing, coughing, snotting, hacking etc. Today Alec is 13. My baby is 13. Good grief it just seems like yesterday he was born...WAIT A cotton pickin' MINUTE!...NOT REALLY!! HELLS BELLS!!! I feel like I've aged 23 years since he's been born...who am I KIDDING!!?? Anyway, life hasn't been boring with my brood that's for sure. From tumors to tattoos it's been a wild ride and I have to say I look forward to every day. I sometimes fear what the day might bring...but I still look forward to them.

We Are Home With Achievements In Hand

prom dress...DONE...but almost forgot it in the motel room shoes for the prom dress...DONE ...but not the shoes that I LOVED and totally matched her dress!! accessories for the prom dress...DONE...ehhhh Katie's testing for Chemistry, English and Spanish...DONE...forgot her calculator...shit tour of UNO Sports Medicine general studies area...DONE...although I was the only one doing the talking tour of student housing at UNO...DONE by drive by...at a FAST RATE OF SPEED I MIGHT ADD! Katie practiced driving in Omaha...DONE...though not forgotten...HOLY SHIT stay in your lane!! Watch out for THAT..!!! SEAT BELT SEAT BELT SEAT BELT!! FASTER!! SLOWER!!! Put down the cell phone!! AGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! POTHOLE POTHOLE...!!! GUTTER GUTTER!!! laser tag prowess achieved by the boys and one big big boy kids attended a PLAIN WHITE T'S concert...a first for all of them and although we threatened to attend...we didn't...ahhhh but we are aging...we regaled the youngsters with memories of our concert attending days...most recently PRINCE (much to the embaressment of our chillens) birthday present for Alec (13 on March 18th) bought and hidden

Now For Something Weird!

like it isn't always weird here... anywayy...I went into the bathroom, to take a bath and of course while I was running the water I was scrubbing the floor with Mark's drying towel. I hate hairs in the corners...don't you? And I just happened to notice what looked like a beer top laying by the overflowing trash can. I thought, "Hey! I haven't had a beer in here for EVER!" Then I thought..."HEY! who the hell's been drinking my beer??" and then I thought..."MARK!...then...nooooo....he doesn't take baths and he probably wouldn't drink beer in the shower...that leaves...ALEC! nooooo....he might want to try a beer but I don't think he is that keen on bathing sooo...ANDREW!! Yes, there may be my beer top popper...except...he has been trying to be on his VERY BEST because I'm sure he wants something...soooo...ah HA...KATIE!! Except I don't think she'd be dumb enough to leave evidence...only 2 last resorts....Pissin Petie or Pickles...the CAT! All these thought ran through my mind even as I stooped to pick up the bottle top. Just as I nabbed it, brought it up to look at...I dropped the damn thing...straight into the terlet. plop it went like a tiny turd. AGHHHHHHHHH I got the toilet brush and tried to get the cap out...without luck, I turned the handle over and poked and prodded until finally I got it close enough I could reach in with my fingertips and pick it out!! SUCCESS!! Yes by gosh it WAS a BEER cap...a ROOT BEER CAP!!!! geeze...so much for my idea of Pickles our cat getting "Pickled" or the reasoning behind Pissin Pete's name...

Birthday Girl and Memories

Katie will be 18 years old tomorrow. Sometimes it feels like it's been 28 years and then sometimes it seems like only a few years have passed since she made her early appearance. She was 3 weeks early. We weren't even in our home town of Norfolk. Mark and I went to Omaha for the weekend. Several of his family were to be there. Also we wanted to hear his brother in laws band THE JACKS play. What can we say...we were groupies and fans. We danced one or two songs...but my damn back hurt...duh. Guess I was in labor. My water broke in the motel that night, around 2 or so. We went into the hospital around 5 or 6 and Katie was born at 8. Luckily Mark's sister (an OB nurse) had arranged a Dr to take call for me. I bet she paid for that one for a long time!! Katie made her presence with a bit of help from some forceps. She was a conehead for awhile...and had jaundice but no real big problems. I remember that I was the first one from my lamaaze group to have a baby. I went back and talked to them after Katie was born. You know...to lie and say, Yah...this lamaaze thing REALLY WORKS!! You bet your ass it does!!